Just say "Alexa, play the 100 Word Stories Podcast."
639161
I good salesman.
I sell ceiling fan to anybody.
I sell to The Pope.
He say his church, it too hot.
Ceiling fan, it a work? He ask.
You try, if it no work, you give back, I say. No pay.
The Pope, he rich, but he no stupid. He like no pay if no work.
We shake hands, share a pizza. Nice wine.
He buy fan, say put it up in my church.
I look, whoa. Tall ceiling. I need big ladder.
I put ceiling fan in chapel, right on Adam’s bellybutton.
It not pretty, but it a work.
7340062
Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Seventy-Six, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s On the line.
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING
Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):
Justin
Steve’s entire research grant hung on a thin line. The slightest failure would topple it over and ruin his chance at research. The music industry would revolutionize marketing if it had a way to quantify a bands target market. His first test was to see if his apparatus would indeed measure a certain quality of a specific musical genre. In the back of a hole in the wall he attended a show of the emo punk band Razor Winged Butterfly Kisses. With the needle deep in the red, he discovered that he could indeed measure a band’s anguish in angstroms.
Norval Joe
“You’re gonna let me win.” Ed threatened the five other boys.
Each put a toe on the line and waited.
“Bang.”
Ed sprinted forward. Tim knew the bigger boy would soon fade.
Halfway around the quarter mile track Ed slowed. Tim moved to pass. Ed’s elbow to his nose put him back in place.
On the final stretch Tim went wide with a burst of speed. Blood ran freely from his nose. He shot past Ed to the finish line.
No one cheered or patted him on the back
PE was over. It was back to the classroom for math.
TJ
One definition of insanity is doing a thing repeatedly, expecting different results. As Carl fled the auditorium, pursued by bloodthirsty mob, it seemed insanity as well to perform the same act to the approval of one audience and the inflamed outrage of another. Their applause thundered on the line “Couple it with something – make it a word and a blow” as Mercutio in “R&J.” Less so in an increasingly awkward swordfight in “Hamlet.” And while his wife seemed to approve at home, the reaction was markedly different upon his delivery of them in comic breakaway doublet. Shakespeare for Kids indeed.
Guy David
“Enil enohp eht, Enil eht no” said the inscription. “What does it mean?” asked Suzy. The archeologist raised his glasses to his forehead and said “it’s in some long forgotten tongue.” He looked at it again, turning the strange writing this way and that. Suzy took a peek over his shoulder. The scribbling began to turn and move. It glowed slightly, then rearranged itself. The inscription now said “Sorry, but we’re not in right now. If you care to scribble a message we’ll be sure to get back to you as soon as possible.” “Some things never change” said Suzy.
Anima
Malicious little imp.
You stand, teetering on the brink of innocence, a smile curling your lips. However, the evil glint in your eye belies your true nature. You raise your right leg, left toes on the line, ready to hopscotch me into a nervous breakdown. Will it be now? Or now? Or now?
I hear my own mother – “Just wait ‘til you have kids of your own, – you’ll see.” I should have listened.
The bandages have hardly been off a week… Why must you and your faerie friends sing that song?
Step on a crack, break your mother’s back…
Lynda
Look at them down there fiddling with their shiny things–totally not real blackberries, by the way. Harvey chipped his beak on one of those things in April and he hasn’t been the same since.
They think they’re tweeting? They don’t know the first thing about tweeting! When we sit up here on the line, we’re one with the whole world, able to send out the alarm for worm sightings or where to get bread with one sound.
Well, here comes what you get for not looking up and admiring the bird over your head!
HA! I just pooped.
Planet Z
I called the operator and asked for help.
“It’s an emergency,” I said.
She said “Please stay on the line while I connect you” but it sounded like “Please stay on the lion.”
I looked around for a lion.
None nearby.
I pondered hanging up and calling someone to ask where the nearest lion is, but I didn’t know who to call to ask about lions.
“One moment please” said the operator, and then, after a brief series of clicks, I heard the unmistakable roar of a lion.
I hung up the phone.
Good.
Now the damn movie can start.
639182
Every classroom has a turtle in an aquarium, placed on a table in front of each class.
The kids stare at the turtle for four hours, take a break for lunch, and return to staring at the turtle for the rest of the day.
Cameras watch the turtles and students, and the principal watches the video screens.
Nothing happens for days… weeks… months…
The Ministry was ready to pull the plug when an alarm went off in Classroom Twelve.
The turtle was gone, a greasy smear on the inside of the aquarium.
Upon review, one student’s eyes glowed red.
Success!
639162
The President read the words on the teleprompter, the camera watched him, and the people loved it all.
One day, The President decided to sleep late, so they pointed the camera directly at the teleprompter.
The people loved it much more than they loved The President.
When he woke up and heard that they loved the teleprompter more than they loved him, he appeared on camera without the teleprompter.
The people booed and hooted. They told him to go away.
So, he did. And when the teleprompter was broken, the Vice President’s teleprompter took over.
That’s when people freaked out.
639188
I’ve never seen Lisa rollerskate.
She just carries that pair around to smack people in the face with.
That’s why I wear a football helmet with the full facemask.
She can slap me in the face all she wants with those rollerskates. It won’t make a lick of difference.
Other people, you can tell she’s whacked them. A bloody lip, a black eye, or a knocked-out tooth.
But me? My face is unblemished and injury-free.
That’s when she tried something new.
“Kiss me,” she said. And she pulled me real close.
So, I took off the helmet and… WHACK!
Bitch.
639154
The kids all point their fingers at Fern and laugh.
She doesn’t cry. Instead, she reaches into her backpack and pulls out a compass.
There’s no greater sight than the look on a bully’s face when he’s been stabbed in the chest. That change from the purest malice to emasculated shock happens quickly, but time slows down enough to let the moment be savored.
The bully goes down, hands clutched to his chest, blood leaking through his fingers.
Others scream, but Fern just rifles through the bully’s backpack.
She takes the compass, stows it away in her backpack, and leaves.
639171
The princess needed to smuggle gold from one castle to the other without thieves knowing.
Ruplestiltskin was long banished into nothingness, but his spinning-wheel remained.
So, she spun the wheel backwards, turning gold into straw.
She sent out the straw with farmers, and then the princess with her spinning wheel afterwards.
Brilliant, she thought.
The next day, the carts were loaded up with the straw and sent out.
Soon after, the princess began her journey.
Midway there, she found that bandits had struck the caravan, bodies and straw scattered in all directions.
She wept for the gold, and started gathering.
639158
I hate unicorns.
I especially hate the ones that leave a trail of sparkles everywhere they go.
Sparkles turn to soggy ash after a while.
You see the sparkly herd of unicorns prancing and running, but I have to deal with the disgusting grey piles they leave behind.
Speaking of piles, did you know that unicorns do not shit rainbows?
If you don’t know what they shit, then you don’t want to know.
Just sit there in your fantasy bubble with unicorns and rainbows and sparkles.
One day, you’ll get gored through the chest, and you’ll finally see the truth.
12271250
Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Seventy-Five, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s A Full Set.
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING
Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):
Lynda
Call me obsessed, but my completionist mentality has served me well. I put myself through school by selling my comic book collection, my original redline Hot Wheels paid for my first real car, my house was paid for with stamps, and the early marketing for my home business was financed by scalping Star Wars figures on the Internet.
I think selling my rookie Babe Ruth card to buy identical implants and veneers for all of my girlfriends was a poor investment, though, because all I got in return was a full set of sexually transmitted diseases. Who would want that?
J Radimus
“His Collection, though impressively sized, was effortlessly collected. Causing a plane crash in adverse weather brought his single-biggest haul. His next specimen was a case of patience over effort. The reckless gunplay could have figured more prominently, but waiting for fried banana sandwiches to do their damage took all the legwork out of it. He gathered most cases by simply waiting for those fatal partners “Depression” and “Drugs” or “Alcohol” to take their toll. He thought his latest specimen was going to be toughest of all. Alas, a lifetime of eccentricity and a skoche of greed played together nicely.”
Danny
Christmas came early for Tommy.
Two front teeth; man Santa rocked the Casbah this year. He had a full set of pearly whites before any of his friends.
On Christmas day, after all the presents were open, a single card remained in the tree.
To Tommy:
We regret to inform you that your federal health plan mandates a recall on your teeth. Times are tough and so is beef jerky to a senior citizen.
From Santa.
The brass bell on top of the tree suddenly came free and fell hard onto Tommy’s mouth ringing loudly.
A president got his wings.
Erin
That pesky door to door sells man was getting on my nerves. Who would have thought buying one book to get rid of him, only encouraged him to keep coming back until he sold the full set. I didn’t have time for this Single and Soap operas that was me, life really didn’t show any signs get any better.The door bell rang. I sighed deeply and went to the door to tell him off for the last time. He smiled and instead of passing me along the usual brochures and cheap gimmicks, a rose and chocolates he had in hand.
Norval Joe
One thing I hate about being a twin is all the questions.
How do people tell you apart? Are you identical? And then there’s always, “Who’s the oldest?”
We’re not sure who was born first.
My parents are compulsive collectors. Whether it’s depression era glass, souvenir thimbles or the latest beanie baby, they are always looking to add to their collections.
One day they stopped at a garage sale and there was a kid there that looked just like me.
You see, originally I was an only child, but my Mom and Dad just had to have the full set.
Justin
“Ok ladies, the time has come for us to go to war! The time to sit around and play bingo and watch daytime television is past. We will take what is ours. We will go to the front lines and we will fight! We will face the enemy and when they rise against us, we will strike them asunder. We will tear down doors and break into the store rooms. We will find objectives and we will take them until none are left! Listen up Grandma’s, the Beanie Baby Happy Meals are coming, and we will collect every single one!
JDavidBozdin
They were grand, ornate; figures of nobility. Alabaster and ebony warriors.
They gazed on her short round body and her red skin deepened with embarrassment and rage.
Why had this power, curse, been bestowed upon her?
She wanted to return to her own, where she was considered equal and their games innocent.
Fate, not choice forced her move and she slid across the patterned floor toward his Majesty.
Leaning into his ear she whispered “Check…mate”, and slid the blade between his ribs.
Regardless of her bloody victory, they all knew a checker made queen, would never make a full set.
Anima
Pam and Jimbo deserve each other. She’s dumb as a box of rocks and he’s mean as a snake. ‘Tween the two of them, they don’t have a full set of teeth.
His idea of fun is to shoot his .45 at the dump. Pam packs snack cakes and lemonade when they go out.
“You got one!”
“Think I got his tail. I was thinkin’, fer yer birthday, whad’ja say to a fur coat?”
“Really?! Can I get a white rabbit one, from Frank’s Fur Market?”
“I’ze thinking grey, to match yer eyes – and I pert near got enough rats!”
Guy David
There was nothing left to do but go on playing. The stage have been set and there was no way out of it. We went bravely through our set, playing one song after the other to the sounds of echoing boos and an endless stream of flying tomatoes and body parts. Somehow, we managed to get through our whole set without a scratch. Later, as we set at our hotel room counting our money, our lead singer said “Never again. Never shell we sing to a crowd of orcs and trolls. From now on, it’s strictly human and elven audiences.”
TJ Aman
The President locked his steely gaze on the Dragon, screeching above the streets of Manhattan, fireballs and explosions in its wake. Taking a deep breath he leapt from Marine One, a length of cable in one hand, the enchanted sword from the capstone of the Washington Monument in the other. With a zzzzing the cable caught beneath the Dragon’s jaw as our nation’s president tightened his grip and plunged the sword home. The fiery beast crashed dead in Central Park. Miraculously, no lives were lost.
Tonight on FOX News, a full set of playground equipment crushed by Obama’s irresponsible show-boating.
Planet X
Dr. Odd observed the monkeys as they sat at the typewriters, replying to all of his fan mail.
Keeping a full set of notes on which was typing the fastest, which had the least amount of errors.
Lynda had already finished her third letter,
Jeffery hardly completed his second,
Justin had pulled the ribbon off his machine and was eating it,
and Guy, well Guy was just sitting there on top of the machine keeping beat to some imaginary music.
This was much more productive than with computers, then they had spent all their time watching porn on the internet.
Planet Z
Hyped as The Perfect Woman by every sports magazine, columnist, and television commentator, Eve the Automation was escorted to center court at Wimbledon, her silver skin shining in the summer sun.
Play.
Each supersonic ace and wicked return blasted past the Williams sister on the other end of the court, resulting in a full 6-0 set.
Before the next humiliating set was complete, the other sister ran from the sidelines and swung her racket at Eve’s head.
A dumb move on her part. Eve’s chassis and programming originated in a DARPA project, and the grass shone with freshly spilled blood.
639162
Vinnie and Joey liked to gamble.
They were always betting each other about this or that.
Especially about their hits.
What kind of hits?
They were hitmen, you see.
Joey liked to play How Much Money Is In Their Wallet?
Sure, they always split the take, just like they split the contracts.
One day, they took a contract, but the hit didn’t happen.
By the time they realized he’d skipped town, Joey and Vinnie were picked up.
Right before they were tossed off the roof of the building, Vinnie said “I bet you five bucks I hit the ground first.”
Joey grinned. “You’re on.”