Cupid’s Arrows

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That’s not a tattoo on my shoulder.
It’s a scar.
Damn Cupid got his arrows mixed up with hunting arrows.
I saw my true love, worked up my courage, and took an arrow in the chest.
He missed my heart, thankfully.
Unlike my true love. She was dead within a second.
But then, we both were hit with hunting arrows, not with Cupid’s.
Were we hit by Cupid’s arrows, I’d believe it.
Maybe it was just the heat of the moment.
Cupid apologized at the funeral, offered to hit us again with the right arrows.
“What’s the point?” I said.

Weekly Challenge #166 – A bucket of gruel

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Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Sixty-Six, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s A bucket of gruel.
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which were the best stories this week?
Danny from http://dannymachal.com
Justin from http://www.thespaceturtle.com
Lynda from http://sisterpepperspray.blogspot.com
Jeffrey from http://GreatHites.blogspot.com
Anima from http://zabbadabba.com
Guy David from http://www.guydavid.com
Norval Joe from http://norvalsoutlook.blogspot.com
Mick from http://mickbordet.blogspot.com/
Laurie from http://www.myspace.com/sufferingraven
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):


Danny

“Next!”
They shaved our heads and stripped us of our possessions.
We’re forced into uniforms and our identities raped into numbers, some have forgotten their own names.
My steady surgeon’s hand used scalpels to save people’s lives once. Now it holds hard plastic and is weighted down with chains.
“Next!” the voice ordered everyone to shuffle forward.
It was her fault for making me teach him a lesson. She was the unfaithful demon, I was the angel of justice, of love.
“Next!”
A ladle scrapped the steel drum as the last bit of prison gruel was served on my tray.

Justin

Oliver stared down mournfully. His tummy rumbled with despair. He clinked his spoon into the empty bowl, picked it up and stood. Even though what passed for food around here made his mouth numb, likely to keep the boys quiet, he wanted more. He walked up to the kitchen master.
“Pleath thir, Mah I have thum moa?”
The master leaned over, squinting.
“More what?”
“Fewd, pwease.”
The master crossed his arms.
“What kind of ‘fewd’?”
“Grue, thir.”
The master grinned, picked up a bucket, and dropped it on Oliver’s head. The bucket fell from his empty shoulders. Inside, only darkness.

Lynda

For sale: One lightly used bucket of gruel. My children don’t appreciate the healing properties of my fine millet and honey recipe, so I’m selling it along with their video games to teach them a lesson.
What makes this bucket of gruel so special is that after my son vomited in it last Thursday, the spirit of a Mayan priest emerged from the swirling chowder and summoned a delightful goblin who cleaned our house top to bottom before playing many amusing tricks on us.
Don’t miss out on this one of a kind delicacy with bonus goblin! Local pickup only.

Jeffrey

“It is always about this line with you. You can never be happy.”
“Well what do you expect. I mean this is the longest line in town and you always want to come here for lunch.”
“Their food is good and they are cheap.”
“Good, it may taste good but it is not good for you.”
“I like it and that is what matters.”
“if you say so, but I think we should find a better place to eat.”
“What would you like better?”
“I don’t know, but even the name is, well wrong.”
“You don’t like Bucket of gruel?”

Anima

Buckets of grueling tension and flop sweats wash over me. The plane has finally landed; I’m reviewing my continuation to Calgary. CHECK INTERNATIONAL DOCUMENTS. Shit. I “see” my passport. At home. A thousand miles away.
This morning, the car wouldn’t start. Once jumped, the fuel filter failed. Change plans: cancel appointments, call mechanic, hastily pack.
On the flight there’s no diet soda. I overhear, “Think this is contagious?” A child screams, “We’re landing in the river!”
Teenage ninja mutant terrorists are taking over the terminal. Is Mars in retrograde? Note to self: Fire travel planner. And find overnight express office.

Guy David

The bucket of gruel looked like a thimble at the hands of the oversized baby. The servants running around it looked like midgets, though in regular perspective they looked massive. The baby was ancient. No one knew how ancient it was, they just knew it was there long before the empire was founded, long before the wars, long before civilization came and fell. Suddenly, a bus came out of the porridge, taking the baby with it. “Thanks for taking me from that place” said the baby, his voice deep and resonant, “I was getting tired from playacting the baby part.”

Norval Joe

The orc guards were distracted from their watch by their nagging hunger. “What’s for dinner?” One orc said. They both eyed the bucket of gruel.
Silently a hobbit slipped past, making his way into the stockade. Rumors of the rich treasury inside the stronghold was adequate motivation for the diminutive thief.
He noticed the bag of gold hanging from the guards belt and thought to add it to his stash.
Suddenly the guard sat.
The two orcs stood looking at the dead hobbit. “Not much to eat there.”
“Nope. That and a bucket of gruel would almost make a meal.”

Mick Bordet

Shug sat, staring at the burger between his calloused hands.
His wife left after they lost the farm, his faithful dog died and the welfare cheque didn’t cover his rent. He was living a classic country and western song.
He blamed the scientists; they eventually spotted the pattern – mad cow disease, bird flu, swine flu, sheep lurgi – but it was too late. Mother Nature’s course correction was in place. Contaminated meat stocks led to Government restrictions: “Families can thrive on a bucket of gruel per week.”
“Bunch of damned hippies,” he muttered and sank his teeth into the delicious beef.

Laurie

When the Congee finished cooking I poured two bowls. I ache for my retired General to be young again. As I spoon fed, I began to daymare of my General pushing me to the floor. Barking elicit commands through clenched teeth. Seething with lust. Violating me repeatedly until satisfied. The General begins to aspirate pulling me from my fantasy. He spews the milky rice all over my face and breasts. I smile at the irony of my twisted thoughts and reality. Once fierce, now he is nothing more than a puny, diseased invalid. I scrape the leftovers into a bucket and draw the steaming bubble bath. I disrobe and lift him ever so gently into my arms. I wrap his gnarled fingers around the sweet scented bar of soap and guide his hand slowly over my tan skin. I search under the bubbles and confirm his eagerness for me to begin cleaning him.

Planet Z

He was The King.
He always would be, and this made him sick.
Since he was a child, the spotlight blinded and burned him.
His sullen, manipulative family withered in his shadow.
A brother, his name lost in a prescription haze, subjected to continuous disfiguring surgeries…
Snip this.
Slice that.
Shift it around.
Smooth it out.
I swear, it’s as if they were twins.
The day came to fake his death, but the dosage was wrong.
Dead.
Maybe, just maybe…
No. The doppleganger in the basement, face down in a bucket of gruel.
Also dead.
They both were finally free.

Jackals and Jokers

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Jackals and jokers line the streets.
Licking their lips as the coffin goes by.
A nice juicy leg would make such a treat.
You bite through the knees while I tug on the feet.
Don’t lock down the lid.
We all want a peek.
No? Not this time?
What if we promise not to suck out the other eye?
We made him. We own him. He is a part of us.
Let us tear him apart. Let us scatter his bones.
When we are done all is left is his suit.
What size did he wear? I take forty-two long.

Faxcakes

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Every so often, we get someone who needs to send a fax.
I got careless with the office supplies and ran out of fax machine paper.
No, it doesn’t use the cut-sheet paper. It needs the old thermal rolls.
So I ended up loading the machine with pancakes.
That’s right. Rolled-up pancakes.
I didn’t expect to get a fax all day, and the office supply store was going to deliver another roll tomorrow, but I heard the phone ring and that telltale fax sound.
It printed, and I picked up the pancake.
They faxed a photo of butter and syrup.

Let’s all thank Finland

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The meeting went long, so I asked who was responsible for that.
“Finland,” said Joe. “The meeting went long because of Finland.”
“Fine,” I said. “Let’s thank Finland.”
We tried to open the windows so we could shout THANK YOU FINLAND at the same time, but like all office buildings, the windows were sealed shut.
It took just three hits with a heavy chair to shatter the glass.
“THANK YOU FINLAND!” we all shouted at once.
Except for Joe. He was laughing.
“You’re all morons,” he said. “Finland can’t hear you. Those windows face South. Finland is to the East.”

So hard to believe

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It’s hard to believe that Macy is gone.
Nobody in the room can believe it. Not even Sarah, who still believes in the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus.
“Someone needs to believe this,” I say, and I dial 1-800-BEL-IEVE.
It rings twice, and then: “What don’t you believe?”
“Macy is gone,” I say.
“MACY IS GONE????” shrieks the voice. “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”
The shrieking subsides after a minute, and I hold out a cell phone emitting sobs and whimpers.
“Now do you believe that Macy is gone?” I asked the group.
“No,” said Sarah. “In fact, that voice… it sounds like Macy.”

The Garage

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Hewlett-Packard was founded in a garage. So was Apple.
Famous Amos started in his kitchen.
Me, I start businesses all over this house.
The bank began in the bathroom, consulting firms in the crawl space, and my shed led to the creation of a quarter of the Fortune 500.
If you look in the dishwasher, you’ll see some venture capitalists checking the industry broadsheets, looking for good investments.
It’s getting harder to find good talent, so I’m founding a business school in my pants.
Care to check out my generous endowment?
Um… try again, stupid. It’s in my back pocket.

The Apples

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As I walk along the path to the castle, the trees bend down and offer me some apples.
“They are juicy and ripe,” say the trees. “We’d hate for them to go to waste.”
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m allergic to apples.”
Insulted, the trees turn their backs to the path.
“I could juggle them if you’d like,” I say.
The trees are shocked. “How would you like it if we asked if we could juggle your babies?” they ask.
“But you offered to let me eat them,” I said.
“That’s different,” they say, and I walk in uncomfortable silence.

Weekly Challenge #165 – Cyborgs combined with… ?

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Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Sixty-Five, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s Cyborgs combined with… ?.
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which were the best stories this week?
Norval Joe from http://norvalsoutlook.blogspot.com/
Laurie from http://www.myspace.com/sufferingraven
Guy David from http://guydavid.com/
Anima from http://zabbadabba.com/
Lynda from http://sisterpepperspray.blogspot.com/
Danny from http://dannymachal.com/
Justin from http://www.thespaceturtle.com/
Ishtar from http://ishtarskiss.blogspot.com/
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):


Norval Joe

One important point that they missed when they started combining cyborgs with ordinary appliances was their underlying sub routine to dominate less intelligent creatures.
The central processing units were added to household appliances, vehicles and industrial machinery.
While the humans remained smarter, it wasn’t a problem, but with the increased leisure time and decreased intellectual stimulation, it didn’t take long for the humans to get soft.
Soon vacuum cleaners, lawn mowers and mini vans prepared to clam their rightful place.
The revolution began when the president of the united states was sitting on the toilet and commanded it to flush.

Laurie

Hiking in a small southern town at nightfall, my friend Jannine and I came across a huge metal fence with all sorts of warning signs and No trespassing banners.
She immediately found her cable cutters and we entered.
As far as the eyes can see are various size tents. We enter the first tent. We see a cage with a small animal but hanging from the cage was a monstrous lock. I broke a long stick of the nearest tree and began poking at the animal. A flap of skin pulled off the ear and down to its cute bunny tale, exposing nothing but wires and metal just then I heard a strange mechanical sound coming from the tents dark corner.

Guy David

The tin man was arguing with the scarecrow, when they heard a strange sound. “It’s the sound of a large animal” said the lion, looking scared. “It doesn’t sound like any animal I know of, but then… what do I know?” said the scarecrow. “Look at that cloud of dust, coming right up the yellow brick road” said the tin man. The cloud came closer and a bus came out of it. Since the tin man was standing in the middle of the road, he got embedded in the bus becoming both part of it and one of it’s passengers.

Anima

YOU’VE JUST WON!
Steve clicked and clicked again. He wanted that free laptop. Three hundred surveys was typical: questionnaires on diapers, on-line movie rentals, and if he was overpaying on pet meds; there were five dozen queries on changing his career, and ten offers for “male enhancement”, but only one invitation to design a robotic avatar. “That sounds cool…”
One more click. Suddenly, heavy-duty cables sprung from Steve’s CPU, attaching themselves firmly to his spinal column. Two jigabytes of cyberjuice flowed from the Borg Collective directly into his nervous system. His quads melted away, revealing titanium supports and hydraulic lines.
Free laptop anyone?

Lynda

Yes, I was drunk when I volunteered for this trip back in time, but come on, the target is part cyborg…part teddy bear?
The designer told me the thing started to kill people after it was exposed to a rancid quart of bear lube. He was too chicken to come back here and face his creation, this tiny little toy.
It spoke. “Hi, there! Can you and I be friends?”
Perky fables and sickly sweet songs echoed through the steel refinery as I smiled down at the molten metal. I extended one finger to the bear as I sank.

Danny

I created the humans and gave them fire.
Promptly after a short time, they destroyed me and created machines.
The cycle of creation continued and the machines destroyed them.
Now we both sit here on the sidelines; watching a civilization completely driven by efficiency and logic.
The machines are taking bits of everything from both of us and creating the beginning of their own demise.
A.I. that has the ability to choose and feel, is permeating their population.
I was amazed at human creation of the computer. The humans seem quite alarmed at the new cyborg pirates all wearing crucifixes.

Justin

I remember when the cyborg troops of Fazfud stormed across the Earth. Much of humanity bloated up and died from heart attacks as the cyborg hamburgers and Fry Fighters let loose their cholesterol rays and trans-fat bombs. My farm barely survived.
My brother and I led the final resistance that saved the world. We had already been working on genetically modified vegetables when the attacks began. A simple modification of the research goals turned a project to reduce world hunger into a weaponization of a garden variety.
The Fazfudians could not withstand our BOB Tomato bombs and LAR-E Cucumber Missiles.

Ishtar

Hmmmmmmmm. A moan escapes my lips as electronic fingertips
caress the flesh. Our cybernetic implants connect.
Just a few years ago, who would even think about cybernetics
and sex. Our minds connect. Computer code flashes before my
eyes, then, Oh I can feel it. Through his body, I can feel him
holding me. Ummmmm.
Oh the fun well have. He can hear my thoughts. He closes his eyes.
A taste of lips, the feel of muscle and flesh. Basic body chemical reactions
intensified a thousand fold.
Electrical impulses, Ecstacy, Primal animal instinct, who knew lust and
cybernetics could do this.

Planet Z

My daughter is dying.
Slow-growing tumors, spreading throughout her body.
The doctors remove them, but not fast enough.
I cannot lose her.
I design robots. My daughter loves to play with them.
Now, I have replaced so much of her lost to disease, she practically is one.
No tears to cry. A smile always on her face.
She still thinks. And fears.
Another surgery needed, another replacement.
I hold her, trying to comfort her.
She cannot feel. Just sitting there, looking out the window.
She says “This is a recording. I died three days ago. I love you, Daddy.”

The Barber

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Back when I was a younger man, I liked to play jokes.
I get bored easily. When I get bored, I joke.
I went into the barber shop every day of the week for a haircut.
As I came back each day, the barber became more and more confused.
“Weren’t you just here yesterday?” he asked.
“It only feels that way,” I said. “Should I come in more often?”
On Friday, I didn’t give him a tip.
“You left it too long!” I shouted and stormed out of the shop.
The barber scalped me so I’d never do it again.