Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Twenty-Seven, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by Justin NWAAAAAAAAAAARRRRMMMM Space Turtle, and we went with IKEA.
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING
Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):
Brad Z
Management is always sending us overseas to keep a eye on sales. It’s ridiculous. Sales are always great. Need something to spice up your pad? Then you shop our stores like everyone else. I’m starting to hate these trips. I want hazard duty pay. Last month Fred was stepped on by some giant lizard. Two others got it by a giant moth. Then there was ………… what was that. IKEA! Hey that’s trademarked! Crap, marketing is going to hate this. Wonder what you would call a giant space turtle anyhow? Ouch, Justin just got stepped on. That’s gonna leave a mark.
Mike
The news helicopter hovered over the neighborhood, recording images of the storm’s devastation. Everywhere, the broken shells of single story homes were visible among the piles of debris. Suddenly, the camera zoomed in on a man clearing the yard in front of an apparently undamaged home. A news crew was dispatched.
Upon arriving, the reporter noted the house’s odd composition and asked the man what it was, and how it had helped the house survive.
“38 premium wall units from Ikea,” he replied. “That building permit guy pitched a fit, when he first saw it. This oughta shut him up.
Tom
Grandma kicked the bucket yesterday. We really didn’t like her that much she was grandmama from hell. Jack wanted to stuff her in a glad lawn bag, but Cindy Lou thought that was a bit extreme. After rolling some change we had sitting around in pint glasses we headed down to the local Ikea. It seems they just opened a interment department. We got a nice simulated oak patterned coffin with simulated brass fittings. Everything fit in the back of the Subaru. Now all we got to do is put it together. Lets see Peg A goes in slot B.
Justin
Thor and Loki gathered a pencil and a store map. In the Ikea showroom, Thor wrote down row and bin numbers for the desired items, asking Loki for advice. Ikea was the best place to get magical weapons and armor in Asgard. Down in the self-serve warehouse, Thor gathered up his items. Mjöllnir, a mighty hammer, Megingjord, a strength boosting belt, and Járngreipr, special iron gloves to wield the hammer. At the checkout, Thor got some meatballs for the dinner he’d want after fighting giants. Ikea no longer sells mythic weapons, but the item naming system is still in use.
Patti
Ikea?
yes; of course l remember, all those years ago.
We met, and l fell in love. Strong and beautiful, smooth, sensual.
Looking sleek and suave, unusual in a button tufted and ruffled world.
Glowing wood veneer, rich leather, a tactile delight.
Exotic umlaute to tickle my tongue.
Oh Ikea, I wanted you so; desired you, needed you. Only distance kept us apart.
Meeting again by chance recently, I found you have changed. l barely recognized you. Maybe its me, l don’t know.
All l know is that I cried that night. We had a chance once, but nevermore.
So keep your puce pouf and your overpriced storage solutions! My heart is broken.
You are dead to me.
Anima
IKEA customer service, how can I help you?
Yes, I bought a desk…. The hardware packets are missing; if I give you the part numbers….
Box it up and return it to IKEA, and we’ll give you a new bed frame.
I bought a DESK, the Skandobirk,,, really, I just need hardware. I live out of state….
Can you mail it to me? I’ll pay postage –
I’m sorry… If something’s missing, you can get a refund, or make an exchange. Please use the original packaging, and include all hardware and instructions…
MUHAHAHAHA!
IKEA customer service, how can I help you?
Guy David
As an antique dealer, Harriet was always appalled by Ikea, but that
was nothing like the shock when she saw the lobby furniture at the
Hyatt Regency Atlanta. This was forgotten however when she spotted
Sigler and Hutchins, the podcasting twins. She rampaged forward to
give the unsuspecting podcast novelists a huge hug. They where saved
though when she spotted that Chirapa fellow. Bob dragged alone as she
went over to assault the poor alien with hugs and kisses. For a
minute, bob and The Chirapa’s eyes met. Bob was shocked and
surprised, as he realized The Chirapa were real.
Sougent
Oh lordy, Ike, he be a comin’ soon now. He gonna be blowin’ us away.
Jim Bob, youse worrying too much.
Ain’t no way Ike’s a gonna be doin any blowin’ away dis week, he be’s
in da hospital gettin’ brain surgery.
Doncha remember, his gal done hit him on de head wid de fryin pan.
Well, he ain’t gonna like this none, was bad enough we “borrowed” his
car ta go get us some beer, but you had ta go and run right into the
side of his trailer, nearly kilt his dawg.
Ike, he’s a gonna be mad.
Cenedra
I turned off the ignition, looked out the window, and felt a sense of nostalgia take over me.
“When I was a little girl I used to come here. I remember the nights we played hide and seek until it got dark and our parents came to get us. I remember playing tag in the winter, laughing as we tried to run in deep snow. There was that one weekend when Tammi broke her arm. We didn’t know what to do, we were so scared.”
“What’s that honey? No. It wasn’t IKEA back then, there used to be trees here.”
Daphne
Over the years since IKEA opened I’ve found myself wandering the showroom looking at displays and picking up stuff. Sometimes practical, sometimes needed and sometimes odd objects find their way into my recyclable blue bag. I have dishes from there, a bench that holds shoes and sits at the end of my bed, freestanding kitchen cabinets in my craft room and a stuffed rat that sits on my desk. Sometimes I have planned shopping trips, sometimes it’s just something to do on a rainy day. I went there after my Dad’s surgery. I bought a heart shaped pillow with arms.
Wilma
How was the Cowgirls Convention?
Not bad.
Anything interesting this year?
Yup. One unusual booth with a banner sayin’ ‘You too delicate to ride a bronc?’ That roped in alot of girls. Get this: it was a vibrator company called Buckin’ Broncs.
Really? Have they ever had vibrators at a convention before?
Once. In Vegas. But this booth offered a challenge with one of its models called Bronc Ike–Yee-Haw. The lady at the booth claimed Ike would have you hollerin’ yee-haw before the 8 second bell rang.
No shit? Did you give it a ride?
Yee-Haw, baby, Yee-Haw
Laeianna
When Ikea actually came to Lisa’s podunk town, every resident of Wind Willow Trailer Park scrounged up their savings, turned in cans, and searched cushions to find whatever money they could to buy items for making their small living space a modern home. Lisa stuck with her old furniture, opting to spend on something different.
Not long after, the boredom set in, folks seeing the same thing in their neighbor’s trailer, and Lisa got used to the park watching her swim in her spacious pool. She even had occasional entertainment when someone would step to close to the electric fence.
Thomas
Louis’ was a modular life. Everything in his life was interchangeable and compact. Nothing was permanent, from his shoebox apartment to his relationships. He saw Ikea as the ideal of his existence, with it’s slim packaging, and clean, tidy looks.
When Lou was married he easily relegated his wife to a small compartment of his soul, which was just as easily removed after the divorce. His friends were removed as fast as one cross word or angry glance.
Louis’ ashes were buried in a small metal box purchased from Ikea. A fitting end to a small, bitter, lonely old man.
Planet Z
Things were rough at Shawshank.
Too many men going in, not enough coming out.
Two men to a bed at one point. Good for The Sisters, but not for keeping the peace.
The prison was ordered by the courts to buy new furniture for the inmates.
The warden got himself a huge budget for it, then cheaped out, buying from IKEA.
You know how they always have parts left over after you make something?
Makes good ladders, tunnel supports. One man even rigged up a DaVinci glider.
Solved the overcrowding problem overnight.
Just Old Red, sitting in the yard, laughing.
Steven the Nuclear Man
The door pounds again, bending under the strain. “What the hell is…”
Sarah is ash grey, eyes wide beneath her dreads. Overstrong
sandalwood incense still makes me want to sneeze, but now I can smell
something else underneath. Something stale copper.
“Missy said,” Sarah’s voice is a squeak, “she’s becoming a sangui…
doing some vampire thing with these hot college guys…” There is a
scratching at the window, and I know we can’t escape.
“Put your clothes back on, baby,” I tell her, counting the hours until
sunrise. I smash the wood furniture, making impromptu stakes.
Thank God for Ikea.