Just say "Alexa, play the 100 Word Stories Podcast."
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When I’m having a bad day, I’ll take off my belt and reverse it through the loops.
Instead of feeding it around to the right, I’ll feed it to the left.
Does it change anything?
No. But it gives me a moment to breathe and think.
Now, if someone gets me so riled up that I take my belt off a second time, I take it off and beat them with it.
When I’m done, I thread it back the right way.
Get up. Go to the bathroom and clean yourself up.
And don’t piss me off a third time.
544804
He puts her in the ground and plants a tree on the spot as he promised.
Years later, he takes a branch and whittles a small boat from it.
Places a candle in the center.
Go to the water, light the candle, and let it flow downstream.
Every night, you can see dozens of candles floating by.
At sunset, it’s so beautiful. And yet, every light is someone lost.
And someone who has lost.
When it is my time, promise me.
Plant the tree.
Carve a boat.
Light a candle in the center.
And remember.
As I have promised you.
11280217
Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Ten, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by Steven the Nuclear Man, who is going for broke with Jobs.
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING
Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):
CYBSTER DJ
One of my first DJ jobs was in a skating rink back in 1986. My standard look was a red shirt with the sleeves rolled up one turn, a narrow black leather tie, black stretch jeans and nike hi-tops. My hair was dark brown, long enough to reach the middle of my back and blow-dried in such a way that it boofed out like Gene Simmons from Kizz. Well it goes without saying that I was a hit with the ladies and I would often come down out of the booth during songs to fraternise. Yeees, those were the days.
TOM
The monkey avatar had had many jobs. Christ, he was 3000 thousand years old. He liked to think his best work was Deuteronomy, but some argue the Patriot Act was a work of pure genius. Sadly time was running out for the 100th monkey carpal tunnel syndrome and prespeopia were limited his job opportunities. He took another draw of single malt, the midgets quarters were cramped under the staircase in the Houston home. He was ghost hacking a 100 words a day. “A Jobs is a Job,” his mum would say between writing breaks of the Ramayana. Zombies Oh fuck
STEVEN
Now.
PFC Fenti flinches, but there is no explosion. The driver glances at
him, then watches the road again.
Now.
Nothing. Bullets fail to come streaking from the windows. Simmons
lights a Camel – irony is cheap here – and blows smoke in Fenti’s
face.
Spielberg would consider that a cue; the insurgents do not. Tense,
boring minutes pass. A drip of sweat falls from Fenti’s head onto his
weapon.
Now.
No bullets. No IED. Nothing.
He says it: “Remember, it’s not just a job…”
When the left side of the hummer goes in flame and shrapnel, it’s
almost a relief.
Now.
GUY DAVID All In One RSS FEED!
The Chirapa needed to study the humans. They worked on improving their personal cloaking devices and used them to make themselves appear human. They walked amongst the humans and discovered they used currencies called “money”. Some of them argued that they could get jobs as humans for some of that currencies, which would enable them to purchase human computers and study them through the internet, which was just starting out back then. The elder Chirapa thought it too risky and decided they should build their own computers. Chaketo Chirapa, all grown up now, was put in charge of the project.
JUSTIN
Everyone wants to sell things these days the easy way, without a permit. It is my job to make sure this does not happen. We really don’t need unlicensed goods roaming the streets, ending up in who knows what hands for who knows what purpose. The tax consequences alone are a good enough reason, as well. No making money under the table when I am around. If you so much as write down an idea to sell something I’ll be on you, watching. The time has come for righting these crimes, starting with that little girl at her lemonade stand.
ELISSON
Ron had trouble holding down a job.
He was fired from the zoo after they caught him spanking the monkey. Even worse, there was evidence that he had also been whipping the lizard.
He lasted less than a week at the Tyson processing plant. Someone discovered him in the process of choking the chicken, a job he was unauthorized to perform. The SPCA was outraged.
All of this changed when Ron interviewed with the Staunton Amalgamated Chess-Piece Manufactory. He was hired, quickly rising through the ranks, eventually becoming CEO.
For nobody could wax a bishop as well as Ron. /Nobody/.
ALMO
Roger grimaced as he dug his hands into the box and felt the slime of raw meat. He pulled out a fatty lump and tossed it over the chain-link fence. Feeding time.
Roger didn’t look anymore. He hated the sight of the flesh being torn and devoured.
“What’s with you?” his partner Leon asked, noticing Roger’s expression. Leon pulled hunk from the box and heaved it over.
“At least you’ve got a job,” Leon said, jerking his head toward the mass of starving people on the other side of the barrier waiting for the next piece.
HOTSPUR
Ten tough jobs.
Dat’s wat de judge gib me. Fo de ‘crime’ of lookin’ at de woman ‘wrong’. Dat’s justice in Yoknapatawpha County. Man need sumpin done, suddenly someone lookin’ at his wife wrong. Still, it’s no lynchin’.
“Hercules, my lad, you are to report to Mr. Ruffin, for duties”
Ruffin, he a hard man.
First, he say, ‘go fetch the skin off’n dat mountain lion dat’s killin’ my cattle.’
Then, ‘kill dat ol’ snake gettin’ in de henhouse.’
Dat’s hard enuf, but dis job?
How’s a body sposed to shovel all dis muck in a day, I asks you?
THOMAS
“Vegas, city of lights, buffets, and slots. Exciting yes , but being a good-luck troll has challenges. Getting dragged out of a purse smelling of Ben Gay and Musk. She then kisses me, sets me on her slot machine. Wanting a miracle, she tells me to work my magic.
“My brother lucked out, cruising and getting tan on a 76′ Gremlin’s dash, while I’m inches from a cigarette, covered in gin scented phlegm. She must have coughed up a lung.
“What? A jackpot! Oh no! Here come more toxic kisses.
“Why do I have to be so good at my job?”
CRAIG
Nice To See You Again
Shakti always woke early, then sat on the the bed doing Zazen.
My eyes would open to Shakti”s smile, she”d say, “nice to see you again.”
My hand would rise to meet hers, I”d pull her back to lay with me, are noses touching, giggling a little as we snuggled closer.
One morning she asked ” how do we take a journey?”
“There is no journey, no beginning, no end, remember it”s arising only” I answered.
Momentarily perplexed she started to ask then let go and kissed me.
Kiya Kiya she whispered through her wet lips, we fell back asleep.
ANIMA
Steven Paul?
Yes Lord?
You have done well for such a minor investment. I apologize for taking away the first company, all on account of a bad wager” Eminence gets so boring, we were just having a bit of fun. But you persisted, tormented a few employees, and look at you now! You’re back at the helm, and you got to fire a dozen CEOs. Creating demand for gadgets people can’t live without is such a nice touch. Indeed, a very lucrative return for the transaction of your soul. So… Jobs… how about a corporate discount on the new I-phone?
MIKE
She loved her job as ‘point man’. Sure, the penalties were harsh: for repeated failure – starvation; for discovery – execution. The reward, though – first to eat – was priceless, and other mouths were depending on her.
Choosing her mark carefully – fat and likely desperate for companionship – she’d provided some, and promised more. Her tale of abuse and loneliness had gained a measure of trust; only the final act remained.
“C’mon, it’s just us girls,” she coaxed.
“Where are they?”
“The park.” Wrong word.
“Too dangerous, girls or no,” he said, and stepped into a crowd.
The young werewolf sighed. No supper – again.
PLANET Z
People say he’s got the hardest job in the world.
I beg to differ.
Guarding him is the hardest job in the world.
I was the top of my class.
I broke cases people thought unsolvable.
That badge meant everything to me because it meant something.
Now, I’m just a babysitter for an old, crazy gimp who calls on his psychic when his mistress isn’t there to get him off.
Have you looked at the First Lady? There’s no veil thick enough for that one.
Once, he made me stand there and watch.
That shit-eating grin of his.
Roosevelt!
636189
Ladies and gentlemen, please turn your hymnals to Roger Chapter 5 Verse 3.
What? You nay heard about Roger?
Well, I photocopied it up and stuck it in your books, so shut yer traps and read along or yer all going to Hell!
“Two monkeys were fucking on a unicycle the other day, arguing over an ice cream cone.”
What are ye daft? Why are you lot looking at me like that?
Got a problem with the Gospels or something?
This is The Book of Roger. And Roger didn’t mince words like all the other pansies who wrote The Bible.
637590
Sometimes, grocery shopping with Zelda the Enchantress can be scary.
“What kind of peanut butter would you like?” she asks.
Here’s where it gets confusing.
I like creamy peanut butter.
But I also like crunchy.
Creamy! Crunchy! I can’t decide!
“Spiders!” I shout.
“Spiders?” she asks. “Spider peanut butter?”
“I dunno!” I say. “I panicked.”
She shrugs. “Spider peanut butter,” she says. “And what kind of jelly? Spider jelly?”
“No,” I say. “Um… forget the spider peanut butter. And the jelly.”
“What about the bread?” she asks.
“Forget about the bread,” I say.
Oh great. Now I’m hungry for spiders.
636178
Wanna hear something spooky?
I have an oversized novelty Coke bottle in my den. It’s been there for years, up on the shelf, gathering dust.
Last year, when I picked it up to dust it, it rattled.
There were a bunch of pennies in the bottle.
The thing is, it’s still had the bottlecap on it.
Sealed tight.
When I got it, it didn’t have any pennies in it.
Okay, last week, I dusted it again, and I swear, it had more pennies in there.
How are the pennies getting in there?
Who’s putting the pennies in there?
And why?
636187
Corn Goddess and the Sky God make war by the ocean.
Wind blows over crops, the people suffer and starve.
Thunder God makes rain, lightning.
Our homes burn.
Coyote the Trickster gives us salt painted like seed.
Fields are ruined, Earth Goddess boils with rage.
We survivors surround the chief.
“Why do we worship these assholes?” asks Runs With Wolves.
The Chief slaps away a bottlefly, courtesy of Insect God.
“Dunno,” says the Chief, handing out brochures. “Let’s pick new religion.”
As we discuss and reason with each other, the chaos subsides.
Their power came from faith. Withheld, it wanes.
636181
My bathrobe looks like it’s breathing.
Maybe it’s a trick of the light.
I woke up in the middle of the night, put on my bathrobe, puttered around a bit, pet the cat, and drank some milk.
Might as well go the the bathroom while I’m up, right?
I put my robe on the floor, take a seat, and after a few minutes, I’m looking at the robe… and… it’s breathing.
It even sounds like it’s breathing.
Or maybe I’m hearing myself breathe. It’s late, and the mind plays tricks on itself.
Maybe it’s the fan blowing.
The cat, perhaps?
636178
It’s been a long day.
I’ve got my beer and my hat, sitting out in the back yard, listening to a whole lot of nothing, and waiting for the sun to set.
Waiting. And waiting.
Lemme check my watch…
It’s way past time for sunset.
And my beer is empty.
Time’s passed.
If the sun’s gonna take its time setting, well, I’m gonna enjoy it.
But just to check, I put my empty at the end of my lawn chair’s shadow.
If it hasn’t moved by the time I finish my other beer, well, I’ll call…
Who do I call?
16241354
Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Nine, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by Thomas, who is going for broke with Jimmy Buffet.
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING
Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):
STEVEN THE NUCLEAR MAN
The rain patters cold on my shoulders, the post hole digger, the body
of the bird wrapped gently in a Sponge Bob pillowcase. Sarah’s soft
sobs are muffled by Martha’s torso, my daughter’s arms tightly
wrapped around her mother.
I am finishing when Sarah touches me, the last clod softly packed down
with my booted foot.
“Daddy, is Heaven something like Margaritaville?”
I look at Martha; her look away and the mention of Bob’s favorite song
says more than a strange man’s jeans in the wash.
“No,” I say, crying with her as Martha goes inside, “It’s nothing like that.”
TOM
The skin burned like hell. It filled the arm from the elbow to the shoulder. The salt shaker, the blender, the parrot, the stupid grinning face of Jimmy Buffet. Of course it was a beauty, a Caribbean Cute, how it got there he hadn”t a clue. He had been upending 151s with a guy name Raoul in a drive by the docks in Trinidad. The last thing he remembered was the tail end of a Bembe this girl name horse with those vacant eyes. Some say that woman”s to blame, but he knew its his own dam fault. Fuckn “. Zombies.
SPACE TURTLE
The sun shone from the sky onto the hardened face of a pirate. The pirate stared across the horizon as he reminisced the pirates life that had been for him as he stood on the bow of his ship, The Jimmy. The ship was buffeted by the crashing of his ship’s wake into the wake of his sister ship, The Jolly Mon, who sailed along beside, sea spray sparkling into the air. Their goal was a salty piece of land they would call home. The pirate captain was looking to make this his last voyage, for he was fifty.
THOMAS
Leaving the banana republics, A son of a sailor, needed a drink. The Tiki Bar was open, so he ordered a volcano. At the bar was a smart woman, in a real short skirt.
He asked the barman, “Who’s the blond?”
“I don’t know and I don’t care.” he said.
“Fine.”
Smoothing his pencil thin mustache, he sidled over, boat drink in hand and said, “My lovely lady, why don’t we get drunk and screw?”
In a baritone voice she said, “Honey, I’ll take you on a trip around the sun.”
The barman snickered.
Breathe in, breathe out: move on.
CALEB
Hello?
Mr. James Buffet?
Yeah that”s me man come on in, want a beer?
Its time
Aw c”mon!
Its time!
I got all the money in the world, can”t we make another deal?
No! Even in hell we aren”t that cruel. Come with me.
Okay
Step into the limo sir.
Aw hey! It”s Michael Jackson! How you doin, boy?
Hello James, about as well as you I suppose, when Britney wakes up, say hello to her too.
Hey driver? Is this the reason musicians always seem to die in threes?
Kind of but it applies to you three as well.
MIKE
The cutter Jimmy Buffet cruised the warm Caribbean waters, her radar turning ceaselessly. Until a few years ago, the area had been filled with wealthy tourists lazily cruising among the small islands that dotted the area. Rumors of raiders, though, launching deadly attacks under the cover of island music – broadcast from the ship’s speakers, of all things – had caused that major revenue stream to all but dry up.
“Skipper!” came the cry from the bridge. “Radar return two miles to the northwest. Looks like a 35 footer.”
“Come about – close from astern,” the captain called, reaching for a calypso CD.
ANIMA
Imagine 4 college girls in a Ford Fiesta, escaping a midwestern March.
Destination: Key West. A Jimmy Buffet cassette loops over and over.
Packing list: flip flops, bathing suit, dress. Check. Battery operated blender and tequila. Check and double check.
No one has money. Meals are bar snacks and the charity of frat boys. Everything that can be charged to Daddy’s gas card, is. We sleep on the beach while we tan.
Tami goes missing She reappears at dawn, with a new tattoo, a boys address crumpled in her hand.
Parrots cackle as we head north, nursing well earned hangovers.
MISFITINA
Thin eggshell stripes framed the cool hell. Dry blonde hair was caught in
the hinge of a bright blue beach chair, and the glaze of mid-day reassured
him of absence, detachment. His phantom hands were sticky from sugar,
Cuervo, and blood. It didn’t breathe, and the silence compounded into a
chorus, damning, damning… yet *Margaritaville* was thunderous above them,
on the boardwalk. And fuck if he wouldn’t love a cheeseburger, grazing in
the sand with the Master of Parrots. As the body and the tide rudely
obscured the circus scents, this anthem of regret, apathy, oblivion, served
as *Amazing Grace*..
CRAIG
Come Monday I”ll be heading to paradise for a cheese burger.
You may think me crazy for traveling for a hunk of cow but I”m here to
tell you it”s all about location.
Now I wouldn”t ever go to North Dakota for a Margaretta even if Jimmy
Buffet stirred and shook it just for me.
I would on the other hand travel to Cuba to find the trail of the pencil
thin mustache.
So if this story has got you feeling blue then jump right up on the
coconut telegraph and send me a dot and a couple of dashes
ELISSON
Seven-year-old Evan”s face glowed with happiness. This was the best
birthday party ever!
All his friends were there, having the time of their lives. Mom and Dad
were enjoying the party as well, pounding down Margaritas with the other
grownups while the kids played party games and wolfed custom-made ice
cream sundaes.
Yes, ice cream sundaes. This place not only provided the ice cream, hot
fudge, caramel and butterscotch sauces, maraschino cherries, whipped
cream, and chopped nuts; there was row after row of multicolored
sprinkles to choose from.
Screw Chucky Cheese, thought Evan. Jimmy Buffett”s Jimmy Buffet was
waaaay better.
ALMO
The woman at the end of the bar had too much makeup and too little idea how
to use it. Her smile was lopsided, as if she couldn’t make the full effort.
Her top had been tight once. It was too tight now.
A lesser known Jimmy Buffett ballad floated through the tired little bar.
The stool beside her was open and I sat there. I bought two drinks. When she
started to talk I handed her one. When she tried to speak again, I lifted
my glass in silent toast and she drank.
We both looked down. Mom smiled.
TERRY TEE
It’s been two weeks since I retired from my job of thirty-five years and in thirty-five years some things change, but then again, some things don’t.
As an example, I’ve been going to Jimmy’s barber shop for the last twenty-five years and no other barber has touched my hair in all that time. One thing Jimmy does is ask me each time how I want it cut. Oh sure, each year there’s a little less to cut on top, but he still asks, “How do you want the top Terry?”
Now I say, “Well, Jimmy, buff-it to a high sheen.”
DAPHNE
He took me to Paris, not in France but One Particular Harbor this 40 year old pirate knew. When we docked, the Last Mango Bar was selling Boat Drinks but we wanted Cheeseburgers and headed to the Paradise Grill that our friend with the Pencil Thin Mustache owned. We ate, drank and joked about Growing Older but Not Up and laughed at how We Are the People Our Parents Warned Us About. When we left for the night I look down and picked up a salt shaker turn to the bar and yelled “Hey Jimmy, were you looking for this?”
LAIEANNA
For years, Jimmy Peterson spent every day eating at his favorite Chinese buffet. A conveyor belt of wait staff brought plate after plate to his table which was not typical service at a serve yourself restaurant, except 862 pounds Jimmy hadn’t left his bench in two years. Still, he served a purpose, greeting other customers with praise and jokes, using his size, about the great food. Nights he slept stationary like his days. Before closing, the owner would throw a hat on Jimmy’s head and a blanket over his massive body with the words “Security Guard” stitched across the fabric.
GUY DAVID
It was a buffet. Zelda neatly put the cutlery on the table, her finest china. Jimmy, her husband, watched in horror, mixed with strange fascination. He knew they would have to leave soon, but Zelda was treating her guests to the best of standards. She always liked things perfect that way.
The guests started trickling in. They sat at the table and gobbled all the food greedily. What started out as order ended up as chaos. Zelda didn’t mind though. As Jimmy reluctantly went to pack the suitcases, the guests dropped one by one as the poison gobbled their system.
PLANET Z
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s that people take things too far.
I know these Jimmy Buffet fans who run this bar. Nothing but Margaritas and the noisiest blenders in the world.
Which, is a good thing. You see, these folks go overboard with the term “parrothead” by putting an actual parrot head in each pitcher of margaritas.
Rows and rows of cages filled with the damn birds are stacked in the basement of the bar.
They could use parakeets. They’re cheaper, tastes just like parrot.
Nope.
I stick to bottled beer. And fried parrot fingers.
Delicious!