Author: R.

Teatons

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Marcus Tee can be found at the Leave It To Beaver fan site, and he’s got a story for us today… okay, it was several weeks ago, but I finally got around to clearing my backlog.

The Teatons came to earth in incredible numbers. There was no indication that they would be, or had been, visiting. Once they reached earth, they spread to its four corners. Unlike the fears that men, scientists, had, assuming they (aliens) would try to take over by some violent method, they came non-invasively. Their agenda did, indeed, include taking over the world. Their way was one that would not cause undo panic or concern… until it was too late. Leaving small, square, slips of paper with confusing artwork on each, they would cause mass confusion bringing the world to its knees.

So that’s Marcus Tee’s first non-Challenge story. Here’s hoping for many more!

Mime

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I challenged Andrew Ian Dodge to write a story about a mime getting the crap beaten out of him because I was having a lousy day.
What do you think? Did he meet the challenge?

Maurice had been “performing” in the park next to the House of Commons all evening. He was doing all the classics.
For all his admirers there was at least 10 others who found his performance irritating. He contently cursed the philistine English under his breath as he did his bit.
Later in the evening he had a bit of bread and some wine as a late dinner. The cool river air put him to sleep.
He didn’t notice the oddly shaped men approach him. Their strength overwhelmed him as they tossed him in a sack.
The mime couldn’t cry out.

I think he did. Splendidly.

Grounded

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The world looks different when you have eyes on the side of your head.
That was the first thing I noticed. That, and my craving acorns.
The last thing I remember about my old life was the ground coming up at us. Fast. Those damned passengers – why couldn’t they have just accepted the inevitable? Instead, it’s “Let’s roll” and we end up in a Pennsylvania field. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way.
I really thought there would be seventy-two virgins waiting for me. Yeah, sure: all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
Guess the Hindus were on the right track after all.

Soda Bomb

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I’m an idiot.
I bought a case of Coke Zero the other day. You know, something different than the usual iced tea and water and red wine.
So I put a can in the fridge and one in the freezer.
Which did I drink? The one in the fridge.
Later, I needed some more ice, so I opened the freezer and…
Coke Zero everywhere.
I work at a place that has this sign on the break room fridge: “Do not put soda cans in the freezer or they will explode.”
I think I need one of those signs at home.

Ride My See Saw

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Nobody wants to see-saw with little Harvey, so Dr. Odd programmed the teaching assistant robot to see-saw.
Kids love robots. Now every kid wants to see-saw with the robot. But instead of taking turns, they fight.
Fights aren’t healthy, so Dr. Odd reprogrammed the robot to stop see-sawing.
Without the robot, the kids didn’t want to see-saw anymore.
Except for Harvey. Poor Harvey, sitting all alone.
That’s not healthy either. So Dr. Odd reprogrammed him, too.
Harvey’s much happier playing tag and pulling pigtails with the rest of the kids.
How do you feel about that?
Sad? Well, hold still.

Locked

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I’m sure your computer guy sucks, but he’s nothing compared to our computer guy jerk Stan.
Stan once changed everybody’s email passwords, then when people asked what their new passwords were, he emailed them out to everyone.
As much as everyone complained, the company wouldn’t get rid of him. In fact, they gave him a raise and ordered him a company car.
The HR people were thoroughly disgusted, and then he showed up.
“Where’s my car?” asked Stan.
“It’s in your parking space,” the HR people said.
“Cool,” said Stan. “Where are the keys?”
“We locked them inside the car.”

Pillows

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After a while, a pillow soaks up so much sweat that you can’t wash it out.
It’s time to go pillow shopping.
Do you fill it with down? Cotton batting? Memory foam?
Here’s a suggestion: clouds.
I mean, you look up and you see them all over. And they look so soft and fluffy.
Why not clouds?
Go skydiving on a cloudy day and bring a big plastic bag. Then, as you’re falling, scoop the cloud into the bag.
Once you’re on the ground, pour the cloud into a pillowcase and sew it shut.
How comfy. How restful.
Sleep now.

Weekly Challenge #16 – Rollercoaster & Farmers

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Welcome to the sixteenth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was rollercoaster and farmers.
Ten stories were submitted this week: four rookies, and the never-ending volcano of insanity from Planet Z.
Go ahead and listen to them by clicking on the grammophone thingy there in the left column and then vote for your favorite:

Who had the best story this week?
Elisson of blog d’Elisson
Caroline
Houston Keys
Stephen
Debbie
Andrew of Dodgeblogium
Caleb from Black Tie Martini Club
Laieanna
Rahel of Elms In The Yard
Kolek of the Kollektive
The Mystery Man from Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com


Thanks to everyone for sending in their stories, and I look forward to what you’ve got to write (and say) next week.
The theme will be posted shortly, and for God’s sake don’t blame me for it. You’re the ones who voted.

Coffin Shopping

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Oliver patted the lining of the coffin. “It’s very comfortable,” he said.
“Comfortable?” asked Ellen.
“Yes,” said Oliver. “Care to try it out?”
Oliver pushed her into the coffin and slammed the lid shut.
He could just barely hear Ellen’s muffled screaming and hammering on the lid.
Oliver waited for her to quiet down before opening it again.
“It’s also soundproof,” said Oliver.
“Soundproof? Comfortable?” gasped Ellen. “Why would I need those for my father?”
“Wait… you aren’t a smuggler?” asked Oliver.
“No.”
Oliver slammed the lid shut again and called for a pickup.
Damned secretary, marking the appointments wrong.

By The Axe

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Lying under a massive oak, his crushed chest filled with one last gasp of air, Earl remembered what his father told him many years ago.
“Live by the sword, die by the sword,” he said.
“But I don’t use a sword,” said Earl. “I use an axe.”
Earl’s father frowned. “I don’t know how you’ll die,” he said. “Maybe you should switch to a sword?”
“Swords aren’t very good at chopping down trees,” said Earl.
“Then I guess you’ll die by the tree,” said Earl’s father. “Live by the axe, die by the tree.”
“Timber,” whispered Earl, and he died.