Category: My stories

I got a letter from Greenpeace the other day.
Your classic Save The Whales plea.
When I think whales, I think the killer whale Shamoo at Sea World.
Leaping from the water for fish.
I also remember a whale watching boat off the coast of Cape Cod.
A blinding storm with the waves tossing the boat around.
Throwing up over the side until I could only dry heave and scream myself hoarse.
I shred the letter and go online.
Searching for defense funds of Japanese and Norwegian “marine research’ boats.
Kill them all. Let no seasick kid ever suffer again.

I used to be pretty good at frisbee golf.
I had a strong throw and pretty good accuracy.
I practiced throwing at trees and trash cans at various distances.
And I played the campus course nearly every day.
After I graduated, I played the course a few times, but I eventually hung up the disks.
Years later, I moved into a small town with a half-abandoned golf course.
The community converted it into a nature walk and preserve.
And set up frisbee golf cages.
I got a new disk, went to the course, and threw.
And hit a nearby house.

Freddy saw a job posting, and he sent his resume and cover letter.
Two days later, they wrote him back saying that they went with another candidate.
Then, a month later, the job posting appeared again.
He adjusted his cover letter slightly, telling them that they wouldn’t have had to repost the job if they had hired him.
He was ready to drag and drop it to the form, but decided to go with his original cover letter.
Two days later, they went with another candidate.
When the job posting appeared again a month later, he closed the browser window.

Henderson liked to go for walks and smoke cigars after dinner.
But that was kinda hard, being an astronaut on the space station.
So, he ate his steak paste, strapped himself to the treadmill, and walked for a while.
He wasn’t allowed to light a cigar, but he snuck one out of his coveralls and put it in his mouth unlit.
When he finally got back down to Earth, the first thing he did was have a real steak.
Then he went for a walk, lit his cigar, and coughed until he dropped it.
And lit the neighborhood on fire.

The shabby overcoat, boots, and dirty hat pushing the shopping cart full of junk around is Gertrude.
But don’t bother calling her that. She’s stone deaf, and even if you stop her and write things down, she’ll just ignore you and keep going.
Touch her or her cart, and she’ll beat you with an umbrella.
Which she never uses when it rains.
She goes from dumpster to dumpster, looking for things, throwing other things out.
Some say she used to have a cat in that cart.
Maybe she still does.
I’ve never seen her sleep.
She just pushes her cart.

It’s been a year since the aliens arrived, and everything is so much better. They brought all sorts of technology and medicine and other things, and aside from a few minor resistance incidents, the world is pretty much at peace. Although, one of the strange things in the treaty that humanity signed was a non-disclosure agreement. We can’t tell others about our special, intergalactic friends, or even communicate outside of our society. Earth is pretty much on its own now. Not that we mind. Everything is wonderful, and those who disagree well, they aren’t a problem for very long.

The satellite just kind of drifted around Earth doing its job, picking up weather signals.
One night, it caught something weird, like a low humming noise.
Not a radio, not anything normal.
It sounded almost like the ocean was singing, which didn’t make much sense from space.
It kept listening, saving the signal.
It wasn’t perfect, kind of broken and fuzzy.
Later, it sent the sound back down.
Most systems ignored it, but one analyzed the signal and found… something.
For a second, everything felt a little quieter, like something big had tried to say something.
And then went silent.

Years ago, our town voted to Fluoridate the water.
Now, we’re being asked to vote on Somadate the water.
Scientists say Soma is safe. Just as safe as Fluoride.
But instead of strengthening our teeth and reducing dental issues like Fluoride does, Soma will make us calmer and happier.
It will reduce conflict and violence.
The proposal shows charts and graphs from test studies and other cities.
Crime rates are down. Suicide rates are down.
People are much better and more productive.
And more compliant.
Election Day comes, the election officials say “Vote yes,” and we all politely vote yes.

There are fences and cameras watching the overpasses.
Because people throw things over the side on to the traffic below.
There were a few wrecks. People got hurt. People got killed.
So, the city added the fences and cameras.
In spite of this, some people still throw things over the side.
It’s not as easy, with the fences.
But they still do.
Cops park there now, taking their coffee breaks on the overpasses.
But when the cops leave, it doesn’t take long for someone to throw something over the fence.
Avoid the freeway. Take the side streets.
They’re much safer.

The signal from the Mars colony stopped.
We tried to connect to the emergency relay satellites, but they didn’t respond.
It took a month to prepare a rocket to launch.
And several months for it to reach Mars orbit.
Long-range photos revealed nothing.
Several probes landed nearby, releasing drones and crawlers to investigate.
One went through a hangar bay, passed through an airlock, and rolled through the empty hallways.
And then, it reached the auditorium.
Hundreds of chairs, neatly arranged, a body sitting in each of them.
Were they… smiling?
Facing a podium with the chief administrator slumped over it.