“But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?” said Romeo, walking out of the woods and approaching Juliet’s balcony.
A Martian leaned out the window, took aim, and fired his disruptor rifle at the horny teenager, incinerating him.
Juliet tried to scream, but the stasis field muted her plaintive sounds.
“What about the nurse?” asked another Martian.
The first Martian drew a finger across his throat.
To Romeo, Juliet was the sun.
But to Mars, she would make an excellent breeding-host.
Cargo bays full, the Martian ship extended its wings and silently rose through the puffing clouds into the heavens.
Category: My stories
Constant
Over the years, Euler has been my constant companion.
We met totally by chance. Someone gave me his number by mistake. We’ve had smooth sailing since.
Archimedes, on the other hand, has been a constant nuisance.
Keeps sticking his fingers in the pies I bake, poking his digits endlessly in them until they’re a ruined mush.
Then there’s the Feigenbaums. They start out nice and reliable, sure, but over time they’re utterly unpredictable. A constant headache.
I tried to reach out to Khinchin, but he’s just endlessly divisive. Always cutting himself down. A constant bummer, as we sail for Constantinople.
Crazy
Every bench in the park across from City Hall has a homeless person on it.
I feel bad for these lonely and crazy people.
I can’t cure their craziness.
I can’t give them all homes.
But maybe I can make them a little less lonely.
So, I’m petitioning the city to get rid of half of the benches.
That way, instead of each getting their own bench, they have to share them with someone else.
Then they’ll not be lonely anymore. They’ll have someone to sit with.
Why don’t I sit with them?
What do you think I am? Crazy?
Perfect
Ted had never bowled a perfect game before.
However, after eleven strikes in a row, he was one away from scoring 300 for the first time in his life.
He finished his beer, wiped his hands on his shirt, and picked up the ball.
One more, he whispered to it. You’ve got one more in you.
He set his grip one more time, looked down the lane, and…
That’s when his heart gave out.
Ted collapsed, the ball came loose from his grasp, and it rolled through the pins.
Strike.
The ball had one more in it, but not Ted.
Damned
Single mom with terminal brain cancer.
The experimental medicine keeping her alive is killing her.
Take it, and it keeps the brain tumor in check, but healthy braincells die.
Don’t take it, and the tumor grows and spreads, which will eventually kill her.
She’s scared out of her skull, sent the kids away for the weekend, and called me.
“Find me a third option,” she says.
“Sure,” I say.
Before I left that night, I blew out the pilot lights, and turned off the gas alarm.
Her kids came home early, didn’t want to wake her.
They fell asleep, too.
The Lion And The Lamb
Eve listened to the serpent, ate from Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, and Adam joined her.
When God found out, He cursed the serpent, Eve, and Adam.
As for the rest of the plants and animals, what a raw deal!
After all, it wasn’t the emu or platypus’ fault that the serpent was a prick, right?
Oak trees and mangroves weren’t involved at all. The fig was just an innocent bystander, an unwilling hostage providing cover.
The worst of it was all the bugs and mold swarming The Tree Of Life.
Damn things are impossible to kill now.
The Garden
I grew up in the country, but I live in the city now.
Can’t afford a house, so it’s apartment life for me.
If there’s a excuse for a patio, I grow a pocket garden.
If not, I hang as many windowboxes as I can.
Sometimes, I get roof space and garden up there, or out in a community garden.
But I’d rather not. Some folks don’t like the kind of plants I raise.
The feeling’s mutual.
Yes, the flowers are beautiful. Go ahead. Try to take one.
Oh, did you get stuck?
Here’s the antidote. Better drink it quickly.
Amy
I remember the day the stranger came.
Opened up his guitar case, pulled out a contract, and handed me a pen.
“Sign here,” he said. “I’ll make your name last forever.”
I said no, but so many said yes.
And now this girl, Amy.
The stranger’s men keep close tabs. When you’re worth more dead than alive, the party ends, and your friends find you with a needle sticking out of your arm.
Not me. I had my moment, but I outlived it.
Living legend?
No. A living ghost.
My hands, my head, my everything hurts.
But I’m still going.
Push
She keeps pushing me.
“Leave me alone,” I say. “Quit pushing me.”
So, she lets go of my wheelchair and stands there, arms crossed over her chest.
I hate it when she does that, because I have to twist around, and it hurts my damaged neck.
“No, not that,” I tell her. “I mean quit pushing me as in nagging me. Telling me to do things. When to do things.”
She uncrosses her arms, walks back around, and pushes the chair again.
“Thank you,” I say.
That’s when I notice… we’re going pretty fast…
Towards a really long staircase down.
Loop
Congratulations, Sarah. Valedictorian. Well done.
The scholarship was a good investment. Welcome to TimeLoop Industries.
Our First Object Sent was a stapler. This stapler.
It won’t bite.
Guinness doesn’t recognize violent acts, so First Person To Paradoxically Murder Their Grandfather isn’t in there. Still, damn Papa Spencer had it coming!
He won’t hurt us anymore.
We’re going for the big challenge: Becoming Your Own Mother.
And we did.
You. Me.
Us.
That embryo we’ll put in you, that’s you.
Me.
Time travel hurts, but putting you up for adoption, watching from afar… that hurt more.
But it was worth it.