I suffer from a lot of wax in my ear canals.
So, yeah, I dig down deep with the Q-tips.
Lots of gunk comes out.
Even though you’re only supposed to swab them around the earlobe.
I’ve tried all kinds of oils and chemicals and weird devices, but none seem to work better than swabs.
I try to be careful, but every now and then… I make a mistake and end up in the ER.
They lecture me about it, give me more useless potions and bad advice.
What do you expect when they have Q-tips with even longer sticks.
Weekly Challenge #841 – PICK A FEW Thousands of years, Virtual reality, Prompt, Extremely flexible, Consensus, Major
LISA
Major Tom
He’d been floating in a Galaxy Far Far away in a most peculiar way, for over half a century and his back was killing him. He shook his empty protein pack and exhaled loudly before thumping the control panel. The O on his HALO monitor promptly fell off and floated past his ear.
“Hello! Can you hear me?
Major Tom to Ground Control.
Hello! Can you hear me?”
Through his little window planet Earth wasn’t looking as blue as he remembered. He wanted to hug his wife so instead he screamed as loud as he could.
No one heard him.
RICHARD
Plug me in
We live in technologically exciting times, don’t you think?
Some tech would have seemed like magic to our predecessors… Like virtual reality, for example; and unlike the technology of a hundred years ago it can be extremely flexible: Useful for applications from medicine, to virtual worlds.
As for the real world, the general consensus is that it’s in trouble. For thousands of years we’ve been setting ourselves up for a major catastrophe.
Our prompt, maybe, to seek refuge from impending disaster?
Personally, I’d happily be uploaded into the cloud to live out my days like some latter-day, technological angel!
LIZZIE
Major Bunny hurried through the main hall.
“What happened?” Asked Benny, the only human around. He had been adopted by the Bunnies as a kid.
“Not now, Benny, not now.”
The bells clanged, prompting everyone to gather.
“Fellow Bunnies, we’ve been called to action.”
Everyone murmured.
“Consensus Bunny has received the order. This is not a drill.”
That’s when the bunnies stopped being bunnies. And how relieved they were. Thousands of years pretending.
They were still small, but they weren’t cute anymore.
“Let’s harvest some humans!” Shouted Major Bunny.
And the mob scattered in all directions, much to Benny’s horror.
SERENDIPIDY
I’ve been around for thousands of years, and although I’m really ‘all in the mind’, I’m afraid that for those who cross my path, I’m a virtual reality.
I prompt the unwary to take unnecessary risks. I sow doubt and dissent against the consensus, turning the tide of opinion and misleading the gullible: I’m all over fake news, conspiracy theory and manipulation.
You see, I’m extremely flexible and – though I don’t like bragging – I’m a major player whenever fear, confusion and hatred rear their ugly heads!
But, as for who I am…
You can work that one out for yourselves!
NORVAL JOE
“Now Billbert,” his mother said. “You don’t need to chase Sabrina off. She’s a little weird, but she’s harmless.”
Billbert blinked. “Harmless, Mom? She’s a witch. She could turn me into a toad?”
She shook her head. “You’re overreacting. At superhero headquarters, we’ve researched a number of alleged witches. We’ve learned that witches have been around for thousands of years and the major consensus is that they’re well intentioned and no one has ever been turned into a toad.”
“There’s always a first time,” Billbert mumbled. “You’ll be sorry when you answer the phone and all you hear is croaking.”
PLANET Z
Kitaro entered his name at the prompt, turned on his headset, and the world’s databases appeared around him.
It didn’t take him long to find the financial anomalies.
Altered shipping manifests. Strange payments made to inspectors.
He was about to file a report when his headset exploded.
His body fell from its chair, and his office caught fire.
After the sprinklers put out the fire, a fire crew sifted through the records.
“Nothing in the logs, Major” said the lead investigator.
And the case was closed.
The Major checked his balances for a payment… with his terminal, not his headset.
Ashes to… everywhere
Bruce asked that his ashes be spread on the mountain he used to climb.
He also asked that his ashes be spread on his high school’s football field where he used to play.
Then there was the fishing hole at the farm he spent a few summers. He wanted his ashes to go there, too.
There was a long list of places he wanted his ashes spread.
Too many places… Bruce was a small man, mind you.
So we tossed in a few extra two-by-fours and filled him out, portioned out the bags, and sent him on his final adventures.
Actor
When Arthur isn’t performing, it’s as if he didn’t exist.
He just sits there, listening and watching.
If you say hello to him, he’ll smile and say hello back.
Maybe with a little wave.
Ask him anything, and he’ll think for a minute, maybe say “Let me think about it. I’ll get back to you on that.”
And go back to sitting there quietly.
He’ll drink and eat, and will say “This is good.” if asked about it.
But that’s pretty much it.
Sitting at home, reading scripts his agent sends him, and saving his energy for the next performance.
It’s not just an ant and grasshopper
All summer long, the ants gathered up food and supplies to prepare for the winter.
The grasshoppers, on the other hand, danced and sang and played.
When winter came, the grasshoppers tried to forage, but often failing and freezing to death.
The cicadas buried themselves in tree roots, emerging every few years to mate, lay eggs, and die.
Such a safe, boring life.
Meanwhile, the cockroaches scuttled around in buildings and dumpsters, feasting on the trash of humanity.
Sure, a few were stuck in glue traps or ate poison pellets, but for the most part, they led a good life.
Holy Trinkets
Long ago, pilgrims would travel to visit the cathedral.
They would buy tiny metal badges to pin to their clothes.
These were proof that the pilgrim had visited the cathedral.
People would touch the badges, thinking any miracles or blessings would pass to them as well.
Now, it’s tourists visiting the cathedral.
They buy trinkets and souvenirs at the stores around the cathedral.
Little framed stained glass windows.
Things that end up getting lost, or breaking in their luggage during the flight home.
And the real miracles, the few trinkets that survive the trip, to gather dust on a shelf.
Too many books
I have a lot of books. Too many books.
All of the walls are covered with bookshelves, and all of the bookshelves are full.
Stacks and stacks of books.
I tried to sell some excess books to a half-price store, but I ended up buying even more books there.
I thought I could give them away to schools, but they don’t want any.
And my garage sale ended up with even more books dumped on my table than I sold.
I built a lending library frame and was about to fill it with books, but neighbors already filled the thing.
This story marks seventeen years of writing and podcasting.
Rather use
A great king once said that he’d rather use his purse, not his sword.
The saying suggests that it’s better to negotiate than to fight.
But the truth is, that king ran into battle armed with a purse.
He’d fill it with gold coins and beat enemy’s soldiers over the head with it.
Sometimes, the purse would burst, and coins will spill everywhere, and the enemy’s solders would scramble for the coins.
Which made it easier for the king to beat them over the head.
With the empty purse. Rather ineffective and silly.
The king shrugged and drew his sword.
Weekly Challenge #840 – SPOOK
LISA
The Spy next door.
Blue lights and hazmat suits filled the usually quiet tree lined avenue. It was a painfully ordinary street and everyone had thought him a painfully ordinary man. They said he just seemed to blend in, in fact they all struggled to describe him. No one knew what he did but assumed it was something dull like an accountant.
Brian, next door, was proud that he knew what Novichok was but had to google spook. He was shocked, and couldn’t decide if he wished he’d got to know his neighbour better or not.
Of course now it was far too late.
RICHARD
Spook
Dad was a spook.
Of course, if you asked him, he would neither confirm nor deny it, but the dark suit and tie, shades, and the curly bit of wire behind his ear were a dead giveaway.
It was years before the truth dawned on me, however.
As a kid, I was convinced his job had something to do with agriculture. He’d often disappear, sometimes for weeks at a time, and when I asked him where he’d been, he’d say ‘at the farm’ – which, it turned out, was perfectly true.
Although, you never heard any of this from me! OK?
LIZZIE
Frederick was an old ghost. He enjoyed startling anyone who approached the house. But that didn’t last long. After a century or two, another old ghost showed up, Victor. They argued. Victor laughed and Frederick punched him. Victor punched back. Exhausted, they agreed to frighten the town folk together. It was a good thing Victor showed up. The new generation wasn’t as gullible. They would laugh and pull out those hideous little devices, pointing them left and right. It was humiliating. He’d have to talk to Victor about it. Perhaps they could punch a few of them! Ummm… Too much?
ED
Hi there. Hope you had a good week. Here’s my weekly challenge story and recording.
Haunted
I stirred from sleep, quickly focusing on the sounds of the old house. I had just moved in a few days earlier.
After the closing, I had stopped for a coffee nearby, and, asked if I was new in town, said I had just bought the blue house up the street.
“That’s interesting,” the barista had said, with wide eyes. “Didn’t they tell you that house was haunted?”
Huh. No one had, actually. “Cool,” I answered, shrugging it off. “That’ll make for some good party conversations.”
Now, though, staring at the ceiling, a little spooked, I wasn’t sure about that.
SERENDIPIDY
Did I spook you?
Good. That was my intention.
I don’t feel inclined to rest in peace, just because my mortal life has come to an end, I don’t see any reason why I should retire and put my feet up. There’s plenty of life – for want of a better expression – in me yet.
So I’m afraid you’re going to have to put up with the creaking floorboards, the cold shivers, and the occasional ornament flying across the room, because I’m here to stay.
Serves you right, I reckon. They warned you the house was haunted when you bought it!
NORVAL JOE
With little chance he would get back to sleep, Billbert got dressed and went out to have some breakfast. His mother was at the table when he sat down with his cereal.
Between bites, Billbert said, “You’ve met Sabrina, now. What do you think?”
His mother smiled. “She’s a bit weird.”
Billbert choked. “You noticed that, huh? Why’d you let her into my room?”
She sighed. “I didn’t want to spook her. You’re new here and I didn’t want to chase away the only friend you have.”
“I wish you had,” Billbert grumbled. “Now I have to do it, myself.”
PLANET Z
It doesn’t take much to spook an untrained horse.
Loud noises. Flashing lights. Sudden movement.
You can smack it a few times in the ass.
If the horse rears up, anyone foolish enough to be riding it is gonna get thrown.
When a horse I was training broke its leg, it broke mine.
I was laid up for a month.
Bob spread word it was my fault, and he stole my clients.
It’s only fair I take a few of them back.
Nobody noticed my laser pointer in the horse’s eyes.
Poor Bob. His calendar just got cleared for good.
Start button
I keep forgetting to start my smartwatch with my treadmill walks.
And, unlike outdoor walks, it doesn’t automatically nag me about indoor walks.
It just sees my heart rate go up and it prays I keep over so it can be regifted to someone who doesn’t shame it with a stupid cat photo as a watch face.
I had a message written on the treadmill to remind me, but I don’t look there.
So I put a post-it over the start button which I have to lift out of the way to start it.
If only I used the treadmill.