Weekly Challenge #997 – Pack

The next topic is You stink!

LISA

We’d just gone out for some smokes. That was all. It’s not like there’s much else to do when the powers out is there? It was a hot day – tempers had been frayed. Then the air con stopped working. Alarms started beeping down the street. I tried a light switch and nothing!
They called us animals in court. Like we’d hunted in a pack. Scapegoats is what we were. They were making an example of us. I mean, the door was open. I left the cash on the counter. It’s hardly my fault if some looter took it is it?

RICHARD

— Dead Man’s Hand —
Dad always won at poker.
It didn’t matter, we only played for pennies, the only thing at stake was pride. Still, it would have been nice to win more than once in a while.
It was his thing though, and we spent many an evening happily playing cards and enjoying a bottle of bourbon.
He’s been gone a while now, and I miss those evenings together.
I found his old pack of cards whilst clearing out some boxes, so I invited the boys round for a game.
Now we know how he always won.
Sixty three cards in the pack!

LIZZIE

He packed a bag and grabbed the jeep. It’s urgent, they said. And off he went. The terrain was rugged, the whole trip a disaster. A flat tire. The jeep started leaking oil. When it finally died, he was stranded in the middle of nowhere. What now? That’s when they appeared. He had never seen them, their faces painted, their hair braided with long strings of many colors. They didn’t talk, but he could hear them. Need help? He nodded. When he woke up, he got dressed, packed a bag and grabbed the jeep. He wondered. Where would they be?

SERENDIPIDY

I was raised by a pack of wolves; abandoned in the forest, left to fend for myself, they found me, nurtured me and kept me safe.
I learned their ways, lived as one of them, earned their respect and their loyalty.
And now I am the alpha.
I am in control, and they obey me, protect me, with their very lives if necessary.
And tonight, we hunt.
Do you hear the chill howls as we approach?
Do you see the red glow of our eyes?
The snapping and flash of our teeth?
And, when you cry wolf.
No-one will hear.

TOM

52!

For five years I have traveled everywhere with packs of cards. Waiting for open heart surgery, In church during church. At tables to dinner at tables to vote. I have created a number of pack tricks which I call the COVID Collection. I going to present my best full pack trick this Tuesday in Oakland for the 100-year meeting of the oldest magic club West of the Mississippi. The pack produces four Royal Flushes in a row. Then four Straight Flushes. It’s called Primo Vi-gintillion. Still working on story to frame the impossible. Got the how, lookn for the why.

NORVAL JOE

Billbert’s dad quickly tied up the unconscious intruder and called the police.

When they arrived, Mr. Withybottom told the officer, “He said he was looking for Sabrina Hecksaohos.”

The officer gave Billbert and Mandy the side eye. “I know you two. You claimed your butler was poisoning someone.”

Mandy scowled at him. “John did poison my dad and he just tried to kidnap us in front of the police station.”

The cop laughed. “We found that guy wandering around and waving a gun.” He turned to his partner. “Harry. Pack up this perp and let’s go talk to the butler.”

PLANET Z

Every year I buy a new hurricane preparedness pack with several weeks of dehydrated meals. I donate the old one too the local food pantry. Lots of other people do this, so the county is up to the rafters with dehydrated, eggs, and chicken cacciatore. The water purification tablets have a much longer shelf life, but sometimes I forget and leave those in the packs and have to buy new ones of those too. Does bottled water expire? I don’t know. I’ve seen a few cases of those at the food pantry, so maybe I should donate those as well.

George the king of comedy

… and that’s 20 years.

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
“You’re the Jerry Lewis of pirates,” grumbled his exasperated captain.
The rest of the crew laughed.
Except for Frenchy, who said that George was no Jerry Lewis.
George looked up Jerry Lewis in the encyclopedia and learned about a technique called “video assist.”
Directors could watch instant reviews of shots instead of waiting for the crew to develop and print the daily footage.
George tried it with his performance
But he still kept falling overboard, but now with the expensive equipment.
Frenchy roared with laughter. “You ARE Jerry Lewis!”

George and the groupies

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
To pirate groupies, he was pirate enough.
Oh, you’ve seen them, there at the taverns and bars, hanging out at the docks.
The beer might be free, but the price you pay is an STD, or even worse, a long-term relationship.
Pirates who settle down just aren’t the same.
They can’t just go out on adventures and looting and pillaging, no matter how much they want to.
They’ve got familiars, mortgages, bills to pay.
Which makes the urge to get back to the open sea all the much stronger.

George does laundry

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Especially on laundry day.
If there weren’t any open washing machines, he’d dump someone’s finished load out on the floor and toss in his own.
How dare they make him wait? It’s called a timer.
Even though the washing machines said liquid only, he’d fill the little detergent drawer with powder.
And he’d overload the machine, cramming as much as he could in there.
No available dryers? Another finished load tossed on the floor.
The worst of it was him standing there naked, waiting for his clothes to dry.

McGeorge

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Fear consumed him, and when faced with a decision, any decision, his inner dialogue drowned out any course of action.
George stood there, eyes wide open, but seeing nothing. Hearing none of the angry voices around him, the hands grabbing his arms and trying to shake him out of his paralysis.
Endless ”What if?” rolled around in his mind, and the crowd around him grew angrier and angrier, cursing and swearing.
The girl at the register looked past George. “Next please? Welcome to McDonalds, may I take your order?”

George and the eclipse

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
The captain was always looking for things for George to do, other than pirate stuff.
When the captain learned of an upcoming solar eclipse, he sailed into the total eclipse path.
“George, I know what you can do,” he said. “We don’t have time to sail to Walmart to get those special eclipse filter glasses. Can you scrounge the cargo hold and make some for us?”
George tried. And, well…
After the eclipse, the crew were covering their eyes and screaming.
“I’m sorry,” said George. “I’ll make more eyepatches.”

George thanks God

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
After a long and difficult week, George muttered “Thank God it’s Friday.”
The clouds parted, a light shone down, and a voice boomed “YOU’RE WELCOME!”
The light faded, and it began to rain.
George was left confused, frightened, and wet.
“What the fuck just happened?” said George, shaking and holding on to the railing to keep from fainting.
George looked around, but there was nobody there to ask: “Did you see that? Did you hear that?”
It was just George on the deck, standing there, soaked to the bone.

Weekly Challenge #996 – PICK TWO: What’s that beeping?, Signpost, Sample, In the movies, Ordered

The next topic is Pack

RICHARD

— Snooze —
What’s that beeping?
Mostly still asleep, brain barely functioning, it slowly dawns on you: The alarm is going off.
Clumsily, you fumble for the hateful thing at the side of the bed, hitting the snooze button, before crashing back into the pillows for the next ten minutes.
It’s not like this in the movies.
No -one ever hits snooze in films.
They either hurl the offending article across the room, or wake pleasantly refreshed; no yawning, hair and makeup pristine, sheets artfully draped across them, hiding anything remotely offensive.
The alarm sounds again.
I hit snooze.
Ten more minutes, please.

LISA

What’s that Beeping?
It hasn’t been a first date like in the movies. He’d come round to mine but my smoke alarm needed new batteries and was beeping. He went to get some and didn’t come back… not meant to be. I necked the wine and spent the evening scrolling facebook. Then I saw, in a local community group, a picture of a car wrapped around a signpost. One person seriously injured & taken to the General. It was him! I went straight to the hospital, pretended to be family and here I am listening to the beeping of his life support machine.

LIZZIE

That way. No, this way. And they continued to argue even though the signpost was right there. A policeman approached and asked where they were going. They stuttered. The policeman frowned. Bicycles, they said. The policeman pointed to the rent sign and waved them away. But… What if…, one of them started. The policeman rolled his eyes and jokingly asked where they hid the body. How did he know?! No more asking for directions. There was only one possible way. The End. Funny how an open-ended story can be as annoying as people who don’t know where they are going.

SERENDIPIDY

You passed the signpost a good half hour ago, the one that said three miles to go.
Surely, it can’t be much further?
You peer into the darkness… It’s the middle of nowhere, you’ve no signal and the satnav is blank.
Perhaps you took a wrong turning somewhere along the way?
Suddenly, the car engine stutters and dies. You roll slowly to a halt.
The silence presses in.
You’re alone.
Guess you should just sit tight until the morning and make the best of it.
Except it’s never quite that simple in the movies.
Are you afraid?
You should be!

TOM

It was a good Gig

Gary was a Federal Information Designer. His job was boring, but his hidden quest was bright and shine-y. He wanted highway signs to be bright and shine-y. His office was piled high with Sample Signposts. Lots of vermilion and forms straight out of the Memphis movement. For a dyed in the wool bureaucrat, he sure had a deep exult for glitter, I mean rainbow glitter. It of a tip there. The sample signpost that got him promoted had 47’s face in the middle. And it was gold plates. With orange lettering. It was impossible to understand, just like the man.

NORVAL JOE

“What’s that beeping?” Mandi asked as they climbed the ashlar steps to the open front door.

“It’s the panic alarm. Wait here,” Billbert said, levitated, and soundlessly entered the house.

Like a scene in the movies, a man in a mask held a gun on Billbert’s parents.

His mother made eye contact and quickly looked away. Fortified by her superpower of efficiency, Billbert knew what to do when she nodded.

He shot forward as both his parents dropped to the floor. Billbert grabbed the intruder, lifted him, and slammed him into the wall.

The gun flew from the thug’s hand.

NORVAL JOE

After weed had been decriminalized in the city, Bradley sold at the late night Pink Floyd show at the Science Center planetarium.
“We’re here to make sure everybody plays nice,” said the cops.
Bradley thanked them for their service, offered up free samples.
Bradley went back to selling, checking IDs and taking photos to cover his ass if someone was buying for a kid again.
Bradley was a businessman, not a crook.
“Come back when you’re 21,” he’d say.
Parents appreciated that. And then bought from him.
He even got an entrepreneur of the year award from the Rotary Club.

George the sculptor

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He spent an unusual amount of time exploring the arts and humanities instead of hunting for treasure.
Where other pirates would loot a museum, he’d walk the halls, listening to the tour guide, appreciating the art, and admiring the brush strokes and chisel angles.
He tried his hand at sculpture, creating a pirate figure out of butter.
It won second place at the State Fair.
Proud of his work, he brought it back to the ship.
His crewmates spread it over their bread.
George grumbled, and swabbed the deck.

George and the avocados

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He fell for lots of scams.
One time, he took a pamphlet from a group at the airport, and he ended up on an avocado farm wearing an orange robe.
He enjoyed harvesting avocados, but missed being a pirate.
So when the farm was raided by pirates, he asked if he could join them.
It was his old crew.
“No,” they said. “We’ve been doing great without you.”
The last sack of avocados they hauled away was unusually heavy.
Safely aboard, George crawled out and smiled.
Home at last.