Weekly Challenge #417 – Cool

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was COOL.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of RUN

Bag of Squeakies Tinny

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

JOHN MUSICO

“NJ Physician Loses His Mind” by John Musico M.D.

I Ran my garaged summer convertible on the driveway to maintain the battery.
The removable hardtop is too heavy to put back on during winters.
I fell asleep. Snowed that night. Ran out of gas; key turned- the battery died.
After AAA’s gallon and jump, I had to get more gas, quick. I dug out a hole in the driver’s seat. Drove to the gas station; top off, car and hair full of snow. The gas station attendant’s only conclusion is I’d totally lost my mind: top down, drove till I ran low on gas. He approached the car cautiously…

JEFFREY

Cool
by Jeffrey Fischer

“I’m the boss man, I’m the epitome of cool.” Frank leaned back in his chair and fiddled with the lever to no avail. “You can call me Li’l E-Z Daddy Puffy, ’cause I’m da bomb.” He made several hand motions that had no apparent meaning.

Megan stared at her father. “Daddy, I’m eight, not stupid. Daddies are *not* cool, and you can’t come with us to see Hunter Hayes. Caitlin’s mom is driving, and *she’s* cool.”

“I didn’t really want to go anyway. You and Caitlin have a good time.” Inwardly, however, Frank pouted.

Too Cool
by Jeffrey Fischer

For years, Alan complained he was too hot in his office at the cryogenic storage firm. His boss tried to accommodate Alan by turning down the thermostat, but that just made everyone else cranky and didn’t satisfy Alan, who demanded further drops in the temperature.

Fed up with the complaints and lawsuit threats, Alan’s boss took matters into his own hands. He dragged Alan from his office to the cryogenic chamber, throwing the protesting employee inside and bolting shut the door.

“I hope that’s cool enough for you!” he bellowed, twisting the thermostat as far to the left as it would go.

Drinking the Kool-Aid
by Jeffrey Fischer

They promised health insurance to all, at low cost, despite mandating all sorts of goodies that drove up cost and despite higher demand. To that end, they cancelled millions of policies, dumped millions more into Medicaid – not an insurance plan – and imposed penalties on those who did not comply.

Unsurprisingly, rates rose and will rise still further as adverse selection becomes evident. Net enrollment barely changed despite the millions spent and the threats and scolding. Individuals lost long-term relationships with their doctors.

They called it a resounding success.

The spirit of Jim Jones lives on.

RICHARD

#1 – George’s Story: Part 54 – Uncool

George frowned at Emily, waving away the proffered reefer.

“That’s not cool you know!”

“What’s the harm in it”, she countered, “Society is crumbling around us, I hardly think smoking a little weed is that big a deal right now.”

George sighed. She had a point, but he couldn’t help feeling they should keep their wits about them, considering the circumstances. The last thing they wanted was to be stoned if they were about to be attacked by zombies. He told her as much.

“What zombies?”, she asked truculently, blew smoke in his face and walked out of the room.

#2 – Cool

How do you measure cool?

It was an interesting question – possibly one of the most entertaining the sociology class had faced. If nothing else, it gave an excuse to undertake some rather questionable activities in dubious locations, and mix with some fairly radical characters, all in the name of ‘research’.

Eventually, we settled – for no real reason, other than it was a cool thing to do – on using the Celsius scale.

Paradoxically, the hotter we rated something, the cooler it was considered.

The teacher thought our idea was a good eighty-five degrees Celsius… pretty damn cool, I reckon!

#3 – Defrosted

When the freezers fused, all hell broke loose. It seems no-one had realised the backup generators were on the same circuit. Typically, it happened over the holiday, so the first we knew about it was on the Tuesday morning after the long weekend.

The smell warned us something had gone badly wrong, and when we checked the instruments, our worst fears were realized.

At best, the cryo-chambers could be described as ‘cool’ – they should have been frozen solid. As for the bodies inside, preserved for future re-awakening… mush.

“Such a shame”, I thought, pouring Walt Disney’s remains down the toilet.

TURA

“Cool”, or, “Last in, first out”.
——–
Nowadays, we can easily freeze and revive someone. But before Quantum Entanglement Cooling was invented, cryonicists would infuse every cell of the body with toxic antifreeze, then store it in liquid nitrogen. We’ve just got to where we can revive mice frozen that way. Maybe in ten years we can start reviving the people.

Back in the early 21st century, they just pumped antifreeze into the bloodstream and hoped. Every cell membrane shattered when they froze the bodies. In theory they’re still revivable, but in practice it’s a century away. As it has been for the three centuries since then.

JEFF

Yeah …That Wasn’t Cool

A neighbor living two blocks away, strangely started to strike up a conversation whenever our paths crossed.

“Can you get me an appointment on the internet at the prefecture?”

“Sure, swing by my house in the evening.”

Later, he wanted me to order a book on Amazon. I said I didn’t have a credit card, so he gave me his.

A week later I called him. “Did you get the book?”

“Yes. By the way, can you come along with me to the prefecture because my English is poor. “

“Sorry, I can’t hear you…Do you hear me? … Bye.”

DIONYSIS

Cool Dad (Story #1)

A photograph shows my father staring at the camera, interested but cool, about six months old.

My mother found this attitude toward her and the world romantic and wise at first, then intolerable. She decided to make her man over from the ground up. When he responded with the same affectlessness, her suggestions became vituperative rants — but these were observed and catalogued with the same curious stare.

When he approached death, after a short illness, we observed him in the same way. How would he react? Oddly, I now find that the world often looks on me with the same indifference, and I find it soothing.

Loocing (Cool Story #2)

Coomoistle darkenesse far as wee couldna see. It was the sound of time lapping at our snores.

“This way.”

“And what way uis that, my dear?”

“The way we’ve just come from now, by its looks.”

“And yet the way we must likely go now, by its.”

‘We must or another,” I said.

We stood with the unseeable look of the lack of deciding on each dark face until unreasonably we stumbled off.

It was some small dark object that brought me down to my surprise. But upon contact, my smear unoccluded went through the dark ground and light from there shone.

We had!

SERENDIPITY

Her skin was cool to the touch.

Certainly not feverishly hot, but neither did it have that warm, comforting feel of health and vitality. It was distinctly unwelcoming, unpleasant and very disconcerting.

You wouldn’t want to hold her hand, or hold her closely, skin against skin – you would shrink from her pallid fingers and feel a compulsion to pull away from her embrace; your instincts compelling you to avoid the other-worldly coolness of her touch.

I looked into her eyes, gently resting my hand against the softness of her cold cheek.

Time of death? Somewhere around three hours ago.

CHELSEA

I was never one of the cool kids. I spent my life on the outside looking in wondering what it meant to be “cool”.

I looked for some quantifiable “thing” that connected all the cool kids and set them apart from kids like me.

It took me into my late twenties to figure it out, the cool people were the ones who were uncomfortable with who they were. The ones who felt the need to belong in one way or another and that was never me.

Oh well, guess I’ll never be cool. But that’s okay, because I like me.

MUNSI

Crisis in Education

By Christopher Munroe

He was too cool for school.

But too legit to quit.

And this, in a nutshell, was the crux of his dilemma.

Would he stay, and lose the cool he’d worked so hard to cultivate, or quit, and in quitting be delegitimized in front of his peers? Quitters never win, but would caring about such victory damage his unflappable personae?

Somebody had to let him know.

Should he stay, or should he go?

In the end, he made no choice at all, and was expelled in a hail of scandal and bitter recrimination.

No longer cool, nor legit.

Merely unwanted.

TOM

A Well Defined Relationship Part 45
For the first time since he had begun this journey with his mother Timmy
was totally alone, which lasted all of 15 minutes. “Hello there Pilgrim,”
said the voice. “Oh, great, “thought Timmy,” another spontaneous acolytes
cozying up to their reluctant profit. Timmy turned, gasped, fell to his
knees. “ITS YOU!” Radiant as a burning bush the Duke smiled. “Timothy.”
“Yes Duke.” “Call me Marion.” How about Mr. Morrison?” “That’ll due Kid.
Shit is about to hit the fan. 40 pistol wheeling desperadoes mean to turn
this place into a ghost town.” “What can I do?” asked Timmy “Stay Cool.”

My My Hey Hey [it’s better to burn out then fade away]

Rath Waxman was the coolest kid in my high school. In four years I never
saw a single word exchanged in his presences. Just the slightest of nods,
a 2 degrees tip and a reserve expression of all knowing. Rath was the lead
singer in the school’s house band, a rock and roll Sartre god. At my 40th
high school reunion this rather wrinkled and crumpled guy dusted in
graying age was promoting his self-published CD. In the class bio it read:
Rath Waxman high school councilor 25 years of service. How age takes us
all from cool to cold.

SINGH

31.1

The station cab set them down in Mohali,

a satellite city flanking Chandigarh

outside a red-brick house. A gate sign read:

Guru ki Sharan Home.

“Come, Sant ji.

I have some work. We will stay tonight.”

Amrik knocked on the door. A young girl opened

in white Punjabi suit and dark-blue turban.

“Uncle Ji!” She said with folded palms:

“Waheguru ji ka Khalsa.”

Amrik

added “Waheguru ji ki Fateh!”

Is Bibi ji here? I have brought a friend.”

“This way Uncle. She is sitting in office.”

“Very good Betay*. Your English is improving.”

Yogi smiling, followed on behind.

31.2

A host of little turbans peeped from rooms.

“Uncle Ji!” chorused girlish giggles. Led

to Bibi ji,* they both shared the Khalsa

greeting (spoken Singh to Singh) originating

from the Tenth Sikh master.

“Sant ji, meet my sister,

Amar Kaur. She cares for widows, daughters

and the orphans.”

“Sat Sri Akal,” said Yogi.

Amrik had coached him in the Sikh hello-goodbye,

their ‘Namaste’ suitable for anyone to use

and also meaning: The Truth lives on forever.

“I’m very happy to meet you, Bibi ji.

I didn’t know Amrik had a sister.”

Both of them laughed, sharing a private joke.

31.3

She wore the same white clothes and ladies’ turban

draped with chiffon, along with a curved knife

on shoulder baldric.

“She’s a pukka Sikh.

Bibi ji follows to the letter the Guru’s code;

while I dye my beard, tie and primp it up

neat for business, or so I tell myself.

I should keep a lion-mane look like yours.”

Yogi had forgotten his bearded locks, and felt

more mock-hippy with his shin-length robe.

Just then, they heard a baby.

“Please wait,” said Amar.

She then returned, nursing an infant — another

moonshine doorstep baby, left in the cool night.

31.4

It was time. Amrik explained their visit:

The refuge housed 65 ruined lives —

widows and daughters, orphans of separatists

killed in armed police encounters after

Indira Gandhi attacked the Golden Temple

with troops and tanks in 1984

and other leading Sikh shrines of the country.

Thousands died through army massacres.

The pogroms led to angered insurrection

calling for creation of Khalistan,

a buffer country next to Pakistan.

A decade of guerrilla war ensued

dividing Sikh from Hindu, once close-knit

communities who inter-married,

with the eldest son often becoming Sikh.

Guru ki Sharan meant ‘The Guru’s Shelter’.

31.5

As Amar Kaur bottle-fed the child

Amrik Singh went on with his history

the residual grievances about Punjab,

and Nehru’s broken pledges after Partition.

“Who can think we are not Indian?”

Yogi was lost. India should mean shantih,

not loggerhead minorities at war.

The mooting of a land-locked Khalistan

seemed pure fan fiction.

“Now our boys

have been led astray. With “lakhs* now dead.”

Amar said: “Waheguru!”

Amrik described

Punjab as a lone woman in white dress

lying sideways with a gaping stomach wound,

her soul-blood history leaking away like oil.

“Now we have a generation of orphans.”

Lakh – 100,000

31.6

“Our girls are trying to rebuild lives from nothing.”

“So are there only girls and widows here?”

“Yes,” continued Amrik. “Men burn and fight,

fight and die, but women are our ghee-lamps.

They keep alight the flame and pass it on.”

Amar broke in: “He is right. India has

long believed the fiction that a woman

hasn’t a soul. We are helping her find it.

One day she will be the best guru

of her children and life’s storyteller.

I see you play an instrument, Yogiji.

Later on, will you play for us?

Our girls are talented with shabad kirtan.” *

Sikh sacred devotional song

31.7

It was expected, but he wanted to stay silent.

After Amrik, he knew this was another

house of music and felt less ‘the star’.

He should let hostesses lead the way.

With classical Hindustani he was an infant.

The corridor Singhni,* who had greeted them

sat at the harmonium, and another lass

in dark-blue turban, white suit, stocky body

tuned the tablas with some chunky whacks

touching the treble head with silver hammer

to meet the fundamental of the singer.

Another bowed a sitar-neck-like object

with the mournfulness of a dying swan.

Amrik said: “it’s called the dilbruba.”

*Singhni, a female Singh, a woman of the Sikh faith

31.8

“Guru ki Sharan” was chorused again and again.

He thought it was the Home’s well-chosen theme song.

Their angelic voices overwrote life’s pain,

and lifted them to the plane past right and wrong.

Closing eyes he submitted without understanding

inside this singing garden, this fragrant psalm.

The tight rose of the heart began expanding

pushing to sun, then grounding him in calm.

His music by the look of it reached out,

yet this shabad kirtan performed the opposite,

and it did not seem to have one shred of doubt,

and sang without ambition as singing reached It.

31.9

He was lifted

from peaks to clouds

and further on

to the end of place

distant and wide

it made him feel

how small he was

on an aural bridge

built from the nothing

sound voice-printing

bricks in the air

instruments playing

with no musicians

expanding him further

stepping up notes

lifting with heart

and moving en masse

they walked across

then bounced on air

and bounced again

until an earth voice

was calling him down

it was Amrik Singh

riding above

the refrain of girls

joining together

no one bigger

no one smaller

asking him

to unzip and play

his cracked guitar

31.10

The guitar is longing for the tablas

the tablas are longing for the voice

the voice is longing for the breath

and the breath is longing for the ether

the ether is longing for the spark

the spark is longing for the skin

the skin is longing for the touch

and the touch is waiting for the touch

the touch is hoping for the cheek

the cheek is planning for the hand

the hand is reaching for the lips

and the lips are closing on the lips

the lips are running with the salt

the salt is smarting in the mouth

the mouth is reaching for the word

and the word is gasping in the sea

31.11

Yogi remembered a shelly beach with Margot.

They picnicked near Cape Jarvis for the day,

a tartan rug with the girls beyond sand tussocks

where wind creeps up and whispers in the ear:

don’t forget what you saw along the way–

blonde paddocks creeping to the hills,

orchard plots and grids of vineyard green,

the highway hugging your car along the coast,

the blue-green seagull surf-line lapping land

to the fingertip of a peninsular.

The ocean calls to reach with one desire.

Remember you are part of something vast.

A day of family, whale-watching and much peace.

31.12

Does faith alone open through the forehead

to feel and see things beyond a sitting room?

He had sat down humbled by some little girls

with purer hearts, and let go of his pride.

So far, he had always gone it alone,

flittering from the shifting ordinals —

from birth, from book to book, from state to state

without clear purpose, except an urge to find

some place or person who might be a home.

These orphans of militants had been forced

to ask the question: how to make a stand?

To sit down here and now and sing, just sing.

31.13 Firefly

It was getting dark. Yogi felt the need

for fresh air. The sun was setting fast:

an orange sea with drifting swan of cloud

passed over the epiball of sunset;

and here were golden fireflies in the dusk

dancing in circular sweeps from shrub to fence.

Yogi had only seen them once before

in a Queensland rainforest, dossing in a shack

of Rasta friends, the most-part stoned and dull

to luminous bugs flying outside their door.

Now golden clouds lit the way ahead

yet connecting him to that rainforest past,

Then he saw the parked car with two shadows.

31.14

“Santi ji. You had better come inside.”

There was a seriousness in Amrik’s tone.

Yogi complied. The door crack closed behind.

“What’s going on?” Asked Yogi.

Amrik led him

to Bibi’s office.”I need to tell you, Yogi

this shelter is a victim of surveillance.”

He explained that plainclothes officers

sat lookout to clock their spy shift. “Maybe

they think a terrorist, believed alive

will turn up trying to see his wife or child.

It is a game that Bibi is forced to play.”

“And do they come?” Yogi had to ask,

but Amrik did not answer. And voices called.

31.15 Torch

Dinner was served in lines upon the floor.

The girls came round with dahl and vegetable,

another with curd and cucumber. Amrik dropped

hot chapatis directly into hands.

This was langar, the community kitchen feast

served on steel talis in Sikh temples.

Perhaps the shock of surveillance cops outside

made Yogi eat too fast. Or maybe his stomach

was better spiked with spicy food, not fear.

They were leaving early, and they bid goodnight.

The shelter was tight, so both the men were sharing.

Yogi on top bunk shined his torch and wrote —

his heart running swiftly to the village.

31.16

Darling,

Why aren’t we both going to the mountains? I came with Amrik Singh from Garhmukhteswar — the brother of the woman in charge of this girl’s shelter we’re staying at. Leaving early. Back in ten days. Are you coping with the mud?

Love you.

Yogi.

For Margot

Go talk with mountains. Go away.

“Today.”

She said it in the dream last night.

“Right.”

Can mountains really stand and talk?

“Walk.”

In snow and cold with a leopard’s eye.

“Try.”

Who can do this? I’m weak and faint.

“A saint.”

He would ask Barhai to pass this on to Margot.

31.17

The early morning rose for recitation.
Turbaned Singhni’s sat in rows, cross-legged

before the Granth, following their eldest

ensconced behind the holy book, intoning.

Then came the flowing hour of kirtan,

one long poem set to rhythmic ragas.

Effulgence sat deep down into his chest.

After, a nervous woman brought them paronthas.

Yogi said thanks. Her pained look spoke out hope.

Amrik passed his wad of stapled hundreds

and Bibi passed a quarto envelope.

“Can you carry, Sant ji,” Amrik asked.

“Keep it flat…in your guitar case.”

“My pleasure.”

Their taxi zoomed them onward to the bus-stand.

ZACKMANN

“Woe is me. I am freezing and think I am going to die. Why are you are wearing a Tee Shirt.”

“Oh Charles, in October 50 Fahrenheit is tee shirt weather. If you are already wearing a parka to keep warm what are you going to do to keep warm when it really gets cool?”

“It gets colder than this?”

“Really cold.”

“What is it that keeps you warm when it gets really cold?”
“Admittedly, I have too big a layer of fat but what really keeps me warm is watching people who moved here from more mild climates squirm.”

“Rafael, I would like you to see one for my favorite shows and then I will watch Todd and the Book of Pure Evil like you advised.”

“I am not sure if I am the target audience for this television show.” Said Rafael

“Well you liked Firefly, right? “

“Yes.”

“You like Animaniacs and Red Dwarf?”

“Yes, but I do not see how that is related”

“Since we both like those you should like this show I like too.”

“Maybe”

“What do you think?

JULIE

These Days, I Am Cool

The days pass and weeks fade—

My climate does not depend on season.

I know—

I can get fresh lavender roses.

There is always a reason,

They are ripe for the buying,

30 dollars a bunch,

Free vase included.

The days pass, the weeks fade–

The house is frozen,

The climate and mood controlled

Open the windows and rattle the doors

Make the chill go away.

What’s left of me inside

Is still warm and thinking—

Feeling, even.

I spend my days and nights

Tiptoeing,

Dancing in swirls around

The moods of those who depend

On me to keep my cool.
“Okay, Okay, I like the show but I think Rainbow Dash could be about twenty percent cooler.”

LIZZIE

Ronnie knew nothing about card games and his buddies made sure they let him know exactly that each time they met for beers and Poker.

So, one night, he tried to look cool and threw his cards onto the table, solemnly saying “Here, the dead man’s hand.”

His buddies roared laughing. “What a loser!”

He chuckled. “I was thinking… The fifth card is a two of clubs and not the nine of diamonds.”

His buddies saw Ronnie swinging a club at them, but they never made out Ronnie’s buddy from the gym, hiding in the darkest corner of the room.

SPATE

Davidson refused to wear clothes, choosing to remain naked like an ape in a
cage. Ten days from execution, what the fuck were they going to do to him?

Well he didn’t think they’d turn on the damned air conditioning. Hell, he
didn’t even know they had air conditioning.

He’d shiver but when his mind was set he was a rusted bolt.

Talk of Davidson’s nude stand spread throughout the pen with excitement.
This was not some ear hustling chin music. This was real.

To them, he was the coolest of cool staring down the big jab of Warden’s
needle.

CLIFF

They said that Davis was cool under fire. When the enemy had his company pinned down, he held his position. While the rest of his men returned fire blindly at their hidden foe, he stayed still. Low on ammo, out of contact with anyone in authority, his comrades were close to panicking. They were encouraged by his calm patience. When the enemy commander strutted into the street to demand their surrender, Davis stood up and killed him with one shot. He never told anyone that he’d actually fallen asleep and only woke up in time to take the fateful shot.

Fairmount, Indiana proclaims itself as being “Where Cool Was Born”. The billboard also shows an iconic image of James Dean, native son. I’m sure the marketing guru who created this thought it was a great way to create tourist appeal. After all, with an aging population, a shrinking tax base, and the exodus of each graduating class for better opportunities, the town needs all the help it can get. So if they can make a buck off of a dead actor, more power to them. Besides, we all know who the truly cool Fairmount native really is, don’t we? Right?

NORVAL JOE

A boy came to his mother and said, “I dreamed I was a dragon. Can I be a dragon?”
“That would be cool, but not possible,” she said.
Another day he said, “I dreamed I was a girl. Can I be a girl?”
“You can dress like a girl,” She said.
“Will clothes make me a girl?”
“There are operations and drugs to make you look like a girl?”
“Will I have babies?”
“No. You would still be a girl’s spirit in a boy’s body.”
“Ok, then,” the boy said, “I’d rather be a dragon’s spirit in a boy’s body.”

PLANET Z

Cool, whispers the bartender.
The bar is crowded, and there’s no way I could hear them, but it’s easy to read his lips.
Look in the mirror and say cool without speaking.
Can you see it?
Can you hear it in your head?
Just imagine it.
How the front teeth drag across the rolling lower lip.
What? That’s not a C? That’s an F?
So, the bartender called me a fool?
He’s been calling me a fool all this time?
That’s not cool at all.
Then what the shit have I been tipping him for?
I’m going to Taco Bell.

The Rings

Tiffany wore a necklace with a key dangling from it.
Marie wore a necklace with a padlock.
As long as they couldn’t get married in Texas, they refused to wear the rings they’d bought for a full-blown wedding.
They were together for fifty years, and every day, Tiffany looked at those rings.
“Not yet,” said Marie.
So Tiffany put them away.
When Marie got sick, Tiffany begged her to exchange rings.
“No,” said Marie.
And she died the next day.
Tiffany tried to put the key in the lock.
It didn’t fit.
She put on the other necklace and wept.

Twins

Back during my dating days, I dated a woman with an identical twin sister.
But it didn’t work out.
Sure, the sex was great, and she was funny and smart, but her sister was jealous and tried to break us up.
Then, she impersonated her sister, and it totally sent things over the edge.
I didn’t realize what I’d done until the next morning, when I saw the butterfly tattoo on her left hip instead of her right.
Or was it supposed to be on her left hip?
“As if I care,” I said, and we did it again.
Twice.

The Mad Puppeteer

The town guard dragged the mad puppeteer into the castle and threw him at the feet of the duke.
The captain of the guard whispered ‘Blasphemy” into the duke’s ear.
“Cut out the tongues of the puppets,” he responded.
“It’s the man who speaks, not the puppets,” said the captain.
“Let me see,” said the duke.
The puppeteer crawled closer, and looking up at the duke, he laughed.
“What is so funny?”
The puppeteer smiled and removed the puppets from his hands, revealing concealed daggers.
“You killed my wife and daughters,” he said, stabbing the daggers into the duke’s chest.

The Wolves

I am being chased by wolves.
How many wolves, I’m not sure, because I am running from them as fast as I can, and I haven’t yet had the opportunity to turn around and count them.
I could try to run backwards, but I wouldn’t be able to dodge any oncoming obstacles.
I tried to snap a photograph of them to count the wolves, but despite the image stabilizing feature on this smartphone, the picture is too blurry to count the wolves.
However, based on several photographs, I can tell that they are gaining on me.
I must run faster.

Bank Evolution

When I was young, you had to cash a check at the issuing bank and then deposit the cash at your bank.
When the check interchange system was created, you could deposit a check at your own bank without fuss, but you still had to fill out a deposit slip.
Eventually, banks eliminated the deposit slips, because when they knew who you are, they knew your account.
Now, you can snap a photo of a check with the bank’s smartphone application, and they’ll handle it all electronically.
I hope the check clears quickly, because I need a new smartphone soon.

Keyboard Error

In high school, we used Macintoshes. We learned how to use a mouse and copy-paste things in word processors.
There were Macs in college, too. I got quite handy with the fan key and X for cut, C for copy, and so on.
My first job was in a Windows shop. The Control key did the commands.
For almost 20 years, I’ve been using Windows and Control-C for copy, Control-V for paste.
Now, I’m in a Mac shop. It’s fan-C for copy.
I am trying, but I keep hitting the wrong keys.
At least my head hits the desk correctly.

Weekly Challenge #416 – Hash

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was HASH.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of COOL

Sleepy Tinny

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

JOHN MUSICO

“Everyone knows what SPAM is”
by John Musico

I’ve always wanted to know what SPAM really is.
The letters on the can are capitalized. What does the acronym stand for?
What is SPAM anyhow? So, I did some digging-
One theory is that it stands for SPiced hAM.
Problem is; it isn’t really spiced.
SPAM contains only salt and sugar; I’d hardly call that spiced.
The main ingredients are Shoulder of Pork and hAM; S.P.A.M.
That does fit. In case it throws you, yes “ham” is also pork-
“ham” denotes that the cut comes specifically from the buttocks.
Finally, the mysteries of the mystery meat have been unveiled!

JEFFREY

The Truest Measure of Wealth
by Jeffrey Fischer

As a child, Brendan would often eat corned beef hash for dinner. His mother would add a can of the meat, always an unhealthy color, to potatoes and onions, then sautéed it on the stove until it attained the flavor of charcoal.

Brendan’s father would pretend that this was a gourmet meal, and the kids would pretend they enjoyed it. None of them were good actors. As Brendan grew older, he realized the best acting job was his mother’s, as she never let the children know the extent of their poverty. According to her, everything the family did, from outings in the country to eating hash, was no less fine than the wealthiest nobles enjoyed. And so it was.

Lessons
by Jeffrey Fischer

Ricardo shook his head. “Bobby, you’ve really made a hash of it this time.” Good help was so hard to find. Sure, the recruits were eager to learn. They wanted to show the boss they were up to the job, and they wanted the chance to shine. So often, however, when Ricardo gave them the opportunity they screwed up so badly that Ricardo himself was left to pick up the pieces.

Such was Bobby’s mess today. He had tried disposing of the body in an acid bath, succeeding only in putting numerous chemical burns on the corpse. He then tried to hack up the body, but he underestimated the strength and energy required for someone that size to fit into a trash bag that small.

“Bobby, you first start with the head…”

RICHARD

#1 – George’s Story: Part 53 – Memories

George may have started to remember the past – but now, try as he might, all his attempts at further recollection were an abject failure.

Eventually, Emily left him to it, returning after a couple of hours to check on his progress. She found George sat on the floor, his head in his hands and surrounded by piles of crumpled-up paper.

“It’s no good – I can’t remember a damn thing! I’m not even sure I ever played cricket any more! I’m sorry… I’ve made a complete hash of things again.”

“Yes you have”, smiled Emily, “never mind… fancy a joint?”

#2 – Symbolism

The Office for the Reintroduction of Forgotten Indicators, Characters and Expressions – ORiFICE for short – quietly works, unnoticed by most, to reinstate typographical nuances that might otherwise fall by the wayside.

This otherwise thankless task has become a great deal simpler, thanks to the internet, which has successfully catapulted some almost forgotten characters into the limelight… consider the forward slash, the ‘at’ symbol and the ampersand – whose fates once seemed sealed.

More recently, ORiFICE – working in collaboration with Twitter – has seen a resurgence of interest in the ailing hash.

However, the biggest challenge still lies ahead… How to resurrect the interrobang]

#3 – The Good Stuff

“Did I ever tell you about Hendrix teaching me guitar at Woodstock?”, the old hippy asked us, eyes glazing over and taking a long draw on the reefer: “Man, you guys have the best hash!”

It was the hash that brought him – and many others – back every time, and we didn’t mind in the slightest – we were on the verge of publishing our collaborative work: ‘Psychadelic Psychotics’.

Some questioned our methodology, but it was all above board – the ‘hash’ we used to mellow our subjects was really tea-leaves… the poor buggers were so far gone, they never even noticed!

TOM

It Was a Sign of the Times

Of all the people Ben could have chosen to head to the special screening
his chose of me to this day puzzles me. He was after all Zoe’s chosen
boyfriend a feat in my circle of friends of lofty success for in the
kindest way she had rejected all of us. Granted I was the most Sci-Fi geek
of us all and was most likely the one to enjoy the film the most.
Kubrick’s 2001 presented in full Cinerama on three glorious screens, but
wait there’s more. Ben had procured two opium dipped hashish joints.
Spaced in Space. Sorry Dave.

A Well Defined Relationship Part 44

Dino Mod stared off across the vermilion horizon. The compromise algorithm
was running through the hash arrays. As the associated identities flash
into his conscientious the full impact of his current situation became
painfully apparent. “Bastards,” railed Dino, “I am so fracked.” He had
signed up for a song and dance mod and somehow he ended up with a multiple
personality carrousel.

“Not somehow … someone …. Wynn … but Why?”

He didn’t have to wait long a secondary diagnostic slipped pass his optic
nerve: Wynn Corp Project Strike Team Alpha. After the reboot Dino sang,
Everybody need somebody sometimes.

SERENDIPITY

You may think me old-fashioned, but I’m very much an advocate of healthy eating, so you can imagine my feelings about a new burger joint opening in the neighbourhood, right on my doorstep.

Knowing my concerns, you might think it odd that I managed to get myself a job there, working in the kitchens.

I had an ulterior motive, of course.

The week after I started, the place was shut down permanently, after the breakfast hash browns were found to contain significant amounts of cannabis.

And you should have seen what I added to the chocolate extra-thick shakes!

CLIFF

My mother knew how to stretch a dollar when making a meal. At least once a week, we had hash for supper and we loved it. For those who don’t know, hash is simply a way to use up the leftovers without it looking like leftovers. Whatever meat she had went into it along with potatoes, some onions, and a sprinkling of spices. When mom was away and dad cooked, it was different. Oh, he still made hash. He was just less discriminating on the ingredients: Spam, maraschino cherries, a jar of green olives, and Flintstone vitamins for extra nutrition.

MUNSI

Not Every Stat Holiday is a Good Idea

By Christopher Munroe

A lot of people called in fake sick to work that day.

Like, a LOT.

A number of businesses didn’t open at all, and those that did, mostly places that sold snack foods, were swamped by the rush of people suddenly realizing that HOLY SHIT SOME CHIPS WOULD BE GOOD RIGHT NOW!!!

The customers didn’t always remember to bring money.

The staff didn’t always remember to take it.

Billions of dollars in economic activity were lost over the course of twenty-four hours.

“Hash Wednesday” was, overall, not the most productive of holidays, but it was certainly a lot of fun…

LIZZIE

How to write something saying nothing

#1 Set your heart on blabbering randomly… I mean, writing serious stuff.
#2 Waste… aham, spend some time browsing for inspiration.
#3 Look outside the window while trying to come up with a story.
#4 Squander … that is spend even more time checking your five email accounts, the ten thousand social networks you signed up to, and your cat.
#5 Brew coffee.
#6 Hash… Hash…
#7 Brew more coffee.
#8 Right, you do need to write something. Now, think.
#9 The cat’s snoring. Perhaps a nap would help you as well.
#10 Ok, procrastinate indefinitely. All that coffee is begging for attention and you don’t really want to take a nap at 10am.

Hash can be a few things, and sure enough, it can be a lot more than I thought at first. Between cryptographic hash functions, fragment identifiers, spatial data structures, a sports mark of some sort, even a military decoration and a running club, it was a bit difficult to choose one direction for this week’s story. So, after procrastinating the whole week, rattling on aimlessly seemed like a tempting option, considering that I, for some reason, didn’t want to write about hashish. Wait a second… What? A hundred? Really? Already? Well then, more next week! Where’s the delete button again?

SPATE

What do you say to a man when he tells you that for his last meal on earth
he wants corned beef hash? Straight from a can. Cold.

Do you ask him if he wants a side of brown bread? Maybe some ketchup?

Warden was baffled. He had encountered other odd final requests; the usual
gluttonous excess. But a can of Hormel? Cruel and unusual.

He pensively rubbed his sandpaper chin.

“Well fuck Warden!” Davidson spat while sprawled hairy ass naked in his
cement cell, “Why should I carry the memory of a pleasant taste on that
stainless steel ride?!”

DIONYSIS CLOWES

The world rolled up under the moon. A space.

Trkl tossed. Slovenly and sleepless in his rack, he turned under the tepid hazy gaze of the moon through the port. Articulated.

Eighteen days waiting. The feeling of waiting. The feeling of feeling the feeling of waiting.

The next day was like the rest, but different. There was something in the dust outside. A ray, he said. From?

Immense distance. Right under my nose. The feeling.

Outside, inside. Up, down. Around. The echo of a long-forgotten — long? — music from somewhere playing. A dancer.

Mark. Another unknown message sent.

JULIE

Rehash

Johnny liked legos. He built bridges and parks for his Power Rangers to play in.

After September 11, Johnny built towers. Tall ones, reaching up to the Powerpuff Girl ceiling fan in his room. He didn’t have toy airplanes, so he used the fancy dinosaur figures from the Museum of Natural History.

Bang. Crash. Towers down. Orange and red legos tumbled down. The cats batted around the pieces.

I walked into the room, kneeling down on the floor.

“Mom, in my adventure, all the Mommys and Daddys and pink power rangers get home to their kids.”

No more TV.

#sadabout911andmediaoverdose

DANNY

Mitch “Hash House” Harrier was crouching behind the stadium clubhouse smoking a large piece of hash from his favorite pipe before he went to work placing the hash marks on the football field for the N.Y. Giants. Mitch was to high to realize he placed the hash marks parallel to the field goals, Later that day, while eating hash and eggs while watching the football game at Ruffie’s Diner, Mitch noticed people on the sidelines kept getting injured every time a team tried to score a touchdown. Now unemployed, Mitch went to the bathroom to smoke another bowl of hash.

NORVAL JOE

Wollimus Pander, revered matriarch of the Women’s Trade Federation reclined her first class seat on flight 1386 from Paris to Atlanta. She considered the actions of Esmeralda Flinch who recently positioned herself as successor to the WTF president.
“Flinch would make a hash of the federation,” Wollimus muttered and vowed to circumvent Esmeralda’s machinations as soon as she got home.
Unfortunately, an inappropriate joke by In Flight Entertainment Man caused the passengers to rush the cockpit and attack the pilot.
As the jet plummeted toward the Atlantic, Wollimus realized it was she who had made a hash of it all.

ZACKMANN

“We emptied a house of walkers because it had off the grid solar panels. The last inhabitant must have taken all the plants which is fine for me, I much rather grow vegetables under those heat lamps. Wade found some Eau de Death, doe in heat scent, and hashish. I asked him not to smoke it. I also reminded him which was doe scent. Wade insisted on going with the scavenging party. Upon returning Beth practiced what she learned in psychology as she mended Wade’s pants but all I could do was dress a buck wondering how satyrs are made.”

########

“We are doing a survey to see how well our ads work. Have you seen our current Twitter inspired ad?” asked the man with the clipboard.

The young woman replied “The one that goes “Hashmark we are idiots whose children told us Twitter existed. hashmark, buy our crappy product hashmark we think you’re at least as gullible as your parents. hashmark, we are too clueless to know that saying hashmark so many times is totally annoying”

“That’s a yes and would you say our ad is very memorable?”

She replied “I remember the ad but what does your company sell?”

TURA

Hash(tag)
——–
@God Boring… #peaceandquiet

@God Let there be light! #creation

@God Water! Land! Grass! Trees! The moving creature that hath life! #creation

@God Isn’t this great? Hello… No-one here, must fix that #creation

@Adam @God What’s all this? #gardenofeden

@Eve @Adam ‘Oo are you? #gardenofeden

@God @Adam @Eve Whaddya think? Follow @God and you’ll live here forever #gardenofeden

@Serpent @Eve Trust me, unfollow that guy. Have an apple #tempttempt

@Eve *scream* we’re nekkid!!!! tinyurl.com/ofo5jkh #gardenofeden

@Adam @Eve A talking snake told you? Were you born yesterday? Oh… #gardenofeden

@God @Adam @Eve Out! #gotcha

@God @Fiery_Angel And don’t let them back! #peaceandquiet

SINGH

30.10

The morning brought a handful of dangling fictions:

battalions of snakes had crawled up from the Ganga,

others saw cobras flying from the moon;

fire-snakes had emerged from the smoking havan.

the ghosts of the Naga kingdoms were here for vengeance.

Atul found Margot at Kamal Devi’s.

She told what happened.

“Don’t worry Madam. I’ll bring

the Gunia. He speaks to snakes

and calls them out. I’ll bring him here.” He went

with Yudhi yapping behind, returning with

an old man, his casteless sweeper neighbour.

Mahadevan sat outside the Madam’s hut.

30.11

The Gunia threw rice grains at the door-slab

and went into a shaking body trance.

The snake mantra came rushing up through him

“Om Chah
Aam Chah

Im Chah

Aam Chah

one hundred and eight times and then again,

then again although he didn’t count.

A crowd arrived, including the pujari.

The Gunia spoke in trance: “Who put the sack?

I can see you here.”

No one stepped up.

Gradually the snakes began to appear

from under the gap beneath the door of planks —

at first the heads with flickering tongues, then bodies

slithering away among the muddy clods.

30.12

The priest was tense.

He didn’t like

the Gunia

a casteless sweeper

intoning mantras

meant for Brahmins.

“Go do your work,”

the pujari said.

“There’s nothing here

just jadu, magic.

Hurry up,

stop standing there.

You’ve all seen snakes.

They are rife this

time of the year.”

Meanwhile the Gunia

could see through him

on all dimensions

while he connected

with the nagas

coaxing them

to leave the woman,

someone of truth,

not like this priest,

trapped inside

his skull of power,

old enemies:

Dalits, Brahmins

and smiled to see

the crowd not thinning

until the show

was well over.

30.13

Mahadevan, snake whisperer snapped back,

slumping forward, spent as a limp cloth doll.

Before the Madam could restrain Atul

he had marched up to his Madam’s door with Yudhi

and opened it. So Margot followed calling

out “Atul. Be careful.” He found the empty

fertiliser sack and nothing more,

no snake in sight, not even a frog. She stepped,

and Yudhi rushed to lap up leftover milk.

She handed money to Atul for the snake man.

“No Madam. It is not necessary.”
“Surely his family…. could they not use this?

“You are offending Madam. Please, no need at all.”

She joined her palms and made a humble bow.

30.14

“Leave, Atul. I need to take a bath.”

She thanked him. “Take Yudhi and go play.”

Closing the door, she looked again for snakes

and finding none, sat and breathed relief.

Soon she was bucket-bathing out the back,

then changing into Indian cambric cotton.

She regretted she had gone to the funeral

in bright colours. Far worse had been her dead

neighbour doing those odd jobs for her

when Yogi left . This had fed the gossip.

Plus she’d never bonded with the women

in this natter-village with male-female sidelines.

Had she brought this Evil Eye on herself?

30.15

She kept to herself, but village life sped up

between the monsoon showers. Atul told her:

“Naag Panchami is coming.” It was the day

when snakes were venerated by new wives.

Atul knew from Didi, his married Sister.

“A careless son chopped up three male cobras

while ploughing earth. The Naga goddess mother

went and killed the son and all his brothers.

His young wife prayed to Naga Mata

in Naaga Loka, seventh realm underground.

She offered a bowl of milk for her husband’s life.

Naga Mata accepted, granting her wish.

That’s why the ladies worship with white flowers.”

30.16

“That’s interesting, Atul,” said his Madam.

“It’s lady-power day! We pray for men.”

“Yes Madam ji — husbands and us brothers.

Nagas have powers. If any are unhappy

they will bite. Or they bring wealth, also.”

So many customs rose like ornate blossoms

from the body of this land.

Atul confirmed:

“The ladies are now stringing jasmine malas,

making rice paste and decorating anthills.

painting them red with kum-kum, placing garlands

and every doorstep will have a five-headed naga

in coloured patterns. We call that rangoli.”

Flicking through her Mahabharata book

Margot said. “I think there’s another story.”

30.17

“It’s time for your reading practise,” Madam said

passing him her Mahabharata copy.

They were sitting in her hut out of the rain.

A torch lit up Khandava forest

killing Takshaka’s serpent wife.

Thus, Krishna and Arjuna ended

the Naga Queen’s right to life.

Revenge is a burning forest.

Twelve years after the Great War

Arjuna’s grandson Parakshit

gaining the throne, had a fatal flaw.

While hunting in another forest

the thirsty king saw a seated sage

who didn’t move when asked for water.

Parakshit burnt up with rage.

“He hung a dead snake on the shoulder

of the meditating forest Brahmin,

with blissful mind in Brahma Loka.

Parashit realised his sin

but it was done. The brahmin’s son,

also hot-tempered, uttered a verse:

“The Kuru king will die by snake bite.

Arjuna’s line will suffer the curse.”

Takshaka, the King of Cobras

took birth again and bit the king

who foamed and died. The next in line

was boiling like a volcanic spring.

Young Rajah Janamejaya

performed a yagna with sacred fire

to kill the serpents of the world.

It became the nagas’ funeral pyre.

Snakes flew into the fire-pit,

until almost the last – the Naga King

coiled around the foot of Indra,

dragging them both, as wrestlers cling.

Astika, son of the fire priest

said: stop it Dad! It will be the end

of heaven and earth if Indra burns.

They ceased and saw Indra ascend

and the Naga king go under earth.

Astika received a boon —

a mantra for controlling snakes

on Naag Panchami, fifth day of the moon.

Perhaps the mantra calms the cobra,

a blessing given to humankind.

Where exactly is Naga Loka

inside the earth, or the angry mind?

30.15

night of fasting day of the snake puja mantras

five-hooded naga drawn on walls above doors

on this day earth cannot be dug red anthills get

libations of milk for the King of all Cobras

snake wallahs on bicycles cobra baskets wearing pythons

young sari wives wave trays of lights lean close to fangs

place jasmine champa white lotus incense garlands

sweet rice kheer pourings of milk

the earth balances on the hood of Shesh Naag

deep down in the ocean Vishnu sleeps upon his coils

today no one has fear of snakes for one day of the year

30.16

The monsoon rains had paused. The sun came out,

Margot kept aloof from the celebrations

taking yellow Yudhi to the Ganga.

He was yapping, disturbed by the snake commotion.

Atul kept look out, The coffee-coloured waves

were rising still.

“Bapu Mahadevan.

He cleared your house of snakes,” Atul began.

She nodded.

“He is coming this way. See.”

Soon he was sitting.

“Namaste.” He said.

She was happy he had come to join them.

She returned the greeting. Then Atul spoke

at length with the older man. Then Atul reported.

Mahadevan began to share with Madam.

30.17

He didn’t like the snake charmer fellows.

They starved their snakes so they will gorge on milk.

“Bapu says snakes die. The milk is poison.”

Atul translated Bapu’s love for the Naga:

how the head and tail are good and bad together,

the start and the ending of the universe.

He told how no one understood a snake.

Snakes brought out fear in the human heart.

Few looked there, confronting weaknesses.

She was surprised. The flowers and milk,

and snake basket wallahs wearing pythons

were opportunists who had no gian, no wisdom.

“They are dead souls inside, Bapu says.”

30.18

“Please ask why he’s telling this, Atul.

I’m grateful, but I’m not sure why he’s come

when other villagers clearly seem to hate me.”

Atul tried to be the bridge between them

but as he talked she saw the water well

in his child eyes. “Because nobody here

will be helping you, Madam ji. Just us.”

The little boy choked on words. And paused, upset.

“But he’s praying to the Nagas to protect you.

He says you’re good, Madam, but times are bad.”

She was upset and held back downpour eyes

and grabbed and hugged the little one to her.

30.17 Mercy

Later on, they walked to Madam’s hut.

Bapu assured her she was safe from nagas,

His mantra was protecting the whole place

though he couldn’t save from the human kind

that planted their sacks of serpents. Still, they

plugged the holes in the walls with plastic bags

and put a strip at the bottom of the door

to keep out frogs. And then they left at dusk.

Mercy’s heart went searching for her Yogi,

wondering why he hadn’t been in touch.

On this day, new wives pray for husbands

and that is what she did all night to Shiva.

PLANET Z

Our days are numbered.
So are the lunch specials at the Chinese place down the street.

This makes choosing what to eat for lunch easy. Just pick the special that matches up with the day.

The place has been open for years. And I expect that it will be open for years to come.

But when the day comes that they close down for good, or the place burns up in a fire, I know my number is up.

Until then, I’ve got my table there, and it’s coming up on noon.

Hungry? Up for Chinese?

Good, because I’m buying.

The Mad Tongue

It’s been a long time since I had my teeth cleaned.
So long, that the tartar buildup warped the shape of my teeth and gums significantly, but my tongue easily got used to the gradual change in topography
A bit of tartar broke away, and the resulting jagged crag drove my tongue insane. I licked that spot constantly.
When I finally had all the tartar removed, my teeth were clean and tartar-free smooth.
My tongue, unused to the new shape, roamed the interior of my teeth crazily like an idiot in a round room told to stand in the corner.

Bed Bath and Be A Good Worker Bee

I started a new job recently. It is in an office building next to a Bed Bath and Beyond.
Despite the high prices, we get a lot of coupons for them in the mail.
This means I can pick up decorations and stuff for my new desk while getting things for home.
However, I need to be careful that I don’t mix them up.
Although I’m sure some of my coworkers could use some time with a loofah and lavender body wash, and I’m certain the cats would really like to have another desk lamp to knock over and break.