Quit smoking

I tried to quit smoking.
My friend gave me some gum. Whenever I felt like smoking, I’d chew the gum.
After three days, I threatened to throw a crying baby in front of a train.
My friend suggested that I carry a baby doll, and when I felt like throwing a crying baby in front of a train, throw the doll instead.
It worked, but after three days, I wanted to brain my neighbor with a meat axe for playing his records so loud at night.
My friend handed me a meat axe.
“Go ahead. It’s pissing me off too.”

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