Write letters to Santa

Why do kids write letters to Santa Claus?
Because he’s deaf. Can’t hear a damn thing.
No point in having a phone line.
As for email, there’s a group of elves who print out emails and then bring them to Santa.
As for how he reads letters in different languages, he’s got elves who can translate them for him.
And computer network elves to hack global databases so he can find home addresses, whether they’re a boy or girl, and if they’ve been naughty or nice.
Or rich. Because, if they’re rich, they can buy that shit for themselves, right?

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