One year, Santa didn’t give a fuck.
He gave everyone coal.
Some say the coal industry did it as some kind of weird sponsorship deal.
Like the year when Santa gave out Silly Putty to everyone.
Or the year before that, which was sponsored by Reynolds Wrap.
Silly Putty is fun, but why the fuck do kids need Reynolds Wrap?
“They were the highest bidder,” said Santa.
What a whore.
Next year, who knows? Raw chicken?
You think the coal is fun?
Fine. You can keep it. Play your brains out.
Just try not to get coal dust everyone, kid.