Everyone used to talk about the things that Santa brought them.
Except for me. Because I was Jewish.
“Why doesn’t Santa visit us and bring us things?” I asked my father.
“Because Santa is a stupid anti-Semite, and he hates Jews!” my father growled. “Now do your homework!”
Dad said similar things about the Easter Bunny, too.
When he got mad, he called a lot of people anti-Semites.
So many, in fact, they passed around the hat and bought him a trip to Israel.
One-way.
He calls every morning to tell me to do my homework.
He thinks it’s evening.