Usually, kids ask Santa for a bicycle or video games or other things.
Sometimes, they ask for a new sister or brother.
But every now and then, one asks for their stepfather to stop beating them.
Santa hates these letters.
He’d call the cops to tip them off, but there’s no phone lines up at the North Pole.
So, when Santa does his dry run on December 24th, he brings a baseball bat and kneecaps these motherfuckers in their sleep.
Or drags them up to the sleigh, takes off, and throws them over the side on to the hard pavement.