RICHARD
Brownie Mix
He stared at me coldly across the table, then tapped the bag full of powder that sat between us.
“What is it?” He asked, eyes boring into me.
“Brownie mix”, I replied, with just the briefest hesitation.
“Yeah, right… And I’m the queen of England!” He snorted; “You do realise I can just go out back and test it?”
“So, test it” I retorted.
He sighed, grabbed the bag and left the room. Ten minutes later, he was back.
“Brownie mix! You’re free to go”
I left smiling, thankful he’d not discovered the bag of heroin stuffed up my arse.
LIZZIE
When the neighbor started digging holes in his garden at two in the morning, I thought I should do something about it. I took a spade and trotted across his garden. It was a body missing a finger… I put it back in the ground. Should I call the police? I had committed a crime too, trespassing on his property. When he knocked at my door the next day, I froze. He smiled. “Here, have some brownies. It’s my own brownie mix recipe. I add a pinch of this and a pinch of that.” I sure didn’t like his sneer…
SERENDIPIDY
I always said I’d have revenge, even if I went to the grave in the process.
Which is pretty much how it’s worked out, but I had it my way in the end.
I know you were there, laughing behind the fake tears at my funeral; I know the sly smiles that passed among you, mockingly toasting my departure.
I know you thought you’d beaten me, and that my threats of revenge had come to nothing.
And I know you stuffed yourselves on those brownies at my wake.
My own special mix…
Well, my ashes had to be scattered somewhere!
TOM
What Could Go Possibly Wrong 026
Ford raised the pint to eyes and hand the glass to Arnesto. The time lord opened a padded case with form insert the same shape as the duck pint. Closing it he scrabbled the combination lock. Ford eyed the time lord, but could not glean any content. “I will get answer sir.” dryly stated Ford. “Why do I feel so hunger,” said Parker. “Time Riff, Parker. Arnesto you did bring so food, yes?” Smiling he reached in the bag and produced a box of Brownie Mix. Molly grabbed the box and rip it open. Power flew everywhere. “Great start Cervante.”
NORVAL JOE
Still contemplating the ring on his finger, Billbert followed the others into the cottage. Sabrina’s caramel corn and a variety of snacks were spread out on a table.
One distraught boy held a box of brownie mix. “I thought we were going to make the refreshments here.”
A rotund woman took him by the elbow. “Don’t worry, Knockworth, we have time, and eggs.”
Billbert held up his hand in front of Sabrina’s face. “How did this get here?”
Sabrina smiled, but before she could reply, the elderly witch took them aside. “Good. It’s you two I want to speak with.”
TURA
Brownie mix
———
There are two sorts of people: orcs, and food. Considering the variety of peoples in the world, it is no surprise that Orkish cuisine is far more diverse and sophisticated than you would know from Tolkien’s biased account.
All cultures have some sort of stew, but a stew of boggart bellies is the best of all, especially when cut from a live boggart and simmered in a cauldron of hobbitsfoot soup. Our most popular snack, and hard tack on the move, is marnakh’urtul: brownie mix. Dismembered brownies, nixies, and fairy folk of all sorts, pressed and roasted to a crisp.
PLANET Z
I bought a box of brownie mix, but I didn’t realize that it requires eggs.
I’m allergic to eggs, and it’s worse when they’re undercooked.
Sometimes, they’re okay when they’re baked sufficiently.
But an omelet or scrambled eggs or mousse with raw egg is brutal.
So, I error on the side of caution.
And occasionally error on the side of stupid, by buying things I can’t or shouldn’t eat.
The box sits there on the shelf.
And I keep meaning to drop it in a food drive donation bin.
But it’ll eventually expire, and I’ll throw the damn thing out.