LIZZIE
“My computer isn’t working properly. The USB socket is all messed up. And there’s a koala wallpaper that is driving me crazy. I need this fixed asap. That’s what I’m paying you guys for.”
“Certainly. What’s your address? I’ll send assistance over immediately.”
“Assistance? I can’t answer the door. I’m in the pool. The doctor told me to meditate for half an hour in the pool every day.”
“Perhaps after the meditation?”
“No, I have a major function later on.”
“Tomorrow? After tomorrow? Any day in the future?”
“Are you being snarky with me, young man?!”
The future is bleak.
ED
Operation Koala
Here’s the mission.
Lily Titanium, in position, will notify Poppy Copper, who’ll cause a severe disruption in the security system for six minutes. On go, Lily will enter the office.
“This, once in the laptop’s USB socket, will nearly instantaneously transmit all server data here to the office,” said Charlie Bravo. “Considering the time you need to leave, you’ll need to avoid trouble.”
Famous last words, thought Copper. Major trouble always found Lily.
“Poppy, Titanium,” said Bravo. “I don’t have to tell you how crucial this is. Get in. Get out.”
“Check,” the agents answered together. And they were off.
RICHARD
Ultimate Stress Bringer
Every gadget has one, a USB socket: One of the biggest lies in technology.
You know what that ‘U’ stands for? ‘Universal’, and that’s the one thing it isn’t!
Universal: One size fit’s all; interchangeable; any time, any place, anywhere, anyhow… Only, not one of those definitions is true for USB!
Three different USB leads for my phone, tablet and camera, all different sizes and shapes.
On my PC, one socket I can use to charge, one I can’t.
And considering there’s only two ways round to plug it in, how come it always takes me at least three attempts?
SERENDIPIDY
The koala is a silly bear
And yet he thinks he’s cool;
He’s useless playing poker
Slot machines, and pool
He may be cute and cuddly:
Adorable, but please,
Remember as you hold him close
That fur is full of fleas!
His diet, may be vegan
But this guy’s hard to please:
The only leaves he cares about
Come from eucalyptus trees.
His claws are sharp, his breath is foul,
He keeps antisocial hours
And if he takes you on a date
He’ll never buy you flowers.
But it’s not all bleak, for the furry dude
He tastes great, barbecued!
NORVAL JOE
Billbert leaned back to avoid Sabrina’s puckering lips. “Okay. We’re making contact. Your parawhatzits should be inhibited.”
The school bell rang. Sabrina scowled and let him go. Billbert headed toward the building.
“Wait,” Sabrina said. “I have something for you.”
“Now what?” Billbert grumbled.
“Don’t be rude.” Sabrina took a small gadget from her pocket. It looked like a tiny koala bear. She squeezed it, opening its arms, and clipped it onto Billbert’s shirt.
Billbert scoffed. “Right. People make fun of me as it is.”
“I had a vision that someone is looking for you. This should make you invisible.”
PLANET Z
Vimptner called himself inventor, but the truth is, he never invented anything new.
By the time he created something, another person had already announced it and patented it.
Vimptner’s friends accused him of copying the other person’s idea, but he invited them to his lab to watch him craft a new bottle opener.
And then came news that someone had just patented the same thing.
His friends suggested he work up an unlimited power supply or a cure for cancer.
But he didn’t have those miracle skills.
They shrugged, got some wine, and threw a party with his bottle opener.