It takes a lot of vodka to get the Green Giant drunk.
But it’s the only way to get him jolly enough to stand there for the commercials.
You can’t get him too drunk, though, or he loses his balance and falls.
Or he gets surly, and pisses on the migrant workers picking the crops.
Or he picks them up and eats them.
Or both.
That’s where the green kid Sprout comes in.
We told the beast that Sprout’s his kid.
“Behave,” we tell him, “or we boil your kid and eat him.”
And that’s why the Green Giant drinks.