TURA
Remastered
———
There’s a remastered edition of Marilyn Monroe coming out soon, using the very latest AI techniques and incorporating a ton of newly discovered archive material. They’re promising the next level of fidelity, the real person at last. But they always say that, and I’m not sure I want to upgrade mine. Yes, the new body would be updated with the history of my relationship with the old one, but it wouldn’t feel right. I remember when I had a courtesy replacement for a week when she needed major repairs. It was like making love to a machine all over again.
RICHARD
Remastered
If we can have digitally remastered music and videos, then I can’t see any reason why we can’t do the same with the written word too.
What if we could take an old manuscript, like the bible, for example, and use all the modern technology at our disposal to make a brand new, pristine copy.
A copy without the noise and glitches accumulated over centuries; language, and phrasing upgraded to modern standards; the odd edit to improve clarity; maybe even digitally recreate some of the most unclear segments, filling out the gaps and padding the narrative.
Refreshed, improved and better!
LIZZIE
“Have the songs been remastered yet? Who said so? It doesn’t matter if they’re good or bad, release them now. Well, he should’ve worked faster. I don’t care if it makes him look bad. Release them.”
And the songs were released, remastered, true, but never reviewed by the CEO.
The next day, the story broke. Rapper raps a warning to CEO about an impending hit. And no, it wasn’t a musical hit although the CEO sang like a canary, bribes, drug trafficking and shady businesses.
The rapper, well, he vanished and started a completely new career that paid much better.
SERENDIPIDY
My old, vinyl copy of Stairway to Heaven has started to show its age. There’s all the usual scratches and pops, of course, that’s only to be expected, but the original 1971 recording leaves a lot to be desired.
I decided to buy a remastered version, and the difference in quality is quite remarkable. So much clearer that I’d never have believed it.
For years, I’d tried playing the original backwards, but despite the rumours, I could never make out any satanic messages.
But with this one, they are crystal clear.
And they’re telling me to go forth and kill!
NORVAL JOE
After their final class of the day where the teacher played them digitally remastered recordings of Glen Miller’s greatest hits, Billbert headed home.
Sabrina stopped him. “Aren’t you going to the backstop to meet those two boys?”
Billbert looked that direction though there were buildings in the way. “No. I don’t think so. Why don’t you go tell them I’ll meet up with them next week?”
Sabrina looked stunned. “They could be from the Guild of the Dark Knights. You need to go vanquish them.”
Billbert turned back toward home. “No. They’re just bullies and it’s best to ignore them.”
PLANET Z
When the master died, he had no children to leave everything to.
So he left it to all of his slaves, who he freed.
They formed a collective, running the plantation as equals.
With a rotating council of managers, handling budgets and expenses and planning.
And everything ran pretty well. Better than other nearby plantations.
Good housing, good living.
Until the war came.
Soldiers burned the mansion, looted the fields for food.
They burned the houses, the sheds.
The schoolhouse, the church.
Took all the horses and farming tools.
“You’re free now,” said the soldiers.
And they marched off again.