RICHARD
Speed
The blue lights in my rear-view mirror weren’t exactly unexpected.
Sighing, I pulled over, wound down my window, and waited for the inevitable.
“Any idea why I’ve stopped you, sir?”
“I’m sorry” I said, “I know I was speeding, I’m late for an interview and thought I’d take a chance.”
He seemed pleasantly surprised I’d ‘fessed up, and following the obligatory breath test, which was negative, gave me the obligatory lecture and ticket.
With a final “Drive carefully, sir”, he let me go.
Honesty is always the best policy. Especially when you’ve a dead body stashed in the back!
SERENDIPIDY
Physics is important!
For example -terminal velocity: The maximum speed you’ll attain before you slam into the ground at over a hundred miles per hour. You’ll reach that in less than ten seconds.
Knowing that, I just need to find a good, high, cliff to throw you off. No need for the hassle and expense of chartering a plane and bribing the pilot, in fact, nobody else would ever need to know.
That’s apart from you, of course.
But, by the time you’ve figured out what I’m doing, you’ll have less than ten seconds to think about it.
Happy landings!
LIZZIE
It was great to live in a remote village. No hurry. No stress. And no pollution, they told him, a stern look on their faces. He got rid of the car, of course. He wouldn’t want to antagonize the villagers. One day, he dropped a knife on his foot (don’t ask) and there was no doctor close by. It looked bad… He wrapped his foot up and they said “take this, it’s fast”. Well… not. The darn moped died three times on him. And when he reached the doctor, there was an odd bird hopping behind him. No stress, huh?
DUANE
“Test of the new light-speed drive is ready to commence. May what we accomplish today be a testament to the ingenuity of all humankind. Coordinates locked in and we are awaiting your command, sir”
“Engage.”
“We over shot the planet by half a parsec, sir. Adjusting for time differential. New coordinates locked in. Awaiting command.”
“Engage.”
“Ok, that was a bit much the other direction. Adjusting. I have new coordinates locked. Awaiting comm…”
“ENGAGE!”
“Uh, just a little further and we should be near the planet. New coordinates are locked and ready, sir. Sir? I’ll just go ahead and engage.”
NORVAL JOE
The bully didn’t see Billbert flying toward him as he concentrated on throttling Sabrina. Billbert hit him, side on, at full speed, yanking his grip free from Sabrina’s throat.
“Get out of here,” Billbert yelled at the girls as he and the bully tumbled across grass, away from the sidewalk.
Sabrina didn’t waste any time and ran back toward the school office.
Linoliamanda stood there, looking confused.
Knowing the element of surprise would wear off, and the bully would pulverize him, Billbert ran to Linoliamanda, grabbed her around the waist, levitated a few inches and shot back down the street.
SCRIBBLING WREN
I believe…
Reuben had been working on his project since March. He was about to prove that Father Christmas was a hoax. It was the big night, Christmas Eve, all quiet in the house except a little mouse stirring his midnight cup of tea.
Reuben had fallen asleep but the Spy Cam was set up and trained on the Fireplace, where a pair of boots appeared and then the man himself.
With a brisk efficiency Santa drained the sherry glass, enjoyed the mince pie, stashed presents in stockings, straightened a picture, deleted the evidence off the camera and returned up the chimney.
PLANET Z
Every few months, I clean out the vacuum cleaner.
No, not the bags… it’s a bagless vacuum.
And I empty out the vacuum’s container after every use.
I clean out the agitator bristles and rollers, cutting tangled threads, scraping and dumping the accumulated junk into a wastebin.
It supposedly works more effectively if you get rid of the accumulated grime.
Sometimes, a big fuzzy clump of cat fur and spider webs gets lodged in there, and it sprays a cloud of dust on the ground.
Which means… I have to run the vacuum over it.
And the cycle begins anew.