I’m careless and stupid, and I don’t stick to diets and exercise plans well.
Getting a cashback card for restaurants year-round was a huge mistake.
I go from size 36 jeans to size 42 and back again almost annually.
Since I don’t have much closet space, I end up donating the ill-fitting jeans in Christmas drives.
At this rate, half the Houston homeless population wears my pants.
Well, the slightly overweight to very overweight average-height homeless guys.
I’m not a midget or a whale, you know.
I just feel like a whale… when the size 42s feel a bit tight.