LIZZIE
It was dark. The swamp was weird. It bubbled, for some mysterious reason. And she had to step into it to prove herself, they said, to be part of the gang. The whole thing was pathetic, of course. But you’ll only be cool at school if the cool kids accept you. So, the swamp it was. Good thing she had a flashlight. She pointed at the others just to make sure they were still there. And it took exactly 0.4 seconds for the thing to snack on them. They were gone. Well, guess I’m the coolest kid now, she thought.It was dark. The swamp was weird. It bubbled, for some mysterious reason. And she had to step into it to prove herself, they said, to be part of the gang. The whole thing was pathetic, of course. But you’ll only be cool at school if the cool kids accept you. So, the swamp it was. Good thing she had a flashlight. She pointed at the others just to make sure they were still there. And it took exactly 0.4 seconds for the thing to snack on them. They were gone. Well, guess I’m the coolest kid now, she thought.
RICHARD
– NSFW –
The email was sent by a vague acquaintance, ‘Thought you might like to see these’ was the subject line.
I had my doubts. It was full of links to dubiously named websites, and the slightly ominous preface, ‘Warning: Not safe for work’.
Since he’d sent it to my work email, and there was no way I was going to forward it to my personal address, I reckoned I’d take a chance.
I waited for a quiet moment, then clicked a few – they all seemed broken.
Like work’s IT system.
Wrecked, by a virus, from stupidly clicking an email link.
TOM
Bottle Red Bottle White
Lenny took a sit at the back of the bar. As his saintly mother would say “with your back to the wall.” He had clear sight of the door as he ate his linguine. When the waiter moved on his right side he keep him in his peripheral vision. In the world Lenny lived being unsafe meant being un-alive. He kept sufficient fire power under his regular table. The one with hinged steel plate. He might have been a wise guy but as the bullets from the bathroom behind him hit in the back the linguine turned a bit redder.
SERENDIPIDY
My lawyer maintained my conviction was unsafe.
The villagers disagreed.
The evidence was crystal clear, they argued. I owned a black cat, I had a weird birthmark, and a third nipple… Probably.
Nobody was willing to actually check that out.
Then there were the failing crops that had blighted the village since my arrival, and the fact that I never went to church.
Mostly circumstantial evidence, protested my lawyer, and he did his job well. My conviction was overturned, and I was free.
Unfortunately for him, the villagers were right. And they knew it.
Now he’s the one who’s unsafe!
NORVAL JOE
Billbert woke in the dark. He lay on his back and his arm hung off the side of the bed. His hand rested on something soft and warm that rose and fell in a slow steady rhythm. When he poked it with his finger, it was squishy.
“Sabrina!” Billbert shouted as he sat up. “What are you doing in here? Did you feel unsafe?”
“I couldn’t sleep.” She looked up at him. “I thought if I held your hand, I could relax. I guess I fell asleep.”
“I guess you did,” Billbert mumbled. “That wasn’t your hand I was holding.”
PLANET Z
Ikea says you should bolt the dresser to the wall to keep it from tipping over.
Otherwise, a kid could open the top drawers and have the thing crush them.
So, I did.
And the dresser has yet to tip over.
Even when a tornado struck the neighborhood and everything was destroyed, the dresser was still standing.
“It’s a miracle,” said my wife.
I took a photo of the thing and sent it to Ikea.
“Here, take one of me,” I said, handing my phone to my wife.
That’s when the damned thing tipped over and crushed me to death.