Middle Age in the Middle Ages was younger than Middle Age here in the Modern Age.
Life expectancy has greatly increased, so Middle Age comes later.
Although for most, it’s still not in the middle. If you’re going to live to seventy or eighty, fifty is past your actual middle.
Back when I was young, I misheard someone say “Middle Age” and it sounded like “Meddle Age.”
Which, considering how much Middle Aged people meddle with young people, it sounded right.
“Don’t believe a word of it!” said the Middle Aged person. “Just do what I tell you to do.”
Little has Changed
Ali Rason descended the camel in resplendent blue robes. Mirrored Ray Buns reflected the boundless horizon of sand. Gliding to the tent flap his arms extended as he entered. Momar El Laurence raised both hands in greeting to the killer of his father. He offered him tea and lamb. They sat and smoked as a sudden storm pelted the side of the tent. Ali asked about his sister Momar’s bride. Momar inquired about his brother Ali’s caravan driver. The hospitality was given hospitality was received. If they met in the shadow of the rift the outcome would be less hospitable
How do you write 100 word stories? #66
Many folk with nowhere to go on a Saturday night have asked how do you Tom write a 100 word story
I’m a ghostwrite. At 3:45pm Tuesday afternoons my kitchen becomes filled with disembodied forms. Most are from New Jersey which is odd because I live in California. Most don’t have much of a story to tell, when I point this out they get bummed out and float off howling towards the locale Carl’s Juniors. BUT others, well they have had really fulfilled lives brimming with sadness and joy, know where all the skeletons are buried. One guy named Frank was on the white house staff during the Lincoln administration. He told me about this thing Abe could do with his ….
The Winner
I am the winner. Give me a medal.
I will not accept just a plaque. Unless the plaque is used for displaying a copy of the medal I am wearing.
I do not want a trophy. I do not own a trophy case, and a trophy deserves more than just a bookshelf.
Plus, I cannot wear the trophy around like I can wear a medal.
I will not let you give me just a ribbon. If you give me a ribbon, it had better be used to hang the medal around my neck.
Ribbons can’t stop bullets like medals, either.
Pet
It’s springtime again.
I want to go down to the stream and gather rocks and pebbles.
My pet turtle likes fresh ones in his terrarium every spring.
After school, I go down to the creek and fill the bottom of my bookbag with stones.
When I get home, I put my turtle in the sink and carry his bowl to the back yard to dump out the rocks and water
Then I bring the bowl back inside, wash it out, and arrange the new rocks.
A little water, and then I put the toy plastic turtle back in his bowl.
How do you write 100 word stories? #65
Many folk with high hopes have ask how do you Tom write a 100 word story
Now that I have become world famous and fabulously wealth I have decided to incorporate. I’m more interested in brand Tom then the dribble that hits the page. So I’m paying for my stories and slapping my name on them. “Saaaaayyyyy it’s not so. Joe.” Get a life. Ever major brand you buy is produced in some godforsaken sweatshop in the Pacific Rim. French shirt made in Pakistan. I like to think I’m filling the stomach of some kid in Bhopal. It’s not the product it’s the presentation. I stoke the star making machinery of the popular pulp. Chow baby.
How do you write 100 word stories? #64
Many folk with rings on their fingers and bell on their toes have asked how do you Tom write a 100 word story
Sometimes your writing is structurally sound, logically presented, the flow and timing is spot on, but it’s just flat. What do I mean by flat? It just lies there. So what do you do? I run the text though an internet English to German translator. It will give it some edge. Then I will run the German through a Japanese translator to give it an ethereal film. Next it goes into a Russian translator which brings up a fare amount of irony. Last it goes back to English which is handed off to the midget and it gets really twisted
Raising
This neighborhood is a great place to raise a family.
Especially if you want to raise them from the dead.
Yeah, this subdivision’s built on an ancient Indian burial ground.
What? You don’t want to raise an Indian family?
You’re not racists, are you?
Oh. Good. Well, then… the block over there is built on the site of a Presbyterian church. Maybe they had a cemetery along with it?
Just look for the stones marked “Infant” or “Son” or “Daughter.”
Unless you find a name you really like, because, let’s face it: the walking dead are lousy with new names.
How do you write 100 word stories? #63
Many folk with teeny tiny hands have asked how do you Tom write a 100 word story
There is no better lens to view popular culture and perhaps more specifically American culture then though Japanese’s animation. I like to watch 8 to 10 hours a day. I find myself regularly yelling at the screen “That’s so Japanese.” It’s weird to see Americanized characters suddenly extolling the virtues of honor, loyalty, sacrifice, and fraternity. Oh did I forget respect. How can a cartoon help you write better? It reminds you of the core values we have abandon for a buck. If you place them into your stories it creates a gnawing sense of loss for a nobler time.
The Knee
My left knee is a wreck. The surgeons cannot decide how best to repair it. So, delaying action, they take more X-rays.
I think they hope the radiation will cause a cancer that necessitates amputation. It would be so much easier to build a metal leg than repair this one.
Hiring a midget and giving him a samurai sword, however, was taking things too far.
The insurance company disagreed. In fact, hiring sword-waving midgets is covered by Medicare Plan A.
“Just try not to bend down,” says a surgeon. “He might try to chop off your head, despite the contract.”