How Do You Write 100 Word Stories #33

Many folk have taken to American Sign Language to ask

I’ve taken to writing stories underwater I got a big old blackboard and grease pen. When I started out I could only do about sentence a drive, but now I’m up to whole 100 words. Too keep my edge I have a school of thrasher sharks in one corner. My wife dumps gasoline on the surface and light it when I hit the bottom. I’ve learn how to pick the padlocks with my teeth and untie the ropes with my feet. Thinking of going salt water in the fall. Manta rays make good muses.

Snowglobe

I may look young, but I’m really over one hundred years old.
What’s my secret?
I drink nothing but the fluid from snowglobes.
You see, they fill those things with water from The Fountain Of Youth.
That’s where the sparkle comes from.
Ambrosia. Nectar of the Gods.
Oh, sure, it looks like ordinary water.
But it’s not. It’s powerful magic.
And it’s kept me alive for over one hundred years.
Crack it open… drink right from the snowglobe, don’t pour it into a glass.
Feel the tingle. Feel the burn.
Live forever.
Just try not to choke on the snowman.

How Do You Write 100 Word Stories #32

Many folk trapped in Chinese fortune factors have encased in cookies the following how would you tom write a 100 word story

Writing is a lot like spending a year in a Turkish prison. Boy Howdy don’t want to do that again. Though I must admit I miss the nights in the latrine with Omar reading the Rube Yata. Yes writing is a prison and your only friend is Bubba. If you embrace your own private Bubba chances are you will be a better writer that Steven King. Bet he never had a Bubba moment. Prisoners to the word waiting for an easily parole. It’s like being strip search by your muse writing is like doing hard time, working on the chaingang.

The last ticket

The woman at the ticket counter smiled, handed me the ticket, and then drew down a shade with CLOSED printed on it.
The line was long and the groans of frustration were loud.
Some asked me how much I wanted for my ticket.
Others wanted to see the ticket, but I was afraid they’d steal it.
I was surrounded: people making offers, begging for me to take their children with me.
I ran for the door, handed my ticket to the usher, and he tore off the stub.
Damn these exclusive Harry Potter movie premieres! Can’t they open more screens?

How Do You Write 100 Word Stories #31

Many folk have sent needle point samples which snitched out how would you tom write a 100 story

Since I’m on first name bases with god he has been asking me for help with his new book. So far we got zombies, and high-speed jet boats, ya know the ones out of that Bond movie, what was it called? I don’t think Sean Conner was in it and it wasn’t that other guy the one who played Anthony Hopkins’ love interest in Lion in Winter. Don’t you hate it when it is just at the edge of your mind and then it gone. The guy playing John was in Excaliber and Patrick Steward. Damn everyone was in that film.

Mister Clean

Mister Clean wasn’t always clean.
Despite his parents’ best efforts, he refused to clean his room.
“You’d better clean your room,” his mother would say. “Or you’re not getting any dinner.”
“Fine by me,” he said. “Everything you make tastes like ammonia and bleach anyway.”
She’d send him to his room, and he’d happy comply, slamming the door shut.
“At least we don’t have to see his room with the door closed,” his father said.
But they did have to smell it.
So, they took him to a mental hospital, where his head was shaved and he received shock therapy.

How Do You Write 100 Word Stories #30

Many folk have spray painting macaroni noodle glue to construction paper heart asking how do you Tom write a 100 word story

You may find this hard to believe but god is rather fond of 100 word stories. He told me last Thursday. He said he would have written the bible that way if he had known about the form. I said why don’t you do a rewrite. He shook his head, at least I think it was his head, you know he moves in mysterious ways. He said once ya finish a story it’s a bad idea to go back and monkey with it. I said how about a new book the first one did pretty damn good to date.

No Do Overs

It is quiet. Very quiet. No guns. No screaming. The horizon is dotted with piles of rusting metal. Razors wire rolls over the plain like tumbleweeds. You could call it a peaceful day, but peaceful would imply people actively engaging in a lack of hostilities, which isn’t the case. There is peace because there aren’t any people left to raise a ruckus. The last two are over there, yup the two skeletons with their hands around each other’s throats. I guess if everyone is gone the word peace like all the other words wouldn’t mean much to the circling birds.

an much to the circling birds.

The Imaginary Volcano

Remember that volcano in Iceland that erupted last year and disrupted travel for weeks?
Which volcano?
Well, um…
I can’t pronounce the name.
And that’s what I wanted to talk about.
Nobody talked about it before it erupted, but when it did, people talked about it all the time.
Just because the name was unpronounceable, it didn’t mean they didn’t talk about it.
They just called it “That Icelandic volcano” over there.
So changing your name to something unpronounceable won’t keep you out of the press.
Or off of wanted posters.
Let’s just wear masks when we rob banks, okay?

How Do You Write 100 Word Stories #29

Many folk have written an Italian Opera called how do you Tom write a 100 word story

Oh the life of the writer is a lonely one. The hours spent playing Free Cell. Days of sock puppet theatre. Waste paper basketball. Table top football. Cleaning the lint trap and make your own paper. Rearranging the spoons in the spoon drawer. The solitude of the writing process is only broken by moments of dancing in your underwear to Tainted Love. Then back to the blank screen with the humming of the servers in the other room, I humm back. Its like a duets . A wangerian duttle, ill be zegfried and you be Burunhilda. Hell im going take a nap.