How To Write 100 Word Stories #5

Many folk have sent up smoke signals which ask how do you tom write a 100 word story

I find I get my best ideas for stories while bathing in the tub. I fill the old claw foot with about 45 packages of Jell-O six bags of dry ice and I’m pretty must ready to go. Did I mention the defibrillator? Yep must have that ready when you lose conscience. I double wrap them in glad bags. Wouldn’t want to lose the moment with a nasty electrocution burn. Nice people in the tunnel of light have the loveliest story ideas.

Pulsation

“Pulsation: Pulsation is the act of pulsating,” mumbled Dictionary.
Dictionary is Steve’s little brother. He’s retarded or something, but special.
You can tell him a word, and he’ll give you the definition.
We ask him a few bad words and laugh at him.
Then we ask him a few nonsense words, and he holds his head and screams.
But then, hearing “Zuatha” he stopped.
“Zuatha: Zuatha is a insectoid hive-mind species that has developed faster-than-light technology and routinely observe-”
That’s all Dictionary said before the room was filled with a bright white light.
The light vanished.
And so did Dictionary.

How To Write 100 Word Stories #4

Many folk have dialed 911 and ask how do you tom write a 100 word story

Oh I find its easiest to just writing down any old word on a chuck of cedar and chuck it into the old Franklin stove. Just before it gets white hot I reach in grab a fistful of coals and toss them on to the couch. You may find this hard to believe but nine times out ten the coals need little or no editing. Every once and a while you got to throw some water on one or two, but that about it.

Induction Core

I slice a lemon in half, open it up, and scrape out pulp with my fingernail.
It takes a long time to finish a lemon this way. Takes a lot of patience to do it.
Every few tries, the pulp bursts and sprays.
Slowly. Patiently.
A delicate touch helps.
I watched the old man scrape the other half of the lemon with his thumb as we watched the sun set, his eyes never leaving the horizon.
An hour later, he hands it back to me, picked clean.
“Tomorrow, bring a lime,” he says, and he walks back into the shadows.

How To Write 100 Word Stories #3

A poem in iambic pentameter in the style of Vigil well before he got catch at the bath house doing the backstroke with the Emperor’s wife Laybeeus Maximus (my wasn’t that a messy bit of business I’llll tell you) transported by a herd of semi wild Arizonian camels following the same route used by the Donner party and by a odd coincidence the same month with the same level of snow fall same morbidity rate (now isn’t that rather odd I’lllll say) What was the question?

Majestic

I have never understood the song “America The Beautiful.”
Yes, this country has its beautiful places, but what is so majestic about a purple mountain?
All the mountains I’ve ever seen have green, white, brown, grey, and black on them.
Never purple.
If I saw a purple mountain, I’d think it would look like a gigantic bruise.
Like someone punched our country in the face or something.
How is a gigantic bruise from getting punched in the face majestic?
Oh, so you think I’m overthinking this?
Fine. Let me punch you in the face. See how majestic you look then!

How To Write 100 Word Stories #2

Many folk have telegrammed me and ask how do you tom write a 100 words story

Well ya take your old trusty Number 6 Whitworth spanner and gently wedge it between the governor and the Simons exhaust manifold. Give it 2.6 radials turns stop when the molten lava reach the second canary’s cage or until the Paschal candle burns down to the second red wax nail. Under no circumstances lets the level in the birdbath drop to expose the top fusion rod while the spanner is in the dorsal position. Set the timer to 10 and run like hell.

Elves Live

Happy The Elf woke up in the North Pole Infirmary.
His head hurt. Everything looked weird.
“What happened?” he asked.
“You had a rough Christmas,” says the lab technicians, putting equipment on a cart. “Everyone did. But you’re all fine now.”
Happy looked around and saw all the other elves in the Infirmary, in various states of stupor and lucidity.
Santa watched them through a one-way mirror.
“Poor bastards,” he said. “They have no memory of the Hell I put them through every year.”
“And neither do you, you old bastard” said a technician, sliding a needle into Santa’s neck.

Can you keep a secret?

Can you keep a secret?
I can’t.
That’s why whenever someone says they want to tell me a secret, I stick my fingers in my years and jump up and down, shouting I CAN’T HEAR YOU!
This makes things difficult at work. I work for the government.
Well, used to.
Because they say I can’t keep a secret.
Sure, I say I can’t, but then, I’ve never given any away.
That’s what my lawyer says. He says I have a good case.
The government wants to settle out of court.
If we keep the terms of the settlement a secret.

How To Write 100 Word Stories #1

This is a new series by Weekly Challenge Veteran and Golden Monkey Whisperer Tom where he shares his secrets in 100 word storywriting.

(Yes, there will be a quiz later.)

Many folk have emailed me and ask how do you tom write a 100 words story.

Well I start with two pieces of wonder beard (crusts trimmed) On one piece I spread an ample layer of mayonnaise to which I sprinkle a fair amount of bacon bits. On the other slice I lather on crunchy style peanut butter as a bed for crumbled ruffled potato chips. I slap it together pierce the top with five toothpicks in the form of an American star an olive atop each. Put it out on the deck for the cat and take a nap.