Weekly Challenge #246 – Fake

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Six, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Fake

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

Vince/Fricker

It was mid-summer.

I was sitting on an old wooden dock suspended over a smooth surface of a high mountain lake.
I tilted my head back and let the sun pour its warm caress of heat over my face.

My feet swayed at the water’s surface in beat with my peaceful heart.
The waters chill and the Suns velvet glove of warmth brought comfort to me like no other day in memory.

Beep beep beep…

Nap-time was over and therefore my dream. Another foot of snow had fallen.
Gone was the fake fishing pole, replaced by a real snow shovel.

Tom

When I was small I had an undifferentiated view of the world. Everything had an ample amount of gravitas. Even things close to the edge like stuff toys fit nicely into my own private verisimilitude. All that changed on my 5th birthday the day Easter fell on April the sixth. He suddenly appeared in the corner store window. 12 inches resplendently attired in an embossed bunny waistcoat. He was most assembled chocolate I had ever seen, which should have been a warning. When I unwrapped Him I choose the ear as the best place to begin.

TK

Another day, another dollar. Sai yawned, his feet hit the floor, and it was off to the wardrobe. Nobody knew, naturally. A human with cat features would be tolerated as well as Bigfoot in this world. The tail tucked into his jeans easily enough, with some tailoring. He’s well known as “that guy with a fedora”, so hiding his ears was cake. A stop by the washroom for a pair of contacts and a shave (making sure to keep those pesky whiskers trimmed flat against his face), and the facade was complete. Nobody could possibly know he was a Neko.

Cherie

In the end he said, “It’s not real.” To which I replied, “What? Not real? Do you know how much I paid for this?!”  “Shame,.” he muttered, “Some folks just don’t have an eye for it.”
Shuffling out of the shop I felt the slow drip of anger trickle down my back. “How can it not be real?” I asked myself, ” I was so careful. I did my research. I asked all the right questions!”
Looking down at the small unicorn stationed at my side, I sighed, ruffled its mane and said, “It’s okay, buddy, you’re real enough for me.”

Jeff

I opened my eyes slowly. It was dark, but not so dark that you couldn’t see anything, just dark enough that you couldn’t see anything well. I looked around, slowly, trying to figure out the situation. To the left and right of my position it was dark as well, but there was a faint noise, water trickling somewhere, and dripping into a large pool. I looked up, and saw a circle of light. I heard a screeching, scraping sound as steel screamed against steel and the circle became a crescent and then a thud as the manhole cover was replaced.

Steven

See Sally. Sally likes Bobby. Sally has regular-sized breasts.

See Bobby. Bobby likes Sally. Bobby has inherited male pattern baldness.

Sally and Bobby date. Later, they get married. They care about each other.

See Sally look at the media. See Sally get envious of photoshopped
silicone breasts.

See Bobby look at the media. See Bobby get envious of men with full
heads of hair.

See Sally get new breasts. See Bobby get new hair. They are fake.

See Sally and Bobby hug.

While they hug, they don’t meet each other’s eyes.

More than hair and breasts is fake here.

Zackmann

When I was young my grand aunt took a trip and asked me to water the plants in her apartment.
Wanting to please my beloved aunt, I went to her place every day she was absent, then filled
the watering can and got to work. I watered her Diefenbachia, Spider plants, Creeping Charlie,
and every other plant I could find.Upon her return with a smile my aunt thanked and told me
that I did a very thorough job but if she ever needed me to do it again there will really be no
need to water the artificial plants.

AM Earley

The nightclub bouncer sighed, “Your driver’s license, your hair color, color contacts, fur coat, costume jewelry, breast implants, leather purse, and are those dentures? Everything about you right now is fake. Give me one reason I should let you inside.”

“I taught you in the forth grade. That was before my husband dumped me for a younger woman. He then came back to me when she stole all his money. Now it is my turn.”

The bouncer took a deeper look until he finally found the real woman he had last seen twenty years before.

“Enjoy yourself.”

Michael

Holding them in his hands he felt their smoothness, their roundness, their perfection.

So perfect, he felt certain they must be fake.

“These cannot be real,” he told himself rolling one across his fingers noticing that it was clearly larger.

She stared at him awaiting his response, his next move.

He backed away from her sensing he had gone beyond their allotted time.

“I’m sorry madam. Thank you for your time. I simply don’t know enough about pearls to distinguish the real from the fakes.”

She sighed, looking beyond him for the next customer to approach the counter.

TJ

In the past, bank robbers wore fake beards. These days we wear fake
boobs. Even without disabling the cameras it’s so hard to focus on our
faces. We got the idea from a stripper at Angels. I didn’t realize til
halfway through her set she was my sister. I asked her if those things
were real, and she said, “They ain’t figments of your
imagination.” I asked if they were hers and she said she sure paid
enough for them. As family reunions go it was pretty awkward, and two or
three sets later I stormed right out of there.

Danny

Big shiny BMW, fresh spanking new, just driven off the lot. Have all of this bonus money to spend, what should I buy next, a large house in an affluent neighborhood? Nah, I already have 12 of those. I want something that screams out “Success!” I want to be looked up to, after all, I am an upstanding citizen. I know, extended vacation on an exclusive island in the Bahamas. When vacation’s over, time to go back to work and deny loans to small business and homeowners who need it. Greed only works for those who are not victimized by it.

Norval Joe

“This girl is a fake,” the detective said as he took the pipe from his mouth and cradled it in his hand. He circled the peasant girl. Her long blonde curls reached nearly to her waist.
“But Mr. Holmes,” the rotund, balding man said, “the shoe fits. She’s wearing it now.”
“It’s elementary, my Dear Watson; Hyper-hydrosis.”
“The real mystery girl from the ball is one of these ugly step-sisters, her feet now swollen from dancing all night in uncomfortable shoes.”
“This charlatan’s excessively sweaty feet facilitated her fraud by allowing her to don the other girl’s ill-fitting glass slipper.”

Planet Z

It was the fourth quarter, and the Eagles were down by two, facing fourth and inches.

Forty yards out, the clock running down.

Yeah, everybody knew they were going to fake the punt.

Except the punter, apparently. When the ball was snapped and he punted the ball, everybody just stared at him.

Including the returner. Instead of catching the ball and running with it or calling for a fair catch, it bounced off his hands.

Nobody moved.

Except for the punter, who ran to grab the ball and scored a touchdown.

The officials didn’t blow the whistle for another minute.

Robot Replacements

The owner of the factory looked at the productivity reports and sighed.
His workers were shiftless and lazy, so he decided to replace them with robots.
The robots tried to get the work done, but their output still wasn’t what he’d hoped for.
Then, the idea struck him: What if the robots were shiftless and lazy?
He had them reprogrammed and started the factory back up.
The robots turned out to be even more efficient than humans at shirking their duties. One robot could shirk the duties of ten men.
He gave up on the factory business, building politicians instead.

Fish In A Barrel

Ever shot fish in a barrel?
It’s not as easy as you think.
Fish are small moving targets.
And you have to take into consideration the refractive properties of the water.
Light bends considerably depending on the angle you’re looking into the water.
Don’t believe me? Stick a straw in a glass at an angle and look at it.
That weird break in the angle is due to refraction.
So, go ahead. Try to shoot fish in a barrel.
You’re better off just pouring the barrel out, picking up the fish, and smacking them on the ground until they’re dead.

Gun Fight

Only a fool brings a knife to a gun fight.
But it takes a bigger fool to bring floppy clown shoes, a bright red wig, and a seltzer bottle.
I stood there, staring at the fool, with my gun pointed at his head.
“What is it about ‘gun fight’ you didn’t understand?” I asked.
“I thought you said ‘clown fight’ when you called,” said the fool. “I think I need to get my hearing checked. Or were you chewing gum while you were talking to me?”
I shook my head, put my gun away, and turned to-
He shot me.

Trust Me

“If you love me, you’ll trust me.”
Ever hear that one?
I hear it all the time.
She comes home with a bow and arrow, wanting to put an apple on my head to shoot off.
Or a wheel to strap me to as she throws knives at me.
Then there’s our savings account. Every weekend, she wants to take it to Vegas with dreams of not leaving it all there as we hitch a ride back home.
Today, she’s cooking dinner.
She sets out a plate and smiles.
I take one whiff and…
“So, where’s the bow and arrow?”

Carded

For my birthday, my wife drove us to San Antonio and we spent three days at the Hotel Valencia on the Riverwalk.
I’ve been on a diet for a while, so eating at all these fancy restaurants along the river kinda wore me out.
Still, it’s a nice atmosphere, and we had a good time.
Especially at Michelino’s, an Italian place. The salads were excellent, the dinner was superb, and the Chianti went well with the dinner.
Plus, I got carded.
Me. Who just turned forty-one. Carded.
I was flattered, until later on the waiter said “Oh, we card everybody.”

Huguenots Zero

Louie and Phileep were inseparable. Their mothers would say: Comme deux pois dans une gousse. They slept in the top draw of Madame Trebecks bureau. Later they moved into Madame Dumount’s armoire. Louie developed a devotion for god and chose to follow a calling to the priesthood. Despite no inclination for matters religious Phileep join his friend in the seminar. When Phileep informed his friend of his desire to join the army Louie came with him. Their odd mix of careers came into total alignment the morning of St Barthemew’s Day. They lined the fallen like peas in a pod.

Notes

You are gone, and I miss you.
I want to write a story for you.
To remember.
I sit here, pen in hand, but the page is blank.
I cannot stop crying. My tears cover the page.
I crumple it up and toss it away.
The floor is covered with tear-stained pages.
So, still crying, I go to sleep.
In my dream you pick up the pages, smooth them out, and sit down at the piano.
Your hands hesitate, then, reading stains as notes, you play.
It is beautiful.
I can stop crying now.
And write this story for you.

The Darkest Dark

I sat down, closed my eyes, and imagined the darkest dark.
There’s always light coming through your eyelids or the blankets you put over your head.
That’s when you have to step away from yourself, leave senses behind, going where no light will reach you.
My friend was puzzled by this, and asked “Why are you trying to imagine the dark?”
And she told me to see the brightest bright.
“Won’t that burn my eyes?” I asked.
I heard nothing, so I lifted the blankets, turned on the light, and she was gone.
She doesn’t need to imagine it anymore.

Weekly Challenge #245: My hat’s off to you!

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Forty-Five, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was My hat’s off to you!

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

Mick

The café was almost full, so he took a seat at a table already occupied by a pretty young woman. She glanced up from her book to acknowledge his presence with a smile that warmed him from his walk through the Viennese wind.

It was as fine a coffee as he had ever tasted, but the cake far exceeded his expectations. He offered her some, keen to share his discovery. On leaving, he raised his hat to the café owner in thanks.

Every subsequent year they returned, as husband and wife, to share a Kardinalschnitte in the Café Alt Wien.

AM Earley

“Silent Night.” “Behtoven’s Fifth.” “Walking the Floor.” “Freebird!” “Master of Puppets!”

The young soldier took every request given. His guitar was one of the few luxuries he brought with him during his third tour. He may only be a music geek, but here he was as famous as Elvis, maybe.

“Ok, it is time for bed for all. I don’t care how old you are.” The older veterans would tip their imaginary hats and follow the head nurse’s order. The younger veteran’s took turns wheeling the musician back to his room, for another restless night. Sweet music would return tomorrow.

Tom

The star of the Congress of Rough Riders was the first American cowgirl. She could rope she could ride some say she was a better shot that Anne Mose herself. Lucille Mulhall at 14 had caught the eye of the future president of American. “Bully” he shouted in the rising Oklahoma dust on the first forth of July of a newly minted century. “My hats off to that little lady I say I must meet her.” The cowgirl and the candidate ending their first meeting on a red bluff under a crescent moon hunting the last gray wolf in Oklahoma

Zackman

Bob never took his hat off. Not in the field, not inside the house, not at the table no matter what
he’s mother told him, not when he went to bed, not when he got a haircut, nor in church, and
not even in the shower. One day Bob’s Girl friend Said ” If you don’t take that hat off now, I’m
leaving you”. Bob cried for three days but he did not take off his hat. Our hats off to you Bob for
never bowing to social pressure nor common sense and never removing you hat

Michael

“All you do is criticize me,” John said, addressing his wife’s reflection in the mirror.

“My shirt’s the wrong color to you.”

“My shoes are the wrong style to you.”

“Hell, even my hat’s off to you!”

“How do you suppose I got dressed before you came into my life?”

She stared at his back as he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

If he’s going to be that much of a jerk, she thought, he can just walk around all night with his pants unzipped.

TJ

You hear a wuffle in the hallway, a rustling among the coats.
When there’s a bustle in your hedgerow, you should be alarmed.
It’s not just a spring clean for the May Queen … oh no.
You’ve wakened the wrath of an old chapeau.
There was some magic in that old top hat they found.
Voodoo. The bunny you took home with you
When it hopped to you at my magic show
My mystical exhibition, phantasmagorica
How trepidation transforms your euphoria
It stopped seeking my bunny, it’s shifted its view
With dark magic teeth, see … my hat’s off’ter you.

Danny

You both are the two true heroes in my life. Always there in my time of need, always supportive of whatever path I chose, you were both there in my times of triumph and utter despair. Every time I woke up in the hospital, you were right by my bedside, amazed and overjoyed your only son was still alive. You stood proudly next to me as I was sworn in as an attorney, and helped me as my practice struggled through a depressed economy. To my parents, Norma and Luther, I love you both. My hat’s off to you.

Vince

You took me on a roller-coaster ride and left me stranded. I saw you waving at me from down below. You were laughing at me like the over-sized clown that stands in front of the Fun House. You had me in a cold sweat not knowing when the coaster was going to drop. Inch by inch I felt the car move but the drop never came. All my senses vanished except for hearing every squeak and every crack as the coaster spoke of my pending free-fall. Well hats off to you 2010 but is this all you got. Let’s ride!

Norval Joe

The two boys were best friends since sixth grade when Bert first helped Wendell complete a science project.

There was a tinge of rivalry to their friendship and Wendel always seemed to get credit for Bert’s work.

Wendall got the better grades in high school physics and a bigger scholarship at Stanford than Bert got at Cal. The final straw, Wendall got a government defense contract for an idea they had developed together.

Bert smiled, knowing the fatal errors built into the formulae.

“My hat’s off to you, Wendell,” Bert toasted his friend. “I wish you the success you deserve.”

PLANET Z

It took a day to scrounge up the parts from dumpsters in the garment district.

It took another day to repair the worst of the damage and assemble the ones that fit together best.

On the third day, I dressed the figure in a suit that no longer fit me.

And on the fourth, I placed him outside the front door, with a fine top hat in his hand.

He stands there, smiling.

Why an abortion clinic would want a mannequin in a suit greeting people, I don’t know.

But somehow, it seemed like a good idea at the time.