The first rule of security cameras is that if you don’t see security cameras, then the cameras are well-hidden.
However, the second rule of security cameras is to make them visible so that people know they are there.
Then there’s the third rule: it’s cheaper to put a sign up that says there are security cameras, even though there aren’t any security cameras.
Because if people can’t see a security camera, they know they must be well-hidden.
Still, it pays to look, because if you’re like me, someone who steals and fences security camera, they can be worth a lot.
So, I made a LinkedIn account.
Connected with a bunch of coworkers and people I went to school with.
And then, I let it sit for a few years.
Every now and then, someone requests a connection.
Or there’s a bunch of people congratulating me for a work anniversary.
Then there’s the waves of connection requests by coworkers.
Usually, that a sign something bad is coming.
They ask me for recommendations.
So, I agree, and then the prospective employer calls me, I tell them the truth:
“You know what? I recommend that you hire me instead.”
And I hang up.
I love a parade
Long ago, I was in a Fourth of July Parade in Deerfield, Illinois.
We were doing the Boston Tea Party, dressed up in Indian war paint and throwing sturdy carboard boxes at the crowd that were painted to look like tea chests.
Helpers would gather and stack the boxes back up for us to throw again.
Celebrating cultural appropriation and defamation for patriotic purposes.
Tossing those boxes, we bonked a few people on the head.
One of the metal clips came loose from a box and tore up a few people’s hands and heads until they put that box away.
The walk to the store
On Saturday, I like to walk to the grocery store.
I bring a pair of reusable bags, because the handles of paper and plastic bags are prone to breaking.
There are several grocery stores within walking distance.
Each has a different route, some along ugly streets and some through nice subdivisions with sidewalks and tree cover.
I sweat a lot on these walks, and cashiers ask if I’ve been running.
“No,” I say. “I’ve been walking. If I had been running, I’d have gotten here sooner.”
I’d probably have sweated less, being out in the Texas sun that much less.
Lisa – Him
Him
He was a charismatic man; I don’t think I fancied him not at first anyway. I’d always been a plain girl but there I felt special, like I stood out. It was how he treated people. He held your attention while he spoke; he didn’t look anywhere else. He put you at ease.
It didn’t matter what he was saying: even explaining the old plumbing he had us all enthralled.
I trusted and respected him. I never felt he’d given me any reason to doubt him, ridiculous isn’t it when he’d kept me and the others imprisoned in his basement?
Weekly Challenge #948 – Spread
The next topic is PICK TWO Semantics, Cheers, Pots and pans, Landslide, Fret, Crystal
RICHARD
Breakfast
Please be careful in the kitchen, you’ll find the floor may be a little slippery.
It’s entirely my fault, but you see, I had to find a solution.
I’m always in such a hurry rustling up something for breakfast that I invariably manage to drop my toast… You know how it goes: Always, butter side down.
That’s why these days, I never butter my toast, instead I spread the butter on the floor.
I still manage to drop it, all the time, but at least it doesn’t matter which way up it lands.
Oh, and that sticky patch is marmalade.
LIZZIE
Spread the news, folks, only one train a week from Monday onwards. Yes, I know. It’s a pain, but it’s out of my hands. Top branch has decided and I follow their orders, that’s all. No, Mr. Peters, I get no extra time off. I still have to be here at the station. Of course, Mrs. Lemon, but don’t be so bitter. Sorry, I couldn’t help it! And I see you, young Thomas, I see you. No more fun trips to the city ladies no more. Oh, that was a secret, was it? My sincere apologies. Well, now everyone knows.
SERENDIPIDY
“Spread ’em!”
The cop’s instruction was clear, unfortunately my interpretation of it wasn’t. I did what I thought I was being asked, and that’s how I ended up with an indecent exposure rap, on top of the original charge for robbery.
As he spun me round to apply the handcuffs, I lost my balance, accidentally punching him in the face.
So, that’s assaulting a police officer too.
The handcuffs caught on the seat as they pulled me out, tearing the fabric.
That’s criminal damage then!
I got away scot-free.
In the confusion, they forgot to read me my rights!
LISA
Our World
Time became meaningless, we had no jobs to get to. We stayed up all night; we slept through days: all decided by the sound of the gong. It was a move away from the Traditional.
We had a few trips out: hung around uni campuses to try and spread the word. To extend our flock. It felt weird being away from the safety of the house.
Apart from those trips we had no contact with outsiders. There was no TV or radio. We’d had no more newspapers since leaving the basement.
Our world had shrunk. And none of us cared.
TOM
The Spread
Chicago was a union town. And every neighborhood had a union bar which often served as a union hall. This is where the working class had there wedding receptions. Pretty drab in a decorative sense, but what it lacked in appearance it made up in sure volume of food. A spread to die for. Food spread out on the bar end to end. The promise of free food is what drew my dad to these prenuptials. Man had serious balls. Also, a skill to do any ethic vocal inflection. From Polish to tagalog. A man from any bundók to miasto.
NORVAL JOE
The following day Billbert found Sabrina asleep with a sheet spread over her. Touching her hand, she opened her eyes and smiled. “Hi, Billbert.”
“My mom sent some clothes.” Billbert said and held up some t-shirts with Kuromi and other anime characters, and some pairs of cut-off sweatpants. “She sewed Velcro on the side so you can put on the shorts without having to pull them up.”
Excited, Sabrina said, “Wait outside while the nurse helps me put them on.”
“Actually. I have to talk to Mandi,” Billbert apologized.
Sabrina’s face darkened. “Why do you have to talk to her?”
PLANET Z
When Bilbo says he feels like butter spread over too much bread, I look at this podcast and sigh.
Eighteen years? Nineteen years?
I post stories from my dwindling drafts pile for the previous week, not the upcoming week.
I dawdle on Sunday mornings until I feel compelled to post the weekly challenge.
A simple spelling mistake on a file, and there’s nothing to hear until I fix it.
A week later.
Just make it to five. Just make it to ten. Just make it to fifteen.
Just make it to twenty.
Why? Why do I do this?
Why not?
CHATGPT
On a sunny afternoon, Clara spread a blanket under the old oak tree, setting out an assortment of her grandmother’s homemade pastries. She had carefully prepared the spread: warm scones, jam, and butter, each bite a taste of her childhood. As friends and family gathered around, laughter and conversation filled the air. Clara watched as the joy of sharing her grandmother’s recipes brought smiles to everyone’s faces. Each piece of pastry was more than just food—it was a piece of her past, lovingly spread out for all to enjoy. In that moment, Clara realized that the simplest gestures often create the most cherished memories.
McGruff
Remember McGruff the Crime Dog?
He was a bloodhound in a trench coat that gave crime prevention tips.
But the truth was, Mcgruff was an actual crime dog.
He committed crimes.
Mostly robberies, stealing audio-visual equipment and computers from the schools he’d visit.
But sometimes, he’d sell drugs,
I mean, he had a whole display case full of them, and they weren’t just props.
They were real, and after the show, he’d sell them to the teachers and administration.
Why not, right?
But never to the kids.
I mean, he may have been a criminal, but he wasn’t a hypocrite.
Whirly swirly portal
Sometimes, with the right resonance, frequency, the barrier between worlds weakens, and a portal opens.
A point of light, then a swirling vortex of color… and finally, a glowing tunnel.
Strange glowing vapors and humming come from the tunnel.
Where does it go? Where does it lead?
I stick my hand in… it feels cold… and warm at the same time.
Dare I look? Peer deep into the void?
Nah. I don’t need that in my life.
I drag the garbage cans over and dump them into the tunnel.
It’ll save me a few bucks off of the trash tax.
In the bag
Renee loved her Hello Kitty sleeping bag.
She refused to go to sleep in anything else.
Sometimes, she’d have an accident, so her parents got her another one.
One for sleeping in, and another that could go through the wash.
She had a lot of accidents in her sleep.
The doctors took a while to figure out what it was.
Then, they knew.
There, in her hospital bed, in her Hello Kitty sleeping bag.
Through all the treatments, her hair falling out.
When the time came, they buried her in it.
Well, both of them. One inside the other.
Gandhi
Gandhi did a hundred mile march to the ocean to make salt.
It was a protest against salt taxes imposed by the British colonial government.
He knelt by the shore, pulled out a straining cloth, and laid it down on the sand.
Then he scooped water into the cloth and lifted the cloth to drain out the water.
Leaving salt in the cloth.
Soldiers politely asked Gandhi to accompany them to the local magistrate’s house.
He stood up, brushed the sand from his knees, and walked with them.
The townspeople cheered as he walked past, reaching out to touch him.