George and the floods

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He watched the news and saw the devastation from the hurricane.
“If you stay, be sure to write your name and social security number on your arm so we can identify your body,” said the mayor.
When they called for rescue boats, George hopped in the ship’s rowboat and did his best to rescue as many people as possible.
“Thank you, George!’ they all said.
“You’re welcome,” said George.
After the rain stopped and the waters receded, George sold all the names and social security numbers to identity thieves.

Weekly Challenge #991 – Budget airline

The next topic is PICK TWO Castle, Rules, Root, Naked in the snow, A pillow

LISA

Interview with one of the two Plane Crash Survivors
“Marie, What an experience. How did you manage to last nearly a year out there?”
“For a start we had decent bedding. The contents of people’s cases were amazing. Some real luxury treats in there. We’d made a shelter from part of the plane. Most of the fittings had come loose when it crashed so it was easy to gut it between us.”
“Your husband didn’t survive, did he?”
No, and I don’t really want to dwell on what we ate but I think things would’ve been much harder to swallow on a budget airline. Having decent cutlery really helped.

RICHARD

— Thank you for flying —
I think my budget airline of choice is taking the concept of low-cost a little too far.
I understand doing away with cases in the hold, and limiting hand luggage to a single, tiny bag.
And I can’t really quibble over inadequate legroom and lack of refreshments.
I do have concerns, now that they’re charging to use the lavatory, and seatbelts are optional extras.
And last time I flew I had to pay more, just to sit in a seat.
But now I’m drawing the line.
I refuse to supply my own elastic band and wind the propeller myself!

THOMAS

BUDGET AIRLINE

SkyGrind Airlines redefined “bare minimum.” Seats? Replaced by communal perches made of recycled truck tires. Windows? Gone. Now, laser prints glued on walls. The fuselage? A patchwork of old billboard vinyl and repurposed garden fencing.

Flight attendants were unpaid “SkyVolunteers”—contest winners too dazed to decline. Food? Trays of sandwiches… split among rows. Beverage cart? Lukewarm tap water served in jelly glasses, $3.

When the plane tilted, passengers shifted to counterbalance—“dynamic seating,” they called it. Landing gear? Yoga mats. Yet people flew SkyGrind. Why? Tickets cost less than a vending machine burrito. Comfort was a luxury. Survival, an upsell.

LIZZIE

Low cost. This is what you get. A hole on the side of the plane through which two people were sucked out. Three more held on to their seats, one of them with a hole on his head instead. “Transfer the money or else”, they said. The company chose the “or else” obviously. Now, they had to transfer a ton of money, but to the families of the deceased. One of the relatives laughed all the way to the bank. “Transfer the money or transfer the money. From low cost to premium, plus the inheritance, that’s how you do business.”

SERENDIPIDY

So, there you are, enjoying the in-flight entertainment, complementary drink and snacks, congratulating yourself on ditching the budget airline and splashing out on this particular trip.
Until there’s a shudder and sudden sickening drop. The engines start to scream, along with the passengers, oxygen masks drop from the ceiling, and the plane plunges towards the ground.
Then, over the tannoy, you hear the captain’s calm, reassuring voice: “Brace for impact!”
By the way, I’m the captain on this flight, and the reason I’m so calm is because I have a parachute.
Happy landings… I’ll see you on the ground!

NORVAL JOE

His mother took the phone from Billbert’s hand. “Hello. I’m June Weinerheimer and a woman from Child Health and Welfare took Sabrina Hecksaohos from our home to place her with a foster family. May I speak with the supervisor?”

“I’m sorry. Ms. Pickenpaw took a budget airline flight to Mexico a week ago and hasn’t been heard from since. According to privacy policy, only she can give you any information.”

Billbert took his phone when his mother disconnected. “I know where Mandi lives. I’m going to look for her.”

His mother nodded. “I’ll do what I can to find Sabrina.”

TOM

Come Fly With Me

Lenny had just made it to junior partner at Wilcons Spencer and Dakmen. He walking into the room with an air of absolute conviction that he had found the secret sauce that would save Budget airlines. The founder of the airline Slim Walker the third laid his gaze on Lenny. It was the sort of extractive gaze that only the hyper wealth got mustard at will. Lenny returned it will a firm: yup I got your back old man. With that he revealed centerpiece of the new ad campaign: Fly Subterranean Airlines, It’s like you never left the ground.

PLANET Z

Back in The Eighties, there was this airline called Peoples Express. They would collect money or credit card receipts on the plane. There weren’t any movies I think, nothing fancy, and you had to pay for a Coke or peanuts or a small sandwich or whatever. This was after having flown American and United a few times where they gave that stuff away, and had movies and music, so it felt really cheap and miserable. You know, like how things are now with American and United and all those other airlines out there flying and upcharge for everything you want.

George changes

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He spent very little time pirating and too much time thinking.
He has a lot of bad ideas.
“That would be like trying to change a car engine while you’re driving it down the freeway,” said the captain.
“But we’re in a ship, not a car,” said George. “You can pull down the sails and replace them without much of a problem. Or replace the rudder with another.”
The captain nodded, but pointed at the rapidly approaching British Navy.
“Can you hurry up with the sails and rudder, please?”

George vs the hurricanes

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
The governor called for evacuations because of an imminent hurricane, so a lot of people ran out of gas on the freeways and got stuck.
George convinced pirates to pick up as many people as they could and sail away to safety.
Of course, the pirates held the people for ransom, but were reasonable and offered hurricane discounts.
And it wasn’t exactly brutal kidnapping, either. Most just partied and had a good time on their boats.
“That was great!” most people said. “I can’t wait for the next hurricane!”

George and the mermaid

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He’d sit on the rocks by the shore, talking to Cassandra, the last of the mermaids.
They’d trade stories while watching the sun go down.
One day, Cassandra never showed up.
George assumed that she’d gone through The Emerald Gate, never to return.
But she’d actually gotten tangled in a Japanese fishing trawler’s net.
For years, she traveled in a freakshow carnival.
Telling her stories to the crowds.
Leaping through hoops, singing her songs.
George eventually found her, but she was happy with her life.
George smiled and left.

George and the drive-through window

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
But he was a genius compared to the dimwits at the drive-through.
George pulled the ship up to the speaker, lowering sails and dropping anchor.
He assumed that the noise was someone trying to say “Can I take your order?”
George read the list he’d gotten from his crewmates, but the speaker kept interrupting him.
“Can’t I just pull up and give you this list?”
More static barely resembling human speech.
George pulled up anyway, and handed over the list.
“Next time, we order Uber Eats,” said the captain.

George and the pirate code

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He never learned The Pirate Code.
So, the time when he ended up in prison, he was woken up by the strange tapping on the stone wall.
He’d summon the guards to complain, and the guards would nod and open the cell next to him.
“I was trying to tell you that we’re breaking out tonight, you idiot!” shouted the prisoner being dragged off.
“Oh, okay!” shouted George back. “Thank you!”
George slept peacefully… until he heard the chiseling in the wall.
He summoned the guards to complain again.

George and the little kids rock

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Every time he took his ship into the harbor, he’d end up smashing it into Little Kids Rock, and he’d have to be rescued.
How did the rock get the name “Little Kids Rock?”
Well, not so long ago, a little boy gathered up wood scraps, glued and nailed and lashed them together, and made himself a raft.
He put it in the water, got on board, raised his ragged sail, and drifted out of the harbor.
George’s ship smashed into it.
And then he smashed into the rock.

Weekly Challenge #990 – Place

The next topic is Budget airline

LISA

A Glimpse of my Future
She’d placed three cards on the table. Face down. Nodding after each was revealed.
“The first I see a man. In uniform he’s tall. I foretell a pursuit.” She turned the final card, and sighed saying “Yes. The chase will be relentless.”
She gathered the cards and returned them to the deck then placed them in her basket. We both moved away from the table together. It was an odd thing to happen, right?
We went through the door together too. An alarm went off and the security guard ran after us. I may never go back to John Lewis.

TOM

990

Somebody bet on da bay.

I had a friend who loved to bet on the ponies. He saw himself as a bit of a handicappers. Loved to play the Trifacta. For you-z whos mother school their children never to lay down a Jefferson on a hag, may not be aware be this gambling term, it means to play a wager on the horse to crossing the finish line in the order 1st 2nd and 3rd. Win Place and Show. Win Place. While my friend poured over each horse’s history in the handicapper’s rags. I just chose my picks on how much I likes the horse’s name.

989

Rabbit Holes

The path of the geek is long and deep. Being in Silicon Valley in the late 70s if you had a cursor interest in Networks you were easily swept up in the techno-Gyr. Spent major time working with Sun, then Red Hat then SUSE. I had a 1200 baud Hayse before it was released to the public. Built a mess of servers. Ran Sendmail. Ran IRC. Ran Apanche. Try my hand at Microsoft’s servers, but frankly, their stuff sucked. Taught Unix class, now I’m just happy to wander around Discord. If your now current everything is above your pay grade.

869

Speed

I think I may be repeating myself. Cus’ the topic seems vaguely familiar. Of courses you would need to be pretty rain-many to remember just shy of 1000 topics. A dim reference to the coolest kid in my high school. Rose Converse. Girl would give James Dean a run for his money. And she did in a shocking blue VW. Spent many night cruzing Spent many nights on the interstate going nowhere fast. Rose had a mayonnaise jar full of white crosses. Pop Em like malted milk balls. It was speed on speed waiting the morning to crash. I smile at the memory.

RICHARD

— A time and a place —
Apparently, I suffer from lack of social awareness. No matter what I happen to be doing, someone will give me a dirty look and mutter, “There’s a time and a place for that!”
Well, that may well be the case, but I’ve yet to find that particular place, and even then, I certainly wouldn’t know the appropriate time.
It’s all so unnecessarily complicated. Who gets to decide what’s appropriate anyway? If I want to do something, then why can’t I decide the time and the place?
Anyway, I’ll have to stop typing now… Somebody else wants to use the toilet!

LIZZIE

Begin at the beginning and rush, rush, rush. In a hurry, in a hurry, always. Everything changes. Everything shifts. Everything ends. Then, you stop. And there’s still nothing. You hoped there would be something. But the tick tock ticked tocked away, faintly. Where to? Tell me, where to? And no one cared… Your place is no more. You stopped. Your loss. Now, there’s nothing you can do about it. And you’re left with that hole you already had, because there was nothing there before and there is nothing there now. Hope? What is hope? Nothing. Yes, the joke’s on you.

SERENDIPIDY

Your trouble is that you’re far too arrogant.
You think you know it all, and that you’re better than anyone else.
Well, don’t even think about trying it on with me, because I won’t think twice about putting you in your place.
And don’t think that just because you’re bigger and stronger than me that I won’t.
Size and strength impresses me as little as your attitude does.
And they’re going to be of little use against my nail gun, and a handful of six inch nails.
They’ll put you firmly in your place.
And they’ll keep you there too!

NORVAL JOE

After school Billbert found his mother working from home.

She looked up from her place at the computer. “What’s wrong, Son? You look worried.”

Billbert shrugged. “It’s been three days since I’ve seen Sabrina or Mandi at school. I wish I could talk to Sabrina.”

His mother dug a business card from her purse. “Here’s Ms. Calabassa’s card. Call her. It’s three-thirty. The office should still be open.”

Billbert punched in the number. When a woman answered, Billbert said, “Hi. I need to talk to Ms. Calabassa.”

“I’m sorry. There is no one here by that name,” the woman replied.

PLANET Z

There are two Italian restaurants in the strip mall across the main road.
One is decent, the other isn’t.
But the decent one doesn’t do garlic bread.
The other does.
So, I order a loaf of garlic bread to take out, and I carry it over to the other restaurant.
I bring it in a bag, and put it on the table in the middle of the meal.
The waitresses don’t say anything about it.
And they know I tip well.
If they have a problem, I’ll just order everything to go from both places.
And not tip at all.

George vs Cthulhu

In dread R’lyeh, Cthulhu lies dreaming.
Well, that is, until the crash of a shipwreck woke him up.
“What the hell was that?” growled the massive tentacled alien beast.
A pirate walked up to him.
“Hi, I’m George,” said George. “I’m lost.”
Cthulhu looked at George with bewilderment.
Nobody has ever looked upon him without going completely mad.
“Don’t you feel the urge to drool and gibber incoherently?”
“Not really.”
Cthulhu gave George directions.
“Thanks,” said George, and he left.
A day later, he returned.
“Was that a left or a right?” he asked.
Cthulhu sighed, and drew a map.