George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
When other pirates asked him if he was a Ginger or a Mary Ann, he’d say “Both, and Mrs. Howell too.”
Which was true, because when George had wrecked his ship on Gilligan’s Island, he’d fucked all three of them.
Then, after the Professor repaired his ship, he took all of the Howells’ money and left them all stranded on the island.
Some say that the clumsy and dimwitted George is actually Gilligan in disguise.
“Nonsense,” says George, stuffing a red shirt and white hat into his foot locker.
George in the Coast Guard
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He knew the water, and he knew boats.
So, he signed up with the Coast Guard.
Sure, he had problems with his background check and criminal record, being a pirate, but George knew some folks who knew some folks, and they cut through the red tape and got him his commission.
George rescued lots of people. And he intercepted lots of illegal cargo.
He eventually started to keep some of the illegal shipments for himself, selling them on the black market.
Maybe he was a good pirate after all.
George in Portugal
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He did his best to cover his blunders.
So when he stranded his ship on a beach, he disembarked with a pirate flag and planted it on the sand.
I CLAIM THIS LAND IN THE NAME OF THE PIRATE NATION!
The problem was, the land had already been claimed. And named.
“Bem-vindo a Portugal,” said the natives.
George pulled out a sextant, made a few measurements, and checked his map.
There, in big letters: PORTUGAL.
George smiled and waved.
And went back to help his crew with the ship.
Weekly Challenge #894 – Stand
The next topic is Canyon… and, yes, I know I screwed this up.
LISA
Swipe and Pay on the Last Bus of the Day
It was standing room only, always the same on a rainy Saturday night, a sea of vacant faces and glazed expressions. I was sandwiched between a woman with a lot to say and a good looking man, I found out later, called Paul.
The bus jerked us about. Someone nearby really needed to wash their neck. Paul and I collided for the whole journey. We apologised whilst sharing an uncomfortable look then awkwardly got off at the same stop.
Thankfully he hadn’t noticed his missing card; I did a food shop bought some shoes then threw it into the Clyde.
RICHARD
Old Boy’s Club
“So, Sedgwick, where do you stand on the fairer sex?”
“I beg your pardon”, I replied, momentarily distracted from savouring my brandy.
“Women, old chap! Some of the boys think we should allow them into the club, are you for, or against it?”
The Clarrington was one of the more forward-looking gentlemen’s clubs, but even so, some things are sacrosanct.
I took another appreciative sip of Brandy.
“No, women have their place, and The Clarrington is not that place.”
“Jolly good, old boy” He checked his fob watch, “Now, drink up, the pole dancing girls will be starting soon!”
LIZZIE
They said “You can become filthy rich being a travel blogger”. He believed them. One day, a guy said “You’re a wuss.” He was no wuss. He was a King. “Off with his head!” He’d always wanted to say that. His kingdom. An old mattress, a dusty rug, a lamp. He could walk a few feet to the left and a few feet to the right. Thirty years, till the parole board decided he could leave. He did have some incense burning. It made him look normal. The severed head in his backpack was sloppy. Oh, well, stand still, Zen…!
SERENDIPIDY
Teacher made me stand in the corner. She was always making me do that; I reckon she got a kick from it. What sort of person takes pleasure from exerting their authority over a kid like that?
I wasn’t bothered about spending time in the corner, it gave me plenty of opportunity to plot and plan, it was more about the embarrassment of being singled out and made to look a fool.
Another bonus of facing the corner, was that it allowed me slip my gun from where I’d hidden it.
Time that teacher got singled out, by me.
TOM
Stand
I’m child of the 50s. I cut my music teeth on the Chicago Silver Dollar Survey. A top 40s kid. A system best described by Joni Mitchell in Free Man in Paris: Stoking the star maker machinery Behind the popular song. This all changed in the 80s with the rise of Alternative rock. Thinking man’s rock. I totally embraced REM’s Stand with its super bubble-gummy pop bounce, so reminisceic of The Banana Splits, The Archies, 1910 Fruit Gum Company and The Monkees. “Your feet are going to be on the ground. Your head is there to move you around.” Yup.
NORVAL JOE
Not wanting to have to make a stand against the two burley teenagers, Billbert leapt into the air. Linoliamanda rose with him, but stopped, as Sabrina remained, standing on the ground as solid as any rock.
Billbert dropped back to the ground. “I can’t stand this.”
Sabrina pointed to a stand of trees. “We can hide in there. Maybe fight them off.”
“No. It’s no use.” He thrust his other hand to Sabrina. “Let’s give it one more try.”
Sabrina took Billberts hand forming a three person circle.
Billbert barely thought about it and they rose into the air, together.
PLANET Z
They.
They tell us to sit.
They tell us to stand.
They tell us to put our hands over our heads.
They tell us to put our hands down.
They tell us to sit again.
They tell us to smile.
They tell us to stop smiling.
Stop smiling, right now.
They tell us to stand.
And tell us to sit again.
They tell us to do a lot of things.
Over. And over.
Until they stopped.
Because we told them to stop.
We told them to sit down.
We told them to stop smiling.
We are no longer their slaves.
George the character
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Some say there never really was a George.
They say that George was a made-up character that other pirates would wear as a disguise so they could do all the things they couldn’t do as themselves.
Kind of like how Andy Kaufman and Bob Zmuda invented Tony Clifton, an obnoxious drunk lounge singer.
“You never see George in the same room as Rummy Bill,” people would say.
So Sneaky Peter dressed as George and was seen with Rummy Bill.
George watched all this and laughed.
And became Tony Clifton.
George’s bullwhip
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
After he saw the lion tamer act at the circus, he traded in his cutlass and pistols for a bullwhip.
He practiced with it a lot, much to the chagrin of his shipmates, who learned quickly not to smoke cigarettes out on deck.
“HIYAH!” shouted George, as he lashed the bullwhip.
It struck a pirate’s ear with a loud crack, and they spat out their cigarette.
“Hey, I did manage to knock the cigarette out of your mouth,” said George.
The pirate tried to strangle George with the bullwhip.
George claims a land
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He walked along a beach, thrust a flag pole into the sand, and he proclaimed:
I CLAIM THIS LAND IN THE NAME OF THE PIRATE NATION!
A crowd surrounded George… and took selfies with him.
And they tossed coins and currency into a basket by the flag pole.
Some looked up his merch site on the web… plastic cutlasses, little George pirate dolls.
After a few minutes, George pulled up the flag pole, picked up the basket, and went back to the bar.
To wait for the next show.
George’s deathbed
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Not that this mattered to George.
George knew lots of good pirates, and a few great ones, too.
Many of them were dead.
None of them spent their last moments wishing that they’d been better pirates.
Maybe a few wished that they’d been better swordsmen so they could have blocked the slash or thrust that eventually killed them.
And the ones who drowned, they probably wished they’d learned to swim.
“So what if I’m a lousy pirate?” thought George. “I’m alive.”
He smiled happily as he swabbed the deck.
George in the library
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
While the ship was in dock for repairs, all of the other pirates wenched and caroused and made nuisances of themselves.
George preferred to spend his time in libraries, poring through old illuminated manuscripts and ancient scrolls.
“Are you looking for clues to buried treasure?” asked a monk.
“Yes,” said George. “The greatest treasure can be found in libraries.”
The monk patted George on the back and went back to his prayers.
George smiled, slipped another book into his satchel, and went to the stacks for more to steal.
George’s endless cycle
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He spent a lot of time in port, waiting for opportunities to loot, pillage, and steal.
But there weren’t many these days.
Bored, he cut a section of canvas from his sails.
Then he’d wet and stretch it over a wooden frame he made from the timbers of his ship.
And he’d paint.
He sold his paintings to tourists, and by the time he ran out of sailcloth and timbers from his ship, he’d made enough money to buy a new ship.
And he’d get bored all over again.