Ted told the truth, and only the truth.
He could put his hand on a Bible, and swear to tell the truth, and people believed him.
Maybe he took it a little too far sometimes.
Doing it before ordering in a restaurant, the whole hand-on-Bible swearing thing.
Or when answering the phone.
It’s not like the person on the other end of the line could see him with his hand on the Bible.
When Ted died, he had a mirror as a headstone.
With the words “ONE DAY I WILL DIE” engraved on it.
True to the end, he was.
Come back, Superman
Where did you go, Superman?
What happened?
Do you get homesick?
Wherever you went, we miss you.
And not just because you save us, all of us, so often.
But because you are so good.
A good person. A good soul.
Someone we all look up to.
Maybe fear a little, but still, we respect you.
There will always be a place for you.
Just come back, and everything will be okay.
We promise not to try to hurt you again.
That was a mistake.
No hard feelings, right?
Just put the moon back in orbit, and all is forgiven.
Dusting
A developer announced their two weeks.
I’d noticed that they’d been de-decorating their office.
That’s usually a good sign that they’re clearing off soon.
And sure enough, they did.
Been noticing quite a bit of that as of late.
Me, when my time comes, I’m just going to take a few clocks home, maybe the hydroponics, and the baseball caps, of course.
Let ’em put the rest in a pile in the parking garage and burn it.
The fun is not in keeping things, but obtaining them.
Once you have it, you have to dust it.
I hate dusting.
Blech.
Mall cookies
Fat, tired, and sick… I can’t go on like this.
Doctor says I need to cut down on snacks and sweets.
So, instead of a whole package of Oreos, only one cookie for me.
And only one.
Even though you open the box, take one, and it’s so hard to stop with one.
Because doctor’s orders.
Which cookie will I get?
So many to choose from.
Know the place in the mall that makes those big cookies with the frosting?
Yeah, I got one of those.
But at least when I finish it, I don’t need a second one, right?
Weekly Challenge #790 – TRADE
- Lizzie
- Richard
- Tom
- Norval Joe
- Serendipidy
- Duane
- Justin
- Planet Z
NORVAL JOE
“Oh great!” Billbert grumbled, folding his arms and slouching down on the sofa. “You want to just trade away my happiness for your feeling of safety?”
His mother nodded her head slowly and sighed. “The same could be said for you, Billbert. Do you want to trade our safety, perhaps our lives, for a friendship which will most likely fade away before high school?”
Billbert looked to his father for support, but he only picked at his fingernails. “Will I be able to text Linoliamanda or send her emails?”
His mother began to speak, but then only shook her head.
JUSTIN
I’ve been trading my soul with other’s to endlessly escape and outwit Death.
I’d leave one body when there was a little time left, and that body would die soon after. I leave before they wake. Pretty sure the existing soul went to wherever it would have gone anyways.
Something is wrong with this body. It should have had more time, but now I have a bullet hole in my chest.
Who…? You’re a hired a contractor and you followed the trail of confused dead people? You want me to meet someone? Can they fix this wound?
Oh, hello, Reaper.
TOM
Fun While It Lasted
I need a new job. The last four years where way cool. I sent my resume to
a mess of department in the gov. I thought I’d get a job in Department of
Ed, 25 years in the class. No, they had a quite different plan for me.
Trade Minister to Nigeria. One minute I’m in Oakland, the next Africa.
Very cool. A major part of my mission was to administer the email of the
Prince of Nigeria. Not only did I get a hefty pay check from the gov, I
got a percent of what the Prince racked in.
SERENDIPIDY
Contract killing is a trade like any other: You put in the hours, you get paid at the end of the day, and you take a pride in your job.
Just like any other profession, things don’t always run smoothly. There’s disputes over payments, unfair clauses in contracts and you never know when you might need legal assistance.
Which is why we formed a trade union.
We have our members’ interests at heart and will ensure your rights are protected, for a small monthly fee.
So why not join us?
Alternatively, you can suffer the consequences.
Know what I mean?
DUANE
“College is bullshit! What you need to do is find a good trade school. Learn something useful.”
That’s the wisdom my father tried to impart on me. I never took his advice. Now I need help with everything. I take my car in for simple repairs. I call a plumber for clogged toilets. I even had to hire a gardener to cut the grass. A driver takes me to work, a team of writers provide me with words to say, and a director shows me which camera to look at. My father says I need to get a real job.
LIZZIE
Trading vintage posters had become quite the busy activity.
John had a bunch of them hanging on the walls of his study.
He dusted them and created a website to sell them. Trading was for retards.
The phone rang a few days later.
A man was interested. And John was happy.
They met and John opened the trunk of his car.
“No trading.”
The man sneered and walked away.
“Hey!”
The man waved dismissively.
John went back home, updated the website, traded a bunch of posters for different ones.
Yup, John, just go with the flow. It’ll be less painful.
RICHARD
A great deal
“It’s a fair trade”
The Bedouin grunted a smile and shook my hand.
I was now the proud owner of three camels and a goat, whilst he in return, got custody of my wife.
I’d been trying to offload the old bat for years, and I thought the deal I’d managed to strike over several glasses of mint tea and a leisurely puff of fragrant apple tobacco, was definitely the best I’d ever made.
Getting them onto the flight through customs was surprisingly easy.
I just dressed them up in the wife’s clothes.
They were still more attractive than her!
PLANET Z
After the war ended between Bondag and Griv, trade between the two kingdoms resumed.
Textiles and food from Griv, ores and machinery from Bondag.
Along with countless other resources and materials.
Oh, and elvish slaves.
I mean, those ores didn’t mine themselves, you know.
The Forest of Ool had plenty of elves for Griv to capture and send to Bondag to mine the ore.
To turn into the machinery to send to Griv.
Every now and then, the slaves would revolt.
Bondag soldiers putting down the rebellion.
Accusing Griv of starting it. War breaks out.
And the cycle begins anew.
Lost in the woods
It’s nice to walk through the woods.
I go for a walk every night.
Sometimes, I walk into one woods and out of another.
It used to be confusing, trying to find out which woods I ended up at.
Looking for a sign. A marker.
And then I’d walk into those woods, trying to get back home.
Sometimes, it takes hours.
Other times, it takes days… weeks…
I got a phone with GPS.
Now I know where I end up.
But it still takes time to find my way home.
I just don’t feel as lost, knowing where I am.
Where is the…
The monks can teach you anything.
All it takes is one lesson.
Just knock on the door of the monastery, wait for the monks to open the door, and walk inside.
They’ll take it from there.
How long does a lesson take?
It depends on what you want to learn.
Maybe an hour.
Maybe a day.
Maybe a year.
Maybe the rest of your life.
But you won’t know until you go to the monastery and knock on the door.
So, what is it that you want to learn?
Where is the monastery?
Oh, that’s easy. Here is a map.
Boring habits are easy to break
Every time we’d visit my grandparents, they’d drag out the roller coaster toy from the closet.
We’d put it together, adjusting the scotch tape that kept two broken pieces together, and stuck in some batteries.
Slide the switch, and the chain would pull the little cars up the ramp and let them loose down a winding track.
And back up the ramp they went.
It took half an hour to assemble, and it was only interesting for maybe a minute.
I knew I’d grown up a bit when I stopped asking about the rollercoaster.
Boring habits are easy to break.
The old phone
How long have you had that phone?
We can look that up, you know.
Walk in to the store, your phone looks for WiFi, and we know you’re here.
We look up your name, your device information, your credit rating.
Your browser history, to see if you’re looking for a new phone.
And looking at our competition, of course.
Oh, and how often you have to charge your phone.
In case we can upsell you a battery pack or two.
Maybe a smart watch. And a tablet.
We do value your privacy.
As much as we can sell it for.
Sort
Early in life, Melvin showed a talent for sorting.
He sorted his socks, his papers, everything.
His parents would have him sort mixed salad and mixed vegetables at dinner parties.
The university gave him high marks in sorting, and the government hired him to sort things out.
There were protests about racism and sexism and all kinds of isms, but after a while, people realized that Melvin’s sorting actually made things better.
People got along better with people like themselves.
No wars, no crimes. Everyone was happy.
It’s hard to have a hate-crime when there’s nobody different around to hate.