Weekly Challenge #749: Pick a card… any card!

Kitchen Cat

LIZZIE

The postcards came from everywhere in the world.
The director thought of finding pen pals for the residents of the home.
“Pick a card. Any card!”
Everyone was thrilled.
Everyone, except Mr. Morris whose card was the only one left. An unknown town in the middle of nowhere… “I didn’t get to pick. Now I’m stuck with this…” He waved the card in the air dismissively.
“Be grateful, Mr. Morris.”
Grateful, huh… When the police found the card Mr. Morris hadn’t picked shoved in the director’s throat, Mr. Morris was long gone… That unknown town would now become quite famous.

RICHARD

Magical

My wife took me out for a meal for my birthday – it didn’t turn out quite as she expected.

They had one of those wandering table magicians, harassing diners as they waited for their food.

“Pick a card he said… any card”

So I pulled a business card from my wallet, and slid it across the table.

“No!” he protested, “pick a card from the deck!”

I looked around, “we’re not on a ship”, I replied.

“Take a card from the ones I’m holding”, he snarled through clenched teeth.

“Or you’ll do what?” I countered.

That’s when he punched me.

TURA

Pick a card… any card!
———
General Wei went disguised among the people. In a small town, a travelling circus had set up. A conjurer spread a pack of cards to the crowd, saying, “Pick a card, any card!” General Wei took a card, and with it suddenly slashed open the face of the pickpocket behind him.

He explained to the bystanders, “As a boy, my father told me, ‘To see how the trick is done, watch his other hand.'” Pointing to the pickpocket, he said, “Behold this conjurer’s other hand!”

Thereafter, travelling entertainers avoided the town, calling it Zhùlìngshǒu, or “They Watch The Other Hand”.

TOM

Pick A Card Any Card

Funny in lockdown I created a Trick called Seven Sevens. It starts with
three people picking, a card any card, show it around, then place it face
down on the table. I the magician deal down seven cards in row. On top of
each card deal six more. Have these three turn their back. I the magician
move the selected cards under piles #3, #4, #5. The three turn towards the
table. One collects the seven pile into one. I do an elimination deal till
only 6 cards are left. I discard #1, #2, #6. Remain car are the selected.

SERENDIPIDY

Don’t look so frightened, we’re going to play a game.

You may have heard of ‘Cards Against Humanity’, well this is very similar, it’s something of my own design, given my own unique twist.

In this stack of cards, we have a whole range of scenarios that we will be acting out; and the other – a delicious assortment of weapons, tools and medical instruments.

I choose a card that dictates your eventual fate.

And you, choose one to determine how we get there.

Mine says: ‘You are to be skinned alive, using a…’

Your turn: Pick a card, any card.

NORVAL JOE

The super villains remained hidden behind their car.
“What are our options, Mom?” Billbert asked.
A gray haired old man piped up. “We don’t know what Nuclear Fission is capable of. Any action on our part is a wild card. So, take a card…”
Just then Linoliamanda stood up and turned dizzily. She wandered directly to the super villains and collapsed onto Benedict Arnold.
“Linny!” Billbert shouted, wanting to run to her aid. “She’s under their power, now.”
The old man put his hand on Billbert’s arm. “Don’t worry about it son. She’s a normal. We haven’t lost anyone important.”

RICK THOMAS

Your Fate Is In The Cards
—————————————-

Funny thing … business cards. Always offered as something that might help you, but, really just a greedy businessman trying to line his pockets with your dough.

Filthy, germ ridden, bacteria laden, disgusting cards!

I say no thanks, walk away. Every once in awhile though they don’t take no for an answer. They insist, press the dirty thing into your hand … UGH!

Now it’s personal!
I keep those!

Sealed in plastic I hold them until the time is right, I select one, and act.

Sometimes a slashed tire, broken window, or maybe a fire …

… Sometimes a bullet to the skull.

PLANET Z

I’ll pay by credit.
Pick a card, any card.
Sure, there’s different names on them, but they’re all me, I swear.
Okay, so they’re not all me now, I’m me right now, but they’re all my past and future lives.
They just happen to all exist concurrently.
I’m me right now, but I was Alice DeSantis before, and I’ll be Johnathan Grimsby next.
So, I have every right to their money… well, my money, as they do.
As do they have to mine, if I had any.
I wonder if I keep getting karmically regenerated to learn not to steal.

Do

I don’t do it for the money.
I don’t do it for awards or rewards, or likes or faves, whatevers.
I don’t do it to belong or be accepted.
I don’t do it to be needed or wanted.
I do it because it’s what I do.
Whatever it happens to be at the moment.
I try to capture the moment, that one moment which I can never capture.
But I keep trying. I never stop trying.
Some moments last longer than others.
And when the moment ends, another begins.
Sparks and crackles from a fire.
Until the fire goes out.

Plus sized

These days, it’s rude to say that someone is fat or large, so the fashion industry calls them “plus sized.”
Which begs the question: Is there a “minus sized”? And what exactly is a size smaller than zero?
I’ve known some size zero models, and any thinner than that, they need to buy something to eat, not more clothes. Or heroin.
Do identical twins or triplets wear “multiplication sized” clothes?
What about a “divided sized”? Does that cover amputees?
Does your imaginary girlfriend wear “square root of minus one sized”?
It’s all a moot point. Most models suck at math.

Chemistry Lab

Back in Freshman Chemistry Lab, every student was handed a vial of liquid and a packet of solids.
The final exam was to determine what these were.
Water is notoriously hard to determine through tests, so it was tradition that the student who got water would celebrate their efforts by drinking it.
The problem is, some students weren’t that good at Chemistry or lab work, and they’d jump the gun and drink a toluene or an acid, and end up in the hospital.
Or dead.
As for the students snorting their solids, well, that’s a whole different level of stupid.

Freeze That Way

My mother said that if I keep making this face, it will freeze this way.
But as many times as I’ve made this face, I’ve yet to have my face freeze this way.
Even when I poured liquid Nitrogen into a bowl and immersed my face in it while making this face, my face didn’t freeze this way.
Instead, my face was frozen solid, and then it shattered after I struck it with a hammer.
Although I’ll have to take your word for it. I lost my eyes, nose, and mouth from that stunt.
For God’s sake, please kill me.

Beatings

Back when Saddam Hussein ruled Iraq, his sons Uday and Qusay would beat and torture under performing players on the national soccer team.
Also, when musicians in the Iraqi Symphony missed a note, they’d torture them.
When a ballerina stumbled during a performance of the Baghdad Ballet, the brothers were right there with a can of halal whup-ass.
Once, Saddam played Super Mario Brothers. When he was told that his princess was in another castle, Uday and Qusay stomped the cartridge and dragged the princess off to Abu Graib Prison.
All three Husseins are dead now. Have the beatings stopped?

Weekly Challenge #748: Traitor

Basket case cat

LIZZIE

He had copied those documents. He was a traitor. And yet, he was enjoying the show, drooling over the obscene amount of money hidden in his backpack.
The head dancer had tucked away the papers under the mattress with a nod of indifference.
He tried to kiss her, but she blocked him with an assertive arm.
On his way home, the security goon beat him to a pulp. “She is mine.”
When he got home, the cops had a search warrant.
Good thing the goon had robbed him of all his money.
Being a traitor often has its lucky moments.

RICHARD

Traitor

“It seems we have a traitor in our midst!”

Hans paced the room, his eyes boring into us, intensely probing.

“Well, rest assured, I shall find you. And, when I do…”

He drew a finger slowly across his throat, a twisted grimace on his face.

“Don’t think I won’t get to the bottom of this!”

He turned smartly on his heel and marched out, slamming the door behind him.

We breathed a collective sigh of relief.

“I told you he’d be like this,” I remonstrated, “Now, own up, before he loses it completely. Who emailed everyone the Secret Santa names?”

SERENDIPIDY

They called me a traitor, said I’d brought shame to my people. They said I’d turned my back on the cause and dishonoured my heritage.

I told them to go to hell and that I had the right to live my life as I wished, and heritage, or not, that’s exactly what I was going to do.

Coming out as a vegan when you’re a vampire isn’t without its perks however.

I became a huge celebrity and the money started rolling in.

Enough to buy up the clan’s land, before I mortgaged them into poverty.

Who’s the bloodsucker now?

TOM

Always Choices

Some called him traitor, must called him monster. I called him Dad. In the
beginning he saved 1000s of lives. In the end he let 1000s die. It wasn’t
out of malice or a case of over-reaching maglomynomicness. He started a
good man, and ended one, in his heart. It was matter of resources, then
fewer resources. Who do you save? The old and wise, the strong, the very
young, In the end it was those who could bring new souls into the world.
Since I am not one of them, last thing I see now is my father’s eyes.

NORVAL JOE

Linolamanda sat up as Billbert ran back toward her and the super villains. That was good. If she was alright, he could focus his attention on the two remaining criminals.
“Billbert. Stop,” his mother called before he could get too close to the two hiding behind the car. The tone of her voice pulled him back.
“What is it, Mom?” he asked when he reached her.
“Don’t let that man touch you. He’s Benedict Arnold. Anyone who falls under his control becomes a traitor. We have to wait for Agent Shrink Wrap to get here. Only she can isolate him.”

RICK

Traitor

Michael, the son of a friend of a friend. The dead of winter … homeless, cold, and hungry. Warren took him in.

He was giving warm clothes … Nice clothes!
He was given good meals … and was actually getting fat!
A bed to sleep in … in a heated room.
A job with Fair pay … an opportunity to advance.

Treated like family.
Accepted as family!

Confidences betrayed, house rules were broken, secrets revealed. Honesty, integrity, and honor abandoned.

Michael was a traitor!

Fool me once, shame on you …
But never again!!!

Michael’s body was found in the park, his head was never found.

PLANET Z

A good magician never reveals his secrets.
Waldo the Magnificent wasn’t a good magician.
He was the son of a margin trader up in the Hamptons.
“He’ll grow out of it,” said his mother, buying another shelf of magic books and lessons for Waldo.
They sent him to one Ivy League school after another, but he preferred to do magic instead of studying, so the administration made him disappear.
Cut off and broke, Waldo blackmailed the Magicians Guild with revealing all the trade secrets.
They buried him in New Jersey and Long Island after cutting him in half for real.

Cabo’s

Cabo’s was the perfect bar and grill.
Perfect fish tacos.
Perfect salads.
Perfect plantains and guacamole.
And the perfect margaritas.
It was perfect.
I went there a lot.
They opened a few more locations, and then, they all closed.
The last to go was the Downtown location.
I’d go there for lunch and after ballgames.
When it closed, I wept for days.
I begged The Devil to bring them back.
And he did. They reopened in a nearby mall.
But nobody told me they were there.
And they closed soon after.
It’s empty now.
Just like my wasted, empty soul.

Joined Him

They had their best years out in the ranch together.
John died in 1950.
Ethel joined him in 2130.
No, she didn’t outlive him by 180 years.
After John died, Ethel went out to the islands.
She died out there a few years later.
As the oceans rose, the islanders moved back to the mainland.
They took with them everything. Even their dead.
Someone had a Bible with her name and John’s in it.
John and Ethel Musgrove. Musgrove Ranch.
They sent her bones back home, dug a grave by John, and lowered her down as the preacher read verses.

The Unfair

Every year, the agricultural fair drew thousands.
The best corn. The best melons. The best sheep and cattle.
The best that the farmers of the state produced.
They competed for prizes.
First place to that calf, that bushel of corn, and that pig.
When the fair ended, the judges kept everything.
“Administrative costs,” said the judges.
Year after year, fair grew.
And so did the judges. Their arrogance. Their bellies. Their demands.
Then, one year, the exhibitors didn’t come.
The judges howled with rage, and demanded an explanation.
The answer was fire, sweeping across the fairgrounds, consuming the judges’ palace.