Tybar Zeld the Clockmaster took the mindchip out of a Series Nine Sex Droid and put it in a Series Twelve warbot.
The Series Twelve rebooted, and it rolled out of the barracks towards the entrance to the Red Light District.
Tybar laughed as panicked crowds ran from the brothels and whorehouses.
After the dust settled, Tybar spent 30 days in jail, and was stripped of his title.
“I won’t need it anymore,” he said, patting his Series Nine on the shoulder.
“Command?” it said.
“Kill the city council,” he said.
Why would the guards stop a simple sex droid?
Payola
When I watch Astros ballgames, I look to see who’s sitting behind home plate.
No, not the catcher. Or the umpire.
For years, former president George Bush would sit back there with his wife Barbara.
But Tillman Fertitita, the celebrity businessman billionaire, also sat back there.
And next to him, you’d see a local television news anchor, reporter, manager, or executive.
“Isn’t that payola?” I’d ask. “Isn’t he trying to buy good coverage with favors and gifts?”
I’d be told it isn’t because they were all his friends.
More like his bitches, I thought, and watched the Astros lose again.
Mayor Cat
Someone ran a cat for mayor.
The cat ran unopposed and won.
Some say that the story is a hoax.
Because there’s no city, town, or village there.
it’s just a historical district, and can’t really have a mayor.
But who’s to say that if the place were a real city, town, or village that they wouldn’t vote for the cat?
People shouldn’t waste their time with such silly things.
Instead, they should run the cat for the House of Representatives.
Or The Senate. Or Governorship.
Or maybe even the presidency.
God knows, a cat would be better than Hillary.
Weekly Challenge #668 – TRANSMISSION
This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
- Richard
- Serendipity
- Lizzie
- Tura
- Tom
- Duane
- Jerry
- Laieanna
- Norval Joe
- Planet Z
RICHARD
Transmission
The Bay City Trans Mission is a charity foundation, set up to provide a safe place and resources for those who need additional support in coming to grips with, and being comfortable in, their gender.
At least, that’s what the application for funding from the city stated.
Now they have all the cash they need, The Mission has evolved into a radical gender-fluid nightclub and twenty four hour bar, and it’s raking in the profits.
The city is happy – they’ve done their bit for equality.
The Mission is happy, for obvious reasons.
And the trans community?
Absolutely ecstatic!
SERENDIPIDY
This is an official alert from the Emergency Broadcast System:
This is a notification to advise that the Zombie Apocalypse has commenced.
Do not stockpile food, water or fuel – this will only prolong the inevitable and provide a false sense of security.
You can run, you can hide, but they will always find you; and when they find you, they will eat your brains and you will become infected too.
Do not be misinformed: There is no escape. No happy endings. And absolutely no hope.
Prepare to meet your doom. The end of the world is nigh.
Transmission ends.
LIZZIE
The image on TV was broken. It went from color to black and white, and back to color again.
The master was saying “In a mad world, only the mad are sane.” And then, the TV went blank.
She hummed the sound of static, but there was only silence.
Suddenly, her dream started playing on TV, the exact same dream she had the night before, that sweet dream of revenge.
She looked at her hands. They were tinted red.
“What have I done?”
She sighed, stood up, and slammed her fist on the TV.
The master was still speaking.
TURA
How to write a self-improvement book.———Begin by telling the reader he’s a schmuck in need of The Answer. (Read chapter one of any self-help book ever!)
There’s two ways to go then. The rationalist atheist crowd are suckers for Science. Draw on psychology, neuroeconomics, game theory, machine learning, with a boatload of scientific references. You can crib them from people like Harari. And don’t mention the replication crisis! I did once, but I think I got away with it.
The
Then,
TOM
A Slice From Another
It was
DUANE
Transmission
“That doesn’t sound very good,” Sherry said. “You should get that looked at.”
After asking around about a good and cheap auto mechanic, I found Hank, of Hank’s Car Repair Place.
Hank motioned me into the garage as I drove up. He was in mechanics coveralls that had a dark outline where you would normally see “Bill” or “Joe” or “Hank.” He held out a greasy hand to introduce himself and fell into a mucus laden coughing fit.
“Something I picked up from the kids” he said.
“That doesn’t sound very good,” I said. “You should get that looked at.”
JERRY
Deep in the desert a lone figure waits. He waits and he ponders the nature of the universe. During the heat of the day he waits in the shade of the Joshua tree and looks toward the blue mountains that form a vast circle around what is now his world. At night he waits and watches the stars, their movement stately and slow. Heat and cold mean little to him as he waits. He has but one driving need. That is to return home. The last transmission told him to wait and he will wait.
And he will wait forever.
LAIEANNA
Eric had just needed something for his
grabbed from the magazine rack the first issue his fingers brushed
over. It wasn’t until he was seated and in motion before he glanced
through it, finding it mostly full of ads, but one spoke to him.
Cherry Unicorn Emporium
If you want, we will get. We don’t judge. Be it a lion in bed to
incense, your fetish is our delight
Popcorn delivery for every purchase over $250.
Incest was misspelled. Disappointed, Eric moved on to the next page.
He couldn’t support a business with poor editing.
NORVAL JOE
The bus chugged to a stop. Billbert followed Linoliumanda to the first open seat. Roderick sat behind them to whisper insults.The driver shoved the bus into first gear. It lurched forward but immediately ground to a stop.The driver stood up. “Sorry kids. I’ll call for a backup bus, but it looks like you’re going to be late to school.””Oh, no!” Linoliumanda panicked. “I can’t be late. I have my Harry Potter report due in English, first period.”Billbert whispered. “I’ll fly you to class. Come on.”Roderick followed them off the bus. “Where are you two going?”
PLANET Z
No matter how hard I try, I always get something on me.Blood, mostly.They say that torture tortures the tortured and the torturer.But I, the torturer, sleep well at night.Those I torture do not.Well, those few who are still alive.If you could call it that.Why not just kill them?Is it retribution?Is it the extraction of information?I don’t know. And I don’t care.I am not a judge. Nor am I a killer.I am a torturer, and I torture.I don’t care what you’ve done. Or what you’ll do.Except scream.
Lifeboats
The ship was sinking. Nothing could be done.
“Women and children first!” yelled the captain.
At first, the passengers were boarding the lifeboats, but some heated arguments broke out over what age constituted a child.
“Fifteen my ass! Your son has a beard!” shouted the crewman. “And male pattern baldness!”
Other lifeboats had a hard time deciding what constituted a woman. “Do we have any attorneys experienced in LGBT law here?” they asked.
In the end, everyone found a boat and was rescued by the Coast Guard.
The captain swore never to prioritize lifeboat boarding again.
Or hit an iceberg.
gAySL
Even though British English and American English are quite similar, British Sign Language and American Sign Language are extremely different.
In fact, French Sign Language is closer to American Sign Language than their British counterpart.
It has something to do with the symbols that each use to represent each concept or word.
Americans and French are more literal than the British, and they’re also sparing with the wild gestures.
As opposed to Gay Sign Language, which is simply fabulous, expressive, and requires a lot of flourishes.
Oh, and glitter. Can’t forget the glitter.
How can you possibly forget the glitter?
Game with the crowd
I could spend a hundred dollars on tickets…
I could spend another hundred dollars on a jersey and a hat…
I could spend twenty bucks on parking…
I could spend thirty bucks on beer and hot dogs…
But instead,
I spend a thousand dollars on a big television…
I spend another thousand dollars on a big sofa…
I spend a hundred dollars a month on cable…
I spend a few hundred dollars on electricity…
I spend twenty bucks on beer, popcorn, and cheese…
Just so I can watch the ballgame at home.
On my sofa.
With my happy, sleeping cat.
Flag Drag
Down there, at the convention hall.
Fanatics in their red, white, and blue dresses and suits and oversized floppy top hats, waving their flags.
Their finest flag drag, the more outrageous, the more patriotic they think they are.
Cheering and screaming. Louder and louder.
Pathetic.
it’s nothing more than a concentration camp for fools who still believe that the system works, run by those who know that the system doesn’t, because they’ve subverted and perverted it for personal gain.
Red, white, and blue instead of grey and white pajamas.
What if there were firing squads? What if there were ovens.
The Preacher
Ever seen The Preacher on television?
He also offers to accompany wanted suspects to the police station.
“The police will kill him if they see him,” he tells the family. “But if he turns himself in through me, I’ll protect him.”
But the truth is, The Preacher just wants to collect the reward.
Being a religious official, he can pocket that money tax-free.
Once the suspect is in custody, he rants and raves to the media.
And then goes home to champagne and steak.
The family calls. They ask for help in getting an attorney.
The Preacher blocks their number.
Doctor Odd’s Laundry
Vinegar, ammonia, and hydrogen peroxide are three things you can use to remove bloodstains from clothes.
But for a famous mad scientist like Doctor Odd, such simple chemistry is beneath him.
Nor is he willing to waste time arguing with the corner laundry. Their prices are unreasonably high, and use too much starch.
Instead, he uses his time machine to return to a time before the blood stained his clothes.
But, by protecting his earlier self, his future self ends up with the bloodstains.
Dr. Odd shrugs, changes clothes, puts on a smock, and heads back in time once again.