Every election, celebrities plead for people to register to vote.
Then, they plead for people to vote.
After a few days, they endorse a candidate and please for people to vote for that candidate.
Then, they insult and berate the people who won’t vote for that candidate.
Finally, they threaten to leave the country if their candidate doesn’t win.
So, when their candidate loses, will they actually leave the country?
I hope so. After all, they’re going to demolish their mansions and build affordable housing for their fans too, right?
No? They’ll just come back in four years?
Selfish assholes.
Doctor Odd Voting
Doctor Odd didn’t bother voting because he was vastly superior to the countless millions of other people in the country.
He was a brilliant mad scientist, and instead of wasting his time waiting in line or marking a ballot, he used his massive fortune to buy candidates.
Those who resisted corruption were replaced with his willing clones or cybernetic slaves.
Or he just hacked the voting machines to give him the results he wanted.
In the end, the election didn’t offer the masses any real choice.
Except for whether to carry a pitchfork or a torch while storming his castle.
Writing Without Writing
If it looks like I haven’t written anything, it’s because I’ve been using a brush to paint my writing on a wall that I’ve already painted with the same white paint.
Or I’ve written my story in chalk on a white chalkboard.
Red crayon on a red sheet of paper.
Tossing alphabet noodles into a soup, as they float around randomly.
Or tossing Scrabble tiles back into the bag.
Typing a story without any paper in the roller.
On a typewriter with a worn-out ribbon.
Hear the bell, slap the carriage return, and start again with a fresh new line.
Weekly Challenge #683: ZONE
- Lizzie
- Richard
- Tom
- Tura
- Norval Joe
- Planet Z
LIZZIE
A crow perched on a branch of a dead tree. The tree had been dead for a long time.
The crow gazed at the town below. The town was nearly dead. The helipad hadn’t been used in years. The lighthouse was off.
The crow watched as they buried one more. Man, woman?
Six people were left alive. They didn’t know yet, but they would soon be dead, all of them.
The crow perched on the dead tree and watched them.
The town would soon be his and he would finally be able to get rid of this ridiculous crow disguise.
RICHARD
Soup
Looking for inspiration, I threw alphabet soup over the wall to try to make a story.
Needless to say, it didn’t work; and you won’t believe just how much of a mess a single tin of splattered soup can make!
This was going to need a professional clean up job.
I explained to the contractor what I’d done. He took a look and whistled through his teeth.
“It’s like something out of the Twilight Zone”, he said, “Are you safe to be out in public?”
Somewhat frustrated, I replied: “No, probably not”…
And reached behind me for the meat cleaver!
TOM
Slurp
I uses to do ghost lyrics for KISS. Never got any credit. I got paid well, so I really couldn’t care if I got recognition. Like my mom would say: a jobs a job. Nice guys but very particular if a song matches their rather special personae. A lot of my stuff never ended up on a record. My best stuff was a song call Slurp it Up. It was also my last song. The boys liked the overall structure, but they hated the uses of word slurp. Oh well that was a long time ago, we’re all be gray today.
Zone
I have one last video game I still play: Panda PoP. Been at it for three years straight. Cleared level 1168 with three stars on each one. That’s a 100% success rate. The software company has added about 1500 new levels but if I continue good chance I lose that perfect score. So just play every nineth level 149 to 509. Normally it take about 30 lives to make that run, but last night I drop into the zone. Cleared the run with just 10 lives. Funny thing about the zone is you never know when it will form about you.
TURA
Zone
———
In West Drachovia, the peoples are tall, elegant, and noble. In East Drachovia they are nasty, brutish and short. Between lies Choronzön, the Hybrid Zone. Few who enter return, and those that do tell hideous tales.
The Baron Uecxküll, rumored to have hybrid blood himself, scoffed at these. He vowed to thoroughly explore the Zone, leaving no land un-mapped, no monster un-known.
None have news of him, save perhaps his deputies who stoutly manage his estate and presence at court. It is feared that one day, he will emerge leading a monstrous horde, to sweep aside West and East alike.
NORVAL JOE
Linoliumanda shook her head at Wanda and said, “If you expect us to believe you’re an under cover spy, you must come from the twilight zone.”
Wanda waved her hands frantically. “Shut up. There are people everywhere. You’ll blow my cover. If you do that, you’ll find yourself in the danger zone.”
Billbert finally spoke up, “If you two don’t stop arguing we’re all going to be late for class and find ourselves in the principal’s zone.”
Linoliumanda curled her lip as said, “Except for James Bond, here. She’ll just pull a convertible out of her purse and race away.”
PLANET Z
I like pizza, but I like calzones more.
Sure, they’re pretty much just pizzas folded over themselves, but for some reason, I like them more.
And if you squeeze them, they burst and spill hot sauce all over you, but I still like them more.
You can buy one, put it in a box, and it doesn’t matter how rough your ride home is, you won’t end up with a pizza box with toppings and cheese mashed against the top.
Everything stays inside the calzone.
I really ought to buy new shocks for my car.
But I’d rather buy calzones.
Karbach
Karbach is a local craft brewery that’s popular with hipsters.
They make all kinds of unusual brews, and their brewpub features unusual entrees and appetizers that go with their eclectic selection of brews around the country.
They’ve been growing quickly, and selling their beer to popular bars and local grocers, but still have problems meeting demand.
So, the ownership struck a deal with the massive beer corporation Anheuser-Busch, who have been buying out popular local brewers, like Goose Island.
Hipster bars reacted by dumping their inventory of Karbach and cancelling their orders.
The beer may taste smooth, but their reputation is spoiled.
Jared
Jared loved planes.
He studied hard, got a pilot’s license, and took flying lessons.
He talked it all the time.
He saved up his money, and he finally bought his own plane.
He was so proud of it. Told everyone.
Offered to take friends and coworkers for rides.
Signed up for a weekend fair where pilots take kids up for airplane rides.
But on the day he took delivery of his plane, he crashed it, and he died.
They say he died doing what he loved.
I just wonder what would have happened if…
Best not to think about it.
Silver Spoon
I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth.
Oh, sure, when I was a fetus in my mother’s womb, I had a silver spoon in my mouth.
But surgeons performed pre-natal surgery on me to remove the silver spoon before I was born.
Then, I was born without a silver spoon in my mouth.
As for the silver fork up my ass and the silver knife in my ear, well, the coroner assumed that Mother tried to steal a place setting from a fancy restaurant.
If only she had a coat with large deep pockets, I’d have lived.
Lifelong dreams
I knew a chef who’s dream it was to start his own restaurant.
He worked hard, and one day, he opened his restaurant.
And died of a heart attack because of stress.
I knew another guy who had a dream to fly his own plane.
He worked hard, and one day, he bought and flew his own plane.
And died in a crash.
Everyone I know who has a dream eventually achieves it, and then dies from it.
So, I try not to dream.
But when I do, I tell people to thwart my lifelong dreams.
I’m gonna live forever.
No Evil
See no evil, a monkey’s paws cover its eyes.
Hear no evil, a monkey’s paws cover its ears.
Speak no evil, a monkey’s paws cover its mouth.
Smell no evil, a monkey’s paws cover its nose.
Fart no evil, a monkey’s paws cover its butt.
Fuck no evil, a monkey’s paws cover its crotch.
Admit no evil, a monkey’s paws cover its crimes.
Feel no evil, a monkey’s paws cover its feelings.
Owe no evil, a monkey’s paws cover its bills.
Think no evil, a monkey’s paws covers its thoughts.
Browse no evil, a monkey’s paws covers it’s computer screen.
Outside
The mornings and evenings are so quiet.
Just me and the cats.
I should get some kind of chaise or hammock for outside.
Let the two furry monsters go out and play.
And when they’re tired, curl up with me.
We’ve got chairs with cushions.
They’re okay to sit and lean back in.
And it’s cool this time of year.
But when it rains, they get wet.
And take days to dry.
I won’t kid myself and say it’s fresh air.
It’s just as polluted as the air inside.
But it’s outside, and outside is outside.
And quiet is quiet.