Weekly Challenge #488 – Mug

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

Fluffy big neighbor cat

MUNSI

The Mugging

By Christopher Munroe

It was a beautiful night, and I figured “What the hell?”

I’m a pretty big dude, and while it was late and the neighborhood isn’t the best, I wanted an adventure walk, headphones in, and figured there’d be no harm.

Little did I know.

From the alley he leapt, and I was too taken aback even to think of defending myself as he grabbed his cheeks, stuck out his tongue, contorted his face and, as quickly as he’d come, dashed into the night, leaving me shocked, confused and tremendously vulnerable…

… and that’s the story of how I got “mugged.”

JEFFREY

Mug Shot
by Jeffrey Fischer

His mug shot was a frightening sight to everyone, including Wayne himself: unruly hair, bloodshot and unfocused eyes, assorted cuts and developing bruises, and a snarl that explained the restraints that were just out of range of the camera.

The next morning, in the harsh fluorescent light of the interrogation room, Wayne held his aching head in his hands. He was sober now, and scared. The cop on the other side of the table kept asking Wayne what he recalled about the previous night and Wayne truthfully replied he had no memory past about nine p.m. What scared Wayne the most was that the cop refused to answer when Wayne asked if he had hurt anyone. He strongly suspected the answer was yes.

Eventually the police would charge Wayne, at which point he would call his lawyer. Until then, it was just Wayne, the cop, the lights, and one hell of a headache.

New Friend
by Jeffrey Fischer

Morrison was the kind of guy who made friends easily. People instinctively liked him, and he had a way of putting others at ease. He would often bring home these new friends for dinner. His wife couldn’t convince him that this was both a bad idea and inconvenienced her.

This time he could see in her face that she wasn’t pleased with his latest acquisition. “Kathleen, meet Tony. Tony and I met because I left work a little late, and took a shortcut through that alley – you know, the one that you said was so dark that anyone could be lurking in there. Sure enough, Tony was lurking. After he mugged me, we got to talking, and, well, here we are!” Morrison and Tony both smiled a little sheepishly at Kathleen. “Oh, by the way, do you have a twenty Tony could have? My wallet was a little short when he demanded my cash.”

CHARLIE

My favorite was the white, ceramic mug I used in the service. In over three years on the base, it was never washed. It was dressed in a patina of dark roast, and the incidental coating served as insulation. I could carry a steaming cup of coffee from the lounge to my desk — with the temperature remaining stable, even on colder winter days in New Jersey. It served me well, and was disgusting enough to get a rise out of the buttoned-up, knife sharp, creased Commanders. The more they groaned and grimaced, the more I treasured my precious mug.

Second

An obvious tale that refers to, or based on, MUG, would include mug shot. The best mug shots are the before and after shots of meth addicts. A female addict can age twenty years in two years of heavy use. Dentists won’t treat an addict because of the condition of their mouth…even the Dentists that do volunteer work in mobile clinics. I am moaning now about a loose, bottom incisor. There is some discomfort when I gnash down on something like a macadamia nut, but I can’t imagine the horror of a whole mouth full of dead or dying teeth.

Third

Mugging was a pastime in my area of town. I was buzzed, having stopped at the diner for chili and beer. It was dark, and I started walking home, pausing for two guys hanging out near the entrance to an alley. One of them jammed a pistol into my chest. I reacted, having trained in Krav Magna with some older friends. I pushed the slide back on the pistol, preventing firing, and kicked the guy’s knee. I heard a crack. I had the pistol now, and forearmed the second guy in the throat. Both were down when the police arrived.

RICHARD

Dragon’s Lair

Limbo Laggins was most unhappy – “Hobbits”, he stated to nobody in particular, “are not cut out for quests and adventures. Ewww!”

Gingerly, he inspected what he had just stepped in – dragon poop – making him acutely aware of two important facts:

Firstly – he should have worn his boots.

Secondly – the dragon’s lair was very close.

A huge roar, up ahead, sent him scuttling for cover. Cursing the wizard, he realised he stood no chance of finding the Chalice of Eternal Power.

Rooting through his satchel, he pulled out his mug… Maybe, in the dark, it might just pass?

Worth a try!

LIZZIE

Years ago, my neighbor Ronan bought an 18th century hand-painted mug for a handsome amount. “It’s an investment,” the seller had told him.
After losing his job and struggling for years, Ronan tried to sell the mug back to the same seller. The man sneered.
“But… I paid you a fortune,” said Ronan.

Yesterday, I went to the store. Ronan was behind the counter.
“Are you the owner now?!”
He nodded.
“Where’s the other guy?”
“I don’t know,” he sneered, while taking a beautiful long-knife from my hands. “Don’t buy this, it’s a fake.”
Yes, Ronan is a good man.

SERENDIPITY

Everybody in work knows not to touch my mug – it’s a special mug, with sentimental value.

It’s been with me since day one: Seeing me through three promotions, numerous job changes and one disciplinary.

It’s been my constant companion throughout countless meetings, focus groups, late finishes and early starts – that mug has outlasted many of my colleagues and has been more reliable than anybody I’ve worked with.

Best of all – it’s the perfect size for my coffee.

So, when the new guy broke it, I had no choice, I killed him.

I have to go now… Time for my mugshots.

ZACKMANN

Clara’s Sister-in-law confided that she hated her husband’s big ugly mug. Clara hated it too. One day her brother had been splitting wood. Clara saw his big ugly mug and she picked up the splitting maul then accidentally hit the big ugly mug roughly forty times. “Oh no, that mug was a gift from his mother.” cried her brother’s wife. Clara put away the maul then calmly explained that her mother gave it to him because it was ugly, her husband hated it too but wouldn’t give away a gift and how this accident that made everyone happy was unavoidable.

TOM

Ceramics 101

I was fortunate to attend a seriously well-to-do high school. Just one of those random rolls of good fortune on my parents’ part. Not only did we have art classes, we had a master potter in residence. Before a student was allowed to throw on the wheel they had to master the Zen of Coil Pot Construction. The coiled form I made was a six inch mug with walls 3/4 of an inch thick. I was a miracle it didn’t explore in the first firing. After the second firing my teacher ask for it to put in the school’s permanent collection

NORVAL JOE

We used to live in a zero lot-line house. In the backyards there were small portions where the were no house walls and were filled in with a six foot high walls for privacy.
Neighbor’s cats used to scale them to get into our yard and poop in the grass.
I found that putting baby oil along the top of the wall kept the cats off.
I’ve always wondered, how many babies does it take to make one bottle of baby oil? Do they render down a burlap sack of them, or do they just collect their drippings in mugs?

TURA

Mug
———
There’s a fad in geek circles recently for drinking your food. A complete food replacement in a bottle, it saves all that irksome chewing and swallowing, not to mention the drudgery of cooking. Soylent was the first, then Joylent and Purelent. The latest is called Queal.

These people certainly have a way with words. Purulent queal! I’ll have a steaming, suppurating mug of that! Freshly expressed mucus from the nether parts of hand-reared Komodo dragons, fermented with rotting mussels, mixed with live tadpoles and bottled. At least, that’s what the name suggests to me.

Herr Ober, bitte noch ein Queal!
———

PLANET Z

When I was a kid, my mother used to make soup in a pot on the stove, and we’d eat it from bowls.

Then, when we moved into a house with a microwave oven, she still used the pot on the stove. But I’d use a casserole dish with a lid in the microwave. Still ate it from a bowl.

When I was on my own, I’d use an oversized coffee mug in the microwave. Only had to wash the mug and the spoon.

And the microwave, too. Because I keep forgetting to use a small saucer as a lid.

Music: http://www.bensound.com/royalty-free-music

Thanklessgiving

When I hear the phrase “heavy with child” I imagine a large burlap sack stuffed full of babies.
Juicy, delicious fat babies.
So… so tasty!
Sadly, Old Doctor Parker doesn’t go door to door anymore with his burlap sack. His heavy, squirming burlap sack.
For a while, though, you could call his office, and he’d let you in the back door, and you could pick out the one you wanted.
But the angry mob, waving their torches and pitchforks, made quick work of Old Doctor Parker and his shady “day care center.”
We’ll settle for turkey this Thanksgiving, I guess.

Fail

Every time I watch baseball games, I like to see the look of joy on the faces of kids who catch foul balls.
Or some adult catches the ball, but they hand it to a kid.
A foul ball. A ball hit out of play.
A failure.
And yet, a kid out in the stand gets so such joy out of it.
That’s way, way different from you laughing at my latest fuckup at work, kid.
That’s a mistake.
Me, I don’t laugh at others mistakes.
I learn from them.
Like, who to fire next.
Pack up your shit and go.

Message

Staples in my skin.
All over my body.
I am on a towel, on a table.
You pull them out.
Slowly, with pliers.
Dipped in the alcohol.
Slowly, you pull them out.
My eyes, closed.
They’re everywhere
How did this happen, you ask.
When did this happen?
You pull them out.
Hold the cloth to the spot.
Stop the bead of blood.
They’re scabbed over, grown over
Dig gently. Pull them out.
Slowly.
You hum a soft tune.
I feel nothing.
Did you drug me?
Or is it just the tune?
Staples.
They spelled a message.
That I cannot read.

Ring

“No,” she said.
He reached across the table for her hand and tried to slide the ring on.
She pulled her hand out of his.
“No,” she said again.
They sat for a while. Neither touched their wine or spaghetti.
People at other tables tried not to stare, but they did.
She was the first to leave.
He waited a bit before he got up and left.
“No charge,” whispered the maitre’d.
He nodded, and got into his car.
“They bought it?” she asked.
He nodded, grinning.
“Good. Now give me my ring back. And don’t forget your wallet again.”

State Fair

I’ve been to the State Fair here in my state a dozen times, but I’ve never been to any other state fair.
So, I went to every state fair in the country.
If you ignore the signs with the state’s name on them, it’s all the same crap:
Carnival rides.
Clowns and midway games.
Music and dancing.
Farmers and the stuff they grow.
Oh, there’s a few exceptions. Alaska is kinda cold, Texas was huge and loud and obnoxious, and in Hawaii they have a volcano sacrifice.
Or is that the penalty for me trying to rob the ticket office?

Alternate dimension

After feeling alienated and out of place for several years, I realized that I must have ended up in an alternate dimension.
The most important thing to do in an alternate dimension is try to avoid meeting yourself.
No good can come from that.
Or, if you do meet yourself, meet them for lunch somewhere and have them pick up the tab.
You’re the guest to their dimension, after all.
Unless, of course, you have a habit of leaving your guest with the check.
Then, be sure to excuse yourself and escape out the bathroom window.
Before they do it.

Weekly Challenge #487 – Your Favorite Quote

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

Emma Kitten

MUNSI

My Favorite Quote

By Christopher Munroe

Ridicule is nothing to be scared of.

It’s embroidered on the lining of my suit-jacket, and I try to live according to the line to the degree that I’m able.

It’s from an old Adam Ant song, and while the source isn’t the most dignified to admit to, that doesn’t worry me. I have, after all, learned the lesson of the song well…

I live life free of fear of ridicule, as best I can. Always, and in all ways.

A point, based on how ridiculous you’ve seen me so willingly make myself, with which I suspect that you’ll agree…

JEFFREY

Exam Day
by Jeffrey Fischer

Tyler woke and realized this was the day of his big history exam. He was utterly unprepared. This will be a disaster, he thought. Sure enough, he couldn’t begin to answer many of the questions. However, he was confident he had done enough to pass the course.

When grades came out, Tyler received an F in the course along with a note that reminded him he would be re-taking the same course next year. He made an appointment to see his history teacher to beg for another chance.

Miss Fitzgerald wouldn’t budge. “As we learned from Santayana, ‘Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.’ See you next year.”

Tyler consoled himself with the thought that perhaps he, too, could become a famous guitarist like Carlos Santana.

For the Gipper
by Jeffrey Fischer

Frank was on his third date with Caitlyn. The two had really hit it off after a mutual friend introduced them. She was an older woman with a masculine physique, but Frank was no youngster, and the two could talk for hours on any topic.

Dinner went well, and Frank felt bold enough to ask her to his place for a nightcap. To his delight, she accepted. As the couple waited for a cab, Frank placed a hand on her hip, then let the hand snake southward. Caitlyn smiled – right up to the moment he grabbed her crotch and squeezed.

“What was that for?” the woman angrily demanded.

“You moved like a lady but a guy can’t be too certain these days. As Reagan said, ‘Trust, but verify.'”

RICHARD

My Favourite Quote

My favourite quote hangs framed on the wall above my desk.

It’s not what you’d expect – no motivational words, stirring imagery or perceptive insights, in fact to read it you’ll have to move a bit closer. That’s when people get a little bemused: “It’s just an ordinary business document”, they say, “a quote for something or other”.

At that point, they usually get bored and don’t bother reading the small print.

Yes, it is just a quote – a quote for the sale of the web domain I owned, to Google:

alphabet.com: One hundred, million dollars.

And yes, they paid up!

CHARLIE

THREE, FAVORITE QUOTES:

“The pleasure is only momentary, and the position is ridiculous.” My old pal, D., had this to say about sexual coupling. He is right. For the amount of psychic energy and cost of a dinner and a show, the output is far more than the input. The formula: PE+D^2(S)=O-P proves my point. D. is English, and doesn’t say much, but he might have said: “”There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the new Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.” , but this is attributed to P. J. O’Rourke, not to my friend.

Second

D. came into the family room. His wife, Maureen was drinking coffee and looking lovely. D. looked uncomfortable, and tugged at the fly front of his jeans. “Damn Hotel Covell pants. No ballroom. ” The Covell was a vintage,, small hotel in the center of town, and did not have room for a ballroom. This struck me such that I remember this quip to this day. His wife laughed so hard she spat out coffee. D., as always, had a slight smile on his face as he always did when he realized his impromptu, but clever joke, was a hit.

Third

“An abrupt beginning is much admired, after the fashion of the clown’s entry through the chemist’s window…then whack at your reader at once, hit him over the head with the sausages, brisk him up with the poker, bundle him into the wheelbarrow, and so carry him away with you before he knows where you are.” H. G. Wells gave this advice about writing an essay. Surely, it is filled with surreal imagery, but makes the point about a writing a strong essay or a tale you might find on these pages. I’d like to hit all my readers with sausages.

TOM

A very lame title: My favorite quote

My favorite quote actually is one my own. It isn’t a famous quote, because I’m not a famous sort of person. My quotes tend to be uninflected juxtapositions. Sort of wibbly wobbly timey wimey. They graze across the head more so then drill down deep. There’s: The faces remain the same only the names change. And: I’m not leaving the room is staying. But by far the one dew believe will get me listed in Bartlett’s is a play on an already well known quote concerning the nature and place of humankind in the universal order.

Tool the Man User.

LIZZIE

“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” He carried this quote in his wallet. The tiny piece of paper had been folded many times. It was so well hidden that he had completely forgotten about it. He married, had six children and worked hard to raise them. He lost his wife and many good friends. He now had 20 grandchildren and 7 great-grandchildren. At his death bed, his surviving daughter asked “How did you manage to do all you did, Dad?” That’s when he recalled the quote and replied “Look around. I had a why.”

SERENDIPITY

Roosevelt famously said: “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself – nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror”.

Well, Roosevelt was wrong… Fear is the very least of your worries – it’s what lies at the heart of that fear which should concern you: Peer into the darkness, lift the veil and there you will find me.

It is I that you should fear; and what I do that should provoke horror!

And, with understanding comes knowledge: fear does indeed have a name, it is reasoning, and your terror is completely justified.

The only thing you have to fear is…

Me!

TURA

Your favorite quote
———
Who said this?

“Love is the question. You are the answer.”

Gandhi? Mother Theresa? No, yours truly. The inspiring quotes you see online are mostly written by hacks like me.

“Life does not HAVE meaning, it IS meaning.”

“Your truest enemy is your truest friend.”

I sell these to greeting card publishers, self-help writers, and anyone wanting deep wisdom to decorate a web site.

Here’s my second favorite quote: “A mine of glistening jewels of insight, an enlightenment experience on every page.” That’s from the blurb for my latest book of quotations.

And my favorite? “Pay to the order of…”
———

NORVAL JOE

In 1997 the TV Guide awarded the 1975 episode of the Mary Tyler Moore show, “Chuckles Bites the Dust”, the #1 slot in their 100 Greatest Episodes of All Time.
Chuckles the Clown, the host of children’s programming on WJM-TV performed as several characters, one of whom was Peter Peanut. Dressed as such when acting as grand master of a circus parade, a rogue elephant attached and tried to shell him. He later died from his injuries.
Since that episode in 1975 I’ve adhered to Chuckles’s philosophy of, “A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.”

Suggested prompt……..Don’t be a crybaby.

PLANET Z

Many years ago, a deranged candymaker muttered “So shines a good deed in a weary world” as he prepared to hand over his business to what he thought was a worthy successor.

A kid.
Okay, so he was an honest kid, but still, he was a kid.

A kid who had no idea how to run a business.
Suppliers, health inspections, labor disputes, and accounting meant nothing to him.

The chocolate factory went bust within a year. Everyone was ruined.

The candymaker’s arch-rival bought out the plant, automated everything, and hired Darrell Hammond to play the chocolatier in the commercials.

Paleface

Tonto sick of getting shot at.
This time, Tonto hire crazy paleface to put on white hat and ride white horse to draw fire from Tonto.
Hiring Mexican to wear black and ride black horse was mistake, even if Mexican work cheap and use sword.
He go back to Mexico, call himself Zorro now.
Do he once thank Tonto? Hell no.
Tonto sick of getting shot at.
Tonto just want to make enough to go East and write poetry. Maybe wear black beret instead of dead animal on head.
For now, just follow crazy paleface.
From behind. Far, far behind.

Nothing personal

When the villagers put me in a cage and told me that they were going to shoot me in the heart with a silver bullet, they told me that it’s nothing personal.
But that’s because they don’t consider me a person anymore.
Gone is Moishe the Blacksmith.
Now, I’m just a snarling, throat-ripping monster to them.
Did I not keep my hunting to vermin and thieves?
Not once did I touch a honest villager!
When the Tsar sent his Cossacks, did I not kill all the soldiers barehanded?
Besides, I made this cage. And the lock.
And the spare key.