Weekly Challenge #399 – Spy

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was SPY.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of ANYTHING BUT CHRISTMAS.

Use the Share buttons at the end of the post to spam your social networks. This obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

Sleepy Tinny

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

MICK

Quick Change by Mick Bordet (http://mickbordet.com)

“His face has changed, sir. I swear he was the double of the Maj Tupan Prackatt. Surely he must be the spy.”

“Good work, Kail,” said the sergeant. “Go prepare a cell, while I begin the interrogation.”

The deputy left without a word, eager to please. The door had no sooner closed behind him than the prisoner leapt up, slamming into the sergeant and wrestling him to the ground. He relaxed a muscle and the tiny dagger dropped from his armpit into his hand.

Within thirty seconds, the man wearing the sergeant’s face walked out of the prison to freedom.

LIZZIE

“Sometimes things happen that we hope never did. Sometimes we bury our heads in the sand and pretend they didn’t happen. Sometimes others pass judgment on us without knowing the whole story, without even making an effort to. They think they are better than us, purer. However, in the bitter end, they are just as pathetic as anyone else, although in their self-righteousness they are incapable of seeing that,” said the private detective, who spent his life being a spy of other people’s pitiful lives. “There’s nothing worse than a lie. It digs a gap that will never stop bleeding.”

MAGGY

Mary was very cautious as she measured out the medication for Szy. “I hope this is okay,”
she whispered to herself, “wouldn’t put anything past her.” At that moment Mary heard
footsteps. Matron Grimes stood at the door. Mary hid at the cupboard side. Mary watched
as the matron measured out the dosage. Szy waved his hand and shook his head. The matron
put the spoon to his lips. The medicine spilled over the bed. Mary laughed. “Serves you right!”
she said. “You told me to give him that! you didn’t trust me, so you had to spy on me!”

JEFFREY

The Spying Game
by Jeffrey Fischer

As the 21st century rolled on, governments became increasingly adept at monitoring other governments, along with their own citizens. Electronic communications were only the start: eventually, monitoring of thoughts became not only possible but cheap. International summits were pointless, as everyone knew the positions the other countries would take. Most crimes were stopped ahead of time, when equipment detected thoughts of criminal behavior. Those criminals who did manage to commit a crime didn’t bother to hire lawyers any longer, as their own thoughts betrayed them.

Throughout the world, everyone considered this a golden age. Or so they thought, if they knew what was good for them.

I Spy
by Jeffrey Fischer

As children, twins Mack and Mark would pass the time on long car trips playing I Spy. “I spy with my little eye… something blue,” Mack would say, gazing upward. “It’s the sky!” Mark would reply, followed by, “I spy with my little eye… something tan.” Mack would respond with, “The car’s seats!” No one accused the twins of being geniuses.

As adults, both were captured on an espionage mission to North Korea and placed in a sensory deprivation cell. No windows, no furnishings, just walls, a barred door, and a hole in the floor as a toilet.

“I spy with my little eye… something gray,” said Mack.

“Shut it,” said Mark. “It’s the wall, just like the last hundred times.”

Harriet the Spy
by Jeffrey Fischer

Many people know of Harriet the Spy from the charming children’s book by Louise Fitzhugh, or the movie starring Michelle Trachtenberg. Harriet loses her notebook full of snarky observations about her friends, and her friends retaliate by making her life miserable. She apologizes and all is forgiven.

Cute story, right? Few people know that Harriet was based on a real child, and that the true story was much darker. When her friends found the diary, they ganged up, smothered her, and left her in a shallow grave. Sadly, Fitzhugh’s publisher insisted on a cheerier ending.

JOHN MUSICO

Haven from the Heathens
by John Musico

The toddler’s parents kept him in a wooden box. They didn’t want him to see the un-Christian world he had been born into.
Secretly, the toddler picked a hole into the floor of the box. When it was quiet outside, he’d rock back and forth till it tumbled on its side.
His only view of the world outside was through the hole he could spy through examining the world outside.
Consequently, the toddler’s images in his mind were always encircled in a round ratty wooden frame …until that final day when he saw a policeman in a large square frame.

MUNSI

Why I Need Billions of Dollars Worth of Military Funding

By Christopher Munroe

Here’s the plan…

Step One: Develop microscopic robots small enough to exist undetectably within the human body.

Step Two: Equip and program said robots with the capability to record and broadcast directly from their host’s memory, that said recordings can be later retrieved for use.

Step Three: Inject the robots into the bone marrow of our agents. Ideally, right where the skeletal structure connects to the brainstem. This way, the nanobots will be near enough the brain to see the world as our agent does, in real time.

This, in short, is the principal behind my new “Spy-nal fluid” project…

JULIE

I spied on my parents,

And they spied on me—

Listened to my calls,

Read my pink floral diary.

I spy on the rich,

find out their dirty secrets–

Spy on the famous,

Find out their trash

Oh prurient, self-serving stalker me.

Putting food on the table for my family.

I spy with my little eye,

Some rumbles in my life–

That may come out

In the wash.

My house is dark and cold,

Clean, but needs repair

things leak, things fall apart—

I tiptoe round my wrecked heart.

I am the Shoemaker’s daughter:

Everyone’s souls fixed, but my own.

RICHARD

#1 – Watched? (38)

Since returning to dry land, George and Emily had made a determined effort to leave the confines of the city – not an easy task, since they had no idea in which direction to head and their journey was broken by the frequent need to hide from supposed threats.

It was on one of these occasions that George confided in Emily: “I can’t help feeling that we’re being watched’.

“We’re always being watched,” she replied, “security cameras, CCTV – they’re everywhere, spying on us…”

“It’s not that”, said George, “I’m convinced there’s been somebody following us, ever since we left the river…”

#2 – Twitching Curtains

The old woman across the street is always watching the neighbours – there’s nothing that goes on she doesn’t know about.

We gave her the benefit of the doubt: ‘She’s lonely’, we’d say, or ‘it’s good that someone’s keeping an eye on what’s going on’.

When the mail and newspapers started piling up outside her door, we feared the worst – sure enough, when we broke in, we found her slumped, dead in her chair.

We also found the camera feeds, activity logs and satellite uplink… turns out she was a government spy.

Doesn’t that make you wonder who’s watching your neighbourhood?

TOM

I SPY

It was a time of spies. Even Bill Cosby into the act. From the big screen
to the little screen the secrets agent screamed modernity. Tales of the
old west had given way to globetrotting assassins for crown and country. A
generation before was bound by ethics and law led directly to a generation
of a new type of hero far removed from even the anti-heroes of that same
decade. Spy movies of the sixties were less about intelligence gathering
and more about body count. Coupled with wave upon wave of sexual conquest
you get the prefect post modern hero.

SPY VS SPY

“I want to be a spy.” yelled Bennie. “NO I want to be a spy.” screamed
Terry. Mother wise in all matter of Halloween jurisprudence said, “Ben you
get to be the White Spy and Terence you get to be the Black Spy.” When
Mother was finish with their respective costumes they looked just like
the Mad Magazine comic strip. Through the night they came up with
increasingly convoluted schemes for robbing each other of their candy.
Always executed in complete silence, till Bennie detonated Terry’s Atomic
Pumpkin. The neighborhood outside the blast radius was designated a No
Trick-or-Treat zone.

SPY GUY

My first year in college I met my first CIA operative. The most unassuming
person you’d ever met. Double major math and science. He was all of 21
years old. Hired in the wake of the Weather Men, his sole job was to
watch the student body, noting any comments that did not ring out Mom ,
Apple Pie, and the Girl Next Door. I pointed out it wasn’t very spy like
to be telling me about it all. He laughed. “Unless I’m recruiting.” Too
bad I flunked out of freshman year, I would have been fun being a spy.

A Well Defined Relationship Part 27

When your traveling on an air ship you got a lot of time to reflect.
Without much effort Doc Proctor drifted back to his days with the
guerrillas on Seti Alpha 4. He had not set out to become a spy, but
medical personal often are over looked by the lookers. His actions hadn’t
helped the guerrillas, they were pretty much doomed from the start. But
the villagers in the high desert, he’d done right by them. The glow below
belonged to many of the people he had saved. He would continue keeping
them safe, but it had a cost.

SINGH

22.1

Slowly, the sun pulled down its orange blind

as his slapping sandals hit the road of dust.

The waves had comforted a churning mind

to a small degree. He was resolved to trust

the Krishna in the cards. The god of blue

had come down from the cobalt sky

to instruct the Arjun in him what to do.

Back in their hut he stood a moment — a spy

in the darkness, seeing Margot there inside,

quiet as Buddha, eyes closed, upon the bed.

How could he think so badly of his bride

who had sacrificed her daughters in his stead?

22.2

School brooms

squat-swirling

the dust devils

of swept scraps

and fallen hearts

of pipal leaves

crept across

the compound

a phalanx

imposed by

Mr Kumara’s

stick whacking

little Atul

self-appointed

sentry spy

aching Sufi

waiting for

his Beloved

pointing shouting

into the distance

Decko! Look!

As children trailed

pied piper Madam,

sweet snakehead

of a column

winding through

sunburnt earth

along the ridges

where now

capsicum kingdoms

eggplant outlands

yellow mustard seas

were ploughed clods

in sandy summer

waiting for rain.

Yogi with guitar

in a vinyl case

worn on his back

a doppelgänger

made up the rear.

22.3

He did not think a no-talk night

would walk into a no-talk day

all the way from yesterday’s fight.

Given no time or place to play

the unzipped shadow, his guitar

stood to attention through the day

in Madam’s office. Like a rock star

off the charts, at a loose end,

she made him feel unpopular.

He stalked about trying to blend,

hanging about at the back of the class,

an egret unable to pull and bend

a worm from tree roots or kicked grass.

He longed to find afternoon’s end,

knowing that they had reached an impasse.

22.4

“Madam, Yogi here. Now singing time?”

Today was sweaty from the beating sun,

lunch tiffins had been scrubbed with sand.

Restless children fidgeted in rows,

eyes and smiles hoping to close textbooks.

Yogi looked expectantly for a Yes.

“Yogi cannot,” She met his eyes. “Too busy.”

“But Madam ji. Today guitar he brought.”

“Big people in the town want him later.

That’s right? Anytime you’ll play, huh?”

“I never said I’ll leave the school,” he countered,

Smarting at her slap. “I like all this.

I can play right now. School is over.”

“No need now. The children will be leaving.”

22.5

His outcast senses became acute to noises

like the flitter flop of bulbuls up above,

the flash of crest, red vents, white cheeks and eye,

wingbeats shifting branch to wavering branch,

then clamp of claw, the authority of grasp

breaking through camouflage of leaves

on this avian plane above the human one.

They sucked up nectar, insects, flower petals

to feed their hatchlings crying in the nest,

while looking down on heads of chanting kids

with number mania. Wasn’t he like them,

a whistler with a high perch on the tree?

Why should he cease to be a singing bird?

22.6

He held his anger all the way home to the hut.

“What was all that, making me look so stupid?”

“And yesterday at Barhai’s?” She volleyed back another.

“She made me feel like a child abandoner.

Yogi was shocked. “How can you say such a thing?

“And I don’t like Barhai. He is sly and a cheater.”

You hardly know him.” She paused before her answer.

“Go on then, you’ll see,” and turned away to the wall.

“Look, you can’t just push me out like a lodger.”

But she favoured the wall to his face. Right now it was over.

22.7

he dreamed a bow aiming the arrow
he is arjuna all night in the jungle
target practice in the blindfold dark

then guru drona walks into his head

to wake him brothers cousins

still dreaming it is morning

“so glad you could get up

from your fat feast last night

the river says splash your face

time for archery practise

“can you focus?

pull back take aim

not here up there

what do you see duryodhana

yudhisthira the wise

bhima the strong

nakula the loving

sahadeva the pure?

what do you see my own aswattama

yawning brat of a son?”

22.8

they see the tree

they see the bird

they see the bow

they see the arrow

they see their hands

and their guru

“wrong wrong wrong wrong

aswattama you too so wrong

“tell me arjuna

what do you see

best of the five pandavas

“i

spy

a

bird”

“describe”

“i

spy

a

bird”

“exactly”

“can’t”

“why?”

“i

spy

just

the

eye

the

eye”

“put down your bow arjuna

come here i bless you

but pledge

if we meet in war

arjuna pledge

you’ll fight with me to win”

“i will”

the dream instant-replays

until the lotus-pink of dawn

SERENDIPITY

Long car journeys were always the worst, not so much because of the journeys themselves, but mainly because my stepmother insisted on playing stupid games to keep us ‘amused’.

After hours spent ‘spotting yellow cars’, we’d be forced into playing ‘I spy’.

I remember that last game with a certain pleasure…

“I spy with my little eye, something beginning with ‘R'”, she intoned.

The answer was obviously, ‘road’, and that’s where her eyes should have been, rather than watching us.

Which is why she didn’t spy the tree branch, heading straight towards the windscreen. We did… and ducked: she didn’t!

TURA

Spy
——–
The Ministry of Intelligence contacted me, while preparing for the trade delegation. “Just keep your eyes and ears open,” said the anonymous-looking man, “and we’ll talk when you get back.”

I was arrested the moment I got off the plane. “We’ll tell you what to tell them,” they said. “Or we can just shoot you as a spy.”

When I got back, my handler greeted me by saying, “Recruited you, did they? Good! Now here’s what we want you to tell them…”

“You don’t need a spy,” I told them, “you need to get on the phone to each other.”

ZACKMANN

“Doctor, I feel like everyone is watching me. Grandma told me to be good; Santa is watching. The DJ on the all request station said “We’re always listening to you.” Now I have been told Tom is Shadowing me. I think the government and corporations are watching my web searches.”

“Don’t vorry, hypnosis might help you. Vatch my lovely pocket vatch sving on its chain. Corporations are not spying on you. The NSA does cares not about your “Thia Cathouse” web search. When you come out of your trance, You will have no memory of doing a market research surveys.”

SPATE

013

I’ve been watching you. Tracking your movements. Listening to your phone calls. Analyzing your forays onto the internet.

No probable cause. No warrant. No judicial oversight. I act alone.

You complain? You have no one to blame but yourself. You stuck your head in the snow then refused to believe. Now you are stuck with your own reality.

There are no secrets. I know everything that you have done.

You’ve been bad and now your night of reckoning has come.

Yes, your foremost fear is here… nothing but a lump of coal for your stocking this year.

Ho. Ho. Ho.

NORVAL JOE

“Here you go, young man.” An ancient volunteer offered a map of the Los Angeles Zoo.
Yergie Sprockdockovich of the Bergerslovegan mafia took it and wandered the walkways between animal exhibits in search of his contact from the Women’s Trade Federation. She would be wearing bright red lipstick, a silk scarf and a baseball hat.
Esmeralda Flinch waited in the primate exhibit.
“Do you speak French?” He asked.
“Only Japanese,” she said.
“It’s not my day,” he added.
Esmeralda gave Yergie a photo of Fly Paper Boy and said, “Please. Kill him.”
Unfortunately for them, the monkey was a spy.

JUSTIN

When I got this job as a security guard, I really never expected to have some guy drop from a rafter and knock me senseless.

I was minding my own business, well, I guess the business of where I worked, doing patrols, and then wham! I’m out cold. Some spy was in the place and in an effort to not get caught, he incapacitated every single guard in the place!

I blame the company I worked for. Turns out that they are doing some shady things and this spy was here to investigate.

Sure am glad I’m still breathing, though.

CLIFF

People always think that being a spy is an exciting and glamorous job. That is not how it works. I go to boring meetings with boring people and file reports that never get read. I eat a sandwich at lunch and drink more bad coffee than I care to remember. The only covert op that I’ve been involved in this year was Marjorie’s surprise birthday party and I really think she suspected. Basically, I think an insurance salesman has a more exciting job. You might ask why I stay? Well, the money’s good and I occasionally get to kill someone.

DANNY

Conversations of intelligence result in nothing but the pile of crap we accept as the Spy game. I was sitting in a movie theater, when an Iranian spy whispered in my ear. Unfortunately, this was an IMAX film we were watching, and I couldn’t hear her over the intermittent loud guns and music, followed by the incoherent mumbling of the dialog by the actors in the film. Sure, this is much like my real life, incoherent mumbling followed by loud blasts of intermittent music and gunfire, without a female Dick Cheney still attempting to whisper in my ear, of course.

PLANET Z

You would think that a talking rasp would have a raspy voice, but the director of The Magical Toolbox hired a well-known sexpot bubble-blond actress to voice the rasp.

The hammer was going to be voiced by an actor who’s a well-known drunk, but the network didn’t think that it was a good idea to have a drunk character on a kid’s cartoon.

“Maybe he has permanent brain damage?” said the director. “He’s always getting his head beaten against things.”

They went with a famous Mexican-American voice actor who did a lot of drug movies.

He screamed “STOOOOOOP!” a lot.

Blame by Danny

I understand in the wake of the “Citizen’s United” decision by the U.S. Supreme Court that not only has corruption been legalized, but it is almost impossible now to follow the money trail of the entities contributing to campaign finance. Corporate America has become the Wizard of Oz, don’t look behind the curtain, there is nothing to see here. Pretend to hold us accountable if you want, but we will point the fingers of blame, thank-you. After all, you have no idea the billions it costs to run a blame campaign, and we billionaires intend to keep it that way.

Song Fight

During the American Revolution, to symbolize the casting off of British rule, the lyrics were stripped from the song “God Save The King” and changed to “My Country Tis Of Thee.”
Canadians, being a part of the British Commonwealth, still sing the original version.
This makes for some interesting situations at karaoke bars on the border.
Put enough drinks in the crowd, fire up the tune, and you’ll get both sides trying to shout each other down.
Sometimes, a fight breaks out. People get hurt, glasses and chairs and tables get broken.
And the Mexican laborers sweep up the damage.

Writing Cap

Sometimes, I get too busy to write during the day, and my notepad is blank.
So, as I’m stumbling off to bed, I put on my Writing Cap, drink a glass of Creative Juices, and go to sleep.
The Writing Cap is supposed to pick up my brainwaves, translate them into stories, and feed them to my cell phone via Bluetooth.
Instead, it irritates my scalp and makes my hair fall out quicker.
The Creative Juices cause gut-wrenchingly awful constipation.
I call that writer’s block in the worst possible way.
(At least it’s wireless. No more strangling on the cords.)

Dumped

Missy broke up with her latest?
Didn’t she say this was The One?
He was perfect. They were perfect together.
All that lovey-dovey crap on her Facebook and shit?
Yeah, I thought so.
So, The One dumped her. Like all the rest.
Man, what a shame.
That makes how many this year?
I don’t know either. I lost count at ten.
Remember The Price Is Right?
Yeah, the game show.
They had a mountain climber game.
He’d yodel all the way up the mountain.
The more wrong you were, the louder and higher he got.
Higher… louder… higher…
Then… splat.

Donut Day

It is National Donut Day.
Even though I’m on a diet, I bought a donut.
It was only 85 cents, and I carried the bag through the park, to my office, and put it on my desk.
Then, I pinned it to the wall and left it there for the entire day.
At the end of the day, I looked at the bag and realized I hadn’t eaten the donut.
This is not a credit to my willpower, because I wasn’t able to resist 4 grab-bags of Cheet-o’s and Dorito’s.
I just forgot I pinned the fuckin thing up there.

Cords

I have no sympathy for people who forget their laptop power cords.
I plan ahead, so I’ve got a spare cord at work, and one at home.
Plus, there’s one in my laptop bag, so I’m never without a power cord for my laptop.
Then, there’s the four cords I keep in this van.
Those are the ones I tied you up with after you whined about forgetting your power cord.
Scream all you want. It has soundproofed walls.
Sure, I could strangle you with the power cord in my laptop bag, but I prefer to use my bare hands.

Bloomberg

The elevator groaned under the weight of the morbidly obese passengers inside.
*BING*
The doors opened, and the mayor, pinned to the wall, squeezed his way out into the hallway.
He sighed, dashed out a quick note, and headed to the press room.
Dozens of fat reporters, tossing questions at him.
“SHUT UP!” he shouted. “SHUT THE HELL UP!”
Everyone went silent.
“AS OF NOW, NO MORE SUPER SIZED SUGAR BEVERAGES! SMALLER PORTION SIZES IN RESTAURANTS! WE’RE GONNA GET FUCKIN’ HEALTHY!”
The mayor’s decree took effect, and people just got fatter.
Because they order two of the smaller portions now.

Weekly Challenge #398 – Blame

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was FAMILY.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of SPY.

Use the Share buttons at the end of the post to spam your social networks. This obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:

Cat in pants

Finally, if there are any errors or corrections, please let me know, and I’ll fix them as soon as possible.

MUNSI

“It’s all my fault,” said Tania. “If I hadn’t introduced her to our world, she would never be in this danger now.”

“At least you didn’t accidentally kill a few hundred people, decimating the lives of their families and friends and throwing a city into blind panic,” Razer replied.

“Or lead thousands into a massacre that would forever change the way of life for a whole country,” Bonnie Prince Charlie added.

“Thanks for the lesson in humility, gentlemen. Really. Perfect timing.”

“You are most welcome,” said Charles, smiling.

“I think that might have been sarcasm,” Razer whispered in his ear.

SINGH

Chapt 21.8

He was shocked. Embarrassment sat up.

Heads turned to see the face of sharp demand.

Yogi had never heard this tone from Margot.

Fewer words had been her works and days —

taking on a young man with no prospects

or place, then worn such blame as came

from mother, siblings, in-laws and Pierre,

while paltry adulation made him snub

his angel, and instead chose to grandstand

alpha anger in front of followers.
Why was she doing this? Attention getting?
Looking good demanded he do something.

His feet unhooked themselves and landed hard

with disapproval on the sheetclad floor.

21.9

“I am really sorry, Barhai. I have to go.
We will meet again.” he said. “And I will sing

any time you want,” eyeballing Margot.

Barhai joined his prayer hands, turning to her.
“Madam, we are sorry for giving you problem.
Perhaps my wife said something to disrespect?
I will be very firm. You please forgive us.”

“It isn’t her fault Barhai,” Madam said.
Today was unplanned. I just have school tomorrow.”

“Of course. We are too much selfish,” said the host.

“Chauhaan, you must be driving them back at once.
“No need,” she said with curtness. “We’ll go by bus.”

21.10

Smoking dhoop and bananas

hit nostrils, passing a fruit cart.

She stopped to cross where the bus

would pull up belching diesel.

But he restrained her elbow. “Careful.
The traffic. The place is crazy.”

She shrugged him off, jackrabbiting

in a zig zag, dodging an auto rickshaw.

The mechanical parrot, screeched off

as if to tell a tale. He galloped after.

“Wait up. What’s your problem?”

The appointed bus was coming

like a prophet with believers.
Some debouched and stumbled.

She climbed. He followed.
He spoke up. She ignored.
Then silence defined their faith

all the way back to the village.

21.11

When they had reached, a bony cow was feeding

on Margot’s marigolds that she and schoolkids

had set in a row before her hut. She hunted

it with a culm of cane. Now Yogi joined,

but still Margot was mad, whacking a rump

back down the road, until a farmer yelled

to leave his property. She tried to tell

him off in broken Hindi, gesticulating

with hot and bothered tone making no impact,

pointing to the chewing flower thief

with guilty orange tongue. Still the farmer

would not kowtow to women — an ironic

mark of acceptance. Yes, she was becoming local.

21.12

Frustrated, Yogi dumped his guitar inside

and headed for the river, his quiet spot

passed the potter turning mud to cups,

and a man, pulling donkey overloaded

with bright fabrics. Yogi left at the fork

and walked to find his cool embankment where

the water lapped. On reaching, he disrobed

to cotton drawers and waded, letting water

cool his frazzled nerves and then got out

to sun bake on the bank. He was disturbed.

Barhai had shown respect that Margot slighted

and he had thrown his weight, but now felt bad.

It was their first fight at the peak of summer.

21.13

He thought she would be glad with his guitar

and how they sang together, him the leader.

If she had come to teach, what could he do?

Was he just some drone bee here to service

marigold Madam? He saw no way ahead

and reached into his cotton shoulder bag

for the Bhagavad Gita cards, then shuffled and drew:

My devotees live in me, all surrendered to me,

satisfied and joyful telling the world about me.

It made him think of Krishna and the gopis,
those milkmaids — each a petal of His flower.

It was clearly confirmation! Or so he thought.

MUNSI

The Blame Game

By Christopher Munroe

Admittedly, mistakes were made. And yes, I’m aware that people were hurt.

Some have said it was my negligence that caused the incident, but this is neither the time nor the place to play the blame game.

Or is it?

You know, now that I think about it, after the things I’ve done maybe a bit of mudslinging would be the perfect distraction from the actual problems at hand…

Okay, the blame game it shall be!

Your fault, your fault, bo-bour fault, bananna-fanna-fo four fault.

Me-mi-mo mour fault.

Your fault!

Wait, that’s the name game.

Which one’s the blame game?

MAGGY

and then the noise stopped, after fifteen hours. The silence

was overwhelming, deafening, smothering. It felt eerie, cold.

was there someone there?

Kelly kept walking, looking straight ahead. She noticed the

shadow of the trees, nearly meeting in the centre of the

path. Suddenly, the stopped. She was too afraid to move

her head. The tree shadows vanished. Just a pale track.

Then a fleeting movement, from one side to the other.

What was it? Kelly quickened her step. Faster, faster.

Her eyelids flickered

“Kell? Kelly?”

She opened her eyes. The noise, faint heaving, over

and over. The engine room by the deli…churning,

churning.

——

Trainee nurse, Mary Moore, blamed everybody. It was never her fault.

The fiddle was on the top of the cupboard. One could

hardly see it, let alone reach it.

“Put this somewhere ,” Mary was told.

Helping the patient into bed was hard enough and the

shelf was the obvious place.

“Take a warm drink to Thomas, Mary, not too full, he is

a bit shaky.”

The bed was wet, the cup was on the floor. Everything

had to be changed. She didn’t know Thomas was that

shaky. Well it was tall cup. Besides he took it

before she was ready.

JEFFREY

The Blame Game
by Jeffrey Fischer

The Federal government closed for over two weeks when Congress could not agree on short-term funding. The sticking point was House Republicans’ insistence on a one-year delay in the individual mandate provision of Obamacare. Thus, the press referred to this as a “Republican” shutdown.

During the shutdown, the deficiencies in Healthcare.gov became obvious to everyone, including the press, which mysteriously lacked curiosity about the details of Obamacare for nearly four years. Some Democrats called for a delay in the individual mandate, and the President unilaterally allowed insurance companies to provide non-compliant plans for another year.

The net result is that the government closed for two weeks in order to allow Democrats to agree with Republicans a month later. Well done!

Furiously Fast
by Jeffrey Fischer

Paul leaned on his walker. “I’m not trying to blame the kid who served the coffee,” he said to the lawyer.

“That’s good,” the lawyer replied, “because the kid has no money.”

Paul continued, “But it seems to me it’s irresponsible for a company to serve hot coffee when it knows the top can come off when I’m driving, causing me to wreck my car. I’m owed compensation!”

“Of course you are, sir. And I’m owed a third of that. As I said before, though, you were clocked at 96 when your car went off the road. Crazy as it seems, a jury might think that played a role in the accident.”

“Well, sure. That’s when the coffee lid popped open, just as the car crashed the guard rail and flipped over.”

TURA

A man went to steal from a warehouse. He climbed up and pried open a loose skylight, but fell in and broke his leg. He blamed the warehouse owner for negligence and demanded compensation for loss of earnings as a thief.

The warehouse owner blamed the manufacturer of the skylight, who blamed the workman who had fitted it. The workman blamed a woman passing by whose beauty had distracted him from his work. The woman blamed the sexist culture of capitalism.

So the thief received a pension from the state, and if he’s not dead, he’s living on it still.

JOHN MUSICO

ÒI Always Love Myself Again by DawnÓ
by John Musico, M.D.

I must always forgive myself. If I canÕt; then I rationalize till I fool myself into forgiveness.
When that doesnÕt work; I blame others, even if falsely.
The computer in Ò2001 Space OdysseyÒ named Hal was like me. Self harm can never be in the equation.
Everybody else does the same thing. So, think of it: ÒWhile youÕre busy becoming innocent,
others are painting you at blame to achieve their same aim of innocence.Ó
I wake up in the morning, once again cleansed of my sins, again pure.
I pass by others on the street bearing the same smug look.

RICHARD

#1 – Blame

The view from the river was unsettling – the glow of fire and smoke columns hung over the city; the river was clogged with rubbish being washed downstream.

“Are we somehow to blame for all this?”, asked Emily.

It was a question that George kept coming back to frequently… Had humanity reached some sort of tipping point? Was all this devastation the result of some terrible breakdown of society?

Who knew?

He only hoped that someone out there had the answers and was doing something to fix things.

With a crunch, the boat drifted into the bank – time to move on.

#2 – Who’s to blame

Back in the war, it was gremlins who grounded the planes and shorted the electrics, then thanks to propaganda, everything became the fault of the Germans.

We blamed the Russians during the Cold War; then it was the government’s fault, or the youth of today. We even blamed the economy, as if it was nothing to do with us.

There’s always someone else to blame, but I can’t help wondering if we’re the ones who are really at fault.

It was a wise person who told me: ‘when you point a finger, there’s always three pointing right back at you’!

#3 – School of hard knocks

It was always me who got the blame in school – mainly because I was a bit of a nerd: an ideal target for bullies and pranksters.

I can’t say I enjoyed school as a result, but I was determined to do well and whilst those around me fooled about, I studied.

Now, thanks to my hard work, I’m incredibly successful and filthy rich, but I still eat at fast food joints. It gives me a chance to gloat over my ex-schoolmates, flipping burgers for the minimum wage.

Well, they had their chance back in school… they’ve only themselves to blame.

JULIE

Who is to blame for the Typhoon that hit the Philippines? Fundamentalists would say it is an act of God. Nihilists would say it was inevitable. Existentialists would gaze at their navels and cast blame at the fundamentalists and nihilists.

Who is to blame when a B-Movie actor hits a phone pole and dies in a fireball and becomes a social media phenom? Well, he was to start. He was driving too fucking fast. I reach in my handbag and hand you my Cover Girl compact. Turn the mirror out, and then turn it back at yourself, if it applies.

—-

Don’t blame me–

You could have planted a house,

Or built a tree

Don’t blame me–

Just put me in my space.

Vandalism—

It’s as beautiful

as a dirty rock

In a cop’s face.

I don’t care–

I’m afraid.

Polly wants her cracker

Polly’s off her rocker.

Damn your cock–

In my face, keeping me

In my place.

I don’t mind.

Get away, get away–

Come back, come back.

I will always take the blame,

I will always keep the peace.

I will always be the same–

Very girl, the one who would chew

Off her right arm.

Before leaving.

TOM

Taking Stock
Rudy wanted to blame his current financial problems on the down turn in
the economy. Frank pointed out 1000 shares in Amalgamated Buggies Whips
was not exactly the foundation for building a retirement portfolio. “It
did well for grandfather,” return Rudy “Your grandfather has been die for
a 100 years. And this General Dynamic Sealing Wax. Wait Patterson
Celluloid Clothing Corporation.”A style long due for a comeback.” “Yea
right up there with whale bone corsets” Rudy waved a stock certificate
with an engraving of two women who for all appearances had to be missing
lower ribs. Frank shook his head.

Blame
Bennie said,”I guess there’s plenty of blame to go around.” Everyone
agreed and took a extra helping when the platter made its way around the
room. Timmy from accounting said this years blame was much superior to
last years blame. Jack form sales thought an increase in the amount of
blasting gave the blame a melt in your mouth consistency. Laura from
shipping asked “Is there any self loathing left?” Bill shook his head.
“Sorry Fred from Marketing got the last bowl, we do have some
megalomaniacal misogyny left” Mary ask for a doggie bag of blame to take
home

Bad Movies
Never has so much talent, resources, and money been wasted on a movie.
Some say Heaven’s Gate or Waterworld are the high water marks of motion
picture disasters. If you are old enough to remember Elizabeth Taylor and
Richard Burton in Cleopatra it is arguable the dog of its generation. My
top contender for truly bad film making is Blame It on the Bellboy Staring
Dudley Moore Bryan Brown Richard Griffiths Andreas Katsulas. This turkey
is just 78 minutes of french farces. It’s the only movie I ever actually
ask for my money back. Oddly the manager agreed with me.

A Well Defined Relationship Part 26
“I wouldn’t blame you if you reconsidered your offer of employment Doctor
Proctor,” said the widow. “No Mrs Parsons I believe you and your entourage
are forgive the context just what the doctor ordered. The work at hand is
going to need a fair amount of expertise. You have actually save me a lot
of time and money, oh please put that down in the ledger under the heading
Sweet Water Project.” The Doc looked at Timmy for the longest time and
wondered if the web of connection he had set in motion was strong enough
to hold them together.

SERENDIPITY

Don’t blame me – I’m not the guilty one.

You can’t blame me for you happening to be in the wrong place at the wrong time: it wasn’t my choice, it was yours.

And you really shouldn’t blame me for the medic’s slow response and the drugs that didn’t work to bring you back.

It wasn’t me who silenced you with the fatal cut; it wasn’t me that caused your life-blood to drain from you body.

You can’t blame me for the fatal wound – blame the knife that pierced your flesh.

If anything, I’m completely innocent – totally blameless, in fact.

ZACKMANN

Why Zack Bought his First Cellphone.

Zack opens the door to a ringing telephone.

“Where are you?” says a panicked voice “Why are you not here?”

He replies “What on earth are you talking about?”

“Your irresponsibility, not meeting me on your way home in my work parking lot to pick your children since I work early today.” she scolds

“What?”

“You know like I told you last night?”

“I am so sorry dearest, the only way I could be more sorry is if you had remembered to tell me about this yesterday.”

She concedes “You’re right but come now and tomorrow you’re buy a cellphone.”

DR FRAN

They told me: “When you are pointing a finger at someone, there are three fingers pointing back at you.” So, I exercised my right hand rigorously for about a year until I could point my index finger at YOU, and my other fingers went in different directions, but NEVER back at me. Now I am sure that you know whose fault it is, and that you will be mighty sorry you did that to me. And, I’m sure you will change. And treat me better, and maybe even love me again.

The splint will come off in about six months.

SPATE

Our Last Argument

Cutting words have dissolved into silence punctuated by labored breaths, both of us growing weaker.

Our broken bodies trapped in an overturned car at the bottom of this forsaken embankment, waiting for someone, anyone, to intercede.

No one has come.

Her eyes still accuse:

“I trusted you… how could you let this happen? You brought us to this twisted mess and now you expect me to drink piss to survive a little longer?”

I roll my eyes fighting against all blame.

“What the hell can I do? This is not my fault. It’s an accident.”

Shouldn’t have listened.

Fucking GPS.

LIZZIE

“Blame it on the water,” said the dying man from his hospital bed, all alone. Everyone else had died, even the nurses and the doctors. The communication channel wasn’t working properly, because there was no one to adjust it. “Can you hear us?” asked Control back on Earth. The man couldn’t, but he kept on talking until the very end. The water had been contaminated during the unscheduled visit of an alien peace envoy. They’d have their peace… A human peace envoy would take them the most precious treasure, water. Even aliens needed water. And they drank it, the fools.

CLIFF

I don’t have a story for you and I’ll tell you why. It’s Santa’s fault. Not the real Santa. I hear that guy’s awesome. No, I’m talking about the guy on the corner by the drug store. There he stood, ringing a bell and begging for spare change for charity. Charity must have been his old ladies name, because I watched him pocket the bills from the kettle. I called the Salvation Army but they had no record of anyone working that corner, so I confronted the guy. I wouldn’t have suspected it, but Santa packs a mean right hook.

***

Dear Susan,
I know you blame me for our relationship ending as it did, but I really feel you are being unfair. After all, when I proposed, you are the one who said I needed to take more responsibility and advance in my career. Although we never spoke directly about it, I cannot help but feel that you knew I was involved in organized crime. Advancing in the organization means getting your hands dirty. When management gives an order, it’s my job to follow it. It’s hardly my fault that the witness turned out to be your mother.
Love,
Harry

NORVAL JOE

The president of the United States leaned back in his chair, removed his glasses and tapped the ear piece against his front teeth.
Makaihl Kurdlepot of the Conpistacian Republic sat up straight and glared at the American. One by one he popped the knuckles of his right hand.
Cora Huda of the Caribbean island, Panales Mojados, threw up her hands.
“Gentlemen. We cannot point the finger of blame at any one country. The population of the earth is safely away and it is only we three left behind. But how can we finish this joke in only one hundred words?”

PLANET Z

In the cartoons and comics and movies, Superman can beat anybody.
He’s fast, strong, and has heat vision.
But there’s one enemy he could never beat.
His name was Blame.
He could do anything, and then point his finger at someone else.
And they’d take the blame for it in a way that would stick.
For years, Superman tried to catch him, but he ended up catching everybody else.
Until one day, Blame’s finger pointed at him.
Superman was led away in kryptonite handcuffs, powerless.
Blame got cocky, and went up against Batman.
Who just punched him in the face.

Back in the high life

Warren was a musician. His fame had waned, but his loyal fans in every town would pack the small clubs he’d play in.
His last tour was an experimental solo project. He left his band back at home, and he went from club to club, just an amplifier and a microphone.
It was a hit with the fans, and so that’s all he did until the day he died.
Fans showed up at the club he was scheduled to play that night, his guitar and hat on a dimly-lit stage, a single spotlight.
And they still tour to this day.