Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Seventy-Eight, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY!
The excellent theme music is by…. The Hit Crew – Pirate Party Music (Guy David did the rest)
VOTING
Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):
Guy David
Henrietta was celebrating her 92nd birthday when the storm troopers broke
in. “You are under arrest for downloading 1024 songs from Pirate Bay” said
the lead trooper. “But I don’t have a computer” said Henrietta. “Tell it to
the court” said the trooper. “Will you be OK?” asked a concerned guest. “I
will survive, probably” sighed Henrietta, then the storm trooper took her
harmonica, exclaiming “you are not going to get a chance to play your
pirated music.” “Not the harmonica, please, it’s a gift from my dear friend
Philip” begged Henrietta, but they took her away without another word.
Lewis
A ship over the helm bin spyed flying the queens flag.
The cap’n bin orderin I an’ me harties to board the ship.
I bin plunderin the seven seas all me life.
Never did I see a dog be small fer the number o sharp-tongued wenches aboard.
A boxom wench twice shivered me timbers before days end.
Harr, the treasures bin good to me and me mates.
Me harties bin looting the cargo of sugar and spices.
Jim Lad pried one open.
Arrr.
A large chest with no booty.
Tis no one wanted fer tem selves but the capn’s squire.
Lynda
It be a hard life for Capn’ Swallow since the international shanty composers began demandin’ royalties. He near lost his ship after we were caught playin’ Barnacles, Me Hearties without askin’. Askin’ Two-Legged Davy if ye can sing his songs t’ain’t a wise move if ye hope to live another day.
I understand why the captain had to run me through five times afore setting me out to sea. There be sharks circling me leaky dingy lookin’ friendlier than the last face I saw. No matter, I got me parrot, a bottle o’grog, and me harmonica. I’ll survive. Probably.
Steven
Smoke billowed from the ship’s wreckage. Captain Saunders and his
crew baked on the sun blasted island beach. In the near distance, the
pirate ship sailed back out to sea.
“This is a right mess, Cap’n,” his first mate said. He stroked the
grey stubble of his beard. “Those pirates marooned us here, wrecked
our ship, and stole all our cargo!” He stomped his boot in the sand.
“And them pirates was just women!”
Captain Saunders sighed. “They stole more than our cargo, Smitty.”
He touched the ragged hole in his chest and smiled.
“She stole far more than that.”
Jeffrey
“Pirates! Get your pirates here! Hello sir in the market for a
pirate today?”
“Yes, what have you got?”
“Well as the sign says we gots pirates of every kind, We have the
mean kind.”
“Aye!”
“The more gentle kind.”
“Aye.”
“The kind who you don’t want to meet in a back alley.”
“Aye.”
“The Kind who don’t say aye”
“Eye, spell e y e cause that’s…”
“Oh Shut up, and then we have your kind that questions your every
move.”
“Aye?”
“Dumb ones”
“Aye.”
“And our special model today, the ones that can bake.”
“Pie”
“MMM blueberry my favorite.”
Anima
“As you are aware, the last twelve months have been hard on pirating.
On a positive note, jolly good work on trimming back the deadwood from your
departments, although I think Pegleg Willie took fright for a turn there.
However, pillaging must increase by fifteen percent or there will be NO
cruise of the Azores. And wenching will cease until further notice: please
substitute frolicking with trollops, on a limited basis. The goat will still
be available for those who are so inclined.
Lastly: The scurvy dog who fed me parrot laxatives had best not let me learn
his name!”
Steve Y.
The unlicensed sea captain stormed about his similarly unlicensed ship, quite vexed at the latest haul. Not only had the merchant vessel they raided turned out to be a
disguse for larcenous sorts such as themselves, but the cargo they absconded itself
was ersatz. Whole crates of illegally made duplicates of bobbleheads featuring
players of Pittsburgh’s baseball team that were of such poor craftsmanship that
fencing them was an unlikely prospect. Truly, not In all of his years of looting
and pillaging across the seas had he ever expected a day when pirates would pirate
pirated Pirates from other pirates.
Mike P.
Napster. Limewire. Gnutella. BitTorrent. WinMX. The Pirate Bay.
Isohunt. Mininova.
Ninjas still use traditional swords. I suppose there’s something to
be said for that. After all, there’s a foundry in Japan that has been
making swords for centuries, and now they’re the only place in the
world that can make the core of a nuclear reactor in one solid piece.
Pirates used to use swords, too. Then they switched to guns – ‘cause
hey, why not threaten someone more than five feet away? And now…
One of you guys is gonna go extinct. It might be the one who isn’t adapting.
Norval Joe
Red Beard held his cutlass, its razor sharp tip at the hollow of the stranger’s throat. “Ye say ye be a pirate? Where’s your parrot?”
“A pirate don’t need a parrot,” he replied.
Black Beard jabbed his saber into the man’s back. “”Ye say ye be a pirate. Where’s your peg leg?”
“A pirate don’t need a peg leg,” he said.
“Yer eye patch?” Yellow Beard asked.
“Got good eye sight, I do.” He nodded.
“So where’s your booty, scurvy dog?” No Beard asked.
He held up a small black box. “Here it be. 500 gigabytes of music from Napster.
Justin
“What a beautiful sight, to see the exploding starship of Captain Barnabas Clay. Many of Fenton Fleet fell before his blaster pistol and photon missiles. I tried to kick Barnabas off like the flea dog he was. Little by little I stole his fortune, I stole his pride, then I killed his family, yet he persisted. I rigged his ship with explosives and now he will die alone, for everyone knows a captain goes down with his ship.”
“One move and your dead, Fenton. You failed to realize that in space, there is no down where my ship could go.”
Terry Tee
We be sailing two days out of Jamaica
on smooth, wave less seas.
It was a month since our last prize,
the crew was eager for treasure.
We be changing watch, when the lookout
in the crow’s nest spied sails on the port side.
The crew cleared for action happily as we
targeted a plump little ship riding low in the water.
We quickly overhauled the “Santa Pauline”,
had her along side, boarded and over powering
the crew fast.
Crowding the crew on the poop deck,
we ripped the hatches from the hold,
eager to claim our prize and treasure.
TJ
A friend links me to this huge Slovenian choir. Perpetuum Jazzile. They can make it sound like it’s raining. They also make a sound like they’re Toto, singing “Africa” – one of my favorite songs growing up.Wow, that takes me back. I reach to download. But I remember Laurence saying that stealing music is WRONG! So I dutifully head to iTunes to see if I can buy it. I cannot. About a zillion people sing “Africa” who aren’t Toto, however. So I compromise. I buy Toto’s copy, but I load Perpetuum Jazzile’s cover onto my Shuffle, and promote them here. Arrrrr.
Danny
“Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” Salty Steve cried in pain holding his eye during his shift on the night watch.
A bung had popped out of a barrel and shattered on impact. He looked on in panic as grog spilled out onto the deck and did the only thing he could. That night, the air dropped below freezing temperatures.
Morning.
A knock on Captain’s door.
“Captain! Steve stuck it in the grog sir!”
The wooden door creaks open.
“I reckon any time is right for grog. Steve’s put a cock-valve in it then?” the Captain asked.
“Nay sir, no valve.”
Planet Z
So, you think toiletpapering my trees and egging my car for homecoming is funny?
You earned that F last year, Jimmy. And you’ll get another if you keep this shit up.
But enough about you. Let’s talk about me. And my favorite hobby.
In my spare time, I made ships in bottles.
This one’s a pirate ship. Isn’t it beautiful?
Here’s a Q-tip. Swab the poopdeck.
Do a good job of it, and not one cannon out of place.
No, if you screw up, I won’t make you walk the plank. I’ll just beat you with the tire iron again.