The 100 Word Stories Podcast

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Sixty-Four, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm….
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which were the best stories this week?
	Justin from http://www.thespaceturtle.com/
	Norval Joe from http://norvalsoutlook.blogspot.com/
	Guy David from http://guydavid.com/
	Tom from http://footnote.libsyn.com
	Anima from http://zabbadabba.com/
	Jeffrey from http://greathites.blogspot.com/
	Lynda from http://sisterpepperspray.blogspot.com/
	Danny from http://dannymachal.com/
	Platinum Lightning from http://sites.google.com/site/platinumlightningshow/
	Mike P from http://mjpaxton.com/
	Planet Z
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

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Justin

What’s the 100 word story topic for this week?
Hmmmmm?
The topic, what is it.
Hmmmmmm.
Are you even listening to me?
HmHmmmmm.
Is there something wrong with your mouth?
Hmmmm.
Are you just not talking to me?
HmmHmmmm.
Are you writing the story later?
HmmHmmmm.
What’s the topic?
Hmmmmmm!
Justin, stop that and say something!
Ah, finally unjinxed.
Oh, I forgot about that.
I was playing a game of Gemcraft the whole time, sine just before you jinkxed me from the other room.
What did we say?
We both suggested pizza.
Oh, right. So, what’s the topic?
Hmmmmmm.
Augh!

Norval Joe

”Hmmmmmmmmmmm.” The judge said and scowled at the plaintiffs.
“My first thought is to charge the two of you with contempt for wasting my time.
“Then you should have to attend counseling for problem solving. For pity’s sake, you’re adults, and brothers for that matter.
“I refuse to talk with that thief,” the first brother said.
“No way. That embezzler has divided our family for years,” the other countered.
The judge finally decided. “If you can’t equitably divide your father’s inheritance, I’ll pay it to a surgeon who can divide the two of you.”
The Siamese twins decided to cooperate.

Guy David

The young librarian lifted her head in surprise as the letter “H” passed by her desk, followed by eleven “m”s. As she took a peek over the book she was reading, she saw many letters and words strolling around the library. “That can’t be right” she thought. She put down her book and started picking books of the shelves, looking for the one the words poured out of. She opened a big book about mechanics. A bus came out of it and accumulated the library, making the librarian his passenger. “Welcome to my bus” said Elvis, the bus driver.

Tom

“Jack check this out.
If you go hmmmmmmmm
and look a digital clock
the numbers vibrated like those
magnetic filament bulb form the 70’s.”
“Hmmmm…. It didn’t work.”
“Wait, try this keep your teeth
touching like a north Texas cowpoke.”
“No good.”
“Ok, keep your feet shoulder length apart,
arms at your side and head tilled downward.
“Hmmmmm. I think its working I seee ……..”
“This is Juliet Savage with KCAN TV reporting from the site of a oscillation experiment gone wrong. Block of buildings have been reduced to rubble by going Hmmmmmmmm….”
“Mr. President we just lost Portland.”
“Hmmmmmmmm….”

Anima

“Nice garden, Julie; What are you growing this year?”
“I thought I would try a new variety of boyfriend vine. This one is a strong grower, with solid seed production. Clingier than others, so I’ll have to provide good support.
I’ve decided to go with an annual this year; I’ve tried perennials, and I am tired of being disappointed. Perennials grow good for a few years, and then bam! – they wither, quit producing flowers, and basically take up space. I have high hopes for this one.”
“Uh oh – he’s already trying to speak.”
HMMmmmmmmMMMmm
“He looked better in the catalogue…”

Laurie

I know these two guys that are professional wrestlers. They live in the city and are inseparable. They live in a modest house so no one suspects their vast wisdom and incredible wealth. They own a human. They call him their camera man so he wont get his feelings hurt but really he is nothing more than a slave. He is their butler, chauffer, He even cooks their every meal. They also make this slave work full time and after a long day in a small crappy office he comes home and has to follow them around narrating their videos with a cartoon like speech impediment. “Who’s the Crazy Kitty? Hmmmm? Who’s the crazy Kitty?“ and then posts it on their blog. Sometimes they make him sleep on the couch. They never give their slave enough attention and love, just enough to keep him under their spell.

Jeffrey

“What is he doing over there?”
“I don’t know, but he said if he got one more stupid phone call he was going to go postal.”
“I though Neil as anti-gun?”
“He is.”
“So what is he going to go postal with.”
“I don’t know but whatever it is it appears to be pretty long.”
“It sure is taking him a long time to pull it out. Do you suspect that he is going to hurt anyone with it?”
“I’m still trying to figure out what it is.”
“Hmmm He brought a halberd. How do you conceal on of those?

Lynda

“Doc, you gotta help me! I’ve got this rash, and it’s just like one my mother has on her… well, never mind. The other night I found a strange thong under my husband’s pillow and I threatened to throw the toaster into the hot tub with him if he didn’t tell me the truth.
“I said, ‘I know you only married me because I was a younger version of my mother, did you give me her rash?!’
“He says, ‘No, I got it from your father’s girlfriend.’ What am I gonna do?”
“Hmmmmmmmmmmm.… First things first. Have you been flossing?”

Danny

“Hmmmmm,” I said.
“What?” she said.
“Hmmmmmmmm,” I was louder this time. She ignored my plea and went to the metal work bench behind my naked, restrained, body.
My feet and hands were shackled by chains attached to metal rings in the floor, ensuring my absolute immobilization.
First, the sound of a drill was heard. Then, the sound of a chain saw in proper working order. None of this made me cringe as much as the bench grinder did.
She ripped the tape off of my mouth.
“Guess you can’t say the safe word with tape on.”
“Proceed,” I said.

Platinum

“Something’s at the door, Mike.”
“Don’t let it in. It’s just a zombie.”
“Zombies don’t knock like that.”
“It goes ‘hmmmmm’ like a zombie does.”
“It goes ‘hmmmmm’, but not like a zombie. Zombie hmmmmms sound different. I think It’s a gorilla. See, that’s a zombie. And the gorilla just killed it.”
“We can’t take chances.”
“Why not? We’re running out of ammo, and we’ll die soon if we don’t get help. We need a gorilla on our side.”
“Fine, let it in.”
“OH GOD! IT’S A GORILLA VIKING! WATCH OUT!”

Mike P.

I sat in a booth near the back of the bar. The new ex-girlfriends went
straight to the bar after saying their piece – Tom promised to give me
some of the tips. The line of future ex-girlfriends stretched out the
door and, I imagined, a quarter-mile down the block.
“You’re just not tall enough.”
“You’re too tall.”
“I’d rather date an astronaut.”
“You’re a terrible sky pirate.”
“When I’m with you, you make me hate my cat.”
I didn’t realize keeping multiple girlfriends secret from each other
could backfire. Maybe I should learn something from this.
Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

Planet Z

Foster couldn’t take it anymore.
He spent yesterday just humming.
This morning, he drank poison.
For fifty years, Foster said he’d kill himself.
We all say it, but this asteroid is Paradise and we can live here forever.
The machines keep us alive and young.
There are always things to do. We have done lifetimes of research, writing, sculpting, and pleasure.
If we need a challenge, the machines break themselves and we fix them.
Were people meant to do this? Live forever?
We are nine now.
I find myself humming.
And I stop.
I like this eternal comfort.
Don’t you?

Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Sixty-Three, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s Death by Pineapple, Revenge shall be mine, failed Wolfram Alpha queries..
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which were the best stories this week?
	Planet Z
	Guy David from http://guydavid.com
	Laurie
	Tom from http://footnote.libsyn.com
	Leanna
	Anima from http://www.zabbadabba.com
	Platinum Lighting from http://sites.google.com/site/platinumlightningshow/
	Terrence from http://www.mcleanweb.ca/neverwas
	Lynda from http://sisterpepperspray.blogspot.com/
	Norval Joe from http://norvalsoutlook.blogspot.com
	Justin from http://www.thespaceturtle.com/
	Daphne from http://www.daphneabernathy.com
	Mike P from http://mjpaxton.com
	Danny from http://dannymachal.com
	Jeffrey from http://GreatHites.blogspot.com>
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

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Planet Z

The song’s changed.
Who used to live in a pineapple under the sea?
The sponge had gone too far with his jokes, and this time someone had hung him out
to dry.
Was it the squid? The squirrel? The starfish? The plankton?
Maybe it was the crab.
Nobody knows. Not even the superheroes in the retirement home.
I have my suspicions, though.
The whale. She’s a teenaged nympho, and the sponge couldn’t handle it.
Died with his squarepants down.
A nice family of fish is looking at the place.
Tell them about the neighborhood schools.
But nothing about the murder.

Guy David

Hacker typed a query into the new search engine. The result for “Death by Pineapple” turned out to be “Wolfram|Alpha isn’t sure what to do with your input.” Hacker sighed and typed another query, “Revenge shall be mine.” At that, the image of a bus appeared on screen, approaching. As it got closer, hacker could make up the details. The bus was a patchwork of electronics, seemingly unrelated moving and rotating pieces, all working together to create this monster vehicle. Eventually, the bus filled the screen, then broke out of it, accumulating the computer and making Hacker his passenger.

Laurie

“She had the perfect childhood, nothing to summon revenge.
Beautiful, friendly and always smiling”. that’s what the papers will say about me when i am arrested. A sweet evil grin finds my face as she orders another rum drink,the kind with a pineapple wedge and cherry swizzle. It will be her last. She pulls me close and I ask her to dance.. She grabs my hand and leads me through the dance floor out into the parking lot….The next morning was perfect.. like artwork the sun chased the shadows off our blood splattered walls. ..tangled together…our tresses …our legs ..our fingers…but …only one heartbeat. I shower, gather my things and gently press against her chilled blue lips. The familiar craving for whimpers and screams returns. Again, I consult Wolfram Alpha…”How can I control this dark hunger?”

Tom

Joshua Dimwald loaded the wolfram up with the usually cocktail: Z80 AF register cascade NAND Gate LD (IY+56),78. Up popped failed Wolfram Alpha queries. He had pour over the cmos in the years after the Mitchell challenge had been unclaimed. Joshua got a shop in Taiwan to build a chip for him but he hadn’t figured out the single byte roll over bug. Dimwald cursed Mitchell for ruining his life with this silly pacman challenge. “Revenge shall be mine.” He smirked from his grandma basement. Dimwald noted a odd footnote by Jeffrey R. Yee in Vidiogamers magazine: Death by Pineapple.

Leanne

Fed up with working on failed Wolfram Alpha queries, I went to visit
Mavis, as I always do when I think my life is tough. She collects
gruesome stories. She’d sit puffing away, recounting horrific details. I
remember one she called Death by Pineapple. Some girl on a diet ate
nothing but pineapple. Her hair and teeth fell out. The acid ate through
her insides. She eventually starved to death. Horrible way to die, said
Mavis, chuckling. But revenge is mine, says the Lord. Lung cancer got
Mavis in the end and that, too, was a horrible way to die.

Anima

? Wolfram Alpha isn’t sure what to do with you input.
“100 word challenge”?
? Wolfram Alpha isn’t sure what to do with you input.
“Laurence Simon?”
? Wolfram Alpha isn’t sure what to do with you input.
“Anima?”
Noun: (Jungian psychology) The inner self (not the external persona) that is in touch with the unconscious.
Finally, an answer. The wrong answer, but at least my question has been acknowledged.
I might not know how to ask a query, but I sure know how to wreak revenge, I think, as I pull the pin on a pineapple grenade. Stupid computer!

Platinum Lightning

Giant pineapples are everywhere. Nobody knows where they came from, but they’re killing everyone. My friends and family are dead, and I want nothing more than to kill those pineapples back. I’m hiding in a bomb shelter with a computer. Allegedly, only Stephen Wolfram knows how to kill them. He mysteriously disappeared a while ago, but the answer is supposedly in Wolfram Alpha. “Kill pineapple alien.” Wolfram Alpha isn’t sure what to do with my input. Damn.
“We’re not aliens”, says Stephen Wolfram’s voice from behind me. “Just British people.” Brits are actually evil pineapples. That’s weird.

Terrence

“If you knew my neighbour you would understand the great hatred I have for him. Each day we would both enter our yards, or what might be better terms as, the battle ground.
At night I would searched for a suitable strategy. Google, Yahoo, Bing none of these could produce a result worthy of my greatness, so I turned to Wolfram Alpha, death by pineapple.”
“That would explain the fruit salad shrapnel.” the doctor said. “I hope you have learned your lesson.”
“I have,” I told him. Now, I could see the failures in the results. “Revenge shale be mine.”

Lynda

The term kebabs originated in 1813. I have a thing for dates. So did my boyfriend…1980 to 2008. We did something wild to celebrate our collective 49 years of life and went to Hawaii for their 49th anniversary of statehood.
Clayton jumped up to dance the tamure with some hula dancers and they became so enraged at his geographical error one impaled him on a flaming pineapple kebab. I don’t know what came over me but I set fire to the hotel and ran away.
I can’t figure out how long I can hide in this tree with Wolfram Alpha.

Norval Joe

Princess Ka’iulani watched the sun set through the screen windows of her lanai.
An assassin placed a fast acting poison into her nightly fruit drink. The bitter taste was effectively disguised when mixed with guava and passion fruit juices. The mixture was then poured into the hollowed half of a pineapple and served with macadamia shortbread cookies.
As the sun set geckos crawled across the screens, chirping, searching for food.
She raised the drink to her lips as a gecko grabbed and swallowed a large cockroach.
“Disgusting,” she shouted and threw her drink, taking out the screen and the gecko.

Justin

Raif’s face contorted with furious anger, fist striking the table.
“That rake!”
He crumpled up his ex-fiancee’s letter. Jared stole everything from him, promotions, sports victories, now even Laura.
He drove his beat up car to Jared’s huge ridiculous mansion. He grabbed the tire iron from the trunk then kicked in the door, rage empowering him.
He found Jared facing the office computer. Raif spun the chair, iron poised to strike. Jared slumped, face swollen. Raif looked at the screen. Wolfram Alpha sat there, unable to answer the question “What do I do if I ate pineapple and I’m allergic?”

Daphne

It was just a game, someone said “Death by Pineapple”. Google replied “Two Million Eight Hundred Thousand” Yahoo laughed “Eight Million, Two Hundred Forty Thousand, How about you W-A” WolframAlpha just said “Isn’t sure what to do with your input.” Google mumbled “Typical. What about you MSN, I mean Live, I mean Bing.” Bing said “W-A and I are not search engines. He’s a Computational Knowledge Engine and I’m a Decision Engine” “Whatever, give” Google said “One Million Four Hundred Fifty Thousand” then Bing whispered “One day revenge shall be mine”

Mike P.

Quentin and Robert rounded the corner a few steps ahead of the zombies and ran into a vending machine. At the top it was labeled “Wolfram Alpha”. A sign read “Ask And You Shall Receive.”
“Gimme a shotgun,” Quentin said. Nothing happened. “I’ll effing kill you, effing machine!”
Robert threw a cinder block at a zombie. “Ask a question.”
“Why didn’t you give me a shotgun?” Nothing. “I swear I’m coming back for you, effing machine!”
Robert leaned over. “What can we use to kill zombies?”
A pineapple appeared.
“Eff,” Quentin said. He chucked it at a zombie’s head. “Next?”

Danny

We are little people.
My Father never hesitated to point out the things we weren’t capable of.
The constant mental abuse battered against my Mother’s mental ramparts.
She might be a small midget, but her pride was as large as a full grown man.
Smuggling a syringe from her work, she would make him a special Hawaiian pizza that night.
I typed the word ‘arsenic’ into the WolframAlpha frame work after we got back from Dad’s funeral.
No results were returned about it killing anyone.

Jeffrey

“Revenge shall be mine?” it came out as a question. And how could it not. The man was throwing fruit at him now. What kind of idiot was this? “You shall not defeat me with your fruity goodness,” The caped man said dodging an orange and series of pineapple rings. Did the fool actually think that he was hurting him with these things.
“Back to hell with you, you Failed Wolfram Alpha Query you,” came the scream from behind the buffet table.
“What?” Clearly he was a loon, only one way to win, feign death by pineapple and capture him.