The Talking Sword

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The swordsman tested all the swords in the store, but when he picked up the talking sword, he was greatly impressed.
“I have no equal, no opponent can defeat me,” it said.
The fighter took a few lunges and swings.
Good balance, nice edge.
I like this sword.
He bought it.
Three days later, the swordsman was crawling out of a cave, bloodied and battered, sword in hand.
“They were kobolds, Sword,” he groaned. “I could beat them barehanded.”
“My expertise is in debate, not combat,” said the sword.
It swore as it clattered against the rocks in the cave.

Weekly Challenge #185 – Mystery Ingredient

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Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Eighty-Five, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s Halloween!
The excellent theme music is by Guy David.
VOTING

Which stories were the best this week?
Steven
Zachmann
Norval Joe
Justin
TJ
Lance
Laeianna
JRadimus
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com


Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):


Steven

One. Take one candlestick. Combine with the brain of your ex-lover at
high speed. In the library.
Two. Wipe fingerprints from fixtures and door handles for thirty seconds.
Three. Use two cups of the victim’s blood to write radical slogans for
a religion you do not follow on the walls.
Four. Place body in bathtub filled with sulfuric acid. Allow to
steep until soft..
Five. Knead C4 around support pillars of home. Place detonators.
Six. Exit, then detonate. Allow all ingredients to cook until fire
and police departments arrive.
Seven. Watch TV anchors speculate about your identity.
Serves one.

Zachmann

Kory smiles and offers Justin a piece of cake fresh from the oven made with a recipe he got from DAVe. Jusin says “This looks like a standard spice cake. Is it?” “Yes, with a special mystery ingredient. It is surprisingly good” replies Kory. “My son brought some to school and his friends love it.” Kory pours Justin a glass of milk. They each eat a piece of cake. Justin’s face turns read. Then Justin grabs the one gallon milk jug and drinks all the milk. Justin asks “Just what is the mystery ingredient?” “Didn’t I tell you? Habanerro Peppers”

Norval Joe

A bunch of us kids got crazy my junior year in high school. We dicided we all wanted super powers. Someone came up with the idea of hanging out in the cooling tower of the old nuclear plant.
The police showed up before I could climb in.
My dad worked for KFC. When he found out what we tried to do, he said I could use the mustery ingredient from the secret eleven herbs and spices. He said it would make me fly.
It’s disappointing.
All my friends died from radiation poisoning. I wake up everyday at sunrise and crow.

Justin

Although airship travel is slow and relaxed, but no one wants a long wait to
eat. I have to make quality food at a reasonable pace. I can’t cook fresh to
order at the slow speed it takes to get that special, perfect taste. I have
a secret, though. I can cook food quickly, but still get compliments on the
exquisite flavor of the food. How do I do it? Well, let me tell you. I add a
special ingredient; I spritz on sloth sweat. It’s rare and expensive, but
it’s the best way to get that slow cooked flavor!

TJ

Part of a compilation, you say, slipping into our
midst in an incognito fashion? Such as might slink along sub rosa without
anybody noticing? That is our task, to suss out this addition? How curiously
quaint, and quaintly curious. Or, failing that, a thing can, in unusual
situations, simply find it’s out of bounds, strict and uncompromising though
such might loom. Can your imagination fathom my fabrication? What’s missing
thus far in this randomly circuitous jazz – apart from a common nonconsonant
which, for kicks, I’m not using in this discussion. What a luxury, had I not
run out of it!

Lance

Twenty years.
That’s how long it took to decipher the spider-web
handwriting and understand the formula.
I spent ten more scouring the globe for the strange and exotic bits of
plant and animal matter. When I came
home, nearly three years passed as I stared at that damnable smeared blob of
ink before deciding what the last item on the list must be.
Thirty-three years of my life in pursuit of
one goal. It seems like so long, but if
I’m right, if I’ve finally figured out the mystery ingredient, I’ll live
forever. If I’m wrong, then I’ll destroy
the-

Laeianna

Lester jabbed his fork into the mystery meatloaf all schools served. Poke!
Poke! After last Thursday’s helping, Lester asked the counselor about it.
She claimed it had the usual ingredients with a little mystery flavor added
then urged him to concentrate on schoolwork instead. Poke! Poke! Lester
refused, keeping an eye on the kitchen door’s little window into the lunch
lady’s world. Poke! Poke! He worried over the roaches coming from under
the door and hearing the sounds of cat screams emanating from inside. Poke!
Poke! And then there was the odd fact that kitchen assistants kept
disappearing. Poke! Poke!

JRadimus

You mightn’t not believe me now, but we once had the biggest pile o’ money you even done seen. We was the richest family fer six hollers. But now I’ve spent almost all of it tryin’ to figger out my Grand-Pappy’s secret. Y’see, Grand-Pappy brewed him up some special moonshine during the Dry Spell. Folks cottoned to it real powerful-like. Purty soon, he was sellin’ it as quick as he made it. Pa started helpin’ him after he got blinded off’n a bad batch from over the next county. Then he up n’ died without tellin’ us his mystery ingredient.

Planet Z

Batman dragged the battered chef into Arkham and threw him into a cell.
“What’s the name on this one?” the orderly asked.
“He calls himself ‘Mister E. Ingredient’” growled Batman. “The Master Chef Of Crime.”
He responded well to therapy and medication, and rehabilitation went smoothly.
Gotham Four Seasons and The Wyndham expressed an interest in his skills, but the doctors didn’t think he was ready.
“At least let me cook something, to express my gratitude,” said Ingredient.
As the staff and guards vomited blood, the chef straightened his toque, laughed, and walked out the door.

The Dragon Next Door

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My oven is filthy.
It is covered with grime.
But I do not have anything to clean it.
So, I call the dragon who lives next door.
She sticks her head in the window and looks at the oven.
“Disgusting!” she growls.
She takes a deep breath and blows fire all over my kitchen, burning the countertops and toaster and my favorite oven mitts.
“I am so sorry,” she says. “I should have been more careful.”
I hop on her back and we fly to a restaurant, order burgers and shakes, and go hunting for elephants for her to eat.

Dazzleberries and Ookweed

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Grondor admonished his tribe of cave-dwellers: “Lay off the dazzleberries and ookweed.”
He was getting sick and tired of tripping over stoned tribesmen or getting jabbed in the ass with a spear when they’d flip out and hallucinate that he was an elk.
And so, he collected up all the plants he could find, dragged the Firemaker out of his cave, and they set the narcotic bundle aflame.
With a deep sigh of relief, Grondor walked back to the caves.
And saw elk. Dozens of them.
He pulled out his spear and attacked.
His frightened tribe scattered, bleeding and screaming.

2000

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My grandfather owned a wholesale grocery warehouse.
In his office, there was an antique cash register and an adding machine you had to pull the crank to get the numbers out of.
I calculated how old I’d be in the year 2000.
Then I did it for my brother.
And my dad.
And my mother.
When I wanted to do it for my grandfather, he chuckled and said he didn’t think he’d be around for that.
“But, Grampa.”
He was right. Ten years short, seven kinds of cancer ganged up on him.
Nobody knows where that adding machine ended up.

Addict

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I can feel the needle in my arm.
It’s been there for a long time.
I refuse to look at it.
I should take it out, I tell myself.
I can’t remember putting it in.
Did I put it in? Did someone else?
I can’t remember.
What if I take it out for a minute, to prove I can.
Will I be able to put it back in?
I’d better leave it there. It’s there for a reason.
I can’t remember why, but it should stay there.
So I look, and… it’s not there anymore.
I scream GIVE IT BACK!

Seasick

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I don’t like boats.
I get horribly seasick.
I’ve tried drugs, but those seasickness drugs make me even sicker.
So, I stay off of boats.
Recently, I was diagnosed with cancer.
The chemotherapy made me really sick.
So they gave me anti-nausea drugs.
When the treatment was over and the doctors told me they couldn’t do anything else, I didn’t know what to do.
So I got on a boat.
And I felt fine.
“Give me more of those pills,” I said. “Enough to last me.”
So they did. Thirty yellow pills.
And I’ve been on the water ever since.

Catquake

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I am sitting on a sofa, next to a sleeping cat.
He is purring in his sleep.
I watch his whiskers twitch, his toes wriggle.
He is dreaming.
What is he dreaming of? Walking through grass? Laying in the sun?
He’s twitching more. Maybe he’s running?
If he told me, I’d keep his secret.
But he never does.
A secret never told is a secret kept.
His fur ripples, his paws padding the air.
His whole body is writhing, orange stripes like waves.
And then, he wakes up with a meow.
Licks a paw, and drifts off to sleep again.

Weekly Challenge #184 – Halloween

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Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Eighty-Four, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s Halloween!
The excellent theme music is by Guy David.
VOTING

Which were the best stories this week?
Platinum Lightning
Stephen the Nuclear Man
Laieanna
Zachmann
Lynda
Justin
TJ
JRadimus 1
JRadimus 2
Norval Joe
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):


Platinum Lightning

Every year, on Halloween, my friends and I have a little party. We come to Dave’s house in costume and tell stories around the fireplace whilst drinking warm cider. Mark brings his Ouija board, and we ask the spirits about our futures. We watch the children trick-or-treating outside, and remember when we used to trick-or-treat. Sometimes we watch horror movies, although they don’t entertain us as much as they used to. We talk and laugh together for hours. Then, when the clock strikes midnight, we go out to slaughter young children and devour their souls.
There’s something special about Halloween.

Stephen

When I was a kid, I loved Indiana Jones.
I would walk around with my shirts unbuttoned to my pasty navel,
carrying a string for a whip. I ran around the schoolyard humming the
theme song.
I also loved my Luke Skywalker Underoos. When friends came over, I
would sometimes show them off, coming downstairs wearing nothing but
the orange underwear.
That was decades ago.
Yesterday, a friend asked me what I was going to be for Halloween.
“I don’t know,” I replied. But my hand fidgeted with my shirt
buttons, and I swear my underwear suddenly turned bright orange.

Laieanna

(No Text)

Zachmann

Halloween means a spool of wire, six foot of chicken wire, a lawn funnel, a stack of newspaper, and me asking “Son, what is a Piranha Plant?” Then I wonder if “Would you buy spay paint for me?” is a logical response. I spend a couple of hours helping him cut and bend nine gauge wire into a sphere. Son covers it with chicken wire himself. Shows me the scares. He says it is okay for me to spend the money because he will use it at a Con. I hope he finishes in time. Halloween a holiday for geeks.

Lynda

My favorite time of year! I’m not allowed to enjoy the company of children any other day, but on Halloween there’s an endless supply, and always more follow to enjoy my special treats.
I can’t give you my recipe, it’s a family secret, handed down from my great-great-great-grandmammy Wanda. She escaped the old country with only the shawl on her back and a girl scout under her skirt. Very misunderstood woman. She loved children! Loved to make them cookies. Just like me!
Don’t be shy, kiddies, have another cookie! Watch your fingers! Wouldn’t want them to break!

Justin

Kory peered out the window into the night. Kids all dressed up, ready to cause trouble. The last thing he wanted was to have to deal with was dumb kids armed with spray cans with nothing better to do than tag a country club. He moved outside to sneak up behind them. Just as he switched on the flashlight to get there attention, dark shapes swooped in and tackled them to the ground. The light played over a pale face with blood stained fangs. On second thought, dumb kids were the next to last thing he wanted to deal with.

TJ

A nondescript doorway on a discreet side street hinted at nothing of the bacchanal within. Even so, Millicent’s All Hallow’s Eve masque was the devastation of the year. Cloaks flung aside to reveal the most outrageous, magnificent guises, masquerade most ravishing, a celebration of youth, intrigue and inspiration. Drink flowed like water and designer drugs made the rounds amidst the finery until the stroke of midnight. In the candlelight, the revelers shed every stitch of clothing for a midnight minuet. As the partiers came together on the dancefloor, arch ribaldry transformed to vulnerability and then acceptance. Masks changed, yet remained.

JRadimus 1

Every high schooler has their after-school job to earn money. I’m a little different. Mine’s before school. I’m a paperboy. Every day, 365 days a year, I’m up at O-Dark-Thirty in the morning, treading the dark and lonely streets. I don’t mind the hours or the back-breaking weight of Sunday editions: I’m a Zombie. Things like that don’t bother loathsome undead like me. That’s right: I’m a Teenage Zombie Paperboy. Do you know what sucks most about being a Teenage Zombie Paperboy? Halloween. Do you know how often I’ve been stopped by police for Trick-or-Treating too late on November 1st?

JRadimus 2

It’s the same nonsense every year. And it goes for almost two weeks. It’s not the Trick-or-Treating or the costumes, or any of that. No; what I hate are the lame jokes. I hear the same ones every year. You see, I’m a Zombie. The townsfolk are well-past their pitchfork fetishes, and the rest of the year it’s fine. But every year, from about October 24th, until around November 7th, it’s “Aren’t you a little early?” “Weren’t you a Zombie last year?” “Trick-or-Treating’s over, son.” Next year, I’m going to eat anyone who asks me something stupid. There’s your “Trick-or-Treat.”

Norval Joe

I can hear them out on the front porch right now, pounding on my door. Normally, their scared of me, but for some reason on Halloween they think they can come harass me.
I leave the porch light off, but they must have seen me through the curtains. Now they’ve found the doorbell and are ringing it with abandon.
I throw open the door and shout, “what do you want?”
The snot nosed brats, secure behind their masks and makeup, squeal, “Trickertreet”
For the next prompt I would choose…super hero
I scowl and say, “Here, you can have the butterfingers, I hate em. The snickers are all mine.”

Planet Z

This has got to be the worst Halloween ever.
The Wolfman, he have fleas.
Frankenstein’s monster, always being called Frankenstein. He’s in therapy now. Identity issues.
The Creature From The Black Lagoon, his home got drained. Turned into a golf course.
And nobody’s seen the Invisible Man for ages.
Worst of all, I, Count Dracula, well… I’ve got to see a dentist for a chipped fang.
This party’s a bust. The games are dumb.
Pin The Tail On The Obama Poster?
Tours of a haunted Portapotty?
Who the hell came up with Bobbing For Pizza anyway?
Oh, just stake me!

Halloween and Black Cats

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This is my first Halloween owning a black cat.
Two of them, actually.
They’re indoor-outdoor cats, and they don’t like being cooped up.
But letting them out on Halloween, well, I’ve heard stories.
Bad stories.
Teenagers killing them and mutilating them and setting them on fire and leaving the corpses on doorsteps.
No, I’d rather that not happen to these cats.
So, they’re staying inside.
The orange cat, well, he can go outside all he wants.
The black cats look out the window and whine. On the other side, the orange cat flicks his tail proudly and goes off hunting.