Two Knights

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Two knights lay in a pile of wrecked armor, shattered lances, and bent swords.
“Yield?” wheezed Sir Humphreys.
“Never,” coughed Sir Boltac.
Boltac looked around for a weapon to use, but they were all damaged.
“We could use fists,” suggested Humphreys.
“Fists are for knaves,” said Boltac. “We are men of honor.”
Humprheys agreed, and winced as he tried to get up.
“We must settle this somehow,” moaned Humphreys.
“Thumbwrestling honorable enough?” asked Boltac.
“Sure,” said Humphreys. “En garde!”
Dusk came, and two knights lay in a pile of wrecked armor, shattered lances, and bent swords, nursing their broken thumbs.

Dagonvision

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Andrew Ian Dodge tells the tale of another level entirely to Europe’s big song contest…

In a fishing village off the coast of Turkey they sat stunned seeing what was going on before them. They feared the repercussions for their master as they sat in the Dagon Ministry Hall watching the large TV. “Their” a-tonal entry was wallowing near the bottom of the rankings for the contest. Anastasyia Siren was secretly a member of their cult set to tour Europe to spread the word of Dagon. Europe was voting in their droves for mock horror and heavy metal! A no-message rock party anthem, Lordi! He would no be pleased…they collectively shuddered at the result.

Pay Your Respects

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Why don’t we allow the press to photograph the coffins returning home?
It’s because we don’t want them being counted.
The truth is, very few of our boys are dying over there. Sure, a few of our boys get dinged up pretty bad, but we’ve recovered most of them and they insist on going back and fighting.
Still, we’ve got a contract for so many coffins, flags, and burial plots per quarter. And you know how the Pentagon is with negotiating contracts.
No room to store them all and the paperwork’s a bitch, so we might as well use ’em.

The Clockwork Timothy

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Timothy got a haircut once a month. He also went to the dentist, the doctor, and the optometrist once every six months.
Just like clockwork.
From the earliest he could remember, his mother taught him to keep the routine going. Shoes, clothes, recycling, bills, cleaning…
Like dozens of gears within his mind ticking away the constant countdown of Timothy’s life.
If he deviated from it by a single day, she’d throw a fit until he was back on schedule.
She even got him into the routine of visiting her grave on Fridays to lay flowers three years before she died.

Abdul Part 2

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Andrew Ian Dodge checks on how Abdul is doing

Abdul sat in his cell on death-row peering at some far distant place no one else could see. He was offered a religious text of his choosing; but refused telling his jailers that “God speaks directly to me, so I do not need to read anyone else’s interpretation of his words.” His head filled with visions of a place he looked forward to going to; with meliflous unworldly music filling the vision. Feeding time barely brought him out of his trance and he repeatedly told anyone; he looked forward to the next step. Fellow prisoners complained of odd noise every night…

Weekly Challenge #5 – Horse Racing

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Welcome to the fifth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was horse racing.
Eight stories were submitted this week, plus the usual madness from the planet of insane bards, Planet Z. Go ahead and listen to them by clicking on the grammophone thingy there in the left column and then vote for your favorite:

Who wrote the best story this week?
Erica of Gardenspot
PJ at No Deep Thoughts
Kris of Gradualdazzle
Tommy of Striving For Average
Rahel of Elms In The Yard
Elisson of blog d’Elisson
Andrew of Dodgeblogium
Beck of Incite
The Mystery Writer From Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com


Thanks to everyone for sending in their stories, and I look forward to what you’ve got to write (and say) next week.
The theme will be posted shortly.

Spooky Golf Course

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You’d think that a golf course built on a graveyard would be creepy, but once you get beyond the shock of spectral caddies and zombie groundskeepers it’s actually pretty nice. And a challenge to boot.
I have yet to lose a single ball there. No matter where I whack it, my caddy finds it. Isn’t that great?
You’ve got to be careful with summoning a caddy though. Light the candles in the wrong order or pause at the wrong moment during the spell, and you might end up summoning Satan.
He’s a lousy caddy. Chews club heads, keeps score wrong…

To Beam Up

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For twenty years. McTavish ran the transporter.
Officers beamed down. Officers beamed up.
Long ago, it took a medical degree to run the board. Now it just took a fool and a finger.
The radio crackled to life: ” to beam up! Emergency”
McTavish pushed a button. “How many was that?”
“Now! Now! Emergency!” shouted the radio.
Then, nothing.
McTavish checked the transporter log. Five had beamed down, so he set the board for 5 and pushed the button.
The transporter tracked the signal, counted four, divided by five, and exploded into a storm of blood, bone, gore, and metal.

Abdul

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More deranged tales from the strange book discovered recently by famed occultist Andrew Ian Dodge:

Abdul Alzared felt time slow to a crawl as he loaded the second clip into his machine-pistol. He had practiced repeatedly to make sure he could do it smoothly in a few seconds; before his targets had time to get behind cover. He gently squeezed the trigger as he waved his gun back & forth in front of him. He did not hide because his god would protect him as he mowed down the unbelievers. He yelled ‘Ia Ia Cthulhu!’ between bursts… Witnesses who survived the attack swore they heard him yelling ‘Allah Akhbar’ as his bloody attack went down.

Stairway To Heaven

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Lisa walked up the staircase for weeks until she reached Heaven.
She knocked twice on the door, waited for a moment, and then knocked three more times.
The door creaked open and a bearded man poked his head out.
“What is it?” asked the old man.
“Why?” asked Lisa.
The old man scratched his beard and thought for a moment.
“There was a lot left over from my first project, so I decided to build something with the scraps,” he said, and then he leaned back and closed the door.
Lisa sat on the staircase for a while and pondered.