Fishy Plushies

469102

Andrew Ian Dodge gets to the bottom of a fishy situation…

Rupert returned to his hotel room a bit flustered. And a little sickened; ok a lot.
Rupert went off to bathroom and looked at his pale face in the mirror. He used some water to clean off his face as if to wash away his fear and loathing for what he had seen, not to mention the smell of the bear costume!
As he walked back to the bed and bundled the furry suits into the office, he grabbed his phone and dialled.
“Sage we’ve got a major problem here mate…” He paused. “The fishies plushies weren’t actually in costumes!”

Office Clown

443060

Ned was the office clown.
He put trick candles on birthday cakes for coworkers. They’d blow out, but the candles kept relighting themselves.
He loosened the wheels from office chairs. Everyone fell down and cracked their ass.
He stole all the toilet paper from the bathrooms. Paper towels, too. Folks started carrying their own.
He added Thalidomide to the water coolers. Then he’d knock up secretaries and they’d have twisted flipper-babies.
The judge didn’t find that last one funny.
Ned tried to be the clown of his cell block in prison. Instead, he ended up the bitch.
Now that’s funny.

Sunburn

481799

You’ve been seduced by mammon
Money is your king
You don’t care how you get it on
Even if you have to sin
In pursuit of money
weave your web of lies
Greed makes you ugly
I won’t be your damn alibi
There’s no stopping
Your voracious appetite
Even if they’re married
Your excuse is their marriage ain’t right
I’m no longer party
To your little games
I won’t be a witness
When ya house goes up in flames
People are hurting
As you pursue your fun
Dreaming of big villas
Laying in the midday sun
Sunburn…
Sunburn…I just hope you fry

Twit

616432

Ah, yes. A fine tale of twittery by Andrew Ian Dodge:

Sage of Wales: They were both stood at the waters edge, Clive felt his feet getting wet and realised that Sarah was holding on tight. He attempted to wrench free, his libido finally allowing sense to take over.
Sarah: (hissing) Oh stop squirming you twit and get in the sea
Sage of Wales: she tossed him ahead of her making sure his feet got no grip.
Clive: (muffled) Help!
Sage of Wales: In moments he was dragged under the water, convinced that it was more than two hands holding him down.
Sarah: It’s time to meet your real family Clive!

The Pain Bank

500268

They called it a pain bank.
Just like blood banks store blood and sperm banks store sperm, pain banks store pain.
From pinpricks and itches through agonizing toothaches all the way up to the worst gut-wrenching, torture imaginable, they had every kind of pain in their massive iron vaults.
Suffering too much pain? Put in a deposit.
Feeling detached, or looking for a little masochistic rush? Head to an ATM. Make a withdrawal.
Feel something. Feel something really bad for a while.
Getting over the pain is the biggest rush, you know.
Just don’t fall behind on your interest payments.

Virus Scam

541960

After years and years of progressively malicious computer viruses and worms, the anti-virus program manufacturers finally managed to make deals with computer manufacturers, Internet service providers, and governments that installation of their software was not only necessary, but mandatory by law.
It was right around then that the activity of virus writers dropped off. What used to be a constant cat and mouse game of escalation between those trying to punch holes with exploits and those reinforcing them became a ceasefire.
Eventually, it became a formal partnership.
After all, without barbarians at the gates, who needs the gates? Or walls?

For my wewewedding

646502

Sarah and Jake stuttered badly, so they found a stuttering priest for their wedding.
Cute, right?
Not exactly.
The ceremony was five hours long. Two bridesmaids and a groomsman fainted from the heat.
After careful review of the videotape, we believe the happy couple were actually married to each other. Or the father of the bride to his daughter. We do know for a fact that the Maid Of Honor ended up married to the six year-old ring bearer and the ushers married to each other.
As for the vows, we have no freaking idea what they promised each other.

Abdul Part 4

502646

Andrew Ian Dodge gives us… the end of Abdul!

Abdul, drifted down towards the city in the sea. There were a few others like him popping into his sight heading towards the same destination. The odd shapes below began to well up in front of him; as did vague outlines of tentacles twisting in the water. One of these forms grabbed Abdul and began to drag him to the centre of the city. He saw the twisted faces of what looked to be thousands of people before him. Their visages showed pain and suffering in extremis. Abdul sped towards them to join them for eternity. HE had to fed.

(Or is it?)

Weekly Challenge #6 – War Story

3058708

Welcome to the sixth Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was a war story.
Only four stories were submitted this week, plus the usual madness from the planet of insane bards, Planet Z. Go ahead and listen to them by clicking on the grammophone thingy there in the left column and then vote for your favorite:

Who wrote the best story this week?
Elisson of blog d’Elisson
Andrew of Dodgeblogium
Rahel of Elms In The Yard
Beck of Incite
The Mystery Writer From Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com


Thanks to everyone for sending in their stories, and I look forward to what you’ve got to write (and say) next week.
The theme will be posted shortly.

Order

615340

Andrew Ian Dodge fills us in with that’s going on in… The Order…

Suddenly, the acolyte’s head filled with an otherworldly voice that croaked rather than spoke. It was coming from inside his head, not from without.
“You are to prevent the birth of Lucius Wigginbottom. It must not happen in England. He must not be allowed to be born within the confines of this island. He has already been conceived due to the incompetence of other acolytes. You must not fail me. If you succeed, you will be elevated to the next level of the Order. If you should fail, your soul will be forever damned.
“How?”
“You’re to use your office!”