Weekly Challenge #913 – Rat Stew

The next topic is PICK TWO Points, Vision, Fuel, It’s a pattern, Cheers, Refreshment

SERENDIPIDY

What do you mean, ‘what the hell is this?’

That, is what you’ve been asking me to make for ages – you know I’ve been trying to find a recipe everywhere, with no luck, so I’ve had to work it out for myself.

And now, you have the nerve to question it?

You seriously don’t want to eat it, after I’ve slaved for hours over a hot stove, just to please you?

As for ‘what the hell is this?’ You know exactly what it is… Rat stew!

Exactly what you asked for.

You didn’t?

So, what the hell is ratatouille then?

TOM

Hair Today

My grandmother pointed out one could train their hair to fall along a
well define part line. Try as I may as child this did not work. Brushes
and combs were no match for the might follicles My hair had other ideas
in mind. Sure, the part starts on the left, but given the slight
provocation it will loses all cohesion. I have over the years taken
ownership of dishevel, cultivated a crawl from dumpster affect. With
age I have parted will much of my hair. Receding and thinning soon I
will look more like Gollum with a single hair part.

RAT STEW

In the eighteen years of posting, we have had some interesting topic to
write on. I’ve found some angle to get to 100 words. This has me dead in
my tracks. No muse can save me. I am coming up blank. I guess at the
minimum can pounded what the offering is. Is it a stew made with rats?
Is it a stew for rats? Is it threat like he’ll swim with the fishes,
boys going to make rat stew with that rat. Is this Mr. and Mrs. Stew’s
cruel joke on their first born? Don’t have a clue.

NORVAL JOE

Billbert sat between the two girls in the back of Mr. Withybottom’s Lincoln.
Linoliumanda leaned forward and glared at Sabrina. “You’re a rat.”
Sabrina was shocked. “Where did that come from?”
“Well…” Linoliumanda looked like she had to think of a reason. “Because you’re a witch and you dragged Billbert and me into your feud with the Black Knights.”
Sabrina crossed her arms. “Then you’re rats, too.”
“Who?” Linoliumanda asked indignantly.
“All of you,” Sabrina snapped at her.
When Mr. Withybottom stopped at a corner, Billbert said, “You can let me out here. I’ll walk the rest of the way.”

TURA

Rat stew
———
“Have you decided what you’re having?” inquired my dining companion.

“Not yet, can you help me out with some of these?” I replied. “What’s ‘ratchet’?”

“Rat stew,” he said. “Probably farmed though, nothing like the flavour of wild-caught field rats, but you rarely see those commercially.”

“And ‘presentation de bratchet à la graisse de caniche’?”

“Bratchet, that’s a type of hunting dog. It’s a mixed grill of the legs, belly, and ribs, with a poodle fat sauce.”

“Paté de phoque matraqué?”

“Clubbed seal paté.”

“Yum!” But I chose the fillet of unborn foal with sheep’s eye jelly. There are limits.

LIZZIE

“Not inside the cave,” they said.
Why? No one answered.
Onward to the cave then.
There was nothing much going on. A few shields with Viking drawings, a few contraptions made of tiny bones, and a dead body.
She couldn’t understand what the fuss was all about. Perhaps it was the cattle skull on the wall.
“Rat this, rat that. Stew?! No, thank you,” she said out loud. “This dead man looks remarkably good for a dead person.”
And then… She didn’t see it coming.
The dead man was not dead and, much to her misfortune, she was a rat.

LISA

Rat Stew

Meals were haphazard. Life was haphazard really, we’d pretty much moved into the basement by November. The summer had been full of dandelion salads. Blackberries and apples warmed by the autumn sun had just run out.

Our cat, Lucky, saw to herself and always had. Our neighbours, long gone now, had eaten their pets. We hadn’t: she brought us the occasional rat and was another warm thing to snuggle up next to at night. Besides, we had hope for Christmas. Hope was essential in these unprecedented times. We were looking forward to having her as part of our feast then.

RICHARD

Nuked

They told us the bomb would be the end of the world, but it hasn’t turned out that badly, to be honest.

I’ll grant you that the radiation burns, are inconvenient, shedding your skin and constant vomiting can be unpleasant, and learning to live in the ruins of what used to be civilisation has been challenging.

But, we’re making a go of it.

Take me, for example. I’ve opened my own post-apocalyptic restaurant, serving a variety of tasty dishes:

Roach pasta, louse noodles, and my best seller, rat stew.

Tasty and nutritious, and business is going like a bomb!

PLANET Z

Twenty days out at sea.
Provisions for ten, long used up.
No land, no wind, sails raised like a prayer.
The barrels of fresh water empty, barely enough for a handful of men from the tarps set on the desk to evaporate from the salt.
Rat stew came up from the galley.
Even though we’d caught and skinned the last of the rats days ago.
“It’s rat stew,” said the captain, handing out the bowls.
And the few of us left didn’t look around for the others who were gone.
The cabin boy. The gunners.
And all of the passengers.

George and Magilla

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
After his parrot flew away, he needed a new pet worthy of a pirate.
So, he bought a monkey from the Peebles Pet Store.
It was a rather large monkey, and it wore a bow tie and a silly hat.
“Call me Magilla,” it said. “Got any bananas?”
The monkey’s appetite soon put George in a financial bind.
He couldn’t afford to keep him.
So, George returned the monkey to the pet store.
And he stole a turtle. Because at least he could catch it if it ran away.

George and the cows

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He’d been all around the world, but mostly by accident or as a result of poor navigation.
When he found himself in India, he tried his usual hostage-taking and ransoming racket.
However, all he could manage to do was take some cows captive.
“They believe that these are their reincarnated ancestors, right?” said George.
So, he sent ransom notes to their relatives.
Who had also died and come back as cows.
George ended up with three gallons of milk, which he traded for a map back to Port Royal.

George and the fireworks show

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Wherever George went, explosions were sure to follow.
Cannons, muskets, powder kegs, flares…
Once, his hat exploded. Nobody was sure why or how.
The townspeople watched from the docks and cheered and ooohed and aaahed.
They thought it was a fireworks show.
Members of the local symphony came out to the docks and played along.
And then, as a grand finale, a massive series of explosions lit up the docks.
Every ship went up in flames. The crowd cheered.
Well, except for those who owned those ships, of course.

George and the breakfast menu

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He never got to restaurants in time for their breakfast menus.
“But my watch says five til eleven,” said George.
“My clock says eleven, sorry,” said the woman at the counter.
George knew that if he made threats, he’d be arrested and end up in a viral video.
George learned to make his own breakfast.
So did lots of people, and the woman at the counter lost her job and ended up as a homeless beggar.
“Sorry, my wallet says ‘fuck you’,” said George, walking by the homeless beggar.

George washes his hands

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He washed his hands a lot, singing “This is the way we wash our hands!” while he washed them.
George thought if he did it early in the morning, the other pirates wouldn’t make fun of him singing.
But his singing woke them up, and they’d mock how he washed his hands, washed his face, brushed his teeth, and brushed his hair.
Right up to the point they died from bad hygiene.
George waved goodbye to their corpses as they were buried at sea.
Early in the morning.

George rebooted

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Disney liked the concept, and bought it for millions.
But after two successful movies, they brought in a director who rebooted the franchise.
Instead of George, they featured Georgette, a black lesbian pirate who was the best at everything pirates do.
Hundreds of millions of dollars went into a Disney Plus series, and even more money was spent on reshoots.
Fans of the original George who criticized the new Georgette were called racists, sexists, bigots, and homophobes.
Despite terrible ratings, a second season was ordered, and it was worse.

Weekly Challenge #912 – Part

The next topic is RAT STEW

LIZZIE

As we part our ways, my dear, I hold precious memories in my heart. We walked along the bridges, watching the gondolas slide by. You were so smitten by the elegant colors that you ate that azalea. I didn’t even have to tell you to. And then the green fairy. What a lovely shade of green, you said. I’ll never forget you, my dear. I’ll take your heart with me. And he opened his suitcase to take a quick look before the train departed. Yes, her heart was still there. Squashing it inside that damn bottle had been a struggle.

RICHARD

Problem solved

“Be part of the problem, not the solution!”

Simmonds, sitting opposite me caught my eye, and it was all I could do to stop myself bursting out laughing.

Old man Jeffries may be a good manager, but lately he’d begun losing the plot.

Simmonds politely raised his hand, “Surely we should be part of the solution?”

Jeffries glared at him, “That’s what I just said! Pay attention! Now, where was I?”

“Solutions?” I prompted, helpfully.

“Yes, precisely! Without solutions. We’d have no problems, and then where would we be?”

Eventually, they fired Jeffries.

The easiest solution to our biggest problem.

SERENDIPIDY

Til death do us part was never going to be good enough for me.

As far as I’m concerned, love never ends: It transcends mortality and human frailty, persisting beyond the grave.

So, when hubby died, there was absolutely no question of burial or cremation; there’s no way I could possibly be parted from his mortal remains. I had him pickled and I keep him in a glass capsule next to my bed.

Sometimes, when I need to feel him close, I decant his body, wrap my arms around him, and make mad, passionate love to him, all night long.

NORVAL JOE

Mr. Withybottom waved toward his Lincoln town car. “Okay, you two. Hop in. Linny you can stay home.”
Linoliumanda scowled as if deciding whether or not to defy her father was hurting her head.
She eventually followed Billbert and Sabrina. “If something is going to happen on this drive, I want to be part of it.”
Her father laughed nervously. “Nothing’s going to happen, honey girl. I just want to encourage these two crazy people to get out of your life. You know. Part ways with you.”
“That’s what I thought might happen,” Linoliumanda said following Billbert into the car.

PLANET Z

Her name was April, she was Miss November, and of course she married the old man for his money.
“Til death do we part.” was a challenge.
Her lover, his lawyer, had the new will written up.
She got a quarter, his two kids got a quarter, and the lawyer got the rest as a fee.
Despite her best efforts, the geezer kept going for eight months.
When the time came for the reading of the will, a stranger handed her and the two kids a shiny new quarter.
And the lawyer (and the rest of the money) were gone.

George summer camp

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
And you know what they say about those who can’t do.
So, he ran a summer pirate camp for kids.
Instead of making arts and crafts, they pillaged and looted.
Paddling their war canoes across the lake to raid other summer camps for their arts and crafts.
At the end of the summer, the kids would collect the ransom payments, pack their treasure, and head back home.
George wouldn’t see them for another year.
Well, except for the kids who signed up for the after-school pirate camp, that is.

George gets played

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Then again, when it came to women, he had a girl in every port.
Sometimes, two or three.
The problem was, after a while, the women got to talking, and they felt like they were getting played by George.
One minute, George was at the bar, drinking a tankard of beer.
The next, he was being dragged out by several of his former girlfriends.
They’d slipped a little something into his beer.
Three hours later, he woke up, hanging from a lamp post.
By what, I dare not mention.