Author: R.

• Richard
• Lisa
• Tom
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is Cool

RICHARD

Moves like stagger
On Mondays, I run a support network for people who think they can moonwalk, but they can’t.
You’d be surprised how many think they’re channelling Michael Jackson, when in reality their dancing sucks; and that’s being generous.
I hang out at wedding venues and school reunions, armed with business cards and flyers. On a good night, I can get a dozen referrals from traumatised wives and embarrassed family members, all desperate to wean their husbands, brothers and cousins off the mistaken belief they can dance like MJ.
Wednesdays: it’s Dirty Dancing… and, for the weekend – Saturday Night Fever, naturally.

SERENDIPIDY

“When will it stop?”
“When you’re done” I reply, adding more fuel to the fire, watching the flames burn ever higher.
Eventually, your screams turn to whimpers, and then, after a while the only sound is the crackle of burning wood, and the sizzle of your flesh.
That’s the tricky part, where the real skill comes in. Like sausages on a barbecue, you don’t want the outside burned and blackened, whilst the inside is still pink and raw.
Neither do I want you burned to a crisp.
Trust me, it takes an expert to obtain the perfect roast.

LISA

Professor Gilbert’s Secret
This is the dying testimony of Laurence Gilbert. I know I have been unparalleled in my field for decades. And can only now, on my deathbed reveal the reason.
I moonwalk into every lecture – it drags even the most unresponsive student’s eyes up from their screens. Then, I immediately hypnotise the students. They become someone else in my lectures. Some I retain and they do my bidding: mostly reading.
All students I make study. With their minds open I pour information in and give them the tools to regurgitate it.
I can’t say I’m sorry for anything I have done.

TOM

Same as it ever was.

“It was as dark and stormy night “said the joke to the thief. “When will it stop?” said the dwarf to the elf. “If the sun does rise in the morning, we must find Someone Else.” Of course, Someone Else was the mightiest Warlock in Limbo, not to be disturbed lightly. Which is the only way a pixie can disturb Any One, them being the Council of Elders. Consulting the Elder Scroll the 8th level Bard broke into song. In total discuss the Dragon Spawn fried the cursed lute with a breath of fire. Then a DOA swamped the network.

NORVAL JOE

Linoliamanda looked over Sabrina’s shoulder. “Is that your grandmother in the locket?”

“No,” Sabrina replied. “It’s someone else.”

Patrick cut in, “Where’s that tornado taking Mr. Vanpoot? When will it stop? Will he survive?”

Sabrina shrugged. “Maybe the police station. Maybe the hospital.”

Mrs. Weinerheimer said, “We should get home and sort this out. Is there anything else that you brought with you Patrick?”

“There’s some stuff in the van, but not much,” he said.

After they found more of Sabrina’s things in the van they drove to Bobbie’s house.

“Stay here tonight, Patrick,” Bobbie said. “Dad’s going to jail.”

PLANET Z

Back in the 80s, the moonwalk was all the rage. Johnny would moonwalk at the front of the class every time he aced a quiz or test. Or if he got the last of the pepperoni pizza at lunch, big moonwalk. He was also supposed to be the star quarterback for the school, but in his first game first play, he threw an absolute bomb of a pass that his receiver caught in the end zone for a touchdown, and Johnny moonwalked and his cleat caught in the grass and he tore up his knee and he never played again.

• Richard
• Lisa
• Tom
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is PICK TWO
Someone else
Roast
When will it stop?
Support Network
Moonwalk

LISA

School Days
Our school uniform included coat and bag; so, to express our individuality we changed our pencil cases yearly. In a small town invariably half the class had the same pencil case. Handmade didn’t have the cachet it has now. It was a guarantee of being bullied for the rest of your school days.
I spent summer up north with an old aunt where things were the same as home but they had different stationery shops… I was seen as a cosmopolitan fashion guru. I was picked first for teams. Never ate lunch alone. And all because of my pencil case.

RICHARD

Just in case
Some people carry a rabbit’s foot, others have their plushie mascots, but I had a lucky pencil case.
Far more practical than the totems other students would sit on their desks to bring them luck at exams, my case completely fulfilled all its usual functions. A receptacle for writing materials, erasers, pencil sharpeners and many useful odds and ends as well as chewing gum, and cleaning wipes for my glasses.
You see, I had to wear special glasses…
Special glasses that shifted the colours of the intricate graffiti designs on my pencil case, to reveal my carefully hidden cheat notes.

TOM

Pencil Case

My first wife had rather large breasts. She showed me a trick that seems to me outside my general knowledge base. It a test of gravitational forces and a pencil case. If you are of an age when school supplies were actually a cool thing to have each year there are to major groups of pencil storage. The rectangle molded plastic case with a sliding 12-inch rule, which had a pencil sharpener fused on top. The other a pouch with a zipper, uncool. If you wedge pencil case #2 under a breast and it didn’t hit the ground you won.

LIZZIE

She looked at the pencil case. What’s in there, a nosy colleague asked. Nothing. She grabbed the pencil case. Pencils, obviously, someone said. She nodded, that too. Let them think that. Why are you carrying around a pencil case, that’s for kids. Yes, for kids, she nodded. I’ll give you 100 bucks if you let me look inside. She shook her head. Not in a million years would she allow that to happen and money meant nothing to her. Besides, how would she explain the ears and teeth she had collected from the guys she had buried in the marsh?

SERENDIPIDY

I kept a flick knife in my pencil case.
Knuckle-dusters in my lunch box.
Throwing stars in my school bag.
In case of emergencies, I would slip razor blades inside the covers of my text books and a can of pepper spray in my pocket.
You could never take too many precautions in my school.
It was a tough environment where only the strong survived.
Even the teachers knew to watch their backs.
You had to fight to survive, every day, every lesson.
Bullying was totally out of control, and as for the bullies themselves…
I was the best!

NORVAL JOE

Bobbi squeezed her eyes shut. “I will always hate the things you did to me. But someday, we will be all each other has.”

Billbert looked down to give the siblings some privacy and kicked through the trash thrown around by the tornado. His mother and Mandi tugged at Sabrina’s bonds.

Among the varied trash Billbert found a pencil case and picked it up. It rattled when he shook it.

Inside he found a heart shaped locket. Inside it was a black and white picture of a little girl and a large oval emerald.

“That was my grandmother’s,” Sabrina gasped.

PLANET Z

Paul’s family never put a tree in their house to decorate for Christmas. Instead, they’d put a tree in their big backyard every year and they’ve been there a long time for generations and seeing the big trees and the little ones together and Paul saying that one was for my uncle and that one was my grandmother‘s and that was my dad‘s when he was a boy and I look on Google Maps and see the small woods on the screen. And then the map refreshes and it’s all gone they sold to developers to build a housing subdivision.