Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream.
But not just any dream will do.
The dreams you’ve been bringing me lately haven’t been dreams at all.
They’ve been nightmares. Really sick, awful nightmares.
I’d like to have dreams, like when I was young.
Also, I’d like for you to bring the dreams while I’m asleep.
Not when I’m awake.
That’s not a dream. Or a nightmare.
That’s called a hallucination.
Those make it hard to deal with things.
Especially while I’m driving.
So, to summarize:
Bring me a dream. At night. While I’m asleep.
Or I will be your worst nightmare.
Author: R.
Weekly Challenge #965 – Classical Music
The next topic is PICK TWO Throwaway, Flight, Once more with passion!, Blood pressure, Engine, Roast
RICHARD
– Mr Dobbs –
I first encountered classical music in primary school. As we gathered together for morning assembly, Mr Dobbs – one of the teachers – would play something from his own collection to accompany us.
The name of the piece, composer and date were always written on a flipchart on the stage, and I soon knew a bunch by heart.
As for Mr Dobbs: We derived endless pleasure, watching him bob about to the music, humming along to the tunes, oblivious to our stares.
These days, if I hear one of those pieces. I picture Mr Dobbs, and I bob along, just like him.
LIZZIE
She couldn’t find her violin. She shuffled through the pile of bags waiting to be placed in the train. Where’s the violin? Where is it? She ran around like a lunatic, grabbing people’s arms and repeating the question over and over again. In the distance, a man walked away with a violin case. Why not? She had rejected him. She had mocked him, saying she had played him like a fiddle. Really? So, he was taking the fiddle. No more fiddling with people’s feelings. She would have to face the music, and it wouldn’t be the classical version of it.
TOM
By far the best piano movement
I tend to like more modern Classic music. And I am partial to works with piano and full orchestra. Wedding Day at Troldhaugen by Edvard Grieg. Erik Satie Gymnopédie No. 1. Aquarium by Camille Saint-Saëns. Sergei Rachmaninoff’s Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini. Liszt Les Préludes, symphonic poem No 3, S 97 1. Hans Zimmer’s Time from Inception. All excellent works, but for me the work that moves be the deepest is Prokofiev Piano Concerto No. 1 in D-flat Major, Op. 10. The first movement is like a runaway train. It sores upward taking my soul with it. Pure Bliss.
SERENDIPIDY
It’s a fact that music can influence the manner in which we approach activities.
I’m told that many surgeons like to have classical music piped into theatre when they’re conducting surgery. Apparently it promotes calm and helps them to focus on the job at hand.
Athletes train to upbeat, motivational songs, and we’re advised to avoid playing loud, heavy rock music when driving, since it promotes speed and risk-taking.
Personally, I like to listen to thrash metal, when I’m conducting surgery.
Not because I like it, or I’m a sloppy worker.
But it’s perfect for drowning out the screams!
NORVAL JOE
The gravel crunched beneath Billbert’s feet as he walked from the road to the Withybottom’s mansion. He could see from the steps that the front door stood slightly open.
At the doorstep Billbert heard classical music filtering down from the upper floor. He poked his head inside and called, “Mandi. Are you here?”
Rapid footsteps hurried down the stairs and Linoliamanda was shooshing Billbert with a finger to her lips. “Daddy’s asleep and mother doesn’t want us to wake him.”
Billbert shook his head. “I can’t believe you still have him at home. He needs to be in the hospital.”
PLANET Z
The terraforming vessels landed and remade the planet, taking centuries to clear the alien landscape and chemistry, replacing it with the species and oceans and forests of home.
Fabrication vessels landed, mining ores, building machinery and housing.
A sleeper vessel landed next.
Environment-suited experts tested the atmosphere and soil to confirm habitability.
Confirmed. Success.
The rest of the colony ships landed, and the new population set about populating their new home.
One administrator went to his terminal and requested Bach.
But all that played was static.
It would be decades before the request was received, and many more for fulfillment.
Dead in a closet
My grandfather ran a chain of drycleaning stores.
One hour drycleaners in Cermak Plaza.
He was known for keeping a monkey in a cage.
“We don’t monkey with your business?” a sign said.
While the monkey whacked off.
He took it for a walk, and it bit a woman.
We ended up with the cage.
And put a guinea pig in it.
For a week.
It crawled out through the food dish gate and cut its leg, bleeding to death in a closet.
I remember screaming with tears, but the strange thing is, I don’t remember it having a name.
Disconnected number
The hospital was stuck with a dead old man in its morgue and a dementia-ridden widow.
They left messages at the number on his file, and one day they got a text back with an address to send the body to.
It turned out to be the local zoo’s service entrance.
“They preyed on me for years,” an angry voice said. “Let the animals prey on him.”
The hospital said that was unethical.
“So was he. Put an ad in the paper for necrophiliacs. Ten bucks a fuck. When you have enough, burn him.”
After that, the number was disconnected.
Punch a Nazi in the face
The problem with “Punch a Nazi in the face” is that I think by now, nearly all of them are dead.
And when there were a few alive, the fucking ALCU was defending them in court, lying about them having been Nazis, and so forth.
“Demjanjuk was a kindly sweet old retired autoworker.”
Uh huh.
“Rudolph Hess was just following orders!”
Erm… he was giving them, too, asshole.
Fucking lawyers.
Maybe it should be “Punch fucking lawyers in the face.”
Lawyers, you know who they are.
They have degrees and law licenses.
And in England, they have silly white wigs.
It’s not racist
It’s not racist to use math.
It’s not racist to be on time.
It’s not racist to follow driving rules.
It’s not racist to use proper spelling. Or grammar.
It’s not racist to read and get good grades, and to graduate.
It’s not racist to eat healthy meals.
It’s not racist to go to the doctor. And dentist.
To pay your bills on time, to save money.
To say thank you, and say you’re welcome.
To listen to classical music.
To go outside to talk on the phone.
And it’s not racist to smile and be grateful to be alive.
Natural causes
The ambulance rolled the stretcher in, but the patient was already gone.
An attendant wrapped a barcoded band on the guy’s wrist, and a doctor tapped NEW PATIENT on his pad before tapping the red icon.
Ten hours later, the pathologist looked over the body.
NO PENICILLIN was tattooed on the guy’s ass.
He looked over the chart. Nothing about penicillin. Or anything.
No next of kin. Just his workplace listed as an emergency contact.
“Natural causes” he wrote on the form, and he cut open the chest cavity, weighed some organs, made some other measurements, and closed it up.
Pride about pride
I’m not impressed with a lot of forms of pride.
Especially when it’s pride in an attribute and not an accomplishment.
In the end, most “pride” is about genital attributes.
Their color, their size.
Where your ancestors’ genitals came from.
Or if you’ve had them surgically altered for whatever reason, including an edict from God.
Unless you did it yourself. Then, okay… that’s impressive.
Pride in who or what you like to stick your genitals in or in your genitals is your business, really.
Done it with a few thousand people?
Then you should get checked for herpes right now.
Weekly Challenge #964 – Banana Split
The next topic is Classical music
RICHARD
Rocky’s
Years ago, whenever we had something to celebrate at work, whether a birthday, retirement or any other excuse we could concoct for having a bit of a get-together, there was one go-to place we’d always book for a night out.
An ‘American diner’: a bit of a novelty before the days of ubiquitous burger chains. And it was awesome!
From the plastic tablecloths, to the black and white movie photos on the walls; the top-notch burgers and Red Stripe beer.
Then there was their signature dessert – A banana split, for two.
I always had one to myself!
LIZZIE
“A banana split, please.”
The two witches looked at each other, puzzled.
“We don’t have banana splits.”
“What do you have?”
“We have the Death Cap.”
The customer laughed.
“Autumn Skullcap.”
The customer laughed again.
“And the Destroying Angels special.”
“Fascinating! OK, let’s have the special then.”
“Are you sure?”
The customer nodded.
“I feel adventurous!”
They prepared the potion and watched him trot off, sipping from his bottle of Destroying Angels.
“Did we tell him the mushrooms were poisonous?”
“I don’t think we did and I don’t think he read the sign.”
“We can’t fight stupid, can we?”
“Nope.”
SERENDIPIDY
Take one banana. Peel, and slice lengthways, between which, place three scoops of your favourite ice-cream, top with whipped cream, your sauce of choice, and any toppings you fancy.
Next, force the whole thing, lengthways, down the throat of your victim. Repeat with as many additional bananas required until the recipient chokes to death.
It can get messy, but I think if you’re going to despatch someone, the least you can do is attempt to make it a fairly pleasurable experience.
No good for diabetics though.
In which case, I suggest you substitute the banana splits for hot dogs.
NORVAL JOE
When Sabrina’s sobs had ended, Billbert’s mother helped her up. “We need to get you some clothes.” She amped up her enthusiasm. “We can go to the mall, and while we’re there we can go to Farrell’s and get a banna split.”
As they got close to town, Billbert said, “I’m not really into shopping for girl’s clothes. Would you let me out here?”
Sabrina looked out the window when they pulled over. “This is Mindi’s house.”
Billbert scowled. “She calls herself Mandy, and her dad has been acting so weird, I need to check to see if she’s okay.”
TOM
Midwest Confections
Start with any topic of conversation, at some point a reference to Chicago will pop-up. Take this week’s topic Banana Split. Though it was created in Latrobe it took the drug stores giant Walgreens to put it on the National map. I actually had a Split at Walgreen’s long aluminum dinning counter. The glass dessert boat had Walgreens embossed in the bottom. My best memories of the city are wrapped in childhood confections. Cherries were redder, sweeter and plumper. Butterscotch that could drop a diabetic from 40 yards. A crust of frozen chocolate paper thin. Whipped-cream a foam of sugar
PLANET Z
Midwest Confections
Start with any topic of conversation, at some point a reference to Chicago will pop-up. Take this week’s topic Banana Split. Though it was created in Latrobe it took the drug stores giant Walgreens to put it on the National map. I actually had a Split at Walgreen’s long aluminum dinning counter. The glass dessert boat had Walgreens embossed in the bottom. My best memories of the city are wrapped in childhood confections. Cherries were redder, sweeter and plumper. Butterscotch that could drop a diabetic from 40 yards. A crust of frozen chocolate paper thin. Whipped-cream a foam of sugar
Hurricane Samson
The cyclone hit around midnight.
Winds. Lightning. Tornadoes.
Floods and fires.
A storm surge rolled across the city, smashing buildings and dragging debris out to sea.
Thousands died, thousands more missing and presumed dead.
Hospitals filled up, the bloody and broken spilled out in parking lots.
Bodies laid out in plastic, survivors walking along the rows to identify the dead.
Two couples, arguing over the smashed-up body of a child.
Both claiming it as their own. Shouting and screaming.
A nearby crewman with a chainsaw, clearing debris and fallen trees, chops it in half and orders them all to leave.