George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
When his ship exploded, George clung to the figurehead and washed ashore on an island.
He built a raft, and gathered up dead crewmates’ corpses to use for buoyancy.
The tide pulled him out to sea, he caught seagulls to eat.
For days, he floated, dehydrated and starving.
The experience drove him mad.
When George made it back to Port Royal, he went berserk and killed some people before feeling back to the ocean.
The Navy caught him, and his defense was getting the idea from some comic book.
Author: R.
George posessed
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
They say the worst and bloodiest of the pirates were possessed by The Devil himself.
George, being not very good, and only bloody when he tripped and skinned his knees, was likely possessed by some minor spirit or supernatural presence.
I suspect it was a part-time accountant for a small family business.
One that was replaced easily by Quickbooks, and still somewhat sore about it.
Unlike that kid who levitated her bed and vomited green pea soup, George had a slight facial tic.
Nothing really worthy of an exorcism.
George makes tea
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Being a pirate was enough for Tinkerbell to harass George constantly.
One day, George managed to swat Tinkerbell with his cutlass, and he damaged her wing.
The stricken fairy fell to the ground.
George stuck her in a teapot and closed the lid.
Tinkerbell sprinkled fairy dust on the teapot so it could fly, and she smacked George with it over and over.
George filled the teapot with water, held it to the stove, and waited until Tinkerbell’s screams were drowned out by its whistle.
Then he made tea.
George the dentist
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
So, he gave up being a pirate for a while.
People still called him “George The Pirate” though.
Even when he finished his medical degree and took up dentistry.
He put an old treasure chest in the office for the kids to pick out a prize after their cleaning.
But only if they were good.
The bad kids are forced to walk the plank.
Which really isn’t so bad, since George’s office is on the first floor.
Not that he tells them that, as he puts the blindfold on.
George picks a nose
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
The other pirates bossed him around a lot, and made him do humiliating tasks for them.
Lefty McGee, the pirate with a hook for a hand, would order George to pick his nose for him.
“But you’ve still got your right hand,” said George. “Can’t you do that yourself?”
“That, indeed, I do,” said Lefty. “But it’s kind of awkward to dig into my left nostril with it.”
George winced and refused, and he also drew the line at giving Lefty foot-rubs. “That gnarly peg leg gives me splinters.”
Weekly Challenge #975 – PICK TWO Silly hat, Brave, The old classic, Challenge, Passed out, Visual
- Richard
- Lizzie
- Serendipidy
- Norval Joe
- Tom
- Planet Z
RICHARD
— Some bad hat —
You had be to either brave or stupid to go out in public wearing it.
It’s not so much the style or design making it inappropriate, or that hats aren’t my thing – I quite like them, really.
Neither is it because it’s a baseball cap… which I’ve always considered ridiculous on anyone no longer a teenager.
It’s the slogan printed on it that makes it a silly hat. If not a downright problematic one.
But, it was a gift from my mum.
And I’d have to be even braver or more stupid not to wear it, knowing she might find out!
LIZZIE
Hot chocolate for 25 cents. Silly hats get an extra free cup. And everyone made an effort. There were hats with books, hats with colorful feathers, hats with numbers, hats with beautiful flowers. But hers was the winning hat. It had happy chirping birds. At first, people thought the birds were tied to the hat. But they weren’t! They were just sitting on it. And they weren’t afraid either. How did you do it, people asked, mesmerized. She just walked around, sipping her extra cup of chocolate slowly and smiling. Animals know. They just know. A smile can do wonders!
TOM
Careful
Tommy wore a brave silly hat. It was made of paper and cotton and
things. It was kind-a pointed and kind-a round. Some thought it well …
silly, others were impressed with the absolute conviction of his choice
to place it on his head while carrying out his daily duties. Later in
life he joined the order and rose rapidly in its ranks. Each level he
reached was met with different silly hat. When Tommy was chosen Pope, he
was given his last brave silly hat. What everyone was not ready for was
the new pope’s name. Judas the first.
SERENDIPIDY
It wouldn’t be long before he passed out, his body was fighting the drugs, but the challenge would eventually prove too much. It was simply a matter of time.
Not that I was about to hang around until he lost consciousness. I had things to do: I had a children’s party to arrange, and shopping to do, and the drugs would do their job, without me being around.
Later, when I returned, and before the kids started to arrive, I’d get to work on preparing the party games.
And he, would make the best game of Operation, they’d ever played!
NORVAL JOE
Billbert turned the TV to the nature channel, hoping the girls would soon get bored and go off to bed. Neither was willing to give up her claim before the other and eventually the two girls fell fast asleep. Feeling it was too much of a challenge to slip out without waking them, he settled in for the night. He would have to brave his parents’ reaction when they found them in the morning, looking like they had all passed out on the couch. Billbert drifted off to a documentary about a lion and his lionesses on the African savanna.
PLANET Z
Every time the teacher called on Billy, he’d pass out and fall on the floor.
He passed out a lot.
The school nurse thought there was a serious problem, but Billy’s parents were Christian Scientists and vegans.
Instead of going to a doctor, they prayed over Billy.
In the end, they prayed over his grave.
The autopsy showed that Billy had severe malnutrition and other developmental problems that could have been easily resolved by adjusting his diet.
Charged with child abuse and murder, the courtroom became a circus.
Freedom of religion, their lawyers said.
At least they never had another kid.
George’s labelmaker
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He bought a labelmaker to mark everything with its name so he could learn the proper pirate terminology.
The captain drew the line at putting a label on his hat.
“But it’s okay for me to put one on your lapel that says CAPTAIN, right?” asked George.
“No,” said the captain. “In fact, get rid of these stupid labels right now.”
George went around the ship removing all of the white label stickers.
It took him a while to reach the one marked GEORGE off of his own back.
George orders stuff
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He sent away for everything he could find in the ads in the back of magazines that might make him a better pirate.
Strength pills, sea monkeys, lucky boxes… you name it, George ordered it.
The first thing that arrived was a pair of hypnotic glasses.
George wore them and tried to hypnotize his enemies.
That didn’t work so well.
When George got out of the hospital, the captain wore the glasses to hypnotize George into being a better pirate.
The doctor at the hospital said “Back so soon?”
George cracks safes
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
When he’d try to blow open a safe, he had a habit of using too much gunpowder and destroying the contents of the safe.
This made sense.
George bombed the safe that contained his annual employee reviews, but it wasn’t a good thing when it came to annihilating a safe full of money.
Well, the Gold and Silver survived the blast. George just needed to pick through the wreckage for it all.
Or pry it out of any unlucky bastards who happened to be standing around at the time.
George and Emily
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
“Sweet Pirate of the Heart, Not Pirate of the Sea,” Emily Dickinson called him.
He spent a lot of time reading the latest verses she’d given him.
He’d read them over and over, wondering when he could travel to Amherst for more.
So absorbed in reading, he didn’t notice the rocks ahead.
No, not some spice’s mutiny. Nor some Altar’s Perfidy.
Rocks. Large rocks in the water.
That’s what the ship wrecked on.
George crawled ashore and looked around. Boston Harbor.
George smiled and hired a carriage to Amherst.