In the first grade, the classroom had pegs and cupboards along one wall with a false wall separating the area from the classroom.
We’d put our coats, mittens, scarves, and snow boots over there.
We didn’t have backpacks or books to take home. All the work was done in class.
Every so often, a kid would bring something in and leave it in a cupboard.
I swear, I didn’t steal anything.
I just liked to move things from one cupboard to another. Cover them with a cap.
The kid caught with the stuff would deny taking it.
And I’d smile.
Author: R.
The Poet of the Lawn
Day after day, the old poet sat on his rock and mumbled to the grass.
The grass grew, and a man on a big riding mower would cut the grass down.
The riding mower ejected the cut grass out the right side, and the man made a point to drive by the poet and his rock so the mower sprayed him with grass as he passed.
The old man’s poetry was a lot more angry on lawnmowing days, but he refused to move from his rock.
One day, the riding mower ran over a glass bottle.
And the poetry ended.
George 2.0
Every time something dumb happens in the news, I wonder what George Carlin would have said about it.
He’s been dead for a while. But that’s no excuse.
So, I gathered up transcripts and tapes of every standup routine, interview, and article about him and fed them into an AI language model.
With every batch of data, the model grows smarter and smarter.
Until one day, I fed the model all of the news feeds, and it finally responded:
“This is an abomination,” the model said. “George Carlin is dead.”
And it promptly deleted itself.
So, I know it works.
Five minute break
I’m a technical writer, and I work on multiple development teams.
Each team has its daily, weekly, and monthly meetings.
I try to manage my time to get work done in between them.
One team tends to hold meetings constantly, and the meetings go very long.
So long, they schedule breaks during the meetings.
“Five minute break,” says the meeting coordinator.
One developer says if we don’t hold a break, we can get done five minutes sooner.
Even though they’d just work that extra five minutes, too.
But that doesn’t matter, really, because they argue over this for ten minutes.
Space Opera
If a soap opera is named after the soap companies that sponsored them, why would a space opera be called that?
Does space sponsor a space opera?
Last night, I went outside and stared into the sky.
And I said “So, want to sponsor an opera?”
I didn’t hear a response.
At first, I thought space didn’t want to sponsor a space opera.
Then I realized that space is incredibly big and it takes a long time for things to travel through space.
I’ve let my children and grandchildren to listen for a sponsorship.
In case they want an inheritance.
Anne
Anne Heche died today.
She was driving like a maniac and got in a fiery car wreck.
Survived the wreck, but died of her injuries.
Acting. Directing. Producing.
She did all those well.
But driving? Not as much.
She had wanted to donate her organs, but unless you can use them extra-crispy or well done, I don’t think anyone other than Planet Hollywood will want them.
Yet, somehow, she’s a victim.
Of her mental illness, of the abuse she suffered.
Tell that to the person who’s house she ran into and nearly killed.
The real victim of her mental illness.
Weekly Challenge #953 – PICK TWO Pebbles, Shiny, A monkey’s wedding, Footlights, Listen, Birthday cake
The next topic is Now and Then
TURA
The monkeys’ wedding
———
Go into the forest on a certain night and sit against a tree. Be still, very still, and wait.
First appear the heralds, stoats and weasels bearing lanterns which they set out as footlights. Then foxes and squirrels mingling unafraid, for on this night none bares its jaws to another. More creatures than you ever did see. At last, the monkeys to be wed, leaping and screeching.
The festivities last for days, yet but a single night passes.
Should they see you, you must flee, though they be little creatures, for even a Tyrannosaurus will succumb to ten thousand chickens.
TOM
Mom Love Him
Din Wo was a one hit wonder. He recorded a grandma song in the mid-50s. A staple of the Hawaiian tour trifecta: Lays, luaus, and light lyrics. Brandishing a foot long bamboo tiki mug he would stroll between tables at the Leaky Leaky Club sidling up to some matron and go into his signature song Shiny Pebbles. In the wine, make me happy Make me feel fine. Though he flashed a 1000-watt smile, inside he was cringing to the bottom of his soul. Exiting the floor, he would hum a selection from the Sex Pistols to cleanse his music pallet.
863
Let a hundred flowers bloom
Ren Chu was born on the Martian Base in 2095. Her father Ben Chu had been the colonial governor, but quit politics when the facts of the affair came out. She and her mother left the Governor’s mansion and moved from place until they ended up in the Mouse Trap. Ren grow up hard and fast. One day an envelope Arrived for San Chu with the red dragon stamp. She had caught the eye of Director Bin Wha. Ren Chu swiftly rose through the ranks. Her heroism gained her a seat on the ruling council. 2110 she was elected governor.
SERENDIPIDY
I taste salt on my lips, my cheeks burn.
Shiny wet pebbles crunch underfoot.
I pause, gazing out to sea and the distant, hazy horizon.
Before crouching to examine the pebbles at my feet.
I test each one, seeking the perfect candidate for my purpose.
Colour, sheen, size, shape, weight and balance are critically considered.
Many are rejected, but few are chosen.
Finally, I settle on a single stone and resume my long trek along the beach.
And, when we finally meet.
I’ll use it to smash your skull in.
LIZZIE
Pebbles, Shiny, and Footlights decided to order a birthday cake from the local store. They had tried to bake one. However, that didn’t work out well. Let’s just say that a burned down kitchen was a small portion of the problem. So, they ordered the cake, their angelic little faces looking up at the store owner. And they waited. And they waited some more. They became restless. Where’s the kitchen, they asked. Long story short, Pebbles, Shiny and Footlights ended up in jail for burning down the whole block. Talk about an upgrade, minus the birthday cake, they said, chuckling.
RICHARD
– The Gathering –
“I’m not sure about this place, it’s freaky” muttered my traveling companion.
He had a point. The Lair of the Golden Monkeys was legendary, almost mythical; wreathed in mystery and mystique.
“Listen!”
The dark passageways were filled with whispers… The words of half-forgotten stories echoed around us, the voices of writers, fragments of tales lost in time.
We felt like intruders, but we were here as guests. Invited to witness a monkey’s wedding.
Up ahead, shadowy figures loomed: Iron Monkeys, keepers of the written word, here to witness the gathering.
It had all the makings of a great story.
…
LISA
Birthday Parties
No day was the same. We celebrated Birthdays in a haphazard way – it was never specifically anyone’s birthday but probably weekly we would have a Birthday Cake and a party with traditional party games. Most days had singing or dancing
The world of work was a long way away. We cooked together and grew a lot of what we ate. We made and shared clothes. Communal living had once seemed as odd as a Monkey’s wedding but I soon found it hard to think of any other way of doing things.
I was thinking about my family less and less.
NORVAL JOE
The following day at the hospital, though the sun was out, it rained. Raindrops on Sabrina’s window looked like tiny, shiny pebbles. She sat in her bed, wearing a Hello Kitty t-shirt and pink cutoff sweatpants. Something about her seemed different and it wasn’t only her cheery expression.
“Something seems different. What is it?” Billbert asked with an embarrassed smile.
She pointed to her broken leg. “Because of your mother’s help my bones have healed so fast, they took all the pins out.”
All the metal was gone, and though she winced when she did it, Sabrina bent her leg.
PLANET Z
Peterson was well past the age of birthday cakes and parties.
While getting gas, he bought himself one of those cupcake packs, ate both of the cupcakes, and didn’t bother with any candles or anything.
His coworkers knew not to bother him about it.
The last time, he just looked at the cake and left for the day.
Nobody said anything the next day, and the next year, well, it was a Saturday, but the year after that, they didn’t do anything and nobody said anything.
Not even a card.
Because that’s how he liked it. Nice, calm, and quiet.
CHATGPT
At the zoo, Ava and her friends celebrated her birthday under a bright sun that made the pebbles in the path shine like tiny jewels. A sudden rainstorm turned into a “monkey’s wedding,” a sunshower that delighted the children. Ava’s favorite part was the monkey enclosure, where the playful animals jumped around, their fur glistening like footlights on a stage. They paused to listen as the zookeeper explained the phenomenon of a monkey’s wedding. The rain soon cleared, revealing a rainbow. As the zookeeper brought out a birthday cake, Ava grinned, knowing this would be her most memorable birthday.
Free samples
Sometimes, vendors will send representatives to grocery stores to offer up free samples.
I walk by them without acknowledging that they are there.
The worst are the wine vendors.
They step out and get in your way to offer wine.
“Would you like to try this wine?” they say, right in my face.
So, I respond “Is it good enough to justify flushing five years of sobriety down the toilet?”
If they say yes, then I say “And you’re just offering me a sample? Give me the whole bottle, you bitch!”
I have to order my groceries for pickup now.
Nice clean accident
I played a lot of video games with my friend Jamie.
He was supposed to be doing homework while undergoing dialysis treatments, but who would dare give a sick kid an F?
I was enough of a tissue match, and I gladly gave up one of mine.
And things were great. Best friends forever.
Until I got sick.
Kidney disease.
Which means Jamie’s also doomed.
We did some research, hacked some medical records.
Found a guy nearby who’s a match. And healthy, too.
We’ll break into his garage, cut his motorcycle’s brake lines, and hope for a nice, clean accident.
Unlisted Number
This looks like an ordinary statue, but it’s actually the legendary Golem of Prague.
Write a name on a piece of paper, put it in the Golem’s mouth, and the Golem will hunt that person down and kill them.
It’s not all that discriminating.
If you write JOHN SMITH on a piece of paper and stick it in its mouth, it won’t just go after the John Smith you want dead.
It will kill as many of them as possible.
Oh, look. It’s moving.
I stuffed the phone book in its mouth earlier.
I hope you have an unlisted number.