Lawson invented the twelve.
Before Lawson invented the twelve, people went from eleven to thirteen without anything in between.
It never felt quite right, but nobody knew what to do about it.
They’d cough or wave their hands or stick a roast beef sandwich in there, but nothing quite fit.
Until Lawson came around, that is.
He spent weeks in his lab, testing all kinds of things, until one day, he came out of the lab shouting “I DID IT!”
And shared his new invention: the twelve.
Sure, it caused cancer and global warming, but fuck it: we need twelves.
Author: R.
Death be not
John Donne wrote Death, Be Not Proud.
But under that black robe, Death wears a rainbow shirt. A Pride shirt.
After work, he hangs out in his favorite bar, tips the bartender well.
Dances with his friends when it’s time to dance, and listens when it’s time to listen.
Sometimes, he goes home with a friend.
Wakes up early, makes coffee and breakfast, and then reaps their soul.
It’s not hate. It’s not discrimination.
Everyone dies in the end, you know.
He is Death, and he’s got a job to do.
At least he makes them coffee and breakfast, right?
Pride in accomplishment
June is Pride Month.
It’s a month to be proud.
What am I proud of?
Well, I lost a lot of weight. And I went vegan for my health.
That’s an accomplishment I’m proud of.
I’m proud of my work. I developed a tool that saves a lot of time and reduces errors.
I also proud of my neighbor’s kid. I helped coach her for a Spelling Bee.
She won her school contest and went on to the regionals and state.
But my race? My gender? My sexual preference?
I dodn’t accomplish any of those.
Why be proud of them?
Equal
Are all men created equal?
Under the law, yes.
But some are smarter than others.
Some are taller than others.
Some are faster than others.
Some are darker than others.
Some are hairier than others.
Some are louder than others.
Some are angrier than others.
Some are stickier than others.
Some are slimier than others.
Some are smellier than others.
Some are sparklier than others.
Some are tastier than others.
This tool detects fifty-nine categories of difference to six decimal places.
Place it on your tongue, wait a minute, and a green light will come on.
Now open your mouth.
Sixteenth Anniversary Show
So, why not have a Sweet Sixteen Party?
Burning up the Virtual Community Radio airwaves
at Seanchai Library on
Monday May 31 2021 2PM SLT
https://vcradio.org
Location in SL
Thank you to everyone who came out to the 16th Podiversary of 100 Word Stories today at Seanchai Library, and all those who have and are creating and dreaming and imagining and looking under the rugs and behind the walls, and Virtual Community Radio and Cale and Rik for hosting and putting up with my madness on the air today. If you missed the show, hopefully they’ll be able to get it up with their archives for all to suffer through. And looking forward to a few more years of the writing madness to stave off the inevitable. And a candle has been lit for Elisson, the man who emailed me with the immortal words of Why the hell haven’t you started a weekly challenge yet? ?
For those of you who missed the show, you can listen to it here or at Virtual Community Radio’s MixCloud site.
Ned’s ark
Ned built an ark in his back yard.
Every time it rained, he’d herd the family into the ark.
“Get in the ark!” he’d shout. “It’s going to flood.”
When the rain stopped, he’d let the family back out of the ark.
“False alarm!” he’d shout. “But next time, just you wait and see!”
He’d hold surprise ark drills late at night, forcing his family to wake up and run for the ark.
“If this had been a real flood, you’d be drowned!” shouted Ned at his sleepy, shambling family.
They tied him up and set the ark on fire.
(… and that’s sixteen years for you.)
Weekly Challenge #788 – Hand
- Lizzie
- Richard
- Tom
- Duane
- Serendipidy
- Norval Joe
- Jared
- Planet Z
LIZZIE
The hand, the foot, the wall. Don’t do it. But they did. A hand, a foot, a wall. Just any wall, just any foot, just any hand. The drawings held the secret, they said. And everyone believed them. We found them. And everyone believed them. They are centuries old. Everyone stared in awe. Scientists came from the capital to check and re-check the wall. And they believed them. By then, it was too late. They couldn’t say a word. The hand, the foot, the wall… Tourists loved them. Locals loved them even more. Money and jobs. Yes, money and jobs.
RICHARD
Maybe
Maybe I should try to do something with my life? Take a few risks, go out on a limb and see what I can make of myself?
Maybe I should quit the job, sell the house, liquidate my assets and travel the world, experiencing new cultures, places and ways of life?
Maybe it’s time I threw caution to the wind, strayed outside my comfort zone and seized the day, and to hell with the consequences!
Maybe it’s time to ditch mediocrity and the safe, unassuming life I’ve made myself, and invite danger, uncertainty and adventure in?
On the other hand…
TOM
I finally Got It, just like Coltrain.
You could argue, was it the voice running up and down the octaves? The
moves that would leave a mere mortal in traction. The lyrics so playful
and just plain party. The flash of purple head toe, toe to head. The band
an engine of funk rolling down funky town. The beat that drills down make
you want dance beat. Maybe it was as simple, as the one eyed stare, that
knowing look, your mine, and I would die for you. For me it was that
gentle hand making love to the love shaped guitar. The artist previously
known as.
DUANE
Most of my clothes before high school were hand-me-downs. It was common for neighbors and friends to pass around boxes of clothes that had been outgrown. I ended up wearing a lot of baggy shirts, stuffed into jeans with the cuffs turned up to keep from tripping over them. Sometimes the box had been sitting in an attic awhile. I spent most of third grade dressed in red and white striped bellbottoms with a paisley tunic shirt.
We didn’t hand down shoes. Everyone held on to favorite shoes forever. My Converse All Stars were down to laces and rubber toes.
SERENDIPIDY
They do say not to bite the hand that feeds you, but I’ve never subscribed to that.
For me, biting is the only option – you can’t exactly suck the flesh off roasted fingers, no matter how succulent they may be. And although I suppose it’s possible to slurp a nice crispy piece of skin from the back of a hand, it’s rather messy, and not at all dignified.
And good luck licking the meat from a boiled wrist; I don’t fancy your chances.
So I’ll bite, and gnaw and chew, until I’m done.
Then I’ll eat your other hand.
NORVAL JOE
Billbert’s mother held up her hand to signal her husband to wait. “Really, dear. I think you should stay here and we can make a plan for what to do about our burned-down-house and our super-powered son who’s just been outed, instead of chasing off after the guy who is likely to become the center of most of our future problems.”
His hand still on the doorknob, Mr. Blanketmaker paused. “I’ve got to hand it to you, Joan. You are always the voice of reason.”
Joan smiled knowingly. “Join us Billbert. This affects you as much as any of us.”
JARED
His hands were once thick and meaty. Even though age and disuse have shrunk his hands, mine will always remain small in his. `His knuckles are thick and swollen from boxing for his high school, when that was still a thing. In the pale skin, there are scars from when he lost a fistfight with a table saw. There are too many lines and divots, some pink, some colorless white, in his skin that show the untold knicks and cuts and scrapes of a life. Unseen are the marks of discipline administered, or a record of acts of service bestowed.
PLANET Z
Twenty thousand years ago, a person put their hand print on the wall of a cave.
Over the years, hundreds of others put their hand print on that cave wall.
Maybe thousand, layers of layers of prints on top of each other.
So many colors, so many different formulations of pigments they used.
Clay and crushed rock and blood and resins.
A simple message to the future: I was here.
Alphonse tracked the gold vein back to the cave.
Drilling holes, putting in dynamite, and blasting the rock.
Sifting through the rubble, washing the grit to reveal the gold specks.
Seedlings
It takes a century of soaking in The Pond of Knowledge before a sprout can become an Elder.
We test their brain-pods often, and prune off bad leaves and branches and pods to make room for the good ones.
One elder came up with the idea to graft branches and pods from the wisest of The Elder Council to speed along the process.
The results were a total crop failure. The seedlings and the edler were all destroyed.
Wisdom and knowledge must be earned and learned, not grafted.
The Pond had to be cleaned out and replenished with seeds again.
Flick
There was a new critic for the Tribute: Flick Billston.
And he hated everything.
You could open up the Entertainment Section and be entertained by Flickr’s verbal savagery.
The paper got bomb and death threats, directors and actors showing up at their offices demanding to see Flick.
“He works from home,” says the editor. “Sends stuff in with a courier.”
He wasn’t listed in the phone book. No paper trail at all.
The really angry ones hired detectives to follow the courier.
The detectives never reported back. And when Flick’s next review came in, it was that much more vicious.
Back to the drive-in
Every Friday night, every Summer, we’d go down Highway 6 and catch the double-feature at the drive-in.
It’s more than just a movie. It’s a celebration.
We bring a keg. We bring a big pit smoker.
Sometimes, we dress up for the special events.
And there’s dancing. And singing.
It feels like the Summer lasts forever.
But it doesn’t.
Every Fall, as we went back to school, the drive-in closes down.
Until the next Summer comes around.
School’s out, the drive-in’s open again, and everybody can’t wait for Friday night, when we go down Highway 6 to catch the double-feature.

