Weekly Challenge #450 – Shoe

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic: SHOE

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of PATIENT. Scroll up and click on Weekly Challenge to learn how to join us!

Sleepy

JOHN MUSICO

Shoe
by John Musico

I remember reading an interview with John Lennon. The reporter asked him; “What does I am the walrus mean? After a pause Lennon replied simply, “Nothing”.
I had been recalling that amusing story the day of “the shoe”. That day I brought a huge nail, a hammer and a shoe to work and nailed it to a tree out back where the break tables were.
Thereafter, I sat on break, listening to coworker’s theories on the shoe, maintaining my poker face.
Guessing I probably was behind the mischief, they asked; “What does it mean?”
I paused and replied simply, “Nothing”.

MUNSI

Shoes

By Christopher Munroe

I’m never more nervous than when things go well.

I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Which isn’t healthy, it isn’t normal, I know it isn’t, and it robs me of my ability to enjoy the good things, and there are plenty of good things in my life!

I can’t help it, it’s just who I am.

Even my victories I find myself unable to enjoy…

For example, if all went well, by the time you hear this I’ll be done my NaNoWriMo draft.

And yet, as of writing this, I’m kind of still freaked out about it…

JEFFREY

Cinderella’s Trial
by Jeffrey Fischer

Cinderella, dressed in her magical finery, was at the prince’s ball, all right, just as the story went. Where fiction deviated from fact was that Cinderella lost her slipper while looting ladies’ handbags in the cloakroom.

At her trial, Johnnie Cochran waved the slipper, shouting, “If the shoe don’t fit, you must acquit!” Johnnie was using a variant on the phrase a lot in those days. Unfortunately for him and his client, the glass slipper fit perfectly on Cindy’s foot. She was sentenced to prison, where she spent the next 15 years perfecting the fairy tale version of her story that we all know.

Size 8
by Jeffrey Fischer

Irene was that insufferable colleague who makes the entire work day a chore: unpleasant, arrogant, constantly interrupting others with strongly-held but frequently-incorrect observations. Her smug grin was the crap frosting on the mud cake. Mom always told me I shouldn’t criticize someone before I’ve walked a mile in her shoes, so I stole a pair of Irene’s pumps, squeezed my size 11 feet into them, and walked a painful mile before I tore those shoes off my blistered feet. Now, by God, I let her have it every chance I get, and I feel great.

RICHARD

#1 – George’s Story – Part 83: Impassable

George rebounded from the door in spectacular fashion, doing far more damage to his shoulder than the door or its frame.

Rather than take the hint, George’s temper flared and he charged back at the door, aiming a wild, karate-style kick at the offending obstacle. Unfortunately, the violence of the kick caused his shoe to fly off down the corridor, resulting in his unprotected foot connecting violently with the unyielding wood.

George screamed in pain and reached for the door handle to break his fall as he crashed to the floor.

The door swung easily open under his weight… outwards.

#2 – Shoe

Shoes can be so expensive, particularly when you only have one leg – what’s the point of buying a pair when you can only ever wear one of them?

After years of inconvenience, I decided the only solution was to turn to crime and, in one afternoon I quietly liberated most of the single shoes on display outside shoe shops in the town centre.

Only when I returned home and took a good look at my ill-gotten gains did I realise my terrible mistake…

Shops only ever put the right shoe on display, but I only have a left leg!

CHELSEA

Shoe

I truly believe that the person responsible for women’s shoes was into some hard core S&M. If you don’t spend your whole day in slippers you are in some serious pain before noon.

I have tried everything under the sun to make my shoes more comfortable. Purchased countless insoles of varying types. I have worn damp socks to stretch out shoes and blow-dried them into place. I have put bandaids on different parts of my feet and the shoes to prevent blisters.

My conclusion, stick to slippers and anyone who thinks differently can go fuck themselves cus there my feet!

TURA

Shoe
——–
There was once a mouse, that lived in an old shoe. The shoe had been lying under a hedge for more years than a mouse can imagine. But not too many for a cat to remember. It saw, it always saw, when a new mouse had moved into such a safe, inviting nest. The mouse would come and go, nibbling on the little things that little mice eat. And all the while the cat watched, stone still, basking as if in the sun, in the ecstasy of power.

Until the cat would end it, and wait for the next mouse.
——–
I have a second story, but it will not go down to anything close to 100 words, so you can read “The Cobbler and the Devil” on my blog instead. God, the Devil, the Internet, and Linden Lab permitting, I will also read it at Book Island the same day the podcast goes out, 1pm SLT.

SPATE

If The Shoe Fits, Wait For It To Drop

His name was Dimitri. I called him Dim. because he was.

We worked together; third shift over at Kozlowski’s sausage factory. He ran
the grinder. I stuffed casings.

One night, he’s got this burning itchy foot fungus thing going on and he’s
hopping around pulling his shoe off to scratch it when he stumbles and the
shoe flies out of his hands and sails into the vat of meat scraps feeding
the grinder.

Next morning, Dim punches out wearing only one shoe.

Management stares but says nothing.

You learn not to ask questions when you work at a sausage factory.

(“Amari szi Amari” by Rozsa / rozsaband.com / curator: freemusicarchive.org
/ Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0)

SERENDIPITY

After Toni’s run in with the cops, it was necessary to show him the error of his ways.

Now I’m a pretty fair boss, so I just told the boys to rough him up a bit, break a few fingers, that sort of thing, but nothing excessive… After all, who doesn’t make mistakes?

Once business was concluded, I didn’t want Toni thinking there was bad feeling between us, so I sent the boys out to buy him a nice new suit – his old one being torn and covered in blood

Hell, I even bought him new shoes.

Concrete ones.

ZACKMANN

“Stop chewing on my shoe!” said dad.
“She will not understand you.” said Drew.

“Deja de mascar mi zapatos” tries dad.

“First your Spanish is terrible. Second you do realize that the reason she doesn’t understand you isn’t because her breed is from Mexico but because she is a dog, right? Come here girl, I have a chew toy”

“Have you named your puppy yet, because I suggest you call her Imelda.” said dad.

Drew replies “Maybe mother can take you to buy a new pair if you don’t call mother Imelda every time you enter a show store together.”

TOM

If The Shoe Fits

“These are magic shoes”

m-a-g-i-c s-h-o-e-s

“Yup, made them myself.’

“Frank you’re an accountant.

Accountants don’t make magic shoes.

Frank?

Where the fuck did he disappear to?”

“Over here,” said the voice.

Bill looked up to see Frank walking across the ceiling, but it wasn’t Frank talking. It was the shoes.

“So you’re talking magic shoes.”

“That’s Mr. Talking Magic Shoes ugly bag of mostly water.”

“Frank I think your shoes have attitude.”

“Damn right, monkey boy. In the new world order you’re my Shoe Shin Monkey.”

“Don’t think so cow skins, Rex chew up these tasty shoes will you.”

A Well Defined Relationship Part 75

“Brain”

The company made their way to the razor wire perimeter of the Bandit’s Lair. Sparky hit the cloaking array one by one all but El Cid blinked out, who moved steadily forward at Senator Smith’s assistance. “Sheath indeed Doctor Proctor. Hey hombre turn on the lights.” The holographic image Pancho Villa appeared.” “Si Senor Cid. Would you like transport?” “Send out Brain.” From the far end of the compound a vehicle rolled towards the Bandit

“Sleep Hombre,” said El Cid. The company climbed aboard the Brain. “Take us to the Tamerlane” a gun resting against his ribs insured continued cooperation.

A Well Defined Relationship Part 76

“Bank”

Brain deftly made his way between all of the defenses the Bandit had noted during the Tachyon love fest. The door to Warehouse 14 opened and Brain roll into the towering metal structure.

“Holy Shit, “croaked Sparky. The interior was filled with row upon row of computer banks.

“Is this Tamerlane?” ask Timmy

“No,” said Dino Mod, “That is.”

A red light at the center outlined an object the size of a bread box.

“Kill the cloak,” said the Doctor, “Tamerlane knows we are here. Isn’t the right Caesar?”

“Good Bye Doctor.”
As the company appeared El Cid vanished.

ANIMA

Overheard in the Park

Ow Ow Ow!

Why all the noise, son?

My feet hurt Dad. A LOT.

Is it a ‘I stubbed my toe” owie, or more a “there’s a rock in my shoe” owie?

No, and no.

Okay, let’s use logic. Have you trimmed your toe nails lately? Have you jumped from high places? Did you check for scorpions before you put on your shoes?

Yes, no and yes. It’s like my feet are squashed. I hate these new shoes.

Did you mix up the left and right?

Oh…

And that’s how it is when the shoe is on the other foot.

DIO

The Secret

John was obsessed with his one, inadmissible, incomprehensible secret: the shoe.

In his whole life, no one knew of it. No one suspected. It wasn’t after all the kind of thing one might suspect.

John never spoke of it. His demeanor never gave away how it had come to be his, how he kept it close for all those years, when he lived an otherwise apparently normal life, with wife, children, eventually grandchildren and even great-grandchildren.

And yet, it never left his mind. Marriages, births, birthdays, anniversaries, illness, for richer and for poorer, the years passed in deliberate indifference to John’s hidden truth, his secret, the shoe.

A Pair of Shoes

All we need now, said the boy named Jesse, is a parashoes.

What for, said the other.

To keep us from falling, answered Jesse. He climbed out of the laundry basket and down the ladder to the floor of the garage. They tried tying a large towel to the basket. Just hold onto it, said Jesse. Hold it tight.

A woman crying Jesse! Jesse! ran out of the house as fast as she could. She was older and overweight and it wasn’t very fast. Get down from there! Get down before I get my shoe after you, Jesse Campbell!

The two boys scrambled away to safety.

NORVAL JOE

Superconductor opened a door off the hallway. The sound of people shouting and laughing spilled from the room.
“Go in,” Garbage Man grunted.
Men and women gathered around felt covered tables. Dealers chatted as they flipped cards out to the players.
An empty semi-circular table awaited them, a dealer scowling from behind it.
“I like to give everyone a chance,” Superconductor said. “If you can beat the house at ten hands of Black Jack, I’ll let you live.”
The dealer slipped two cards out of the shoe for each player, turning his second card face up, showing ten of spades.”

LADY BLUE

Blue Suede Shoes

“Shoe.”

“What?”

“I said, SHOE!”

“I just got here! You are SO rude! I came to deliver your mail, and you tell me to SHOO? This is the dumbest witness protection program ever, Elvis!” I angrily threw the mail on the ground, not caring that the old, wizened lump sitting on the couch, sustained by tubes of amniotic fluids, preservatives, experimental drugs and blenderized cheeseburger potato and ice cream smoothies, who was one of America’s greatest living music legends-still-kept-alive-in-secret, would be offended.

“Ya got shit on your shoe.”

“Oh. Uh, let me pick these up, sir.”

LIZZIE

Ronnie walked through the comforting darkness of night time. He wore one shoe and held the other against his chest. No one bothered to make any comment. He was a freak. He knew he was a freak and he acted like a freak. Even when the first snowflakes covered the streets in white, he still acted like a freak, holding one shoe against his chest. Inside the shoe was a black sock, the one he wasn’t wearing. Tucked inside the sock was a tiny bird. The wing will heal beautifully, he thought. And it did, right in time for spring.

PLANET Z

In Charlie Chaplin movies and old cartoons, starving people (or anthropomorphic characters) end up eating shoes.

“Why don’t they just sell their shoes and use the money to buy food?” I’d ask my parents.

“They’re in the woods, far from civilization,” they’d say. “Nobody to sell them to.”

Then the characters would have serious hunger delusions, and try to eat each other.

“Why don’t they just skip all that shoe-eating and eat each other?” I asked.

But my parents didn’t answer, as they were staring at me, hungry… starving… desperate…

Why did I ever allow them to take me camping.

Lady Blue – Thanksgiving Etiquette

Thanksgiving Etiquette
by Blue Potato

Cranberry wine
Is quite fine
When I dine
On smoshed bloopids with quince

But don’t cross the line
If you feel inclined
To share that wine
With a Dromedary prince

For an undulate mammal
Show manners for the camel
For you may trammel
An animal’s freedom if you ask them to rinse

I must say
Having had a camel over for a day
You may want to pray
He doesn’t turn your garden to mince

So for your Thanksgiving feast
You can invite the geese
And the farm animals, at least
But you may think twice
about inviting the mice.

Cloudspotting

During descent into Denver, for the final ten minutes of the flight, the seatback screen shows a relaxing video loop of slowly-drifting clouds.
I’m sure there’s hidden messages in those clouds, intended to keep passengers calm.
I watch the clouds pass slowly by, trying to pick out any shapes I can find.
Back in Ohio, I was a champion cloud-spotter, picking out shapes faster than anyone else.
“There’s a boat!”
“There’s a horse.”
“There’s a dragon.”
“DRAGON!” I shouted. “RUN! RUN!”
My friends didn’t need to be told to run.
We made it to the shelter before the flames hit.

Airplane Mode

Whenever I had to fly somewhere, there was something wrong with my seat’s in-flight entertainment center.
Sometimes, the screen is broken, so I don’t see the movie.
Other times, the audio jack is broken, so I can’t hear the movie or music.
Or it’s a cheap airline, and there is no in-flight entertainment.
That’s when I bought a smartphone that could play music and movies.
Of course, you have to turn off the phone antenna for these things. They call it “Airplane Mode.”
I flip the switch and match the airplane icon appear… and then the screaming baby sounds start.

The flight

I don’t know what is shaking harder: this plane or me.
I hate flying. I really hate flying.
Well, okay, it’s not the flying, as much as the taking off, landing, and turbulence.
It scares the crap out of me.
I’ve tried hypnosis, music, pills, and booze. None of it works.
So, I just suffer and write.
In fact, I write my best work while on a flight.
The worse the flight, the better the writing, my publisher says.
She pays for my tickets, pills, and booze.
The airlines all want me as their resident writer.
I want to retire.

The Hat

I bought a deep green OREGON ballcap at the Portland Airport so I could blend in.
Nobody wears them here. It’s all hoodies for the locals.
Nobody uses umbrellas here. I guess it’s so people have both hands free to order coffee or apologize.
We went to a Trail Blazers game at the Rose Center, and that’s where I lost my hat.
It’s okay, though. Someone will find it, and it’s a one size fits all hat, so it will fit them perfectly.
If someone sees this story, please do not return the hat.
It’s not mine. It’s yours now.

Flying Reindeer

There’s nothing I hate more than when parents lie to their children and make them believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, and Ben Affleck movies that don’t suck.
They’re all a lie.
North Pole? Santa?
All the crap we buy and give as gifts really comes from China.
Based on the wretched environmental conditions in China, imagine how much worse the North Pole would be.
It would be a toxic nightmare of a wasteland.
But then, it would explain the flying reindeer.
Would you want to step in any of that chemical crap?
I’d mutate and learn to fly, too.

Holiday Letters

The Post Office started Operation Santa Claus a few years back, where people could volunteer to answer letters that kids wrote to Santa Claus and stuck in a mailbox.
So, I signed up for it.
Now, I get stacks of letters to read, asking for all kinds of things.
I respond to every one of them with a simple form letter:
SANTA DOESN’T EXIST
And I sign it with my name, then I stick my response in the mail.
My son thinks I’m nuts for wasting my time on this, but it sure beats the hell out of answering prayers.

Weekly Challenge #449 – Cranberries

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic: CRANBERRIES

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of SHOE. Scroll up and click on Weekly Challenge to learn how to join us!

Cat impediment

JOHN MUSICO

Cranberries
by John Musico

I moved from Massachusetts where cranberries grow wild to a job in Alaska.
Back home, I was famous for my cranberry pie. I picked the berries myself.
When I moved, I was anxious to be accepted by my new neighbors. I knew just how to do it. I went out berry picking.
I threw a yard party and urged everyone to have yet another slice of my prize pie.
What I didn’t know is that in Alaska grows the baneberry much resembling the cranberry. Baneberries contain protoanemonin causing GI symptoms followed by hallucinations and even cardiac arrest. I left town.

MUNSI

Assumptions Based on the Prompt “Cranberries”

By Christopher Munroe

American Thanksgiving!

Right?

I assume that’s what the prompt means.

I don’t understand how American holidays are structured, honestly. Our thanksgiving is your Columbus Day? I think?

Your football’s different than ours too, and it’s nearly impossible to get a proper Ceaser down there…

…and don’t get me started on baseball. If you want to watch a sport where a thing gets hit with a stick, watch hockey like normal people!

Ah well, at least your “hit-thing-with-stick” sport isn’t Cricket. I have zero idea how Cricket works…

But I digress.

My point is, it’s American Thanksgiving! Probably!

So: Thanks, Americans!

JEFFREY

Cranberries
by Jeffrey Fischer

Devon grew up in a devout, conservative household. Among the many taboos she learned was a prohibition on swearing, which was uncouth at best and blasphemous at worst. As a child, she never found this to be a problem; she never encountered a situation that could be improved with a timely epithet. If she ever needed one, however, she decided her all-purpose word would be “cranberries.”

Then Devon grew up and started working with lawyers, and learned their devious ways. Her colleagues found her to be polite and hard-working, but they could never understand her obsession with cranberries.

Trainer Drink
by Jeffrey Fischer

College kids learning to drink liquor often don’t like the taste of alcohol, so they like to ease into the process with trainer drinks: alcoholic beverages that taste more like candy than booze.

One legend has it that the marketing department at Ocean Spray invented the Cosmopolitan. One part vodka to two parts lime juice and three parts cranberry juice, the drink appealed to women because of its pink color and fruity taste. It was an alcoholic beverage that didn’t taste like one, a true trainer drink. And yet the primary benefit was to keep the cash registers at Ocean Spray very busy.

RICHARD

#1 – George’s Story – Part 81: Zombie

By the time George returned to the camera, night was drawing in and he was feeling distinctly jumpy roaming the darkened hospital. He caught himself involuntarily singing the Cranberries song, ‘Zombie’ under his breath – despite any supporting evidence, his mind was still convinced the zombie apocalypse had come.

He angrily dismissed the thoughts and changed the soundtrack in his head.

Unfortunately, whistling a happy tune only served to make him more afraid, particularly when he discovered a locked door bearing the legend: ‘Beta project – no unauthorised access’.

He charged the door, remembering – too late – such moves only work in films!

#2 – Sauce

I was told that cranberries are harvested by flooding the fields and letting the fruits float to the surface, where they are skimmed off.

It struck me as a brilliant idea – one that I could apply to a whole variety of crops… sadly, it hasn’t quite worked out.

Potatoes don’t float, neither do carrots, and mushrooms just went slimy in the water.

So I thought I’d give the tried and tested cranberries a go – but that didn’t work out either.

Foolishly, I harvested too soon after fertilising, and what floated to the surface wasn’t cranberries!

Slurry sauce anyone?

CHELSEA

Cranberries

They’re a staple in most houses around this time of year. Showing up on holiday tables between the first of October and the first of January.

You know what I’m talking about. You have all probably seen them, whether on your own holiday table or at a friend or relative’s house.

No matter how they are served, what they are served in, or how much someone tried to hide it, they always look vaguely like the can they came in and they just sit there.

This gelatinous substance that we all know so well is, of course, canned cranberry sauce.

TOM

That’s not Jell-O

My Aunt’s Thanksgiving Dinner was a wonder to behold. Soup to nuts it was. Possibly the most exotic offering on that table was the disk of gelatinous red. It occupied the area of the plate normally heaped with apple sauce. A density thrice Jell-O with a tenth its wiggle. Where adults got away with a nibble or a nosh, children were expected to down the whole serving. Further it was bad form to mix that with any other portion of food on the plate, which seem odd because everything else did get mixed together. Personally I really hate the stuff.

A Well Defined Relationship Part 73
“DOOM”
The Duke knew this love fest wasn’t going to suit the task at hand. “I got to bum these guys out.” Drawing in the great part of the remaining Tachyons the Duke bellowed out “DOOM” The stage filled with wailing, gnashing, and Lamentations. “Good,” said the Duke. Sparky cried “Why oh Lord are you getting medieval on our asses.” “Get over it Kid.” “Doctor what’s the plan?” The Doctor felt a light glow in his heart. “Stealth.” The bandit fell back into a less then helpful mood. He mumbles Doom Doom to himself. The sky shifted from green to red.

A Well Defined Relationship Part 74
“X”
As Banister crossed over into the Board land the first of EL Cid’s defenses was triggered. Waves of UV fog reduced visibility to 3 meters. “Oh I forgot to divulge that one,” said the bandit. “Why don’t I just drop you out the air lock,” said Smith. “Because I’m the only one who know how to …” “Direct a stream of Ortron particles at the parabolic mirror array to engage the tracking lights on the landing pad,” completed Sparky. El Cid stopped short. Spark aligned the Ortons. The landing pad lite up like a Christmas tree. The stage touched down on X marks the spot.

TURA

Cranberries
——–
The word “cranberry” derives from “cran”, a basket used to carry herring, and also used as a measure. “Cran” itself comes from the Old French “cragne”, a skull, but that in turn is a figurative meaning based on an older meaning of “bowl”. A skull is like a bowl, you see, a bowl of brains.

“Berry” can be traced back to the Proto-Germanic “bazja”, to chew, and then to the Sanskrit “babhasti”, to devour or destroy.

So symbolically, “cranberry” means “to feast on a bucket of brains”, which is why cranberry sauce proves that Thanksgiving is actually a zombie festival.

ANIMA

100 Years of Happiness

It sits, quivering on the table.

Joe passes, heading directly for the mashed potatoes.

Dianna goes by as well, staking a claim on the carrots and celery– “No corn sugar for me, it’s not on my diet”.

Uncle Harry thinks about it for a moment; but as his plate is about to avalanche onto the carpet, he opts to settle in at the last spot at the grownups table.

So I take the first jewel toned slice of perfect, smooth, sweet tang. Also a second, and a third. Fools! They know not what they have missed. I am in bliss.

SPATE

If I knew how to record on my phone… but shit, it’s hard enough to type never mind that I have to count my damned words by hand.

It wasn’t a huge storm but the snow was wet and heavy. We lost power at six-thirty on Wednesday evening.

The locals all have generators. Not us. Nor do we have a turkey or stuffing or pumpkin pie.

We do have a gallon of vodka infused with fresh cranberries and I’m drinking a big glass as I type.

Mom said to make the best of things.

Hey, I can see my breath!

SERENDIPITY

Dammit! Blue light’s flickered in my rearview mirror and I pulled over to the side of the road. Just my luck.

The officer poked around in the rear of the pickup.

“What’s in the sack ma’am?”

I blurted out, “Nothing, officer – just fruit”

“And that?”, he asked, pointing to the sticky red fluid oozing from the sack.

“Juice”

“Let’s see you taste it then, ma’am”

I scooped some on to my finger and licked it clean.

“Look… just cranberries”

As he drove away, I heaved, spitting the blood from my mouth – it had been a very close call!

LIZZIE

Peter hated cranberries and he simply couldn’t eat anything with the darn things in it. Thanksgiving was, as a result, a bit of a tricky time, especially because of his mother’s explosive temper. Anyone refusing to have her special cranberry sauce was an insult to her over-sized ego.

When Peter volunteered to cook this year’s meal by himself, his mother sneered. “You can’t cook!”

One thing is for sure, next year’s meal will not include cranberry sauce.

Peter made it a point of having cranberries decorating his mother’s grave and a nice shiny plaque saying “I’m not grateful for cranberries.”

NORVAL JOE

“Let’s go,” Superconductor said, pulling out a handgun and waving it toward the door.
“Me too?” The Crazy Old Cat Lady asked.
“Yeah. Come on.”
Dergle followed the old woman down a hallway beneath bare fluorescent tubes. Her hair, obviously dyed, glowed bright red in a shade somewhere between crimson and cranberry.
“Did you ever watch the ‘I Love Lucy’ show?” He asked her.
“Are you commenting on my hair?” she asked, obviously flattered.
“They say she used to dye her hair with human blood,” Superconductor said.
“You’re making that up,” Dergle said.
“Well, maybe. Okay, I did,” Superconductor admitted.
Suggested prompt. . . . . Chopped

DIONYSIUS

The First Thanksgiving

This pemmican is making me thirsty! said Ousamequin to allay the tension.

Annawan merely glared at Squanto, who smiled back in a way that enraged the the war-counselor of the Wampanoag. These illegal immigrants use salt not bearberries for flavor, he muttered.

Be nice! whispered Squanto, They’ll assimilate in time!

Their colloquy was interrupted by Captain Standish, who invited them to join in games such as Pin-the-Ninny, Hide the Frog in the Hopper, House, There’s a Draft for Annie (Who Feels a Draft?), Knots, Saltpeter Blowing Bubbles, Dick Drunk Drink, and Who Gets the Ball?

Kill them all, muttered Annawan.

PLANET Z

When I was young, we had big family Thanksgiving feasts, and everything was on the table. It was amazing.

But as I got older, I stopped going home for Thanksgiving.

Then, I stopped accepting the pity-dinner invitations from friends.

After I got married, we did smaller dinners. Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce. But she had to work later on holidays, and I just copped out with a cheap microwave turkey meal. And vodka.

What about the cranberries and pie.

Fine. Add them to the vodka, and you have a Cape Cod. Then light a pumpkin pie scented candle.