George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Which is why he would get excited when the captain would take the whole crew to an off-site team-building fun day.
“No plundering and pillaging!” cheered George. “Yay!”
The last time, they went to a bowling center, which also had pool tables, darts, and other activities.
The problem was, the pirates with peglegs couldn’t bowl because of the shoes, the pirates with hook hands couldn’t shoot pool, and the pirates with eyepatches couldn’t throw darts.
Tempers flared, fights broke out, and they ended up plundering and pillaging the place.
Author: R.
George the bad poet
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He also wasn’t a very good poet.
He’d write his poetry, put on a beret, and sneak into coffeehouses and dives to read them.
People would smoke their joints, sip their cappuccinos, and snap their fingers.
Nobody would judge. Everyone got the same snaps.
So, George didn’t know he wasn’t a very good poet, and he had no incentive to improve.
Nobody took him under their wing to teach him about good poetry.
And he got so full of himself, he didn’t listen to anybody else’s work to learn.
George meets Werner Herzog
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
That didn’t matter much to Werner Herzog, the famous documentary filmmaker.
He followed George around with a camera, capturing the life of a typical pirate at sea.
Or, in George’s case, in the sea, as he had a habit of tripping and falling overboard.
When the ship encountered a cargo vessel, ripe for plunder, the only two men who weren’t fighting were Werner and George.
“Just sharpening my cutlass,” said George, drawing his sword against a whetstone over and over, looking over the rail nervously at the battle’s progress.
George plays with a cat
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He spent most of his day sitting in a deck chair, petting the ship’s cat while looking out at the ocean.
The ship’s cat was supposed to catch and eat the mice and rats in the hold, but it preferred to lay in George’s lap and sleep.
Every now and then, George would swab the deck.
The cat would curl up in George’s deck chair and nap.
After George finished swabbing the deck, George would pick up the cat, sit in his chair, and pet the cat some more.
George rubs his eyes
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Instead of fighting and looting and pillaging, he’d rub his eyes for a while, and then marvel at the strange colors and patterns that danced before his eyes.
“If you keep doing that, you’ll go blind,” said the captain.
“That’s what my mother said about other things,” said George. “And my eyesight is fine.”
Pretty soon, the entire crew were rubbing their eyes, and watching the strange colors and patterns dance around.
Well, except for the captain. Someone had to steer the ship and watch for vessels to raid.
Weekly Challenge #982 – Taradiddle
- Tom
- Richard
- Lizzie
- Serendipidy
- Norval Joe
- Planet Z
The next topic is PICK TWO Aviator, Circuit, Twice, Chamber, Squirrel
TOM
Really Old Stuff
Of the epoch of earth history, no age in more disputed then the Moretaish. Few fossils recorder have been found, say for the long legged Taradiddle. And even the Taradiddle comes with it share of mystery. We are not sure if she was a mammal or a proto reptile. It appears they travel in moderate herds, but often broke off into small family units. Oddly they might be the first animal to bury their dead. Vast Taradiddle gravesite are found in central Europe. Currently the University of London has an ongoing dig in Turkey. Summer internships are available through Ensco.
RICHARD
— The Ballad of Tara and Jake —
I once knew a girl named Tara Diddle
She played in a band on the fiddle
Off to one side, never middle
So she could nip out quickly
If she needed to piddle
I knew a guy by the name of Jake
He was in a band: his music was fake
He wasn’t plugged in, and the sound was on tape
Until the crowd found out
And threw him in a lake
Tara and Jake got married one day
I was invited, the organ to play
No Wedding March, I’m sorry to say
But their greatest hits, to my dismay!
LIZZIE
It was official. He left her. How would she face the family? The friends? The people at the tennis club? So, she told everyone that he would be away on business…. for a year. That should be enough to find someone and not look like a total loser. And then she got his text: I loved you at your darkest. She was confused. Darkest? She always wore white because of that positive energy crap. And if he meant her insecurities, she had none. Note to self: buy horrid new tennis skirt model that everyone was now wearing. At your darkest…
SERENDIPIDY
Taradiddle Forest may have an amusing name, but the reality is that it’s no laughing matter.
People fear to venture into its depths and speak in hushed tones of the rumours that surround it.
There is talk of demons, and that the trees whisper fearful secrets as their leaves rustle in the wind. Stray from the pathway they say, and you will never find your way home: condemned to wander ever deeper into the darkness, never to return again.
So, nobody ever ventures into the forest.
Except me.
I live there.
It’s really peaceful, and it keeps unwelcome visitors away.
NORVAL JOE
Billbert and Bobbi stared at each other for an embarrassingly long moment, as if each expected the other to say something profound. Instead, they simultaneously turned away and headed to their classes.
Billbert found his seat in English as the teacher wrote a long word on the white board.
She smiled. “You each have a dictionary on your desk. Without using your phones, look up the word, Taradiddle, and use it in a complete and coherent sentence.
Halfway through the letter ‘R’, it hit him. Sabrina was usually in every one of his classes and she wasn’t at her desk.
PLANET Z
They built a Walmart a few years ago, and all the small specialty stores closed one by one. A few holdouts remain along the main road, and they’re pretty convenient for walking in and picking something up. There’s a specialty grocery that has homemade stuff, as opposed to the stuff in the big store. A few coffee houses, a few chain stores. When one location closes in the strip mall, it takes a while for something else to take place. There’s a new tea house opening up soon. Although I prefer sipping tea on my own patio when it rains.
George is net neutral
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
When the captain asked him about Net Neutrality, George looked at the netting in the cargo hold and wondered what was so neutered about it.
“It just holds things in place when the seas are rough, right?” said George. “I’m not sure why so many people are so up in arms about this stuff.”
He tugged on the netting a bit to make sure that the cargo was secure, and he smiled proudly.
The captain made a note not to ask George about complicated social and political issues anymore.
George and his boomerang
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
His grip wasn’t very strong, so he was always dropping his cutlass during swordfights.
And when he fired his pistols, the recoil would kick them up and out of his hands.
He tried to tape his sword and pistols to his hands, but that messed up his aim and made it hard to reload the pistols.
The captain gave George a boomerang.
George threw it, and it circled around and hit George in the back of the head, knocking him out.
“Good,” said the captain. “He’s such a complainer.”
George the baker
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He was such a poor pirate, people mistook him for many things other than a pirate.
One gay couple mistook him for a baker, and they demanded that he bake them a wedding cake.
George refused, because he wasn’t a baker.
The couple sued him, and it went all the way up to the Supreme Court.
George lost, so he bought a cake from a professional bakery.
When he delivered it, the couple mistook him for a stripper.
George more than made up for his legal fees in tips.
George’s temporary tattoos
George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
Other pirates would get tattoos, but George was afraid of needles.
George bought boxes of temporary tattoos, reapplying them every morning.
One morning, he got a little mixed up, and he’d applied the tattoos in the wrong places.
“Didn’t you have the anchor on your arm and the mermaid on your chest yesterday?” said the captain.
George shrugged it off, but when he went to sleep that night, his shipmates found the boxes and completely covered George with tattoos.
George spent hours scrubbing his skin with a pumice stone.