Category: Guest Authors

Restraint

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This story from Lisa has a cute bunny… and… um…. gunplay.

Elmer couldn’t believe Bugs got a medical degree. “A silly wabbit for a doctor, I’m never getting sick!” Elmer worked very hard to keep himself healthy.
A few years later, however, Elmer and the wife began having a few problems in the boudoir, so he ordered himself some bargain-priced pills to “get things going”.
Elmer knew something was horribly wrong about three hours after taking the first pill. He would have to go see Bugs.
It took every bit of Elmer’s willpower not to shoot Bugs right between the eyes as he was met with the usual: “eh…what’s up, doc?”

Over-study

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Lisa from Lemons and Lolipops has been a loyal regular in the Weekly Challenges, and is now offering up this gem mid-week:

She had been studying feverishly for midterms, often joking about her brain hurting from being “too full.” Her self-induced pressure to maintain a 4.1 was consuming her.
For three weeks straight, she did nothing but hole up in the library, a mountain of books and coffee cups surrounding her. Her diet consisted solely of coffee, Tylenol, and liquid antacid. Her appearance became ghastly: pale and gaunt, with large black circles under her eyes.
The night of the final midterm, her overworked brain finally revolted. It throbbed so violently, the top of her head exploded as she collapsed on her Scantron.

Space

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It’s all systems go when Houston Keys sends in his 100 word stories.

Floating in space above the blue and green ball we call Earth with nothing to block your view was incredible, you could see forever.
Captain Hunter was moving briskly from the front of the shuttle to the rear when he realized he couldn’t stop. Arms flailing he uselessly tried to change his course in some way. Reaching the extreme length of his umbilical tether it popped, exhausting his air supply. His body reacted with a violent pop filling his spacesuit with red goo, boiling in the oxygen less environment.
That game of crack the whip wasn’t such a good idea.

Private Time

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Let’s give a big hand to Houston Keys for a fun 100 word story that’s all about family.

Being the father of a large family took it’s toll on Jim. He often sought out refuge in the only place a fifty year old father of five could go for quiet, the bathroom.
It had it’s downsides as Jim had hemorrhoids the size of dogs and he carried the smell of Charmin and feces with him.
The final straw came when he locked himself in the toilet for eight hours straight, ignoring the cries of the bowels of his family. Taking a play from Janet Reno they cut power to the bathroom and charged the door in riot gear.

Retentive Red

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Red was a man who believed in an orderly life.
Perhaps it was his military background, but for whatever reason, it was “a place for everything, and everything in its place.”
His gun cabinet was carefully arranged, weapons sorted by type and caliber. You could eat off the floor of his garage…provided you cleaned up afterwards.
And his butt-plugs? Meticulously shelved by size.
To those who questioned his orderly outlook, Red would always say, “There’s nothing wrong with being a little anal.”
To those who questioned his personal proclivities, Red would always say, “There’s nothing wrong with a little anal.”

Humuhumunukunukuapuaa

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Caleb Bullen of the Black Tie Martini Club has decided to use really big words to make up for not having enough to work with.

Larry bred his humuhumunukunukuapuaa up there in the frozen wastelands of Minnesota because it reminded him of home. As he watched the humuhumunukunukuapuaa go swimming by he was reminded of all the kanis and wahinis that he knew long ago on the beach at hoponaunau. He sighed to his humuhumunukunukuapuaa, because he wanted nothing more than to get back to his little grass shack in kelekakua Hawaii.
Of course he did own the most successful chain of tropical fish and pet supply companies in the greater Brainerd area. So he got back there a couple times a year at least.

How the hell he pronounces that, I have no idea, but Kolek would be proud of him, I bet.

Invasion – Chapter 8

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Kolek returns with the latest chapter from the Invasion Series:

… The beams of their flashlights showed a fine, orange dust floating in the air. It behaved like normal dust, except Steve, who was allergic to dust, did not sneeze.
The leader, Ninja One, filed that away in his head and continued to search for any objects, buttons, or recesses, but found none.
The unit withdrew and reported to Lisa, recommending that a more thorough search be done by forensics. Team Ninja was sent to do another job.
In the middle of his new mission, Ninja One remembered that he forgot to report the dust.
“Oh well, I’ll report it later.”

Cat’s Game

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Caleb of the Black Tie Martini Club has decided to spin this little ditty during the week for your amusement…

In the fight for supremacy between the Kangaroos and the Emperor Penguins it had all come down to this one final battle. The two combatants eyed each other coolly as they took their places in the arena.
Was there really no other way? Is it fair to determine so many fates with just one Kangaroo Versus one Penguin? The air was thick with the smell of fear; or was that eucalyptus and herring breath?
An Old Russian Blue in the corner smiled sagaciously with no worries. For she knew, in a battle of tic-tac-toe, it’s nearly always a cat’s game.

Zombie Blues

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I saw Mr. Wilson through the window screen
Noticed he was looking just a little bit green
And moldy ’round the edges. Then I started to freak
When I remembered that he had croaked last week.
Well, you know them zombies gotta eat dem brains
It’s the Standard Zombie Diet, in snow, sun or rain
Don’t go for no Grape-Nuts, no yogurt or pie
Just wanna eat your brains and make you die
O Zombies, keep the hell away
O Zombies, keep the hell away from me
I’m hiding in my zombie-proof basement
With my computer and my color TV

Iranian Alliteration

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Eraj the Iranian was fussy.
He was fussy about his Farsi.
He liked Fanta, because it was fizzy…but it made him fat.
He shaved but rarely; his face was fuzzy.
He feared flatulence, but he was fated to fart.
He preferred Persian sausages, for they were Farsi forcemeat.
He had exceptional vision; he was a far-seeing Farsi.
He was a man who tilled the soil; he was a Farsi farmer who favored fava beans.
He had few faults, favoring facts over opinions.
Eraj, the fat, fussy, fizzy, fuzzy, flatulent, far-seeing Farsi farmer who favored favas, was a fine friend.
Finis.