Long ago, Sally would have had to clean her teeth with a brush, fluoridated goo, waxed string, and medicated rinse.
Now, it’s done with nanobots. Tiny robots programmed to scrub away food particles, eliminate bacteria, and rebuild any damaged surface material.
Everything is done with nanobots. Zapping cancer cells, replenishing muscle fibers, healing bone, and enhancing nerve signals.
They’re not supposed to go into the brain, but they do.
The tooth maintenance routine doesn’t quite work in the brain, neurons sheathed with shiny hard enamel.
Sally collapsed in the mall, staring blankly, with a perfect dead smile on her face.
Category: My stories
The Falling Leaves
It takes two hours to reach this spot, but it’s worth the journey.
See those trees? The ones with the red and orange leaves?
They’re just about ready, I think.
Spread out the blanket on the perfectly smooth grass, lay back, and look up at the sky through the branches.
Then, with the first breeze, the leaves start to fall… upwards.
Into the sky they rise, up and out of sight.
I don’t know why the leaves do that.
Maybe it’s a gravitational anomaly, or perhaps something in the leaves.
Just lay back and watch them rise, up and away.
Gum Wad
I chew a lot of gum.
And when I’m done with it, I keep it all.
Ever since I was 8, I’ve added to the gum wad in my room.
When I went off to college, I took it with me, and I stuck it in the back of my closet.
I went into the Army, somehow managing to get through Afghanistan without losing the gigantic gum wad.
Now, I’m back home.
I made my home out of the gum wad.
Here. Have some gum. Enjoy.
Just give it to me when you’re done. I want to build a patio.
The Swear Jar
I swear too much.
I’ve tried everything, but my analyst came up with a great idea: a Swear Jar.
Every time I swear, I put a buck in the jar.
I picked out a really nice jar for it, too.
It’s an antique. Those guys on that television show said it was worth hundreds of dollars.
It was worth fifty more by the end of the week, but the next week, I only added twenty.
Then ten. Then five. Then…
I was cured!
That’s when I dropped the jar, spilling money and pottery shards everywhere.
Okay, fine… so I relapsed.
Attachments
The IT Department warned us about email attachments, but have you seen what those guys have on their screens all day?
Junk. Porn. Utter garbage.
So, instead of forwarding all these jokes to everyone, we send them to everyone but those geeks.
I get the funniest jokes from people, but every now and then my anti-virus program lets me know something might hurt my computer.
I usually click the OK button, but this time I hit Cancel.
That’s when my printer started up and started printing pancakes.
I called IT and asked for help.
They brought maple syrup and butter.
Burned
I went out to the cemetery, found a place to sit, and read a book about zombies under the moonlight.
After a few minutes, zombies appeared through the trees, shambling across the grass and headstones.
I got out my lighter, and set the book ablaze.
The zombies burst into harmless puffs of flame and ash before vanishing.
Neat trick, right?
You ain’t seen nothing yet.
That’s when opened the magazine I found under dad’s side of the bed.
And… then… a zombie centerfold showed up, moaning “BRAAAAAAAAAINS!”
Sure, that’s in her LIKES list, but I think I’m going to run.
Share Eclair
Judith and Claire
A curious pair
When told to share
A single eclair
One rose from her chair
The other did stare
“What would be most fair
To share this eclair?”
Said Judith to Claire.
“Cut the thing there?”
“No, Judith,” said Claire.
“If you’d compare
The halves cut from there,
One’s sizeable fare
While this one is spare.”
She pointed with flair.
“Let’s cut the thing there!”
“We can’t cut it there!
That cut is not square.”
Harsh words filled the air.
There was pulling of hair.
Such an awful loud scare.
They never did share.
That single eclair.
When The Ghost
See this chair?
Yeah, it’s a pretty nice chair.
I still think of this chair as being her chair.
Even though she’s no longer here, it’s still her chair.
And, I suppose, it’s a whole new chair.
The old chair broke a while back. But it’s still hers.
And, I guess, the new chair didn’t look so good where the old chair used to be.
But it looked good somewhere else.
So I moved it there.
But despite her being gone…
The chair getting replaced…
And the new one moved somewhere else…
I still think of this as her chair.
Step on it
“Take me to the airport,” said the businessman. “And step on it.”
I looked at the businessman and put my tongs down on my hot dog cart.
“Um, I’m not a cab driver,” I said. “I sell hot dogs. Would you like a hot dog?”
“No,” he said. “I want to go to the airport.”
He handed me a hundred. “And step on it.”
So, I told him to climb on, and I peddled it as fast as I could to the airport.
He made his flight, thank God.
And I sold out of hot dogs at the airport, too!
The Inner Critic
Now that I’m serious about writing, I’ve been told to watch out for my Inner Critic.
So, I went to the hospital and asked for them to scan my brain to find my Inner Critic.
They did some tests, put me in a big noisy machine.
The doctor showed me on a chart where my Inner Critic was hiding out.
I thanked the doctor, and went straight to the hardware store for a hammer and a chisel.
The Inner Critic was telling me to do it. Almost shouting.
So, I picked up the hammer and chisel… and threw them away.