Category: Weekly Challenge

• Lizzie
• Richard
• Tura
• Duane
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

LIZZIE

The elderly home where she lived was… boring.
One day, the door to her room flew open and there he was, as handsome as ever.
“I have a message. In a minute, a man will show up and tell you something. Just say “yes”.
She nodded and wondered. Had he been activated? Odd thing at his age…
“How did you find me?”
“I have my sources.” He smiled. “Remember Prague?”
She smiled too.
“OK. Just say yes.” And he left.
A knock.
She opened the door. It was him again.
“Will you marry me?”
And all she said was “yes”.

RICHARD

Donuts

We were enjoying a mid-morning coffee and donuts when the door flew open and the Lieutenant burst into the office.

“Drop everything! We’ve just intercepted an unexpected message from the killer. If we act fast, we can nail him!”

The room cleared in moments, leaving just me and a box of donuts.

Casually, I typed the command into my computer that would remove all trace of the ‘intercepted’ email.

The killer was still at large, but now that the Lieutenant’s incompetence had been revealed to all. He’d be a laughing stock.

And my promotion would be a dead cert!

TURA

Isolation
———
In this Great Plague, everything you need is delivered by robots, excursions are strictly scheduled, and formations of drones patrol overhead everywhere. We live in fear of the day the door flies open, and a robot announces that it has detected an infection. Those visited are never seen again. But there’s no progress towards a cure or a vaccine.

The robots were programmed to enforce isolation. If we had a cure, we’d stop isolating. So they have to prevent that, by declaring an “outbreak” in any lab that succeeds.

But anyone saying this will be next in line for extermination.

DUANE

“Stand by for an incoming message.”

Nolan stared at the radio. This was quite unexpected. There was a strict schedule for messages. Breaking protocol meant it must be something important, or maybe it was a trap. Had the Dominion found out about this channel? The resistance had been careful not to arouse suspicion, but maybe there was an insider. The Dominion would stop at nothing to stomp out the resistance.

“Message commencing. There has been a breach. Do not leave your homes. Do not use this channel in the future.”

Shattering glass made Nolan curse as the door flew open.

TOM

What Could GO Possibly Wrong 014

Ford peeked judiciously over the table. The bottom of two boots caught his eye, along with the business end of a gun. One of his mates kicked the gun away. The boots didn’t move. Rising up Ford made his way towards the shooter. The man was out cold. “What that on your Face?” quipped the underclasses man. “Oh, looks like a pint glass with a duck, should have heeded the flight.” The barman appears with some industrial strength hand cuffs. “When he comes around will have a go at him.” said Max. Securing the perp to the brass bar rail.

What Could Go Possibly Wrong 015

The formation of the building was less that optimal. More a collection of smoldering beams, dotting with piaster and piping. In place amber were still warm. Cervantes pick amongst the rubble. A flash of light off a piece of glass. He picked it up. In spite of the destruction the pint glass was intact right down to the wanky duck. “Time to set you right,” said Cervantes to the wind and rain. “Time for some major fourth dimensional stacking. The time lord removed a egg timer from a vest pocket and turn it over in his palm. Liquid blue appeared.

NORVAL JOE

“Really,” Billbert said. “I lost everything in that fire, except the clothes on my back.”
“Don’t be silly,” Sabrina said. “It’s not your clothes we want from you, it’s something you can do.”
“I showed you what I can do, and that clearly freaked you out. Are you sure it’s me you want?”
Sabrina nodded. “Here’s what happened. I was on the beach looking for jelly fish when a cloud formation gave me an unexpected message. It said, ‘Don’t fret. Your missing piece is now available and on his way.’ The next day you walked up to me at school.”

SERENDIPIDY

There he stands, our All-Powerful Great Leader watching the assembled military might of our noble nation parading past in the vast square below.

A mass of uniforms marching by in formation, perfectly synchronised and orchestrated, then the ponderous rumble of the weapons of war. Tanks, missiles, rockets and guns: An unequivocal message to the watching world.

But today will be different.

The square falls silent as the assembly comes to a halt.

Turrets swivel, barrels are raised, and the sound of ten thousand rifles being brought to aim rings out.

And today’s parade will be our Exalted Leader’s last!

PLANET Z

I sat on a bench in the old town square.
Trees. Stores. A newspaper kiosk.
A church at one end, and the town hall at the other.
Sipping my beer, watching people walk by.
it’s supposed to rain today.
The church hangs a wooden white cloud in a window.
A sun for sunny, and so on.
But it’s not a forecast. Or a prediction.
The priests in the church, they pray for rain.
And it comes.
I keep coming here, hoping to see them hang the devil puppet in the window.
I will capture him, and show him no mercy.

• Tura
• Richard
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Duane
• Norval Joe
• Jared
• Planet Z

LIZZIE

The crow landed on the arm of the scarecrow.
“Well, I never,” thought the scarecrow.
The crow groomed himself and just sat there.
What on earth. They were supposed to be afraid of him.
A bit of wind made the crow flap the wings briefly.
This is really too much!
“Oh, what’s that on your face?” asked the crow.
What, what? The thing was talking!
“That’s so sweet. It’s a ladybird!”
A ladybird? Where, where?
The crow laughed. “You crossed your eyes!”
The scarecrow smiled.
“Friends? I promise not to eat the crops here.”
“Friends.”
And even the ladybird smiled.

RICHARD

Big Disgrace!

“What’s that on your face?” She asked, as I stumbled through the door.

“Oh my God, is it blood? What happened to you?”

It was a reasonable question: Bruised, bloodied and battered, my clothes in disarray, and stumbling over my own feet, I must have looked a state.

“I got mugged!”

She flung her arms around me, helped me into an armchair then poured me a large whisky.

My face hurt like hell, but my self-inflicted wounds were worth it.

The whisky would mask the booze on my breath, and she’d never notice the lipstick on my collar now!

DUANE

“Oh my god, Stan! What’s that on your face?”

“It’s No-Shave November, Linda. To grow awareness about cancer.”

“Nobody should see that. It’s going to scare small children and don’t you have another date with Ellen tonight?”

“Yeah, third date and you know what means. Oh, yeah!”

“Well, good luck with that on your face.”

Later that night…

“Dinner was wonderful Stan. Too bad it was raining. Or maybe not, huh? Let’s slip out of these wet clothes.”

“Ellen, you read my mind. Let’s just… Oh my god! What’s that?”

“What? Oh, come on silly, it’s No-Shave November!”

SERENDIPIDY

“And what’s that on your face, you evil little girl?”

“It’s a smirk, sir!”

Mr Johnson’s own face flushed so red I thought he might explode, which would have been a lot of fun, and delightfully messy, but unfortunately, he didn’t.

“It’s not a laughing matter!” He hissed, “I’ll be speaking to your parents about this.”

Good luck with that, I thought, he’d need a medium or an Ouija board to speak to either!

I couldn’t see what the big deal was: I’d only squished Milly, the school hamster, with my foot.

Maybe I should have squished Mr Johnson instead?

TURA

“What’s that on your face?”
———
Charlie woke up as usual one morning, but when he turned to his wife, she screamed in panic, “What’s that on your face?”

“What?” said Charlie, touching his face. Nothing seemed wrong, but by that time she had fled from the house without even dressing.

He looked in the bathroom mirror, but the glass fell off and shattered.

He got dressed and wandered outside. Everyone who saw him screamed and fled.

An approaching car suddenly accelerated towards him. The last thing he saw was the driver’s face, grimacing in terror.

So he never did discover what was on his face.

JARED

Never Underestimate a Good Editor

Few people have read Tolkein’s early drafts of The Hobbit. The versions of some iconic moments found there are quite different from what ended up in the published manuscript. Take the riddle contest between Bilbo and Golem in the tunnels of Goblin-town, for instance. Instead of Bilbo asking Gollum ‘What’s in my pocket?”, he points at Gollum, and asks “What’s that on your face?”

The scene ultimately still led to Bilbo winning the riddle battle, but had a lot more banal dialogue along the lines of ‘above your nose’, ‘below your eye’ and ‘no, no – the other side. Your left.’

NORVAL JOE

Billbert considered Sabrina’s words. She had said the weather witches wanted him in Eureka.
She asked, “What’s that on your face?”
Billbert wiped his lips. “What? Is there food on my mouth?”
Sabrina smiled now. “No. Not food. It’s the funny expression on your face. Why are you so surprised?”
Billbert shrugged. “You just said you and your fellow witches brought me here, to Eureka. I don’t know why you would want to do that.”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Sabrina asked. “You have something we want.”
Billbert shook his head. “Everything I had burned in the fire.”
Sabrina smiled. “Not everything.”

PLANET Z

“What’s that on your face?” said my doctor.
He took out a tissue and tried to wipe it off.
When your doctor doesn’t know what something is, you know you’re in trouble.
He took biopsies and made slides, but nothing about it made sense.
Referrals to experts and specialists amounted to nothing.
It didn’t get any bigger. Or smaller. Or deeper.
It stayed the same color, which was… well,,, I can’t describe it.
But it was there.
It resisted all measure of drugs.
Eventually, my doctor prescribed me some makeup to cover it up.
“That solves that,” he said.

• Tura
• Richard
• Jessica
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Duane
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Jared
• Planet Z

TURA

Arson
———
“The rich are burning the planet! Burn them!” screamed the speaker.

“Burn everyone!” someone shouted. I glanced at my partner in the unmarked truck.

“Just one crazy in the crowd,” he said. “Besides, ‘everyone’ isn’t a race. Incitement to exterminate everyone is protected speech.”

“Burn the bankers!” the speaker continued. “Burn the politicians! Burn the Americans!” The crowd enthusiastically repeated every slogan.

“Got them!” I said. “If ‘American’ counts as a people these days.”

He briefly spoke with Control over the radio. “Confirmed, incitement to genocide, they’re officially over the line. ‘Any means necessary.’”

I started warming up the flamethrowers.

RICHARD

Arsonist

Take my advice and never let yourself fall for an arsonist.

When she came into my life, she was a spark that kindled a flame, that in time turned into a blaze of passion.

My desire for her burned fiercely: A fire that only intensified as our relationship blossomed, and consumed me completely, body, heart and soul.

But, unknown to me, her passion smouldered for another.

And, at the end, the embers of desire cooled and died.

Then, she snuffed me out, leaving me, burned out, charred, blackened and broken.

Hope, love and joy: Now cold ashes to the touch.

JESSICA

NO UNIFORMS IN OUR HOOD demanded the black spray paint scrawled on the siding of the luxury student housing still under construction in the informally, lovingly, appropriately named student ghetto.

When the message got scrubbed by the city’s Office of Community Beautification, the punks turned up the heat.

When the inferno scorched the developer’s dreams, the first responders doused the Molotov cocktail’s agenda.

The complex rebuilt, more law enforcement cruisers cruised, and some punks visited the other punks serving sentences for arson.

Twenty-five years later, the student ghetto is unrecognizable under its layers of regularly maintained postage-stamp yards and Ring Cameras.

LIZZIE

The box sat on the floor. Everyone was quiet, imagining the potential level of devastation it could cause.
“I thought we were torching the place,” said one of them. “These are… well, ammunition for whatever war weapon. We don’t have that weapon, do we?”
The question made them snort.
“We could get it,” another ventured.
“It must cost a fortune.”
Everyone mumbled. Destroying the place for the insurance was far more complicated than they had anticipated.
“I don’t understand… Why don’t we torch the place? Done.”
Yep, he was done alright.
Let’s face it. Simple solutions aren’t always the most fun.

SERENDIPIDY

He used to laughingly refer to my cooking as arson, poking fun at the meals that I’d slaved over in the kitchen all day long, proudly presented to him for his evening meal.

Burnt offerings, he called them.

Before grabbing his phone and ordering pizza.

Apparently, I couldn’t hold a candle to his mother’s culinary skills, and no matter what I served, he always found fault.

Too spicy, too bland, too boring, too tasteless.

Well, maybe I couldn’t hold a candle to his mother; but I could certainly hold a candle to his bed sheets.

Perfectly cooked, to a crisp!

DUANE

It was fall of ’81 as I sat in the club office going over the books. People were starting to say disco was dead and by the numbers in front of me I had no choice but to agree.

Outside I heard the DJ spinning The Tramps, “Disco Inferno”.

Just a few years ago the club was filled every night with foxy ladies and well-dressed men, all dancing and having fun. But that was then. Tonight I’m in over my head unless I can do something drastic. The music begins to mix with my thoughts.

“Burn that mother down…”

TOM

What Could GO Possible Wrong 013

With Molly draped across his chest Ford keep a steady eye on the company. He racked his brain for the where-s and why-s he had stored away on the man. Round-head motivation was pretty simple: Round-head smash. Quick and brutal, but the guy shooting dagger at him was a bit up scale. A thinking man’s round-head: a man with a plan. Wait … this fellow would later server in Parliament. Yes, he was the mastermind for the “More Incident”. There was a famous quote about that, what was it? “With comes fire”. Arson was the name of the game. Damn.

NORVAL JOE

Billbert didn’t believe Sabrina. “You say you brought us here. We came to Eureka because our house burned down. Are you saying you set the fire?”
Sabrina shook her head. “We are not into arson. We only took advantage of the situation brought on by Nuclear Fusion. She started the fire. We influenced those in command to send you here.”
“You mean, to have my parents here,” Billbert tried to clarify.
Sabrina shrugged. “Yeah. Well. You wouldn’t have come here, if your parents hadn’t been relocated to this local office. But, it’s you we need to have here, not them.”

JARED

WC 813: Arson
Unintended Consequences and Loopholes

In order to curtail witch burnings and other criminal acts of conflagration, they declared by law any intentional fire was Arson. A couple centuries later, enforcement was revived to curtail cross-burning and other racist terrorism. Recently, some crooked folks started targeting their enemies by prosecuting them for having barbecues. We added an exemption for cooking fires.

Claude’s butcher shop wasn’t doing well, so he put plates and utensils on a table outside. He used charcoal and lighter fluid to fuel the fire, and served up the inventory as it cooked. He sold the cooked meat and got the insurance payout.

€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€
WC 812 Unsure
Uncertainty Abounds

We didn’t know why she was in such pain.

They found a tumor and abdominal abscess. They started chemo.

She developed a fever. They found the abscess returned. They also found out the cancer had spread into her bones. They didn’t know why the chemo hadn’t worked, but they tried another approach.

She thought her back pain was from her improvised work-from-home-station. We bought an office chair and a portable desk. Then she thought it was her 20-year-old mattress, so we bought a new one. It persisted all the same. Now we are waiting for a kyphoplasty in three weeks.

€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€

PLANET Z

The city is beautiful and old,
But the buildings, well, they’re all replicas.
The original buildings from centuries ago were all destroyed in the war.
After the war, rubble was cleared, and new buildings were built.
All replacements of the originals, based on the original blueprints.
Well, they did make small changes to allow for indoor plumbing, and electrical outlets and conduits, and air conditioning and central heating.
But they didn’t allow for another war.
The city was leveled again.
They’d have rebuilt it again, but everyone was killed in the war, and there was nobody left to rebuild it.

• Kelly Burt
• Richard
• Lizzie
• Serendipidy
• Duane
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

KELLY

She knew she loved him. Even though she knew from the beginning not to. He really did give her every reason to run, but the young woman wanted so badly to love him for who he was. After a long time, a child, lots of pets, oh…and that terrible time in the ICU, she still tried and tried. Giving all, but receiving nothing in return…she was left alone. Nearly 29 years of marriage and a real hit to her sanity…he left her…because he was unsure of who he was and now all is lost. Goodbye forever.

RICHARD

Unsure

Unsure: The new fragrance for men!

Do you struggle to impress women? Do you lack confidence? Do social situations make you feel awkward?

Unsure for men will change your life!

Spray it all over, and its long-lasting fragrance of despair and desperation, with subtle undertones of longing and wistfulness will make you irresistible to the fairer sex!

What woman could resist the urge to mother and smother you in the kind of affection that only pity can inspire?

How can she possibly withstand that sweet, sad, smell of helplessness?

Unsure: Because you’re not worth it, but she can’t help herself!

LIZZIE

He thought he had led a good life until someone from out of town whispered something in his ear. It wasn’t easy to upset him and yet here he was, panicking. He took the fish from the lines where it was drying and hid it in a bag. He looked at his hands and felt the need to wash them, frantically, obsessively. But he just stood there. And he wondered… He wondered if the stranger really knew what he had done, traveling through space but, above all, through time, that time he had so desperately tried to run away from.

SERENDIPIDY

I started a new business in unsurance sales.

No, you didn’t mishear that, I really did say unsurance.

You see, the problem with todays’ woke snowflake generation, is that there’s very little to worry about. There’s always an insurance policy to fall back on in case of loss, damage or theft.

There’s no risk, no sense of danger, and no element of fear.

And I’m out to change all that.

Buy one of my policies, and I can guarantee you’ll be pretty unsure about anything that might happen in the future.

Particularly, since I specialise in policies for life unsurance!

DUANE

I’m kind of unsure how I got here. I surely wasn’t smarter than anyone else. I hadn’t come from money or had any real advantages. So how did I get here? I guess it was the choices I made in life. I took years deciding what profession to pursue. Spent hours determining what wear to the interview. Choices of hair and eye color.

The receptionist hands me a form to fill out. Name? I’ll go with Martin. David. No, Joshua. Date of Birth? Should I be old or young? Thirty-five seems reasonable. Sex? “Excuse me, could we reschedule for tomorrow?”

TOM

What Could Go Possible Wrong 012

Rolling to the floor unsure of the direction of the shooter Parker tilted the table above him. To his left and right he could see his mate seeking safety. A volley again, some rattling the table top, other piecing wood impacting the floor around him. Weapon thought Parker, something, anything. All he had was the pint glass in his hand. Was the last thing he would see a blurred shadow on a glass. No, not a shadow a form. The form of a water fowl wrapped about the glass. He cocked an arm blindly and letting fly. Duck he yelled

NORVAL JOE

Not entirely clear on what a weather witch was, Billbert asked Sabrina. “Do you honestly believe you control what the weather does?”
Clearly not unsure of herself, Sabrina said, “Of course we do, among other things.”
“Other things? Like what?” Billbert asked, skeptically.
“We know things about people and we can affect them. Like you and your family. I know about you, your schedule at school, where you live. We brought you here.”
Billbert couldn’t accept this claim. “You brought us all the way from Fresno?”
She smiled and shook her head. “Don’t lie. I know you’re not from Fresno.”

PLANET Z

Most kids asked Santa for bikes or dolls or footballs.
That kind of thing.
For Christmas, Ellie wanted the truth.
“Are you sure you don’t want a puppy?” asked her parents.
Santa looked over the letter and sat back in his chair.
“You want the truth?” said Santa. “Okay. You’ll get the truth.”
So, while other kids were opening boxes with their bikes or dolls and footballs, Ellie opened a box and got the truth.
“It’s empty,” said Ellie, turning the box over and shaking it. “There’s nothing in it.”
Santa watched from the window, and vanished into the snow.

• Lizzie
• Richard
• Serendipidy
• Duane
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Jared
• Planet Z

LIZZIE

“The End”.
She put the pen down, happy.
The book was published. But she abhorred the cover. And she was very vocal about it too. No one listened because the book was a success, “a huge success” as the publisher always made a point of stressing.
OK, fine! So be it.
Her next book was called “The Fool”. And she loved the cover, a photo of a foot sticking out of the ground. She had taken it herself with her cellphone. It was much cheaper than hiring some top designer.
Buying the gun, however, did mess up her whole budget…

RICHARD

The end of the beginning

The end!

I know it’s a weird way to begin a story, but the fact is I struggle to come to a satisfactory conclusion to anything I write.

However, I’ve never had a problem with beginnings, so now I work to my strengths and end my stories in the opening paragraphs. It brings an added bonus that, after working my way through to a logical conclusion, I don’t have to come up with a great ending.

Because I’ve already done it: At the beginning!

I’ve done it with this story too…

You’ll find the end, right at the very top!

SERENDIPIDY

You really don’t want to rub me up the wrong way; I’m not one to tolerate being messed about, as many have found to their cost.

I refuse to feel any guilt about it. After all, you can’t say that I haven’t given you fair warning, and if you choose to ignore it, then you’ve only got yourself to blame.

And, I think you should know, you’re already pushing your luck by asking me to explain myself in this way.

So, either piss off, or prepare yourself for the worst.

Because I’m rapidly coming to the end of my tether!

DUANE

Pick two: Vase & Rub

The end of the aisle on the bottom shelf Dean saw the old vase.

“It could have once held a genie,” he joked to Ann.

“No, silly. Lamps hold genies, not vases.”

At home Dean noticed a smudge he hadn’t seen at the store. He added some goo remover and started rubbing. The vase shook and smoke came from the top. What appeared wasn’t a genie. It was a very angry old lady from New Jersey.
Rather than granting wishes, she just complained and criticized everything. She didn’t stop complaining until Ann sent the old lady home in an Uber.

Since Records Began

Every morning at dawn Ohg would set a stone at the front of the cave entrance to show another peaceful night had passed. He didn’t know how many stones he had gathered since numbers had yet to be invented. There was a stack of stones. That was all he understood.

One day the hill people from across the river attacked as Ohg was placing his morning stone. Picking up and throwing rock after rock he was able fight off the invaders and drive them back across the river. The next morning Ohg placed one stone in front of the cave.

TOM

What Could GO Possible Wrong 011

Ford’s first thought was Cervantes had transmogrified into the bar. He grabbed brass handle and swung the door open. He saw how wrong he could be. The place was filled with Roundheads. “1600’s” he cursed. While is traditional Oxford growns, he could easily pass as a time local, he had in the past encounter some the same men in the room. Not good. Worst Molly Fields was crossing the floor toward him, having abandoned the captain of the company. Not good thought Ford. Molly smiles and whispered in his ear,” How’s bout a top rub dearie?” Then it got worst.

NORVAL JOE

“That’s interesting,” Billbert said. “Will you share this family secret with me?”
Sabrina laughed. “Most family secrets in Humbolt county is their hidden marijuana crop. For us, it goes back even before the pot came here. But, in the end, it’s come down to me to carry on our tradition.”
“Okay,” Billbert said. “Are you like, the last witch in your family line?”
She shook her head. “We’re not just regular old witches. We’re weather witches.”
“It’s rained non-stop since we moved here,” Billbert said. “Is that because of you.”
She shrugged. “We like the spring fresh smell it brings.”

JARED

Synesthesia

She turned on the faucet and let the water run to warm up for her shower. She noticed that she could smell the temperature of the water. At first, it had a mintiness. She held her hand in the spray. It became tepid and the mint began fading and she smelled a grassiness, then fresh herbs, and then floral notes. It was nearly warm enough and she could smell soil. She closed her eyes and the Spring-fresh bouquet transported her to the fields of new crops of her past. She stepped into the shower, and began weeping, smelling her childhood.

PLANET Z

The Ghost Dance promises a blanket of fresh soil and grass over the broken, barren lands.
To bury the treacherous white man and his broken treaties, to welcome the buffalo and horses back to the plains.
We will together, all tribes, together, hunt and ride and plant and laugh in freedom.
The birds will sing, and we will sing with them.
I know the Ghost Dance is a lie. We have lost, and will keep losing.
But the Ghost Dance scares the white man, so we dance it.
The Army threatens us. The missionaries threaten us.
But we dance on.

• Lizzie
• Richard
• Tura
• Serendipidy
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Jared
• Planet Z

LIZZIE

When it all started, no one expected to understand. They waited. Some waited patiently, others complained. After a while, it was clear that since records began, time had been bent to the limit. What was happening? When? It seemed the safety net everyone knew – seconds, minutes, hours, days – had disappeared. Town clocks were removed. A law was issued. No watches.. What had happened would happen again, multiple times. Everyone got poorer and had to live in shanty towns. But he smiled. The colorful row of light bulbs crossing his street gave him solace…. And he decided not to wait anymore.

RICHARD

Since records began…

I’ve been recording these records since records began.

Before me, there were no records at all. So nobody ever used the phrase ‘since records began’, because they hadn’t.

Instead, our only frame of reference was what we could recall, so we’d say ‘as far back as I remember’, which wasn’t much use really, because everybody always disagreed, and some people’s memories were much better than others.

And, if no-one could remember, it probably never happened.

Even if it did.

But thankfully, that’s all changed now that we have records.

If only I could remember where I put the blasted things!

TURA

Since records began
———
It was a slow day in the newsroom, so I asked the weather guy if he had anything interesting.

“Do you realise this is the hottest day since records began?” he said excitedly.

It didn’t seem unusually warm to me, but I shrugged and asked, “Anything else?”

“Plenty!” he replied. “It’s also the rainiest day since records began.”

I looked out of the window at the rain shower. There were hardly even puddles in the road yet.

“And the rain’s broken the worst drought since records began!” he continued.

“Hang on,” I said. “When did records begin?”

“Er… last Tuesday.”

SERENDIPIDY

“Trevor, seen the news? It says global warming is at its worst since records began.”

Trevor swallowed the last of his sandwich and frowned… How could he still be so hungry? “That’s great, Pete was saying to me yesterday that he expects the next wave of Covid is going to be devastating.”

Will stopped cleaning his favourite pistol and chimed in, “let’s not forget the Russians and North Koreans: They’re just spoiling for a fight!”

“I suppose I should think about grooming the horses then?” Replied Debbie, “after all, people will expect us to look our best for the apocalypse!”

TOM

What Could Go Possible Wrong 010

“And here to us,” slurred Ford. Failing to heed the words on the old parchment he and his mates were deeply surround by empty pint glasses. Since records began at the Arm no one had polished off as many pints as Ford. Where was the Don he wondered and to this he added a pint to that waiting. Still holding the weathered parchment, the underclassman lazily turned over the yellowed object in his hand. Through a blurry hazy he made out a single word. DUCK. Funny he thought dropping his head to the table. BANG. The bullet removed his hat.

NORVAL JOE

Billbert took Sabrina by the arm to steady her. At first she glared at him, but her expression soon softened. As soon as she was still, and had caught her breath, Billbert said, “You’re right. I don’t know you. I have special powers. I can fly, and anyone holding my hand can fly with me. Now. Why don’t you tell me about what you can do.”
Sabrina took two quarters from her purse, walked to the soda machine, and dropped them in the slot. She drank the soda quickly, and said, “Since records began, my family has kept a secret.”

JARED

Those Aren’t Witches

“We’re not doing Vegas,” Whitney insisted. “As Maid of Honor, I will not allow you to be a cliché.”

“OK, Whit,” Natalie replied, rolling her eyes. “Whatever…”

Two weeks later, Whitney, Nora, and Olive ‘kidnapped’ Natalie for a “Wild Witches’ Weekend” in Salem, MA.

Whitney declared she had found an “authentic Salem Witch experience.” Their initial excitement gradually morphed into subdued terror in proportion to the time spent following their guides deeper into the woods.

They finally entered a clearing in the middle of an unearthly ceremony:

“…since records began, the Great Old Ones have slumbered, waiting to be summoned.” … … …

PLANET Z

As I entered the house and stepped into the hallway of doors, the door slammed shut behind me.
And the doors in the hallway flew open.
Ghosts floated in through the doors, filling the hallway.
I took out my notepad and pen.
“Can you stand in single file, please?” I said.
The ghosts nodded and floated into position.
I counted off the ghosts, and made notes on their appearance.
“Thank you,” I said, closing the notepad.
The ghosts floated back through the doorways, and slammed the doors shut.
I left, and walked to the next house on the abandoned street.

• Richard
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Jared
• Planet Z

RICHARD

Don’t sweat the small things

If there’s one thing we should have learned from Covid, it’s that the smallest things can lead to the breakdown of society and the disintegration of life as we know it.
I’m not talking about the virus…

If you really want to plunge humanity into panic-stricken despair, take away our toilet rolls!

If you want to provoke social unrest and civil disobedience, tell us to wear masks and stand two metres apart, tell us phone masts spread viruses and vaccines are really tracking chips.

If you want to break our will, make us stay at home.

I’d prefer the virus!

TOM

What Could Go Possible Wrong 009

Something about time travel tends to bring out the worst and best of a person. Both extremes flooded Fords brain as he pressed Cevante’s neck. Did he really want to take the time lord out. Sure, he thought, end this endless racing up and down the time line. But wait, Arnesto was his friend, he would give up his life for him. Bout this moment is when the 1st Time Lord to the Queen disintegrated in his hand. “Damn you, you call that Disintegration?” He pressed the stem of his pocket watch and the Taix disintegrated. But the Arms Traven

NORVAL JOE

Before Billbert had a chance to smile smugly at Sabrina’s surprise, she locked her arms around his neck and screamed, “Put me down!”
He equally didn’t want anyone to notice the two of them twenty feet above the ground, or to die from strangulation. He quickly dropped them back to the ground.
“How could you do that to me?” Sabrina shouted at Billbert.
Confused, Billbert said, “It’s not like I froze you in a block of ice or shot you with a disintegration ray. We flew.”
Sabrina stumbled around like the ground shifted beneath her feet. “You don’t know me.”

JARED

Survival
As a species, we Humans had been resilient in all our forms over the many generations since we expanded beyond Earth: Native, Extraplanetary-Evo, GMO-Differentiated, Enviro-Adaptive, Hybridized, and so on. In the four-plus centuries that have passed since we started colonizing the galaxy, we had yet to meet an enemy that we hadn’t defeated or integrated with. Until we met the Cockroaches. Well, we called them that; they called themselves Kodefarian – as far as can be represented in our tongue. Whatever. When we encountered them, there was nothing we could do: their weapons induced entropy in whatever they hit – instant disintegration.

PLANET Z

Landry’s plane was going Mach 2 when it completely disintegrated on him.
Fragments of the fuselage tore Laundry apart.
The fuel pods ignited into a massive fireball, incinerating the shredded pieces of Landry’s body.
A cloud of metal bits, bone shards, and ash rained down.
Investigators had nothing much to work with, most of the plane had turned to dust.
Was it the fuel? A manufacturing defect?
Some strange vibration or harmonic?
Nobody wanted to be the next guy to go up.
So the investigators marked it as a sunspot and closed the file, paying Landry’s widow a big settlement.

• Tura
• Richard
• Tom
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Jared
• Planet Z

TURA

After
———
After, he would think back on what she might have done if she had foreseen how he would have gone back to tell her what had been about to have happened but for her earlier appearance just before they would have travelled back to before it would all become the dead past.

They would live happily ever after, they would struggle against adversity. They would travel to the stars, they would make paradise on Earth, they would conquer an empty universe, they would hold commerce with aliens.

But in a world with time machines, all tenses are merely future conditional.

RICHARD

After the explosion

After the explosion there was… Nothing.

After the flash of brilliant white light, we were blind; corneas burned out, eyes -sightless and useless.

After the shockwave, we were deaf; eardrums burst, hearing lost forever.

After the searing heat, there was no pain. Nerve endings destroyed, all feeling and sensation lost. Nothing to tell us our flesh had melted and our bones had charred.

No sight.

No sound.

No feeling.

Yet some still live, if that’s what you can call it.

But we are the last of them.

And we will not survive.

And there will be nobody to come after.

SERENDIPIDY

It was a lovely service, the old girl would have loved it. Those old, rousing hymns, and such a beautiful, heartfelt eulogy.

Packed church too. I’m not sure whether it was because she had so many friends, or whether everyone wanted to make sure she really was gone.

She’d have laughed at that!

It was while we were lowering the coffin, after the service had ended, that you might have imagined a muffled thumping from inside the casket.

It was probably just your imagination.

Trust me, there’s no cause for concern.

I made sure to weld that sucker tightly shut!

TOM

What Could Go Possible Wrong 007

Parker press through the door of the Arms. Without a pause he got to competing offers of engagement. A table of his mate deep into their fourth pint, and the bartender beckoning him forward. Not one to forgo a pint nor one to shirk his duty to his faculty advisor, Paker raised a finger to his mates and dropped in the stroll in front of the Barkeep. “Your Parker.” half a question half a statement. The underclassman noded. Across the bar an ancient parchment slide. Had to be over 200 years old. Inside it read: Parker don’t binge.

What Could Go Possible Wrong 008

When Ford entered the taxi door everything went back. But in that moment, he was able to get a short: FU Arnesto. Normally all our Afters accrue in a tide line awaiting our arivial, and equally cued up behind us. Not so much when you’re in a temporal taxi with the 1st Time Lord to the Queen. 200 years of After mushed up into 45 seconds is never a pleasant experience. It was one of the many reasons he was only the second TLOQ. When After stopped at now he grabbed for Cervante’s neck. “Not Happy.” he raged. “Sorry Mate.”

NORVAL JOE

Billbert hung in the air, two feet above the ground, baffled after such an unspectacular reaction from Sabrina. He lowered himself back down, shaking his head. “What do you mean, so? I can fly.”
Sabrina rolled her eyes. “You weren’t flying. You were probably standing on a box. People are always trying to impress me with cheap parlor tricks.”
Billbert reached for her hand, but she jerked it away.
“What are you doing?” Sabrina challenged.
“You don’t believe me,” Billbert said. “Just take my hand.”
Tentatively she placed her hand in his. An instant later, the ground was far below.

JARED

Escape

I held what used to be my undershirt around my arm. I had made it into the car, but not without cost. Opening the door and getting in had allowed that monster to get close enough to slash at me, catching my arm just before I closed the door.

The rain pelted the windshield as the darkness engulfed us. Neither of us knew this road, but we knew our only hope of escaping whatever it was that was after us would be to turn off the headlights and hope it couldn’t see in the dark well enough to track us.

PLANET Z

You’ve been driving a while, but you’ve got a long drive ahead.
The streetlights turn on a little before the sun goes down.
If you’re driving into the sun, and you’ve got your sunglasses on, you might still need to flip your visor down.
You’ll turn on your lights, unless you’ve got automatic lights.
And your dashboard sensor will change from day to night mode.
To keep the glare off of the inside of the front glass.
Stop at a gas station. Fill it up again.
Take a few minutes. Rest your eyes.
As the sun heads under the horizon.

• Richard
• Norval Joe
• Serendipidy
• Jared
• Planet Z

RICHARD

Binge

I can’t understand how people binge on box sets, have movie marathons, or watch a whole season in one session.

After sitting through just one film, my seat is feeling uncomfortable, I’m getting a little bored and irritable, and my inner voice is prompting me to get up and do something more productive instead.

I’m that person who never made it half-way through Gladiator!

Give me a decent book though, and hours can pass before I put it down.

And, invariably, at the end, I’ll find myself thinking, ‘that would make an awesome movie’

But, I wouldn’t watch it!

NORVAL JOE

Billbert and Sabrina walked through the cold afternoon mist to the back doors to the girls and boys locker room. They stood next to a soda machine that the students binged empty each time as soon as it was filled. Everyone else appeared to be waiting for the class bell where it was warm in the cafeteria, the library, or even just hanging out in the halls.
“What did you want to show me?” Sabrina asked.
“Watch this,” Billbert said, holding his hands out to his sides. He slowly rose off the ground.
Sabrina raised a single slender eyebrow. “So?”

SERENDIPIDY

I don’t like to be pigeonholed, but if you must insist, I’d rather you didn’t tar me with the same brush as others, just because their activities follow a similar pattern.

I am not a serial killer, never gone on a killing spree, and I’m no assassin or professional hitman.

If anything, I’d have to describe myself as a binge killer.

You know how it goes… I behave myself, sometimes for months on end, then something happens, maybe a celebratory occasion, or bad news, and I just go a bit overboard.

And yes, I always feel dreadful the morning after!

JARED

Binge Therapy

He learned to binge-eat himself into a food coma to silence his insecurities. He learned how to binge-drink himself into oblivion to subdue his memories. He had tried binge shopping, but that hadn’t done anything but drain his wallet. His newest therapy was to binge-watch himself into a stupor to distract the boredom. But now he was truly lost for medicine. What could he binge on to ease the rage and frustration he felt when the woman he was supposed to grow old with was taken before they were even grandparents? Maybe he could try binge killing the assholes responsible.

PLANET Z

Back in the day, you had to watch shows when the stations aired them.
Then came videotape, and you could buy the series.
Waiting for them to come all at once, and then watch them all in one sitting.
Same with DVDs and Blu-Rays.
When online came about, you could get the disks streamed when they were released.
Until… the day came that a whole series would be released all at once.
Everyone would binge watch it, and work the next day would be people sleeping in or talking about the series.
I’d sick out, just to avoid the spoilers.

• Lizzie
• Richard
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Serendipidy
• Jared
• Planet Z

NORVAL JOE

Billbert blinked. “What? No! I’m not a pervert. But it is something personal, so we need to go where people can’t see us.”
“Okay. We’ll see,” Sabrina said gathering up her lunch trash. She carried it to a garbage can and ceremoniously dumped it as if following a prescribed disposal protocol. Billbert threw his away without any added flourish.
“Where do you want to go?” Sabrina asked. “There aren’t many empty spaces around the school at lunch time.
Fortunately, the day was overcast and chilly and most the students stayed in doors.
Billbert pointed. “Over by the locker room doors.”

JARED

She Couldn’t Believe What They Saw

Everyone knew the Watkins place was haunted. Unless you asked them. Awa decided to broach the subject at Evan and Flora’s slumber party. It escalated quickly:

“I double-dog dare you to sneak into the Watkins house with me.”

Evan would have refused if Flora hadn’t been there. Thus, the three of them found themselves sneaking into a house none of them wanted to be in.

They ceremoniously followed the rituals of investigating scary houses, opening doors one by one.

“This one’s empty, too,” Awa pouted. Evan and Flora looked to each other for reassurance – they could see something Awa couldn’t.

TOM

What Could Go Possible Wrong 006

Ford tucked the ball under his arm, made a wide turn to pass through the north gate. “So spill it Cervantes.” “Whatever do you mean Ford?” “Look around you, I don’t need to Level – up. If fact I’m not in play anymore. I’m not the guy. Just a dusty Don, chairing a dusty department. Point Set Match old friend.” Cervantes hailed a taxi. As the hack rolled up to the curb Arnesto lend in to Ford “You saved my life once, sir you have a unique skill set. Her royal presence is charging you to keep this sorry Spaniard alive.”

SERENDIPIDY

You’ll never know it, but you saved my life.

Your generosity and the miracles of medical science restored me to health and saved me from almost certain death.

Your heart, beats within my breast, your kidneys cleanse the poisons from my system, and your corneas gave me back my sight.

I grant you that it’s unusual to take the organs from a donor whilst they’re still living, but my needs were pressing.

And, as I gaze on the empty spaces where your organs used to lie, I smile.

“Cheer up, maybe we’ll find a donor to put you right too!”

LIZZIE

You saved my life and then you followed the disposal protocol. “I must keep moving,” you said. And I knew you meant climbing that money ladder. You grabbed my hand to pull me out of that hole they had hidden me in. Those were the worst 5 days of my life, I thought. But… no. That was not true because the worst 5 days of my life were… now. You barked “No need to shower her.” And you pointed at me. I smiled at the thought that the kidnappers had been kinder than you and your petty little nauseous vengeance.

RICHARD

Rest in peace

We decided that the captain should be disposed of in a manner befitting his station and reflecting the esteem in which he was held.

Ivan, as usual, insisted we follow the rules and adhere to the Disposal Protocol, but he was outvoted – the captain merited better than being torpedoed from the craft in a tube.

We wrapped him in a white shroud, and watched through the portholes as his body drifted slowly from the airlock.

Before being sucked into a booster, instantly shredding his body, and destroying our only means of propulsion.

“Told you to follow the Protocol”, sighed Ivan.

PLANET Z

Martin wrote “Disposal protocol for immortal beings” on a cover sheet, put it in the folder, and dropped it in his Out box.
The Agency didn’t use computers or email or other modern communication.
It used paper, pens, and files and folders stored in filing cabinets and warehouses.
“The Entity can manipulate electricity,” says The Director.
The underground factory produces lead-lined sarcophagi.
In which the captured subjects are sealed and buried.
With every delivery, Martin signs the intake forms.
Assigns storage locations.
100 units per storage area.
Which are then filled with concrete.
And the next storage location is opened.