Imagine Zorro.
All dressed in black. And a cape.
But instead of a sword, he has a dustbuster.
He charges into a place, vacuums up all of the food crumbs and dust and stuff, and then runs away.
Not quite the hero to the people, but still serving a valuable role in the community.
After a few encounters with the military police, Zorro decided to trade his dustbuster in for a sword.
But swords aren’t as good at picking up food crumbs and dust.
Even though you can spear crumpled-up paper and food waste and drop it in a bin.
Is sexy
Sir Patrick Stewart is sexy.
He is sexy to women.
And he is sexy to men.
If science discovered a third gender, or science invented one, he would be sexy to them, too.
Modern eye charts have a photo of Sir Patrick Stewart.
“Read this chart,” the eye doctor says.
If you don’t say “sexy” then you are declared legally blind.
They take away your driver’s license on the spot.
And you get a dog. A cane. And black glasses.
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is not king.
Unless he thinks Sir Patrick Stewart is sexy.
Pawn Shops
Elaine loves to go to pawn shops.
There’s some good bargains there, but she also likes to imagine the story behind each item.
Was it a family heirloom?
A grandmother’s wedding ring?
A grandfather’s pocketwatch?
Why did the person have to give that thing up?
To pay for college?
A drug habit? Gambling debts?
Or some awful medical hardship, and bills to pay?
How much of this came from that person, shedding one treasure after another.
Did she read about them in the paper? See them on the news?
She tries on a simple gold necklace, and then buys it.
Palace of the Gods
A thousand years ago, the palace was a thousand years old.
So many empires, so many cities rose and fell. but The Palace of The Gods lived on.
Invaders came to fight the empires, expanding their own empires.
If they burned the city, they built a new city in its place.
All the while, the palace stood and watched everything.
Some dared to storm the palace, never to return.
The next day, at the gate, a pile of bloody bones and armor and swords.
Banners on the walls spelled out the day’s orders:
“BURY THE DEAD. DO NOT TRY AGAIN.”
Weekly Challenge #824 – PICK TWO Velcro, Typo, Warren, A thin veneer, Age, Streak
LIZZIE
The asinine brochure with the inept typo managed to convince her, in a moment of complete vulnerability, she should add, to go find a beach somewhere and age happily. She did. And the beach was lovely, yes, except for the fact that the damn seagulls pooped all over her little paradise. She thought there’d be other people around. But no, nobody, not a single soul. No fish either. So, she had to practice her skills on the pooping seagulls. It was a nasty sight. And she couldn’t even eat them… She had given up on meat a long time ago.
RICHARD
Kids
Kids of that certain age… Too noisy, too much energy, and way too taxing for any parent, no matter how loving or conscientious.
Before I came up with the perfect solution, I tried it all: Bribery, threats, pleading, but still nothing would stop them running around the house, wreaking havoc.
I tried vodka – first for myself, then I tried it on the youngsters. It just made them even more hyper, and when they weren’t hyper, they were stumbling around drunk, completely trashing the place.
You won’t see them running around today though.
I’ve Velcroed them to the carpet!
Another vodka?
SERENDIPIDY
I possess what you might call a thin veneer of respectability – outwardly, to the casual observer, I was pleasant enough, even what you might call sociable.
However, scratch the surface, and you’d soon find a streak of pure evil.
Dishonesty, greed and avarice are my vices, and there’s little I won’t do to satisfy them; and, as far as I’m concerned the end always justifies the means.
And best of all, absolutely nobody suspects a thing. Everyone thinks I’m salt of the earth and butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth.
All because of that, completely fake, thin veneer of respectability.
TOM
What Could Go Possibly Wrong 024
A thin veneer of reality streaked across the ages. Bodies falling of bodies in a huge puppy pile of human. It looked like Guernica on a bad hair day. Lot of groans and colorful language. The first intelligent voice was surprisingly the captain. A true Douglas Adams moment. “Said the Petunias: Oh no not again.” The next quip was “Curse you Cervantes,” from Molly who somehow had sole ownership of the pint glass. If only for a second. Seeing the gun man had lost his restraints Parker set the pint glass on his forehead again. A oh no not again moment.
NORVAL JOE
hey all waited silently in the dark woods for so long that Billbert couldn’t help himself and asked, “Is it time for the caramel corn?”
He heard giggles from the boys and girls before the old woman asked, “Warren? Warren? Where’s the flashlight?”
A man cleared his throat. “Oh. Sorry.”
A light flashed on and illuminated a woman of advanced age, a wavy black streak wormed through her silver hair. She turned toward the boys and girls in the darkness. “Which one of you spoke?”
All the boys and girls knew it was Billbert, so he admitted, “It was me.”
PLANET Z
Alfred Nobel was a misanthrope, hating all people.
This may have motivated him to invest dynamite and other implements of war and death.
But when his brother died and journalists mistook Alfred’s brother for Alfred, the obituaries were vicious and bitter.
“The Merchant of Death?” yelled Alfred. “I will show them!”
And he stopped producing weapons, instead establishing the Nobel Prizes for advances in humanity.
He also established a fund to hunt down and kill the journalists who had insulted him.
Newspaper offices across the world went up in flames.
“I knew that dynamite would come in handy,” said Alfred.
Is it true
Is it true that Isaac Newton came up with the idea for the Law of Gravity while resting under an apple tree? Maybe.
Is it true that Isaac Newton came up with the idea for the Law of Gravity when an apple fell on his head? Possibly.
Is it true that Isaac Newton came up with the idea for the Law of Gravity when Robert Hooke chopped down the apple tree and it fell on his head? Probably not.
But we know that it wasn’t a pear. Or an orange. Or a banana.
Is anything that certain in this world?
Forecast
When the order came to work from home, It was nice out, so I used my patio as a home office.
I’d check the hourly forecast and the local radar for rain, and I’d try to wait until the last minute before moving back inside.
Now that it’s summer and hot out, I work from the living room, and I don’t go outside except to harvest some chives and mint.
I don’t bother checking the forecast anymore.
When the fall comes around, and things get nicer out, and if this virus is still going around.
I’ll check the forecast again.
Sarah’s mother
The birth went smoothly, and Sarah was born.
“So beautiful… so beautiful…”
Sarah’s mother asked for an hour to hold her.
Then, she asked for five more minutes. Just five more minutes.
The couple who were adopting Sarah agreed, and the doctor nodded to them.
He added a little something to the IV, and Sarah’s mother fell asleep with her baby in her arms.
The nurse picked up Sarah, and handed her to the new parents.
Sarah’s mother slept soundly for hours, dreaming of the perfect life with Sarah.
And when she woke up, she screamed to wake the dead.
Gemini
Killers always leave something at the scene of the crime.
Sometimes, it’s intentional, like a note to the police or FBI.
Other times, it’s unintentional.
Forensic evidence.
A hair. Some skin dust. A fingerprint.
The Gemini Killer left nothing but his victims.
Always two. Usually twins.
Just like the Gemini.
And he killed them. Killed them both.
Well, more like got them to kill each other.
Whispering in their ears, breaking them down.
And filling them with so much hate.
Setting them against each other.
Then, the moment of truth.
Two murders. Two killers.
Without leaving a trace of himself.
Automan’s Heir
Molly’s father founded AutoMan industries.
AutoMan robots are everywhere these days, including the mansion that Molly lives in.
Robot butlers, robot maids, robot nannies, and robot teachers.
And, most importantly, robot guards.
When they built AutoMan robots that could fix other robots, pretty much all that’s left job-wise is to design more robots or go into the arts.
A lot of people are out of work because of AutoMan, you know.
Angry, bitter people.
They break in to the mansion, trying to kill Molly.
But they only destroy her robot decoy.
Molly watches a monitor as the incinerators turn on.